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“Survivor’s Guilt” is a term used to describe a mental & emotional state, that arises when a person perceives themselves to have done something wrong, by surviving a traumatic event when others did not.  And while this term is most often associated with life and death situations, I would argue that this same phenomenon can occur in people who simply choose to get off the path of destruction.  That could be overcoming addictions, or leaving an abusive situation, or deciding to surrender your life to God, or any other thing that causes a radical change in the trajectory of our lives.  As I think back on my own experiences, I can see that the decision to depart from certain destructive patterns has often had the unintended consequence of alienation from people I genuinely cared about.  All I really wanted was to escape the carnage, but that often entailed distancing myself from those who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, negotiate that same turn.  In those life-altering moments, you have to seize the opportunity, push every hesitation aside, and drive yourself across the threshold of a new life.  But after the fact, it’s easy to feel guilty about those you left behind.  I expressed some of those feelings in a piece I wrote some years ago, which I called, “Homeless” (see below).  It was bore out of the revelation that my decision to pursue God had put me on a different path from some people that I truly loved, which eventually caused us to live in very different worlds.  Sometimes the chasm between those worlds has been too wide to reach across, and you can begin to feel selfish; as though you are the kind of person who is unwilling to run back into a burning building.  But ultimately, it’s a real struggle to convince someone to evacuate their home, when they can’t smell the smoke, or sense the flames.  And trying to save a drowning person, when you yourself can barely swim, generally ends with two funerals.  I have found that the only person who can really change a heart, mind, or life is God; and that all rescue attempts must be orchestrated by Him.  We just need to prayerfully stand at the ready, and play whatever role He assigns to us.

 

Homeless

As the shadows begin to crawl across the walls of my little room

The memories emerge from the corners of my mind

Not so long ago, we roamed these streets together

And I guess we thought that’s how it would always be

But here I am living a couple of floors above the pavement

And you’re still out there somewhere

*

I admit that this place isn’t much of a home

But it has running water

And is shelter from the weather

And it has a door that locks

And most of all

It has room for you

*

I never meant to leave you behind

I just assumed you’d want to come with me

But what I saw as a pathway to freedom

You viewed as a cage door

I can’t pretend to understand that

But I miss you just the same

*

I remember the time I stepped on that broken glass

And you wrapped my bloody foot in your only shirt

And the times we huddled together in the cold

And the way you’d hum the tune to “Silent Night”

Because of you, I never felt alone

And yet, that’s how I left you

*

I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to stay

But when you can’t lift your head, you’re apt to drown in a puddle

It wasn’t so much the eating from the dumpsters

Because everyone does that at one time or another

But I couldn’t handle the never ending nights

And the hopelessness of it all

*

Tonight, I’ll once again leave a light burning

And I’ll unfurl the bed sheets from my window

I’ve tied them together so that they’ll reach the alley below

And I’ve anchored them to the radiator to support your weight

As I lay awake, every peep from the alley will stir my hope

And when I sleep, I’ll dream of you

We live in an era where people want everything boiled down to the bottom line, a 60 second sound bite, or a 140 character tweet.  And the further we roll down this road, the more our resilience to endure anything more substantial than that erodes.  Just like the “Happy Meal”, bought for a fussy toddler, we know it’s not necessarily a healthy choice, but it’s all we really have time or patience for.  Sadly, those of us in the “faith community” are no different in this regard.  In fact, the Christian book stores are full of materials that attempt to boil down the depth and breadth of the scripture into a few bite sized morsels that can fit onto a refrigerator magnet, or maybe a colorful bumper-sticker.  Unfortunately, our hidden agendas are often exposed in this, as we are more likely to gravitate toward those scriptures that justify our current position than to those that are meant to facilitate our growth and transformation.  It seems to me that we cannot really trust ourselves or any other person (who undoubtedly has an agenda of their own) to decide which are the critical principles that we need to derive from God’s word.  Indeed, no one other than God Himself can be trusted to boil it down to just a few lines for us.  Thankfully, He did that.

 

When the religious leaders of Jesus’ day asked Him which was the most important commandment, He gave them two that weren’t on their list.  He said that it was to love the Lord your God with “all of your heart, all of your mind, all of your soul, and all of your strength” and to love your neighbor “as yourself”.  He then made the incredible statement that, “All of the law and prophets hang on these two commandments”.  Later, Paul reaffirms this when he tells the Galatians that the “entire law is fulfilled” in keeping this commandment.  Just before His death, Jesus amended this, when He told His disciples that He was giving them a “new commandment”, which was to love each other “as I have loved you”.  I’m sure that didn’t sound particularly new to them, but in truth it represented a huge leap in the magnitude of what He was calling them to.  Paul goes on to boil it down for us in several other spots within the epistles.  He says things like, “The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself as love” and that without love, we gain “nothing” and, in fact, are “nothing”.  He also warns us that in the end, the only three things we can carry into eternity are “faith, hope and love”, and that the “greatest of these is love”.

