Bjcorbin's Blog

Warning – This story is pretty lengthy (>14,000 words).  If you struggle (as I do) with reading a computer screen, you may want to click on the individual post and print it.

As the cab pulled up in front of a modest bi-level house, Brady was relieved to see the name “Conner” on the mailbox.  Though his assistant was normally right on with stuff like this, he had been a little worried as to whether she had given him the right address.  He cynically smiled, as it occurred to him that the non-descript quality of the neighborhood and the house, were just what he’d expect from his older brother Tom.  “This is it” the driver chirped, as he popped the trunk from a button inside the glove box.  Brady quickly jumped out, hoping to grab his bags and pay the cabbie before he was recognized; but as he handed over the fare, the driver said, “You know, you look really familiar to me”.  Brady feigned a smile and replied, “I get that a lot; I guess I’ve just got one of those faces”.  As the cab pulled away from the curb, Brady started toward the front door, as beads of sweat began to roll down his temples. 

Despite the fact that he and his brother hadn’t spoken in several years, he tried to convince himself that Tom would be happy to see him; after all he was a big star now.  Though he’d repeatedly run the story of his unannounced visit through in his head, his mouth was suddenly dry and his mind completely blank, as his feet stepped onto the welcome mat.  Setting his bags down, he reached for the doorbell; but before he was able to push the button, the door quickly flung open.  This startled Brady, who stepped back in surprise.  He was slightly relieved to see that the person wielding the door was a little girl, who appeared to be about six or seven years old. 

Brady once again tried to conjure a smile, thinking that he might charm her; but before he could speak, she said, “Who are you and what do you want?” 

Suddenly feeling a little defensive, Brady stammered, “Well who are you?” 

“I live here” she replied, “So you need to tell me who you are first!”

Brady wasn’t quite ready to deal with this little one and asked, “Is your mom or dad here?”

“Of course they are” she snapped, “But you’ve got to tell me who you are before I get them”.

Before he could answer her, he heard a voice from inside the house say, “Mandy, who are you talking too?”  With that, the little girl spun and yelled, “There’s some guy at the door and he won’t tell me who he is”.  

Within seconds, Tom’s wife Peggy appeared, scolding little Mandy for opening the door to a stranger.  As she turned to Brady, a glimmer of recognition flicked in her eyes and she gasped, “Brady?”

“Yes Peggy, it’s me Brady” he replied weakly.  Visibly shaken, Peggy just stared at him for a long and uncomfortable moment, before saying, “I’m sorry, please… come in”.

As Brady reached to pick up his bags, Peggy turned and called for Tom in a loud voice.

Tom must have picked up on the sense of urgency in her tone, as he quickly appeared at the doorway.  A look of stunned disbelief swept across his face, as he too stammered, “Brady?”

“Hey Tom”, Brady replied, without moving toward him.

For another uncomfortable moment, everyone stood staring at each other, until the little girl looked at her parents and said, “So who is this guy?”

Peggy reached down and touched the little girls shoulder, as if to let her know that she was being rude; but she didn’t answer her question.  Though Tom’s eyes remained fixed on Brady, he started to quietly say, “This is my brother”, before stopping himself in mid-sentence.  Instead, he looked down at the little girl and softly said, “This is your Uncle Brady”.

This clearly confused the little girl and Brady once again tried to turn on the charm, reaching out his hand and saying, “And you must be Mandy”.

Though she still seemed highly suspicious of Brady, she did weakly shake his hand and said, “My name is Amanda, only my parents call me Mandy”.

Peggy shot Mandy a look that seemed to say “Be nice” and Brady’s face looked flush with embarrassment, as he added, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Amanda”.

Tom continued to stare intently at Brady, as if watching him might somehow reveal his motive for showing up after all these years.  Sensing the awkwardness of the moment, Peggy suggested that they move up into the living room and offered Brady something to drink.  As they reached the top of the stairs, Peggy pulled Tom into the kitchen, while Brady went and sat down on the sofa.  He could hear them whispering loudly, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. 

Just as they re-emerged from the kitchen, Mandy came bounding back up the stairs, with her twelve year old brother following close behind her.  Though she was able to slide around her mother’s legs, her brother got caught in the traffic and had to wait for his parents to pass by.  When Mandy reached Brady, she spun back toward her brother and loudly said, “See John, this is the guy I told you about.  Dad says that he’s our Uncle.”  John looked toward his father, to confirm that Mandy was telling the truth and Tom said, “Son, this is my brother Brady”.  He then turned toward Brady and said, “Brady, this is my son John”.  Brady extended his hand toward John, who enthusiastically shook it and said, “You look just like Brandon O’Connor, the actor”.  Brady smiled knowingly and looked toward Tom, trying to decide how he should respond.  Not being able to read his brothers expression, he simply said, “Yeah, a lot of people tell me that”.

For the next several minutes, the kids were allowed to dominate the conversation, as their parents continued to reel in surprise.  Eventually, Peggy regained her composure enough to send the kids back downstairs, so that “Daddy and his brother can talk”.  After the kids grumbled their way down to the family room, Peggy excused herself to start working on dinner.  With the room suddenly quiet, the tension between Tom and Brady was tangible.  Both of them wrestled to find words, as Brady realized that Tom would see through the story he’d rehearsed to himself and Tom tried to find something that wouldn’t sound angry.  After an awkward silence, Tom spoke.

“So how’ve you been” he said weakly.

“Pretty good,” Brady replied, in a tone that seemed forced and overly upbeat.

As their eyes met, they both seemed to remember that despite the past, they were still brothers; and each of them managed to exhale some of the tension.  Tom finally asked plainly, “What are you doing here Brady?”

“I just thought I’d come and visit my big brother,” he said, somewhat defensively.  “But if you want me to leave, I will,” he added.

“I didn’t say that and please don’t try to play games with me.  I’m glad to see you and you’re welcome in my home, but I need to know why you’re really here,” Tom said, tensely.

Brady knew that he couldn’t fool Tom, so he admitted, “I’ve got some things going on right now and I need a place to lay low for awhile.”

“What kind of things and how long is awhile?” Tom asked flatly.

“Bad publicity stuff and I’m not really sure,” Brady replied sheepishly.

“So I shouldn’t expect the police, reporters, somebody’s angry husband or the mafia, to show up at my doorstep?” Tom asked warily.

“No, nothing like that,” Brady replied.  “The paparazzi will be looking for me, but they don’t know that you even exist,” he added. 

After the words came out of his mouth, Brady realized how bad they sounded and said, “I mean, they don’t realize that I even have a brother”.

Tom sort of half smiled and said, “I knew what you meant”.

After another brief pause, Tom’s expression seemed to grow a little more serious as he said, “I’m going to need to explain this whole thing to John.  I don’t want him to feel as though we’ve intentionally deceived him about who you are.”

Brady nodded, “I understand, but he can’t tell anyone that I’m here.”

