George Santayana said that, “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it” and after listening to much of the recent political rhetoric, I feel certain that he’s right. Whether it was the bipartisan debacle that preceded raising the Debt Ceiling, the gamesmanship of the Iowa Straw Poll or the president’s bus tour through the Midwest; Yellow Journalists on every side were provided with bushel baskets full of rotten fruit to hurl at one another. When done right, it all sounds very contemporary and cutting edge; but if one listens carefully, it’s really an old song, that’s been sung many times before. Ironically, it is not unlike many of today’s pop hits, which take a familiar hook from an old recording and surround it with a fresh array of electronic effects, to make it sound new. For those who weren’t around to hear the original tune, it can seem revelatory; but to those who were, it feels like a cheap imitation.
It’s amazing to contrast the timbre of pre-election rhetoric, with the tone of mid-term apologetics; and both were clearly on display in Iowa these last few weeks. With Republican presidential hopefuls packing up their tents to leave town, the president rolled into the state on his million-dollar, bullet-proof bus. Despite the precautions, the president took a few shots, not only from the Right, but from those within his own party; many of whom feel as though he’s not sufficiently stood for their cause. As he stammered through an explanation of the reality that made recent compromises (e.g. the Debt Ceiling deal) necessary, he seemed only a shadow of the thundering orator, who only a few short years ago, sparked the people’s imagination. There was little evidence of the seemingly effortless eloquence and self assuredness that accompanied his dialogue in those days; but then again, it’s always easier to paint in broad colorful strokes than it is to explain the details of an incriminating black and white photo. Listening to the Left gnaw at Mr. Obama was eerily similar to hearing the Right thrash George H.W. Bush with the phrase “Read My Lips”; and I couldn’t help but think that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Another interesting tidbit from the bus tour was Mr. Obama’s assertion that real job creation won’t come out of Washington, but that it will be accomplished by the people, in places like the Midwest. While I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment, it seems a somewhat dubious admission given the grand expectations that were intentionally stirred prior to his election. Politicians on both sides of the aisle are guilty of perpetuating the myth that they can create sustainable jobs, stabilize the faltering economy and maintain our position in the global marketplace. The truth is that the government is not in control of those things and thus no politician can legitimately promise to restore or maintain them. While the government can take steps to help promote such a restoration, none of those actions amounts to a sure fire cure for what ails us. Of course, you wouldn’t know that from the swaggering bluster of GOP hopefuls in Iowa; they are all full of criticism for the current administration and for each other; but I guess that’s the nature of a straw poll. It’s more about hot dogs and hand-shakes than about genuine answers. As I assess these potential candidates, I can’t help but wonder if their mid-term explanations would be any more satisfying than Mr. Obama’s have been. If there is anything that “We the People” should have figured out by now, it’s that there is a world of difference between a gifted speaker, a problem solver, a deal maker and a leader. Unfortunately, we’re top heavy on gifted speakers and deal makers; and desperately short on leaders, who know how to solve complex problems.
As I watch politicians and political parties fall into the same holes that they always have, I find myself pondering whether voters will do the same. Will we seek a legitimate leader or will we run after yet another engaging personality, who promises to make our problems go away. We’ve seen what a Republican administration, with a majority in congress looks like and now we’ve seen the same for the Democrats. Has either party really had the answer for the issues we face? Does it really matter or will we simply vote the same way our parents did. Have we fallen into the trap of believing that the proverbial “they” are the bad guys and that the proverbial “we” are the good guys? In a truly democratic system, the government can’t help but reflect the character of the people and given the current state affairs, that ought to feel like some sort of indictment. Ultimately, we are going to get the government that we deserve; and it’s scary to consider that maybe we already have.
Manhood
Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Parenting / Family, tagged manhood, self identity, sense of inadequacy on March 14, 2011| 4 Comments »
I was the youngest of three brothers*; two years younger than the oldest one, and a year younger than the other. Because we were so close in age, I was always trying to prove that I was their equal. That desire deepened in me when I wound up in the same grade as my middle brother, and was compared to him on an almost daily basis. Despite my best efforts, I never could quite measure up to either of my brothers.
In hindsight I can see that it wasn’t really a fair comparison, as a year (or two) makes a very significant difference in the development of a child, but at that time in my life I didn’t understand. Combined with the fact that I was slightly built, with poor eyesight, and very emotional, I grew up with a deep sense of inadequacy. These feelings were magnified during adolescence, when I found that girls never seemed as interested in me and as I was in them.