 

Clearly, the unifying theme of all of these bottom-line statements is love, and as such, it is critical that we understand exactly what that word means to God when He says it.  Again, we can be grateful for His sovereignty, as He gives us a very clear and comprehensive definition in 1 Corinthians 13.  Though we’ve all heard the words many times, I wonder if we’ve ever really stopped and thought about them.  God says that, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  If you read those words slowly, and thoughtfully, they can be pretty intimidating.  Is this how the people we claim to love would describe our demeanor toward them.  For that matter, would any of us claim that these are characteristic of the “love” we profess to have.  To that end, we like to rationalize that the love described in the Bible is really just God’s (agape) love, and that we simply possess some lower form of (Eros) love.  We further like to dissect it into categories like brotherly/sisterly love, and romantic love; and then blur the lines even more with statements like, “I love them, but I’m not in love with them anymore”.  But in the end, that’s all smoke, mirrors and word games.  The God who is love, specifically tells us what love is to Him, and then He commands us to love each other, “as I have loved you”.  He makes no provision for some lower form of affection or fascination, which is too often characterized by traits like selfishness, vanity, envy, manipulation, scorekeeping and destructiveness; all of which are so directly counter to His definition that they could not be considered a watered down version of the same.

 

Considering that the Lord Himself boiled down the whole of the law to the quality of our love, and that He said that the way people will be able to distinguish His children was by the love they have for one another, our understanding of what “love” is makes a huge difference.  If we go with the popularly held concept of it, there is almost no form of sin that we cannot rationalize as being rooted in “love” (e.g.  “I loved her so much that I couldn’t bear the thought of her being with someone else, so I killed her.”).  On the other hand, if we hope to experience and manifest the genuine love that God describes in His word, it will require us to abandon our vain imaginations, succumb to His Spirit, and to allow His heart to spill out of ours.  Ultimately, that is why we’re here and should be the natural result of loving the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength.  If we ever get there, we’ll realize that the Beatles were onto something when they sang, “All You Need is Love”.

The reason that most of us never experience the exhilaration of hitting the game winning shot is that so few of us are willing to risk shooting the ball when the game is on the line.

When you’re with your soul-mate it shouldn’t be necessary for them to have a hard body, or to wear lingerie, in order to stir your passion.  The only kind of people who pick books by their cover are those who’ve never taken the time to actually read one.

Bill was an independent contractor in a large metropolitan area.   On nice days, he’d pull into the city park, and eat lunch in his truck.  One summer, after seeing the same homeless man for several days in a row, Bill decided to make an extra lunch and bring it with him.  Sure enough, the homeless man was there, and Bill was able to share the food with him.  For several weeks after that they’d meet at the same time and place.  Soon, other homeless people began to appear, and Bill started bringing whole loaves of bread, and lunch meat, and big bags of chips.  When the local media caught wind of the story, local merchants began donating food.  But Bill quickly found that his charity work was interfering with his business, and he wondered how long he could keep it up.  It felt good to help people, but he knew he couldn’t do it alone. 

 

At first, he arranged for a business to donate some space to store the food; and then he enlisted some other people to help distribute lunches in the park.  For a while it was all volunteers, but when monetary donations began to come it, he was eventually able to hire a few people to coordinate the effort.  As things continued to grow, he created a non-profit corporation, and they eventually moved into a building of their own.  By now, their story spread, and homeless / low-income people from all over the city were benefitting from their work.  Articles were written, awards were given, and praise was heaped upon Bill.  Despite this, his primary motivation remained centered on helping people.  The logistics of running what had become a huge operation eventually caused him to give up his contracting business, and to work for the corporation full-time.  Soon the organization branched out into other parts of the state, and representatives from other cities came to Bill, asking to start chapters in their area.  Within a few years, the organization was on a national scale, and Bill spent most of his time representing the corporation all around the country.  For a long time he felt good about what he’d accomplished, and for all the people who were being helped.  But one day, that came to a screeching halt.