“I know,” Tom agreed, “But it’s going to be pretty tough on a twelve year old boy not to tell his friends that there’s a movie star staying at his house, much less that he’s also an uncle”.

“We can hold off until I’m ready to leave,” Brady said.

“No, it’s not worth losing his trust over this.  I think he can handle it,” Tom replied.

“What about Amanda,” Brady asked.

“She doesn’t need to know for now.  We’ll just explain it to John and then not talk about it in front of her.  As you probably noticed, there’s no such thing as a secret with her,” Tom replied with a look of mild amusement.

Brady smiled and once again the tension between them seemed to ease some.  Both of them realized that this little conversation had already been the most civil communication they’d had in the last thirty years and both seemed hesitant to say much more, for fear of ruining the moment.  They sat silently for a couple of minutes, as memories seem to flood both of their minds.  It was Tom who finally broke the silence.

“You could have called,” he said quietly.

“I wasn’t sure you would agree to it,” Brady replied.

When it was clear that Tom didn’t plan on responding to that, Brady pressed the issue by saying, “Would you have agreed?”

Tom seemed to ponder that for a moment and finally admitted, “I’m not sure”.

Again, they fell silent, though the quiet didn’t last for long; as the kids came bounding back up the stairs, arguing about which television channel to watch.  After Tom refereed the dispute, he sent Mandy back to the family room and asked John to stay with him.  Mandy misinterpreted this to mean that John was in trouble, so she smiled victoriously as she descended the stairs.  After she was gone, Tom patiently explained to John that his Uncle Brady was in fact the famous actor “Brandon O’Connor” and that they needed to help him take a little vacation from being famous.  John seemed to love that he was being let in on the secret and so he gladly agreed.  He had an endless supply of questions for Brady, which relieved the brothers of their struggle to have a prolonged conversation.  As John excitedly spoke, Tom excused himself to help Peggy with dinner.

Dinner turned out to be relatively uneventful, as the kids spent most of the meal bombarding their Uncle with little known facts about themselves.  Tom and Peggy could tell that Brady wasn’t used to dealing with children, but they were still at a loss as to what to say, so they did nothing to rescue him.  By the time they were done eating, Brady had committed to touring both of the kids bedrooms, meeting Amanda’s pet turtle “Franklin” and inspecting John’s “Star Wars” action figure collection.  Though he tried to act interested, Tom could tell that he was pretty miserable with it.

As Tom worked on cleaning up the dinner dishes, Peggy setup the guest room, which doubled as an office for Tom.  As she made up the fold-out couch, she thought about how uncomfortable it was to sleep on and she wondered how long Brady would be willing to put up with it.  She sensed that the trouble he’d mentioned to Tom must be more serious than he was letting on.  When she had things set up, she went and rescued Brady from the kids, as she told John to go take a shower and showed her brother-in-law to the guest room.  Brady was very polite with Peggy, though she was aware that he was studying her carefully.  She had always viewed him as a manipulator, so she felt certain that Brady was unconsciously developing whatever strategies he might need for dealing with her.  She hated that she didn’t trust him, but their very limited interaction had shown her that he wasn’t worthy of trust.  She caught herself silently praying for God to help her to love Brady like a brother.

After Peggy left the room, Brady went through his luggage in search of his laptop.  Though he’d been periodically peaking at his Blackberry to monitor the message traffic, he wanted to spend some quality time connecting to the outside world.  For Brady, just a few hours at Tom’s house had already made that world seem light years away.  He could hear Tom reading a story to Amanda in her bedroom across the hall, so he decided to close the door for a little privacy.  He’d only had his Facebook opened for a couple minutes, when Amanda and John burst through the door to say goodnight.  Brady tried to be cheerful with them, though he was absolutely irritated by the intrusion.  As he gave them both a hug, he made a mental note to lock the door from now on.  As Tom ushered the kids back out of the room, he stopped long enough to talk to Brady.

“Peggy and I do nightly devotions after we get the kids to bed, but we normally do that in the living room, so you’re welcome to watch TV in the family room if you’d like.” 

Brady resisted the urge to roll his eyes, saying, “Thanks, but I probably need to spend a few hours on the internet and then call it a night.  What time do you head out for work in the morning?”

A strange look came over Tom’s face, as he said, “I’m not working right now, so I’ll be around.”

Though his reply made Brady mildly curious, he decided to get the details later, saying, “Cool, then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow”.

Tom nodded, saying, “Goodnight”, as he pulled the door closed.

Within a few minutes, the commotion of the kids going to bed seemed to subside and the house fell silent.  Though Brady was relieved to finally be alone, he found the stillness to be somewhat un-nerving.  Digging through his bag, he found some earphones and pulled up his iTunes, as a way to combat the quietness.  As the familiar sounds pumped into his ears and colorful images filled his computer screen, Brady began to relax for the first time in several hours.  He smiled at the idea that he’d become like Rapunzel, peering at the real world through a tiny window, while trapped inside the strange fairy tale castle of Tom’s house.

Tom and Peggy decided to do their devotions in the family room, so as not to disturb Brady.  Though they followed their normal routine of reading a passage of scripture, both were clearly distracted by the evenings surprising events.  They tried to discuss the verse, but the conversation quickly turned to Brady.

“I’m feeling a little ashamed of myself,” Peggy admitted.  “I really have no desire to deal with Brady and I hate that the kids now realize who he is.  I know that’s not God’s heart for this situation, but I’m struggling with it.”

Tom nodded in agreement, saying, “I know exactly what you mean.  When I watched the kids hugging him goodnight, I winced at the thought that they were already trying to love him.  At least Mandy is a little suspicious of him; I’m afraid that he’s already some kind of hero to John.”

“Yeah, he did seem pretty mesmerized by Brady,” she agreed.

“I guess I’m kind of amazed at how much anger I still have for him.  I thought I’d gotten past all that, but when I saw him today, it seemed to come roaring back.  All evening I’ve been running it through in my mind and I think that maybe it is something different than it used to be,” he said.

“Different in what way?” Peggy asked.

“Well, Brady was only about three or four years old when dad started having his affair and so he wasn’t really aware of what was going on.  Mom and Dad would never make a scene in front of us, so Brady had no idea there was even a problem until the day that dad left.  Because of that, he could never really understand why mom and I were so upset.  Mom refused to bad mouth dad and she wouldn’t let me do it either.  All Brady knew was that dad was nice to him and gave him what he wanted; and that mom was depressed and never had any money.  Because I was six years older, I had seen what dad did to mom and to our family; and I knew not to trust him.  Back then, my anger with Brady was about how he treated mom.  He acted as though she was the reason dad left and he broke her heart when he decided to go live with him instead of staying with us.  Even though I knew he just didn’t understand, that anger grew in me every time I saw the hurt in mom’s face.  By the time we were adults, I couldn’t even stand the sight of him and was relieved that he never came around.  It wasn’t until right before mom died that I even tried to let that anger go“, he said sadly.