In those years I struggled to find a place where I felt significant, or where I sensed that I fit in. During high school I was working at a downtown restaurant, where for the first time I encountered openly gay men. For many of these men, a skinny teenaged boy was a thing to be coveted, and they had no trouble expressing their desire for me. While I was not physically attracted to men, I had to admit that it felt good to be seen as desirable and special; and those feelings began to open a door way in my mind. I began to wonder if the reason I didn’t really fit in and that women didn’t seem very interested in me was because there was something deficient in my manhood, which could somehow make me gay by default.
While it may sound a little strange for a boy who was wildly attracted to girls and not attracted to men to wrestle with the idea that he might be gay, I had adopted the world’s philosophy that some people are just made that way and it made me wonder about myself. The issue wasn’t really about sexuality as much as it was about identity; because I was insecure in my identity as a person, I started to become insecure in my identity as a man.
Fortunately for me, one of the most significant elements in forming the identity of a child is its relationship with its parents, and the relationship of its parents with each other. In this regard, I had been blessed with two parents who loved me, believed in me and modeled for me the God given roles of a man and a woman. Even though I was not conscious of it, these things were strongly encoded in my being, and eventually this sense of my identity as a man was strong enough to keep me from being drawn into the gay community.
Though that experience cleared up any potential for confusion about my sexuality, it didn’t necessarily solidify my identity as a man. I continued to struggle in finding much common ground with the cultural images of manhood (e.g. Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Rambo…) and as such I drew the conclusion that I must not be much of a man.
Over the years I found ways to compensate for, or to conceal, those traits which weren’t seen as being particularly manly (e.g. being expressive, showing emotion, loving children…) and eventually I came to what I thought was peace about it. Years later, when I came into a meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ and began to read the scripture, my whole concept of manhood was revolutionized.
In the light of God’s Word I could see that the culture had adopted, and even promoted, a faulty image of manhood; and that only “The Creator” could reveal to me my true identity. When I read about Gideon, I heard him essentially say that he was the least of the least, and the facts surrounding his life seemed to support that claim; but God’s assessment was that he was mighty, and once Gideon got that revelation, his life went on to validate that view.
It struck me that God knew who He made Gideon to be, and that nothing from his past had the power to change that. I understood that if this was true of Gideon, it was true of me too. It didn’t matter what my history had been; only God’s assessment of me was valid.
When I read that God said that David was a man after His own heart, I decided that he must be an example of what God was looking for in a man. And while David possessed many of the traits that are typically associated with men (e.g. strong, bold, fearless…), he also manifested others that aren’t (e.g. expressive, emotional, vulnerable…). Through this I began to understand that God’s concept of a real man was quite different than that of our culture.
As I read the Gospels I realized that Jesus Himself was God’s model for manhood and in the Epistles I learned that He’d predestined me to be transformed into that image. With this understanding I stopped trying to live up to some false idea of what a man should be and began to pursue becoming the person God made me to be.
Not long into that journey I discovered that many in the church are more in tune with the cultural image of what it means to be a man (or woman), than what is portrayed in scripture. As I heard teaching on the subject of men, women, children, marriage…much of it seemed more rooted in Psychology than in the Word of God.
I remember as a young father, I volunteered to be in the Nursery to watch the kids, and that there were actually parents who refused to leave their children with me because I was a man. If Jesus is our model, why should a man who is willing to serve, and who loves children be so unusual? I would suggest that it is because we’ve been more influenced by cultural images than by the image of Christ.
There are certain images of Christ that men seem to willingly embrace, like Christ preaching the Sermon on the Mount, or turning over tables in the temple, or dueling with the Pharisees; but are men willing to embrace the image of a lamb led to slaughter, or His open display of emotion at the tomb of Lazarus, or of Him washing the feet of the friends. Love, kindness, patience, and gentleness are all hallmarks of His character, but these things run counter to the generally accepted concept of being manly. Are we endeavoring to mold our little boys into the image of Christ, or are we more interested in molding them into the next Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, Bill Gates…
The people of God need to see “manhood” in a different light than the culture. The tenets of scripture stand in stark contrast to the principles of the world. The Apostle Paul said that “the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself as love”. David said that the kind of heart that God honors is broken and contrite; and Jesus said that unless we come as little children, we would not receive the Kingdom. If outward expressions of love, having a broken heart, or possessing childlike trust don’t sound very manly, I’d suggest that maybe it’s because we’ve studied the wrong model for manhood.
* I also have a sister who is eleven years younger than me. While she is the jewel of our family, she was not around in my formative years, and thus didn’t impact the sibling rivalry dynamic I developed with my brothers.
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