It felt like a dream, and it began with the low murmur of conversation. The light was dim at first, as I strained to hear what was being said. Though the voices were all around me, I didn’t sense that anyone was speaking directly to me. As my eyes, or maybe it was my mind, came into greater focus, I could see that I was in the midst of a crowded room. I noticed that the floors were made of rough wooden planks, and that the people were dressed in ancient garments, that almost looked like togas.
A wave of foreboding swept over me, as I immediately felt out of place. These were not my people, this was not my time, and this was not my home. I was afraid to make eye contact; afraid that if someone looked into my soul, they would discern my trespass. So, I kept my head down, and slowly shuffled in the vain hope of finding an exit before I was recognized.
I noticed that all of the feet were dusty and sandaled, including my own: but the robes were an impossibly bright white that almost gleamed against the backdrop of the wood grains. As I considered the brilliance of my own garment, a fresh wave of anxiety swirled in me, knowing that this robe could not possibly belong to me. Alas, they were sure to see that I was both an imposter, and a thief.
My heart pounded against my temples, as I tried to pick up my pace, but without raising my head, I clumsily ran into a long table, filled with food. I cringed, both in pain, and at the knowledge that I may have just drawn attention to myself. I held my breath in anticipation of being found out; but when the moment passed, I resumed my plodding escape.
As I considered the bountiful table, I sensed that this feast was a celebration, and somehow I understood that it was a wedding banquet. This made my sense of intrusion grow more profound. Finding a seam between the people, and the tables, I worked my way to what I hoped would be the periphery of the room. But my wisp of optimism evaporated suddenly, when a set of feet appeared directly in front of me, and I shuddered to a stop.
Though they didn’t look any different than all the others I’d been gazing at, they were squarely in front of me, and I could feel the eyes of their owner upon me. Again, there was a knowing that these weren’t just anyone’s feet, they were His feet. I began to tremble, and felt as though I ought to fall to my knees, but not wanting to draw any more attention, I simply stood there, shaking. I tried to lift my eyes to Him, but felt certain that if I did, I might well burst into flames. Like a fox caught in a snare, I stood paralyzed.
After a painfully long moment, He said, “You don’t feel as though you belong, do you,” in a voice that was softer and warmer than I expected.
Shaking my head silently, I affirmed Him.
“Do you think you ought to leave?” He asked gently.
Again, I nodded in agreement.
Reaching His arm toward me, I took the cuff of His robe, as He led me to what I assumed was an exit. But as He opened the door, I realized that it was coat room (i.e. a place where guests could hang their cloaks or other outer garments). A renewed sense of shame rolled through me, as this was an acknowledgement that these clothes I was wearing were not my own.
Stepping across the dimly lit threshold, I immediately sensed the vastness of what had appeared to be a closet from the outside. As I raised my eyes, they strained from the brightness, and as they adjusted, I could see row upon row of clothes hangers, suspended from rods that ran along the towering walls, which extended as far as I could see. And upon each hanger there was a set of filthy, tattered rags, that barely had enough form to cling to it.
He gave me several moments to take this scene in, and then tenderly asked, “Do you know which ones are yours?”
Turning my face toward Him, I tearfully whispered, “No Lord, I do not”.
Reaching His hand out, He lifted my chin, and as our eyes met He compassionately said, “Neither do I”.
The Lord does not prize our righteousness (Isaiah 64:6), He seeks hearts that are truly His (2Chron.16:9).
Compare-Covet-Compete
August 1, 2022 by bjcorbin
Before we were in our mother’s womb, God knew us (Jer.1:5), which means that His intent, purpose, and calling were established independently of our parent’s DNA, the circumstances surrounding our physical conception, or the history of our family.
He not only made us in His image (Gen.1:27), but “pre-destined” us to be conformed to that image as well (2Cor.3:18). Scripture goes on to say that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God (Psalm 37:23), that the days ordained for us are written in His book, before one of them comes to pass (Psalm 139:16), and that God is faithful to complete the good work that He has begun in us (Phil.1:6).