“I remember that,” Peggy affirmed.  “She asked you to forgive both Brady and your dad.”

Tears began to well up in Tom’s eyes as he said, “Yeah, she told me that holding on to unforgiveness was like taking poison and expecting someone else to die; and she said that Brady would one day need a big brother.  I couldn’t really understand how she had managed to forgive them, but I knew that I needed to try.  I don’t think that I really made much progress before the kids were born, but becoming a father really changed things for me.  When the kids have made bad choices, it’s been easy for me to see that they’re just children and to forgive them.  Over the years God’s used that to show me that Brady was just a kid too.”

“So what do think has changed?” Peggy asked softly.

“Today, when I saw him, I didn’t really think about mom; actually I thought about dad.  And as I’ve prayed about it, I think my anger with Brady is that he’s become the same kind of man that my father was,” Tom replied.

“And what kind of man is that?” Peggy inquired cautiously.

“A vain and frivolous man; the kind who would rather sleep with another man’s wife, than to sleep alone; the kind of man who would willingly destroy his family in the pursuit of his own fulfillment; one who holds nothing sacred and who considers himself blameless,” Tom said bitterly.

The look on Tom’s face disturbed Peggy.  Though she was well aware of the family history, she’d never seen Tom so visibly affected by it.  She moved around to his back, rubbing his shoulders and silently praying for God’s help. 

After a prolonged pause, she said, “You know that I’m not defending him in any way, but don’t you think that it was sort of inevitable that he’d become just like your father?”

Tom nodded in agreement, softly saying, “Its not that I don’t understand how it happened, I just hate that it did.”

Peggy stopped rubbing his shoulders, slipping her arms under his and pulling herself against his back.  As her chin rested on his shoulder, she kissed him softly on the cheek and said, “I hate it too; but God’s brought him here for a reason, so I think that we’re both going to have to find a way to forgive him.”

Tom was flush with the warmth that always seemed to accompany Peggy’s tender touch and he turned his head in an attempt to catch her eye as he asked, “What do you need to forgive him for?”

Again, Peggy lightly kissed Tom’s cheek and said, “For hurting you”.

Tom immediately had the impulse to deny that he’d ever been hurt by Brady, but just as quickly, he knew that he couldn’t.  Though he genuinely ached for the betrayal that his mother had endured, he couldn’t deny that he too felt betrayed; not only by his father, but by Brady as well.  Yet as he sat in the loving embrace of his faithful wife, he could also see that all of that hurt was in the distant past and that it could only stay alive if he was willing to feed it.  He knew that his mother had been right about the poison of those feelings and he knew that it was time to let them go.  She wasn’t hurting anymore and in truth, neither was he.  Despite the past, he and Peggy had built a life filled with love, trust and hope; and there was no place for poison in it.  Grateful tears began to sneak from the corners of his eyes, as a sudden rush of gratitude washed over him and he wondered if this is what forgiveness felt like.  As he clasped Peggy’s hands with his own, he said, “I thank God for you.”

Peggy’s eyes were moist with tears as she squeezed Tom and said, “I thank God for you too.”

After a time of basking in the glow of the moment, they made there way to bed; sure that the coming day was bound to bring at least a few more surprises.

The next morning, Tom awoke to the buzzing of his alarm clock; and as he tried to press through the fog in his head, he wondered if Brady’s visit had been a dream.  But as he stumbled down the hallway, the closed door to his office let him know that it hadn’t been.  Though he tried to fight it, a fresh wave of cynicism seemed to roll over him; and as he got the coffee maker going, he prayed that God would help him to have a right heart toward his brother.  Within a few minutes, Mandy came bounding into the kitchen.

“Where’s Uncle Brady?” she demanded.

“He’s still asleep,” Tom replied.

“Well, I better go wake him up,” she said impatiently, as she spun back toward the hallway.

“Oh no you don’t,” Tom said, in a voice that caused Mandy to stop dead in her tracks.  “Uncle Brady doesn’t have school this morning, so he gets to sleep in.  You, on the other hand, need to sit down and eat your cereal.”

Mandy’s face seemed to drop, as she groaned in protest and sat down at the table.  A few seconds later, John appeared in the doorway, with the same question on his mind.

“Where’s Uncle Brady?” he asked.

“Asleep,” Tom replied.

“Isn’t he going to eat breakfast with us?” John asked.

“He’s probably tired and so we just need to let him sleep,” Tom answered.

“Is he going to be here when we get off of school?” John continued.

“I guess so,” Tom said impatiently, “But you need to stop worrying about Uncle Brady and to start focusing on getting ready for school.”

John let out a sigh of frustration, before plopping heavily into his chair.

Peggy walked into the kitchen and immediately went to the calendar on the refrigerator.  Tom handed her a cup of coffee, as she turned back toward the kids and said, “Mandy, you need to go with the Wisecups after school today, because they’re going to give you a ride to tumbling.  John, you need to bring your wrestling stuff with you to school, because your dad and I won’t get their before the meet starts.”

As Tom watched the expression on John’s face suddenly change, he could tell that he was ready to cry.

“What’s the matter son?”

Tears spilled from John’s eyes as he quietly said, “I don’t want to wrestle tonight”.

Tom crouched down next to John’s chair and gently asked, “Why not?”

As their eyes met, the dam of John’s emotion seemed to burst; as he cried, “Because I have to wrestle that kid from East again; the one who pinned me at the beginning of the season.”

Tom put his hand on John’s shoulder and in a consoling tone said, “That was a long time ago and you’re a much better wrestler than you were then.”

John didn’t seem comforted by that, as he blurted, “And he’s gotten better too!”

Tom continued to rub John’s shoulder, as he replied, “Well, maybe he has, but maybe you’ve improved even more.  You won’t know until you go out there and give it a try.”

“But dad, what if he pins me again,” John protested.

“Look son, I can’t promise you that he won’t, but you’re the only one in your weight class and your team is counting on you to go out there and do your best.  It will cost them points if they forfeit the match.  You don’t want to hurt your team, do you?”

“No, I don’t; but I don’t want to look like loser either,” he replied.

“Losing a match doesn’t make you a ‘loser’,” Tom said.

“Getting pinned sure makes you look like one,” John replied.

“Why don’t we all pray for your match today,” Tom suggested.

“I already did,” John replied.

“Really,” Tom exclaimed in surprise.

“Yeah, I asked God to make me sick on the day of the meet,” he said.

Tom smiled, saying, “Well, God’s not one to make people sick, so I don’t think that will work.”

“My Sunday school teacher said that with just a tiny bit of faith, I could make a mountain jump into the ocean; and I do have faith in God, so why won’t He make it so that I don’t have to wrestle this guy again,” John asked earnestly.

“Well son, there are a lot of mountains in life and God will let you use your faith to cast some of them into the sea; but there are other ones He means for you to climb and this could be one of those,” Tom replied patiently.