 

On that day, he was reading the paper over his hotel breakfast, when he saw an article about charitable organizations, and how they spend their money.  The author rated the organizations by how many cents out of every dollar actually reached the people it was meant to help.  And to his great dismay, Bill saw that his organization was listed as one of the least efficient in all of America.  According to the article, only about 28 cents out of every dollar donated actually reached the hungry.  It also cited Bill’s extensive travels (e.g. flights, hotels, rental cars…) as a contributing cause for this inefficiency.  Bill couldn’t believe it, and he immediately dialed the Chief Financial Officer for the organization.  He wanted to know if what this reporter was saying was true.  The office told him that it would take a while to work up the numbers, and that they’d send them via computer.  Bill went back to his room depressed, and cancelled his meetings for the day.  All he’d ever wanted to do was to help the poor, and now people were implying that he was actually taking advantage of them.  That thought made him sick to his stomach.

 

In a little over an hour, Bill heard his phone chime, indicating that a new e-mail had come in; and he quickly flipped open his laptop.  Though it took a few minutes to weed through the information, he finally got to the bottom line.  And to his utter dismay, he found that the 28 cent figure was actually from the previous year, and that in the current year, that number was down to around 22 cents out of every dollar.  His mind reeled as he searched for an explanation for how they’d reached this point.  After all, he had to hire people, and it was only right to provide them with benefits.  They also needed facilities and equipment.  For a while they’d leased trucks to haul the food, but the accountants suggested that they could save money by purchasing vehicles.  They even cut the cost of that by buying used trucks.  Unfortunately, those trucks broke down a lot, and maintenance costs skyrocketed.  So, they eventually bought new trucks.  And on and on it went.  The bigger they had gotten, the more it had cost.  Though he continued to pour over the figures, all of his justifications began to sound hollow, as they soon gave way to an overwhelming sense of failure.  All he’d ever wanted to do was feed hungry people, and now he was faced with the reality that he’d unwittingly built an organization that consumed most of the resources to sustain itself.  As Bill’s head hung in dejection, he wondered how things had gotten so off track.

 

This little story is a parable of sorts, and I believe that it could be similar to the testimony of many ministers of the Lord.  So many set out in the simplicity of the gospel, only to build institutions that consume all of their time, energy and resources.  Along the way, the main objective becomes obscured, or even eclipsed, by the need to sustain the ministry itself.  Unwittingly, it stops being about the people, and it starts being about the entity.  Though we can rationalize that the entity is doing “good” things, it’s hard not to wonder if this is really what God had in mind.

Jesus Take the Wheel

I’m sure that all of us have seen other drivers do crazy things behind the wheel.  Maybe it’s some really aggressive/dangerous move, or sometimes it’s just that the person isn’t paying attention.  While I can’t relate to the amateur stunt drivers, I can definitely identify with the distracted ones.  I truly wish that I could say that I’ve never fallen to that, but that would be sadly untrue.  It doesn’t happen a lot, but it’s happened enough for me to know this about myself.  God knows that I would never want to hurt anyone, and I’m not sure how I’d live with myself if I did.  But yesterday, I came incredibly close to finding out.

 

I was driving home on a four-lane, divided highway, with a 60 mph speed limit.  There is a Wal-Mart on the edge of one of the towns that I drive through, and it has a stop light in front of it.  I was still hundreds of yards from that intersection when I noticed that there was something all over my lane in the road.  I kicked off my cruise control and strained to see what it was.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that there were several dump trucks off the left side of the road, and I realized that they had tracked a thick coating of mud onto one lane of the intersection.  Not wanting to roll into that, I checked over my right shoulder to change lanes.  It was clear, and I moved into the right lane.  Though the car had coasted down in speed, I was still moving faster than I should have been, and when I refocused on what was in front of me, I saw that the light was red, and that I was about to miss it badly.  I tried to lock up the wheels, but my anti-lock brakes, and the rain soaked road weren’t going to let that happen.  All I managed to do was to put the car into a slide and lose complete control of where I was going to stop.  As I careened into the intersection sideways, I saw that I was about to broadside a car that was stopped at the intersection, and I could see the horrified look on that drivers face.  I kept trying to steer away from the collision, but my tires skid effortlessly across the wet pavement.  All I could do was cry out to God, and brace for the inevitable impact.