Within that framework, our identity, our value, our security, and ultimately our destiny were all meant to be completely derived from Him. This design was fully realized in His Son, Jesus Christ, and to the degree that we are willing to surrender our lives to that pattern, it can be manifest in us as well.
A catastrophic consequence of sin is that as we become disconnected from the person of God, we also lose our connection to these provisions, and thereby invest those aspects of our being in other things. Indeed, as originally conceived, Adam and Eve were naked, yet without shame (Gen.2:25), as they viewed themselves through the lens of the Lord’s affection. But upon eating of the fruit, they gained a new awareness that caused them to look at themselves, and each other with a different perspective (Gen.3:7). Nothing had actually changed, other than their perception.
Undoubtedly, this is where the poisons of comparison, covetous, and competition were first introduced, and mankind has grappled with them ever since. Within the first generation these toxins produced murderous effects (Gen.4:8), and like a swarm of locust, they have combined to devour just about every tender sprout of fellowship / community the church has endeavored to establish.
With Western culture essentially fueled by these elements (i.e. comparison, covetous, competition), they have seamlessly blended into our brand of Christianity, largely rendering the church (in the west) impotent, or at least incapable of healthy reproduction. Indeed, it seems doubtful that there is any standard within scripture that we have fallen shorter of than Christ’s assertion that the way people would be able to distinguish His disciples was by the way they loved one another (John 13:35).
In his letter to the Corinthians (1 Cor.12) Paul lays out God’s strategy for the body, with each part having a unique design, and purpose that work together for the greater good of the whole. Indeed, if these individual parts derived their identity and value from their Creator, they could work together in harmony, reveling in their distinct function. Sadly, Paul also forecasts the inevitable chaos that comes when the various parts begin to compare themselves to each other (versus 15-26).
Throughout scripture we see examples of the damaging effects of comparison, and Paul speaks directly of it in his letter to the Corinthians (2 Cor.10:12-18). When the Israelites compared themselves to the people living in Canaan, they judged themselves to be too weak (Num.13:33) to apprehend the promised lands. In Jesus’ parable of the workers in the vineyard, the workers hired at the beginning of the day compare their wages to those hired at the end of the day, and feel cheated, even though they had agreed to do the work for that price (Matt.20:1-16). And when Peter tried to compare the manner of death he was facing with how John might perish, he earned a strong rebuke from the Lord (John 21:20-23), who challenged, “What is that to you? You must follow me.”
The inescapable byproducts of comparison are covetousness, and competition, which also breed their own dire consequences. When Esau covets Jacobs stew, he willingly forfeits his birthright (Gen.25:29-33), and when David covets another man’s wife (Bathsheba), it leads to adultery, and murder (2 Sam.11:2-17). Even more damaging, when the nation of Israel covets an earthly king to lead them (1 Sam.8:4-21), they forsake the supernatural protection of their heavenly King.
Likewise, there are multiple gospel accounts of the discord resulting from various disciples jockeying for their heavenly positions (Matt.20:20-28, Mark 10:37-45), Saul’s murderous intent caused by the people’s praise of David (1 Samuel 18:8-11), and the fatal outcome of one brother’s offering being found acceptable, while the other’s was not (Gen.4:2-8).
Today, even relatively mature believers generally struggle to gather in any sort of meaningful way without falling into these same destructive patterns. Churches and ministries are infamously contaminated with envy, greed, intrigue, and power struggles. This constant strife is the antithesis of the destiny the Lord authored for His Bride.
And if sin is what separated us from our identity in Christ (including our value, security and destiny), then surely reconnecting with that identity is a critical part of our redemption. Paul speaks of this in various places within his writings, especially in Ephesians 4 (17-32). This “putting off” or “laying aside” the old self, in order to step into the fullness of Christ is a transformation rarely witnessed in Western Christianity, but it is the key to experiencing genuine freedom, and becoming effective ministers of the gospel.
It begins with taking our eyes off of each other, and our circumstances (2Cor.4:18), and fixing them on the One who is Lord (Heb.12:2). If real love is not proud, and does not boast; if it does not envy, and keeps no record, then there is no context in which it could ever be competitive. And until (or unless) God’s people manifest the genuine article, we have nothing to offer in Jesus’ name (1Corth.13).
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