“But why?” John moaned.

“I’m not really sure, but maybe it’s to show you how strong He made you,” Tom said.

In the intensity of their conversation, no one had noticed Brady standing in the doorway.  As Mandy happened to look up, she shouted, “Uncle Brady!”  Both she and John jumped up from the table and ran to him.  John excitedly asked if he was coming to the wrestling match, though Brady somehow managed to evade giving him a definite answer.  Peggy quickly made the kids head toward their rooms to get dressed, while Tom got Brady a cup of coffee.  Though the brothers managed to make some small talk about how uncomfortable the fold-out couch was, Tom soon excused himself to get dressed, so that he could give the kids a ride to school.  After the commotion of the kids heading out the door died down, Peggy felt obligated to go sit with Brady at the kitchen table.  After another bit of talk about the comfort of sleeping on the hide-a-bed, the conversation took on a weightier tone.

“I caught the tail end of that conversation about the wrestling match,” Brady said.  “Tom seemed to handle that pretty well.”

Peggy beamed, as she said, “Your brother is a very wise man and he’s a really good dad too.”

Brady nodded in agreement, saying, “He was always like that.”

Peggy was somewhat surprised, as it sounded as though Brady had just paid Tom a compliment.  She wasn’t sure how to respond, so she decided to be blunt.

“Does Tom know that you feel that way?” she asked.

“What way?” Brady said.

“That you think of him as wise,” she replied.

Brady shrugged, saying, “I don’t know”.

As their eyes met, Peggy said, “I can pretty much promise you that he doesn’t.  Maybe while you’re here, you two could have a conversation like that.”

“Like what?” Brady asked.

“A conversation where you get beyond what has happened in the past and you talk about how you feel about each other,” she replied.

“I’m not sure that either of us knows how we feel about each other,” Brady confessed.

“Well, now might be a good time to figure that out.  You’re here for a reason and I would be surprised if that’s not part of it,” Peggy said.

“I’m just here because I need a place to lay low for awhile,” Brady said.

Peggy shook her head saying, “That may be what caused you to come, but I can assure you that’s not the reason you’re here.”

Brady grew quiet, wondering what Peggy might be referring to.  As she gathered up the breakfast dishes and began washing them, he excused himself; heading back to the guest room and his computer.  Not long after that, he heard Tom come back in, but he didn’t really feel up to attempting another conversation; opting instead, to continue his on-line video game.

When Tom saw that Brady had retreated back to his room, he decided to jump in the shower before he and Peggy headed to the doctor’s office.  As he dressed afterward, Peggy came in and changed her clothes too.

“What are you going to tell Brady about our appointment,” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Tom replied.  “I guess I’ll just tell him that I’ve got a doctors appointment.”

“Don’t you think he’ll get curious when he realizes that you have a doctor’s appointment everyday of the week?” she said.

“Yeah, I’m sure he will.  I guess we’ll just cross that bridge when we get there,” he replied.

“So how are you feeling today?” she asked.

“I’m tired, but I feel OK,” he said.

“Did you eat anything this morning?”

“No, I’ve found that it’s better if I don’t eat beforehand,” he replied.

Peggy couldn’t help but worry about Tom.  This treatment seemed to be draining him and it wasn’t clear to her whether it was really helping at all.  The added stress of Brady’s visit was sure to make things even harder on him.  As they went down the hallway, Tom stuck his head into Brady’s room and let him know that they planned to be back by lunchtime.  Brady seemed engrossed with whatever was on his computer and simply replied “OK”. 

Tom and Peggy barely spoke in the car, as both seemed to be lost in thought.  At the hospital, they fell into their now familiar routine, with Tom checking in for treatment and Peggy sitting in the waiting area.  She shuffled through the magazines, but couldn’t find anything she hadn’t already read, so she decided to watch some television.  Though that held her attention for a few minutes, she was beginning to lose interest, when a news story about “Brandon O’Connor” came on.  It reported that a complaint had been filed in Los Angeles County, by a man claiming that the actor had unlawful sexual contact with his teenaged daughter.  According to the story, police were seeking O’Connor for questioning and his agent had indicated that he was currently out of the country.  Peggy could feel the anger rising in her, as she tried to decide whether Brady had simply understated the severity of his situation or if he had intentionally tried to deceive them.  She knew that Tom would be highly upset and that this was the last thing he needed right now.  She thought about calling home and ripping Brady; but she realized that she needed to calm down before she did anything else.  Her first concern was what and how to tell Tom; but before she had time to think it through, a nurse appeared and let her know that Tom was sick to his stomach and needed help.  As the nurse led her back to the treatment room, Peggy once again found herself praying for help.

When she saw Tom, she could tell he was in no kind of shape to deal with her news about Brady.  He was weak and pale; and they had to use a wheelchair to get him to the car.  As she drove him home, he held a disposable specimen tray in his lap; just in case he had to get sick again.  When they got home, Peggy helped him from the car, but as they got to the door, Tom said that he could make it the rest of the way by himself.  She knew that this was simply to hide how sick he was from Brady, but she also knew better than to argue the point.  She stayed behind him, as he leaned heavily against the wall and seemingly pulled himself up the stairs using the banister.  He took a rest at the top of the stairs, before making the final push down the hallway and into the bedroom.  Peggy noticed him looking at the closed door to his office and imagined that he was praying for Brady to stay in there for a few more minutes.  But before he could get going again, the door opened and Brady froze at the sight of him.

“What happened to you?” he gasped.

“Just feeling a little sick,” Tom replied weakly.

Brady continued to stare at him, without making a move; and after a pregnant pause, it occurred to him to ask, “Do you want help?”

Tom started to say no, but Peggy intervened from behind him and told Brady that he did.  Tom wasn’t happy about that, but he was too weak to argue.  Brady came along side and helped him get down the hall and into the bedroom.  As Peggy pulled off Tom’s jacket, Brady moved back to the doorway, with what appeared to be a genuine look of concern on his face.  Tom noticed his countenance and said, “Thanks Brady, I’m just feeling a little under the weather.  If I get some rest, I’ll probably be fine,” he said.  Brady seemed to nod, as he backed out of the doorway; while Peggy helped Tom into bed.

Looking at Peggy, Tom said, “I don’t want him to know how sick I am.”

“I know,” Peggy replied, “But at this point, the only way to keep it from him is to lie; and I’m not willing to do that.”

Tom wanted to object, but he knew Peggy was right.

“I still want to go to John’s wrestling meet tonight,” he said.

“I know honey, but you’re going to have to be doing a whole lot better before that happens,” she replied.  “Get some rest and I’ll check on you in a while”.

Peggy kissed him lightly on the forehead and pulled the door closed as she left the room.  She found Brady in the kitchen, looking at the pictures on the refrigerator door.  He turned towards her as she came into the room.

“Is he alright?” he asked

“He’s resting, if that’s what you mean,” she answered.