 

I don’t feel that it is an exaggeration to claim that what happened next was nothing short of miraculous.  Mere feet from this horrible crash, my front tires suddenly grabbed hold, and the car violently shuddered to the right.  Somehow the front end of the car made an almost 90 degree turn, without the back end fish tailing at all.  To my utter amazement I was able to pull off onto the side of the road, where I shook with the understanding of how close I’d come to either seriously injuring, or maybe even killing someone.  It was a sick feeling, and it left my wondering whether I ought to consider giving up my driver’s license.  Eventually, I gathered myself enough to head home, and I found myself praying that God would forgive me for being so distracted.

 

Last night, as I had time to ponder all of this, I couldn’t help thinking that it was God’s hand that had saved that other driver from my foolishness, and that saved me from living with the guilt of knowing that I had seriously hurt or killed someone.  I was struck by how quickly life can change, and the thought of how different my life would be had those tires not suddenly grabbed hold.  I hear people indict God for the prayers that they feel went unanswered, but I think that we take for granted all of the things that never happened to us, as though that was our doing.  Yesterday, I had a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment, and I’m convinced He did.  Maybe I should just leave the driving to him.

When Nicodemus asked Jesus about being, “born again,” He told him that he needed to be “born of the Spirit”; explaining that, “Flesh gives birth to flesh”, while “the Spirit gives birth to spirit.”  I’m not sure whether that cleared it up for Nicodemus, and I’m equally unsure of how well we grasp the implications of what He was saying.  Ultimately, we humans exist in two realms, the natural realm, and the spiritual realm.  Because God is Spirit, the heavenly realm is eternal, while creation (i.e. the natural realm) is God’s gift to mankind, and is temporary.  By His design, the resources of heaven have been made available to mankind within the natural realm, through the power of His Holy Spirit.  His word tells us not to focus on the seen realm, which is perishing; but to look to the unseen realm, which is eternal.  He instructs us to pray that His Kingdom come and His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  And He warns us that, “what is pleasing to the flesh, is not pleasing to the Spirit”; encouraging us to follow the leading of His Holy Spirit.  By these, and many other scriptures, He makes both His desire to interact with us, and to bring the things of heaven to earth, clear.  Yet, He also gives us a free will, and allows us to decide for ourselves how we want to live.

 

As I pondered this design, I was reminded of the power distribution system for the submarine on which I served many years ago.  This ingenious system supplied power for both the Alternating Current (AC) and the Direct Current (DC) electrical loads.   The AC side was equipped with two large, turbine driven generators, which were capable of providing all of the power the ship would ever need.  A nuclear reactor provided a tremendous source of heat, which in turn produced the steam needed to drive those generators.  The DC side was equipped with a battery, which was really just a backup for when steam was unavailable.  These two systems were connected by a unique machine called a motor-generator (MG).  When the turbine generators were producing AC power, the AC side of the MG was a motor, which drove the DC side to be a generator.  In this configuration, the turbine generators could supply all of the power loads (both AC & DC), and charge the battery.  But when steam was lost, the battery supplied power to the MG, making the DC side a motor, which drove the AC side as a generator.  In this configuration, the battery could supply only critical loads, for a limited amount of time.

 

The similarities between these two power distribution systems is striking.  The thermal energy produced by the nuclear reactor represents the infinite power stored within the heavenly realm, while the battery represents our limited capacity to function under our own power.  The MG’s are a reflection of mankind, which is connected to both realms, and has the ability to be a conduit for the flow of power in either direction.  When we choose to live by what is seen (i.e. by our own understanding, by how we feel, by our own sense of righteousness, by our appetites, by our instincts, by our wits, by our fears, by our gut…) we are ultimately sustained by our own limited resources.  While we may be able to create some sense of normalcy for a season, we live at a very low ebb, easily becoming weary, and discouraged.  The repercussions of this choice transcend the natural realm and carry over into the spiritual realm.  Conversely, when we stake our identity in the One who made us, and invest our hope in His plan for us, and yield our lives to the leading of His Spirit, we tap into the source of life eternal.  Not just for the next life, but for our lives here in the natural realm.  In this configuration, we become a conduit for love and light; not just for ourselves, but for those around us.  It is a life that few of us have witnessed, and even fewer have lived.

 

I believe that this is what Jesus means by “abiding in the vine”.  Connected to the inexhaustible source of love and light.  If that isn’t what our lives are like, maybe it’s time for us to reverse our polarities, and to allow ourselves to be driven from the heavenly realm.  Maybe then we will become generators of the light that we’ve been called to be.

The person who presumes that all middle aged white men harbor some secret racist agenda renders themselves guilty of that accusation.

The problem with finding a perfect church is that none of us would be qualified to attend there.