“Is it the flu or something,” he asked blankly.

“No Brady, it’s cancer,” she replied sharply.

The look of shock on Brady’s face seemed to soften Peggy’s tone, as she continued, “He was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer a few years ago and we thought that we’d beaten it; but late last summer we found out that it was back and he’s been doing this treatment since the fall.”

“Does it always make him this sick,” he asked.

“No, most days it just makes him tired; but this isn’t the first time this has happened.  I think that he’s feeling a little stressed right now,” she replied.

“Is that because of me?” Brady asked.

The sharpness in Peggy’s voice returned, as she said, “I’m sure to some degree it is; but when he finds out what’s really going on with you, it’s going to be a lot worse.  I thought you told him that we didn’t have to worry about the police showing up on our doorstep!”

“You don’t,” Brady asserted defensively.  “They have no idea that I’m here and so far they’re just seeking me for questioning.”

Peggy’s anger continued to escalate, as she shot back, “Well, all of that may make it OK in your mind, but we have no interest in harboring a fugitive or exposing our kids to the kind of intrigue that is sure to follow all of this.”

Brady’s anger seemed to rise up to meet Peggy’s, as he replied, “I guess I just need to leave, because heaven forbid that I would expect my family to stand by me during a tough time!”

Peggy’s face grew even more flushed, as she hissed, “What a load of crap that is!  If you were interested in being a family, where have you been for all these years?  You can’t have it both ways; you can’t pretend like we don’t exist for thirty years and then act as though we owe you something!  We didn’t run to you when we couldn’t pay our bills or when Tom got cancer; and you’re not here because you want to start being a family now.  You’re here because you’re too much of a coward to take responsibility for what you’ve done and you don’t have any friends that you can trust!  Tom was right about you, you are just like your father!”

Though Brady was glaring at her intensely, she could tell that her words had wounded him.  Even while the anger continued to roil inside of her, she began to feel convicted about what she’d said.  Though she believed that every word of it was true, she also knew that those words had been laced with frustration and bitterness.  She could tell that Brady wasn’t prepared for this kind of intensity and sensed that he was about to flee, when he said, “I don’t need this”. 

As he turned to leave the kitchen, she grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back around.  When their eyes meet, she blurted out, “Yes you do!  You need this bad and so does Tom.  It’s time to quit playing this stupid game and for you two to get real with each other.  You’ve already lost your parents and now you’re in danger of losing each other for good.  If I had my way, you’d have never walked through that door, but you did and now my kids know that they’ve got an Uncle; and now you know that your brother is really sick.  It’s too late now; it’s time to grow up and to start dealing with reality.  It’s not like a movie, you can’t yell cut and have the script re-written!”

Peggy could have gone on, but she stopped.  Her anger seemed to suddenly subside and she felt almost sorry for Brady.  He somehow sensed this change in her and his anger began to dissipate as well.  They stood there staring at each other for a moment and then Peggy began to speak calmly.

“Look Brady, Tom and I have a wonderful life together, but there’s a hole in his heart from all that went on with your family; and that’s something I can’t fix for him.  We’ve tried to live like none of that ever happened or like it didn’t matter; but those are both lies.  You guys need to come to some sort of peace with the past or both of you will carry this poison around forever.  I believe that God is giving you another chance, but it’s up to you whether or not you take it.”

Brady looked down to the floor and mumbled, “What about Tom?  Is that what he wants?”

“I’m not sure,” Peggy admitted.  “But one of you needs to make the first move.”

Brady recognized the truth in what she’d said, but he wasn’t quite sure how he and Tom might get there.  He couldn’t recall anyone getting in his face the way she just had and he wanted to be offended by it; but he also had the strange sense that Peggy actually cared about him on some level.  This stood in stark contrast to the superficial show business type relationships he was used to.  Though the words hadn’t been pleasant, it was the sort of exchange he imagined a sister might have with her brother and that was oddly comforting to him.  On the other hand, he wasn’t particularly comforted by the idea that God might somehow have orchestrated his visit or that He might actually be watching them now.  While Brady had no problem with the idea of God, he preferred to think of Him in distant and abstract terms; which made Peggy’s confident assertions about divine intervention somewhat unnerving.  He was also upset by her assumption that he didn’t have any friends that he could trust, though his inability to think of a name to throw back at her only served to prove her point.  The one thing he knew for sure was that he felt completely exhausted by all of it.  Though he hated to give the appearance that he might be retreating, Brady gave into his urge to go back to the guest room and lay down.  Peggy was relieved to see him go, as she didn’t feel like she had much more to say to him.

Brady’s mind seemed to reel with thoughts and memories, as he curled himself into a ball; but at some point sleep must have overtaken him, as he eventually awoke to Peggy pulling on his ankle.  As his eyes blinked open, he could see that it was already almost 4:00 p.m. and Peggy began to speak.

“I’m sorry to bother you Brady, but I need to get going to John’s wrestling meet.  If Tom wakes up before I get back, he’s going to be really upset that he missed it; but I tried to get him up and he’s just too out of it.  Please keep an ear out for him and if he wakes up, let him know that I tried to get him going.”

Brady agreed that he would and after he heard the front door close, he went to the kitchen to get something to drink.  With the house quiet, he found himself wandering around, looking at the pictures on the walls and at the keepsakes on the shelves.  Though he’d always imagined Tom’s life to be dull, he began to see a depth and richness in these things that seemed to be missing from his own life.  In the family room, he found photo albums in the bookcase and he carefully paged through each of them.  He was surprised by how happy Tom looked in all of those pictures and at how happy his mother looked too.  In his memories, they always seemed sad or angry; and seeing their smiling faces made him lament that he’d missed those times.  Though he’d always assumed that he knew what Tom was really like, these photos made him wonder if he really knew his brother at all.  Even though Peggy wasn’t exactly prom queen material, he could clearly see the love they had for each other and for the first time, he found himself a little envious of their relationship.  He wondered if anyone would ever love him the way Peggy seemed to love Tom; and if anyone would ever fight for him, the way she had earlier that day.  As he was putting the photo albums back, he heard a loud thud upstairs.  In his mind, he pictured Tom falling out of bed, as he quickly ran to the bedroom.

As he pushed through the bedroom door, he saw Tom on his knees by the bedside table and gasped, “Are you alright?”

Tom’s face grew flushed with embarrassment, as he said, “I was trying to move the clock to see what time it was and I knocked over the lamp.”

Brady moved over to help him pick things up, as he explained that Peggy had tried to wake him for the wrestling meet.  As they got back up, he offered to help him walk, but Tom insisted that he was OK.  Though he still appeared to be pretty weak, he managed to get to the kitchen without any problems.  After getting a soda from the refrigerator, they both moved into the living room, where Tom plopped heavily in the recliner.   It seemed to take a minute for him to regain his composure, as Brady sat silently.

“I suppose Peggy told you what’s going on with me,” Tom said.

“Yeah,” Brady acknowledged.  “It must be kind of scary”.

“More frustrating than scary, right now; I can’t tell if this medicine is working, but it sure is making me sick,” Tom replied.

“Aren’t you afraid of what could happen?” Brady asked.

“If I thought about it, I’m sure it would bother me; but right now I’m too busy fighting it to worry about how the whole thing might play out.  There’s no denying that I might lose this battle eventually, but there’s no point in thinking about that right now,” Tom said.

“How are the kids doing with it?” Brady inquired.

“They know that I’ve got cancer, but they don’t really understand what that means.  As long as I seem pretty normal, they do OK; but in the times that I’ve been really sick, they get worried.”

“Will John be upset about you missing his wrestling match?” Brady asked.

“No, it’s more important to me than it is to him.  He’s getting to that age where he feels like we’re a little overly protective and he often gets embarrassed when we’re around too much.  He knows that I would be there if I could.  It’s just that today promised to be a tough match and I wanted to make sure he was OK.”

“Is he a good wrestler?” Brady asked.

“Well, yes and no.  This is only his first year, so he only knows some very basic moves, but he’s surprisingly strong for his size and he’s really improved a lot.  Honestly, he could develop into a very good wrestler if he wanted to, but I don’t think that it’s really his thing.  He’s kind of a gentle soul and he lacks the killer instinct to really push his opponent.  I doubt seriously that he’ll want to do it next year,” Tom replied.

“Aren’t you going to make him stick with it?” Brady asked.

“We’ll make him stick to the commitment that he made for this year, but we won’t make him wrestle next year if he doesn’t want to.  We want him to try different things until he finds those things that really matter to him.  He’s played a lot of sports and he’s been pretty good at all of them; but none of them really seem to be ‘his thing’; so we’ll keep encouraging him to try new things.  He’s been in a couple of school plays and he’s a great little actor, so maybe he’ll follow in your footsteps,” Tom said with a shallow smile.

Brady couldn’t imagine Tom being happy about that idea and it reminded him of the conversation he’d had earlier with Peggy.  He figured that he’d better come clean to Tom before Peggy got a chance to tell him what she’d heard.

“Speaking of walking in my footsteps, Peggy was pretty upset with me earlier.  She felt like I wasn’t completely honest with you guys about the trouble I’m in.”

Tom looked confused, as he asked, “How does Peggy know what kind of trouble you’re in?”

“She saw something on TV,” Brady replied sheepishly.  “They said that the LAPD is seeking me for questioning.”

Tom’s voice seemed to drop an octave, as he said, “I thought I asked you about the police.”

“You did,” Brady replied defensively, “And like I told you, they’re not going to show up on your doorstep.  First off, they don’t know where I am and secondly, they just want to talk to me.”

“About what?” Tom demanded tersely.

Brady’s glance turned to the floor in embarrassment, as he quietly replied, “Some guy says that I slept with his underage daughter.”

Tom could feel the anger rising within him and he had the sudden urge to curse at Brady for his stupidity.  This is just the kind of thing that he’d expect from his little brother; after all, he was his daddy’s boy.   But just as he was ready to let loose of a verbal barrage, a stray thought seemed to crash into his consciousness; and though it took every bit of his restraint, he managed to get that out first.  “So did you?”

Brady’s eyes tentatively rose to meet Tom’s steely glare and with a pitiful look on his face, he said, “I don’t know”.

Tom’s face turned scarlet, as he hissed, “You don’t know!   How can you not know?”

Brady’s sense of offense seemed to rise to the level of Tom’s as he loudly replied, “I don’t know!  I mean, I don’t even know who this guy is or who his daughter is or when all of this supposedly happened.  I don’t card every woman I sleep with and I certainly don’t remember their life stories.”

“Come on Brady, there’s a big difference between a woman and an underage girl; you can’t sit there and claim not to know whether you’ve slept with some child,” Tom shot back.

“I didn’t sleep with anyone who looked like a child; but if they were seventeen and told me they were twenty-two, how would I know the difference.  And I didn’t force anyone to do anything against their will.  If we slept together, it was because she wanted to.  I’m not some kind of rapist,” Brady cried out bitterly.

Though what Brady said didn’t excuse his poor judgment, Tom could see how it could have happened the way he described; and suddenly it didn’t seem quite as insidious.  As he looked at Brady’s face, he could see that he was truly afraid and it stirred something inside of Tom that he hadn’t felt in a long time.  Tom decided to take a breath and calm down before he replied; and in a much quieter tone, he said, “I didn’t say you were a rapist”.

“No you didn’t, but you sure didn’t have any problem in believing that I was some kind of child molester,” Brady replied with a pained expression.

Tom knew that Brady was right about that and he felt a little ashamed of himself.  “I’m sorry Brady, it’s just that you remind me so much of dad and I feel like he was capable of anything.”

Brady just stared at Tom for a long moment and then said, “He wasn’t the monster you’ve made him out to be in your mind.”

Tom nodded in disagreement, saying, “You were too young to see what he did to our family”, to which Brady quickly added, “And you weren’t around to see how all of that eventually changed him.” 

Tom seemed surprised, as Brady continued, “I’m not defending what he did to our family, but there was a time when he wanted to take it all back and you slammed the door on him; just like you slammed the door on me.”

“What!  You were the one who left us, I didn’t make you do anything,” Tom gasped.

“Sure you did Tom; you were the one who made it so that I had to choose a side.  I wanted to get along with both mom and dad; but you wanted to punish dad, so you made sure that didn’t happen.  You were the one who tried to make me feel lousy for caring about dad and you were the one who was never satisfied with how I treated mom.  You were the one who forced me to make a choice and you’ve never forgiven me for not making, what you thought, was the ‘right’ choice.  Before mom died, she let dad know that she’d forgiven him and she let me know that she still loved me; but you could never let it go.  Dad may have been the one that tore our family apart, but you were the one who made sure that we could never put it behind us.”

The truth of Brady’s words absolutely pierced Tom, though he weakly tried to retort with, “If you cared so much about mom, why didn’t’ you even bother to show up at her funeral.”

Brady’s gaze remained steady, as he replied, “Because of you Tom.  Dad and I had both made our peace with mom before she passed, but we decided that it would be better for you if we didn’t show up and turn the funeral service into a big scene.  We wanted to be there, but we knew that it would just make you mad; so we flew out and visited her grave a few days after she was buried.”

Tears began to stream down Tom’s face as he tried to come to grips with the crushing revelation that his unforgiveness had been instrumental in keeping his family torn apart.  He’d always thought of himself as the dutiful, faithful son; and he hated the idea that he was really the one who’d kept this pain alive for everyone else.  He wanted to scream a denial, but he knew in his heart that it was undeniable.  The mental picture of Brady and his father, standing over his mother’s grave, made him feel as though they had all come back together, without him.  And that thought caused him to weep openly.