Jury Duty

When Paul walked through the apartment door, he saw his younger brother Matt reach over from the couch, grab the remote, and quickly turn off the television.

 

Acting as though he didn’t see this, Paul said, “Hey little brother, how goes it?”

 

Matt abruptly sat up, and tried to act nonchalant, replying, “I’m good.”

 

But as Paul crossed the room, he swooped down and grabbed the TV remote with a grin.  “So what are we watching?” he said playfully, as he turned the television back on.

 

Matt jumped to his feet, and tried to wrestle the remote from him, but it was too late.  To Paul’s utter amazement, what came on the screen was a television preacher, talking about hell.

 

Turning to Matt, he said, “What is this?”

 

“It’s nothing,” Matt replied defensively, as he pulled the remote from Paul’s hand, and turned the TV back off.

 

“What do you mean, ‘it’s nothing’.  If it were nothing, you wouldn’t be trying to hide whatever it is that you’re doing here,” Paul said.

 

With an intensity that Paul didn’t often see from his younger brother, Matt looked him in the eye and sternly said, “It’s nothing that you need to worry about,” before disappearing into his bedroom and closing the door.

 

Paul’s curiosity made him want to go after Matt, and push him for an answer, but he reminded himself that they were both adults now; and that when they’d agreed to share an apartment, they’d also promised to stay out of each other’s business.  He knew Matt well enough to know that he wasn’t going to talk until he was ready, so Paul decided to wait him out.  As he thought about it, he realized that Matt would eventually have to come out to eat, and so he decided to help that process along.

 

After throwing a bag of frozen fries in the oven, Paul fried up some bacon and burgers, and made himself a plate.  He knew the smell of the bacon had to be working on Matt, as he knocked on his bedroom door and said, “There’s burgers and fries if you’re hungry.”

 

Though Matt didn’t come out right away, Paul knew it wouldn’t be long, as he sat on the couch, and turned on ESPN.  Sure enough, a few minutes later Matt came out, made a bacon double-cheeseburger, and sat down in the living room.  They didn’t talk much at first, other than to react to whatever the sportscasters were saying, but after he finished his food, Paul decided to try again.

 

“So what’s going on?” he said gently.

 

Matt let out a sigh of frustration, and started to get up.  “What difference does it make?” he said.  “Why is this such a big deal to you?”

 

“Come on Matt, don’t get mad.  I’m not trying to bust on you.  I’m just asking what’s got you so upset.” Paul said, in a tone that seemed sincere.

 

Matt grabbed Paul’s empty plate and carried the dishes into the kitchen.  When he came back out, Paul expected him to head to his bedroom, but instead he came back in and sat down heavily in the chair.  Letting out another audible sigh, he began to share the story.

 

“You know that I had jury duty today,” he said.

 

“Oh yeah, you’d said that was coming up,” Paul replied.

 

“Well, I got there and they have you fill out this ridiculously long questionnaire with all sorts of things, like you’re opinion on the death penalty, and have you ever been convicted by a jury…  And one of the questions was about ‘Religious Affiliation’.  So you could say Muslim, or Hindu, or Christian, or New Age…  And they also had blocks for, ‘Atheist’ or ‘No Religious Affiliation’.  And I know this is going to sound crazy, but I didn’t know what to put down.”

 

With a look of confusion, Paul said, “What do you mean you didn’t know what to put down?”

 

“I mean, what am I?” Matt replied.  “Mom and Dad raised us in church, so I guess I could say that I am a Christian.  But I haven’t been to church in years, so maybe I should just say, ‘No Religious Affiliation’.  But if I’m honest, I haven’t really thought about God in years, so at some point would you just be considered an ‘Atheist’?”

 

Shaking his head, Paul said, “No, an Atheist doesn’t believe that there is a God.”  And then, after a brief pause, he added, “You do still believe that there is a God right?”

 

“I guess,” Matt replied.  “I mean I’ve always believed that because that’s what we were taught.  I’ve never really questioned it.”

 

“Do you still believe the whole Jesus story?” Paul asked.

 

“I guess,” Matt repeated.

 

“Well it sounds like you’re a Christian” Paul declared confidently.

 

With a look of doubt, Matt replied, “I don’t know.  I wanted to check that box, but it seemed kind of dishonest.  You know, like I was trying to fool someone.  I thought that the ‘No Religious Affiliation’ box was probably more accurate, so I checked it.”

 

“OK,” Paul said.  “So what’s the problem?”