Brady was genuinely surprised by Tom’s reaction, as he’d expected him to vehemently deny any wrongdoing.  Seeing him in this weakened state genuinely touched Brady’s heart.  He’d always thought of Tom as being too stubborn to be moved and it made him wonder whether he’d gone too far and said too much.  It also convinced him that he really didn’t know Tom as well as he thought he did.  He was at a loss as to what to say and so for the next few minutes, he didn’t say anything.  He eventually went into the kitchen and found a box of tissues, which he brought in to Tom. By this time, Tom’s emotions seemed to be ebbing and Brady finally decided to speak.

“Look Tom, I didn’t mean to make it sound as though all of this was your fault.  None of us handled this whole family mess very well; but mom and dad are gone now and we’re all that’s left.  I can admit that I’ve made lots of mistakes and that I’m still screwing up my own life; but can’t we just let go of all that and try to be brothers again,” Brady pleaded.

For the first time since they were kids, Tom felt as though Brady was being completely honest with him and tears once again began to slide down his cheeks.  He wanted to blurt out a ‘yes’ to Brady’s request, but he wondered if could really be that simple.  Wasn’t just ‘letting it go’ like trying to sweep it under the rug.  His mind instinctively tried to wrestle with these thoughts, but he quickly pushed them away; and in a moment of absolute clarity, he knew that it was time to let loose of all the hurt and anger.  Looking into Brady’s tearful eyes, Tom nodded his head in agreement and softly said, “I want that too”. 

Though the moment seemed to call for some greater display of affection (e.g. a hug), neither of them was quite ready for that and so they both just sat, feeling as though something very profound had just transpired between them.  The idea that they might once again be brothers hadn’t really occurred to either of them and they both found themselves trying to imagine what that might be like.  Another few minutes of unhurried silence passed before they began to speak again.

“So what are you going to do about this accusation?” Tom asked.

“I don’t know.  I’ve got my lawyers looking at it and they figure this guy is just looking for money.  They’re telling me that we should just offer him a settlement to drop the whole thing,” Brady replied.

“But won’t that make you look guilty?” Tom said.

“Probably, but its better then going to court and getting labeled a ‘sex offender’”, he replied.

“Aren’t you afraid it will hurt your career?” Tom pressed.

Brady nodded in agreement, as he said, “Sure I am, but what can I do; it’s already out there.  Besides, as a single guy in Hollywood, everyone sort of expects you to make love to a different woman every night of the week.”

Tom’s face twisted slightly, as he incredulously said, “Make love?”

Brady seemed perplexed and replied, “Yeah, you know, have sex”.

“Yeah, I know what you’re talking about; but there’s a world of difference between ‘making love’ and ‘having sex,’” Tom said.

Brady smiled at the idea that Tom thought he might teach him something about sex; after all, he was pretty sure that Peggy was the only woman Tom had ever been with.  But in the spirit of their new found relationship, he decided to play along and to hear what Tom had to say.  “So what do see as the difference?” he said.

“You have sex with a woman’s body, but you make love to her soul,” Tom replied confidently.

Brady had to admit that he’d never heard that before and that it sounded pretty profound; but he also had to admit that he wasn’t really sure what it meant.  He normally would’ve pretended to understand a statement like that, but he decided to go ahead and ask, “So what exactly does that mean?”

“Sex is generally just a physical transaction; it may be very sensual, but it rarely gets beyond the instinctual level.  While it may be chemical and biological, it usually isn’t particularly intellectual or emotional.  Sex is something that stray dogs do on cool summer evenings and all it requires is another warm body.  Making love actually requires the involvement of our intellect and emotions; and is significantly more complex and gratifying.  It not only requires a person that you know, but a person that you actually care about.  When done right, it transcends the basic desire for physical gratification and genuinely becomes an expression of love that reaches to the core of our being.  It tells the woman that she is significant in your eyes and that you yearn to be one with her, not just for a 15 minute hook up or a one night stand.  Once you’ve made love for the first time, simply having sex becomes a cheap substitute,” Tom said knowingly.

Brady couldn’t help but be impressed by Tom’s words and he found himself feeling suddenly insecure about the topic.  He was pretty sure that he’d never experienced what Tom had just described and he’d never heard an old married person describe sex that way before; but he tried to act as though this was no great revelation to him by saying, “I make love to the women that I’m with.”

Tom smiled at Brady’s foolishness and said, “You can’t love someone you don’t know and when you try to express an emotion that you don’t really have, you’re just pretending.  All that does is tear them up on the inside.  The only way that ‘making love’ really hits the target is when you truly mean it; when you really do want to be one with them and you commit to do life together.  For you, it’s a woman who loves and wants the man, ‘Brady Conner’ and not the actor ‘Brandon O’Connor’.  And when you put all of your eggs in one basket, there’s a spiritual dimension that opens up and you get to experience the thing that God had in mind when He designed ‘two people becoming one flesh’.  The difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’ is like the difference between listening to an old transistor radio and a new high def. stereo system with subwoofers.  Some may claim that it’s the same song, but the experience is totally different.”

Brady wondered if anyone would ever really love “The man, Brady Conner”, but he definitely knew that he didn’t want to keep talking about this, so he decided to move the conversation back on track by asking, “So do you think that I ought to do what the lawyers are telling me?”

Tom recognized Brady’s discomfort and easily moved on by replying, “I don’t know Brady, I’d probably struggle to pay someone off if I knew that they were just trying to take advantage of me; but I do understand the wisdom of getting it over with quickly and quietly.  I imagine that it would all boil down to your word against hers, and that’s only if she wasn’t someone you actually slept with.  But before I’d offer them anything, I’d go talk to the police and see what they have to say.  The longer you avoid them, the more it looks like you’ve got something to hide.”

Brady nodded in agreement, though he looked far from enthusiastic about the idea.  He started to say something, when they heard a car door slam in the driveway.  A few short seconds later, the front door burst open and John came bounding up the stairs.  As he started to turn the corner towards the bedrooms, he saw them sitting in the living room and quickly changed directions.  When he reached Tom, he immediately launched into a breathless account of every second of his wrestling match.  He hadn’t even finished describing the first three minute period, when Peggy quietly made her way in the door and up the stairs, with some pizza in her hands.  All three adults listened intently, though Brady struggled to understand some of what John was saying.  By the time the story was over, Brady figured out that it was a really close match, that went into overtime and that John had eventually lost by a point. 

Peggy told John that he needed to go change out of his wrestling uniform and she put the pizza and some paper plates on the dining room table, saying “I hope you don’t mind that I just picked up a couple of pizza’s”.  She didn’t wait for a response before heading back toward the bedrooms; and in the sudden quiet, Brady said, “Wow, as excited as he was, I thought he’d won.”