 

“I don’t know,” Matt stammered.  “It made me feel kind of guilty that I couldn’t say that I was a Christian.  I thought of how disappointed Mom and Dad would be if they saw that.  I thought about the time I got baptized at church camp, and I remembered being pretty sincere about all of that back then.”

 

“Listen little brother, you’re way over thinking this.  I’m sure that the courts don’t really care that you don’t go to church, and no one else is ever going to see that questionnaire.  If I remember my Vacation Bible School trivia correctly, it says something like everyone who believes will be saved.  So if you believe, you should be good.  You’ve done your time in church.  You did the whole baptism thing.  You’re a good guy.  I think you’re really worrying for nothing.”

 

“I understand what you’re saying,” Matt said.  “But I had hard time shaking this uneasy feeling.  Then, I got picked to be on a jury, and we drew a civil case.  And that was interesting enough to take my mind off of it for a while.”

 

“Yeah, so how did that go?” Paul asked.

 

“It was pretty cool.  This old guy had died, and his will said that everything should be divided between his kids.  But this woman, who claimed to be his wife, was contesting the will.  She said that in the last year of his life, he had changed his mind, and that he really wanted everything to go to her.  She claimed that she had a piece of paper that he’d signed, which was essentially his new will.”

 

“So did you believe her?” Paul said.

 

“She had a pretty good lawyer, and from his opening remarks, he made it seem like they had proof of everything.  The way he told the story sounded so reasonable that I felt like I was probably going to vote in her favor.  The lawyer for this guy’s kids just said that the woman didn’t have any proof to back up her claims, and that the kids were the rightful heirs.  I guess that was all he really could say, but I liked the first guy better.”

 

After taking a drink, Matt continued, “But as the day wore on, I really had to wonder.  She said that they’d been living together for almost two years, but the kid’s had never met her, or spoken to her.  She tried to say that it was because they lived in other states, and that the man kept it from them so that they wouldn’t feel like he was betraying the memory of their deceased mother.  I guess I could kind of see that, but if they were really married, you’d have thought that he’d have told them at some point.”

 

“Wouldn’t the state have a record of them getting married?” Paul interrupted.

 

“Yeah, but she claimed that they got married when they were on vacation in Mexico, and that their luggage, which had the marriage papers, got lost on the trip back,” Matt replied.

 

“That sounds pretty shaky,” Paul said.

 

“Yeah, but then her lawyer pointed out that this is a ‘Common Law Marriage” state, and that the law says that if you live together for more than a year, you are considered legally married; which kind of sounded like a slam dunk.  But then, the kid’s lawyer pointed out that there wasn’t any real proof that they’d ever lived together.  In fact, he had proof that she’d had her own permanent address for that whole period.  She claimed that she’d been trying to sell her old place, and that she just wasn’t having any luck, but then the kid’s lawyer showed phone and utility bills that made it seem like someone was living there.  And this new will she claimed to have didn’t look right either.  The signature didn’t look like his handwriting, and she tried to say that it was because he was really sick and couldn’t hold the pen steady when he signed it.”

 

“This all sounds pretty crazy,” Paul commented.  “How did you decide who was right?”

 

“Well, for me it was the testimony of both the woman claiming to be the wife, and the man’s oldest daughter, that made the difference.”

 

“What did they say?” Paul asked.

 

“It’s not exactly what they said,” Matt replied.  “It was more like the way they acted.  The woman seemed like she was after this guy’s money, and like she was willing to say anything to get it.  Nothing that she said gave me the feeling that she really knew or cared about this guy.  His daughter was just the opposite.  She just seemed to want to do whatever her father would have wanted.  She didn’t seem to care about getting his stuff, and she actually seemed more hurt that he might have had a life that he’d kept secret from them.  When we got together to deliberate, it didn’t take us any time to decide.  This woman didn’t have any real proof to back up her claims to be his heir, and none of us believed her story.  So we ruled in favor of the kids.”

 

“From what you’ve told me, it sounds like you guys got it right,” Paul said.  “So what does all of that have to do with you watching TV preachers?”

 

Matt’s face turned serious, as he said, “As I was driving home, I had this crazy thought pop into my head.”

 

“What was it?” Paul asked.

 

“I was thinking about my difficulty in answering that questionnaire, and about the rest of the day’s events, when a little voice inside my head said, ‘I wonder how your trial will go if you show up in heaven claiming to be an heir?’”

 

Paul’s face appeared to twist into a painful expression, as he quietly exclaimed, “Ouch!”