Tom smiled and replied, “From where I sit, he did win.  The mountain he had to climb was his fear of humiliation and his temptation to avoid the confrontation all together.  He conquered those things and found out that he was stronger than he knew.  He may not have proven to be the best wrestler, but he did show what kind of man he’s becoming and that’s worth a whole lot more in life.  It’s easy to engage in the battle when you feel certain that you’ll win, but it’s much harder when you know that you probably won’t.  I couldn’t be more proud of him.  Ironically, it’s not so different than the mountain you’re facing right now.”

Brady nodded in agreement and he caught himself wondering whether Tom would one day be proud of him too.  Though it seemed like an odd thought, he had to admit that he liked the idea of it.  With the intensity of moment seemingly broken, Brady decided that he was hungry and he asked Tom, “Do you want me to bring you some pizza?”

“No thanks, Peggy will be upset if we eat in here.  Let’s go ahead and move into the dining room,” Tom replied, as he pushed himself out of the recliner.

They had just sat down at the table when Mandy came bursting through the door from tumbling practice.  Peggy ran out to the driveway to thank the Wisecups and then rejoined them at the table; as the kids once again dominated the conversation with detailed accounts of their day.  She noticed that both Tom and Brady were significantly more comfortable and engaged than they’d been the night before; and she was anxious to find out what happened while she was gone. 

After dinner, the boys adjourned to the family room to watch the basketball game, while Peggy gave Mandy a bath.  John was clearly thrilled to be included amongst the men; as He and his father rooted for Phoenix, while Brady cheered for the Lakers.  Peggy was surprised to hear the sounds of laughter and light hearted banter coming from downstairs.  After she was done with Mandy, she went down to tell John that he needed to get a shower, but changed her mind when she saw how elated he was to be with his dad and uncle.  While she could tell that Tom still wasn’t feeling well, he seemed to be in a really good mood; so she decided to have Mandy say her goodnights and to let the boys enjoy the rest of the game.

Once Mandy was asleep, Peggy got on Facebook, until the game ended and the men came rumbling back up the stairs.  She pressed John to get ready for bed, while he and Brady continued to playfully banter about the Lakers.  Tom looked tired, but seemed amused as he watched his son and brother go back and forth.  She moved over next to him and he leaned over, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek.  As John disappeared into his bedroom, Brady turned back to them with a big smile on his face.

“I hope that wasn’t too much,” he said.

Tom smiled back at him and said, “Nah, he was having a great time.”

“Are you OK,” Brady asked.

“I’m pretty wiped out actually; but I had a great time watching the game,” he replied.

Brady seemed please by that and said, “Me too”.

“You’re welcomed to stay up and watch TV if you want,” Peggy offered, 

But Brady shook his head, saying, “Thanks, but I’ve got some computer stuff I need to get into.”

It almost looked as though the brothers might embrace, as Tom reached out to Brady; but instead he simply patted his shoulder, saying, “Goodnight Brady” in a warm voice.

Brady’s eyes looked moist, as he patted Tom’s arm and said, “Goodnight Tom”.

Tears welled up in Peggy’s eyes, as she watched this remarkable exchange; and as she turned to follow Tom into the bedroom, Brady reached out and gently touched her shoulder.  When she turned back to him, he softly said, “Thank you”; which caused the tears to spill down her cheeks.  She reached out and squeezed his hand, replying, “Thank you Brady”.

“Could you wake me up for breakfast in the morning?” he asked.

“You bet,” she said, as she tried to wipe her cheeks dry.  “Good night Brady”.

Though everyone was exhausted from the emotional pitch of the day, Tom and Peggy managed to talk for over an hour before finally drifting off to sleep.  They both marveled at the sudden and dramatic changes that the day had delivered; thankful to God for His divine intervention.  Though Brady wasn’t quite sure what to think of all that had happened, he knew that he had a sense of peace and well-being that wasn’t’ there before.  Tom’s house and family didn’t seem so strange anymore and somehow he felt like a little boy, spending the night at a friend’s house.  Much sooner than he planned, he turned off his computer and fell into a deep and restful sleep.

The morning seemed to arrive suddenly for everyone except Mandy, whose batteries appeared to be fully recharged.  Though John still looked sleepy, he seemed energized by the fact that Brady was sitting at the breakfast table with them.  Tom looked very pale and once again didn’t eat anything, though he did laugh and tease with the kids some.  Peggy was quiet, only occasionally prodding the kids to finish eating, so that they could get dressed.  She could see that Tom wasn’t doing well, so she told them that she’d be driving them to school.  Brady drank coffee and watched as they all scurried around, finding missing shoes, fixing lunches, going through backpacks and rushing to get out of the door on time.  After they left, Tom sat heavily at the table, with a sigh. 

“How are you feeling this morning?” Brady asked.

“That’s a question I try to avoid anymore,” Tom replied with a shallow smile.

“It must be pretty bad,” Brady said sympathetically.

“It’s not that, it’s just that how I’m feeling doesn’t really change what needs to happen today.  If I start out focused on how I feel, I’ll never get to what needs to be done.  Like this morning; I’m tired and I feel pretty nauseous, so no one would blame me if I just stayed in bed.  But if I did that, Peggy would have to carry the whole load by herself, which quickly gets exhausting and discouraging.  The kids would be distracted with worry about what’s happening with me; and I would eventually become miserable and depressed with the whole thing.  Even though I didn’t do a whole lot this morning, just getting up, hanging out at the breakfast table and putting a couple of lunches together will make a big difference in how my family goes through the day.  It’s worth pressing past how I feel for that,” Tom explained.

Brady nodded in agreement, saying, “I see what you mean”.

“Yeah, I can now see that even before I got sick, I’d often get sidetracked by how I was feeling; you know, that old thing where you really need to take care of something, but you just don’t feel like it.  Every time that happens, there is a critical moment, where we either press through or give into it.  If you give in, it starts to become a mountain that you can’t seem to climb.  It was like John’s wrestling match; he had to press through that moment when fear tried to stop him; and ultimately it’s the same thing we talked about yesterday,” Tom added.

The look on Brady’s face let Tom know that he didn’t understand the connection to yesterday’s conversation, so he continued, “Every time we’ve gotten together, I’ve faced one of those moments where the memories and emotions of the past came flooding back; and each time that happened, there was an instant when I could’ve pressed through or given into it.  For years I’ve been giving into it and it became a mountain that seemed too high to climb.  Yesterday, probably for the very first time, I pressed through that moment and suddenly I can’t figure out why I didn’t do it sooner.  The cost of not pressing through is that you remain stuck where you are; and if you’re in a miserable place, why would you choose to stay there.  No matter how hard we try to be brothers, we’ll undoubtedly face more moments like that; when we’ll have to press through the things of the past to get to a different future; and hopefully we’ll keep doing that.”

Again, Brady nodded in agreement, saying, “I hope so too.”

A look of sadness seemed to spill across Brady’s face, as he quietly added, “And I hope you’ll get to feeling better too.”

Tom was touched by Brady’s genuine concern for him, as he said, “Don’t worry about me Brady, I think I’ve still got some more miles left in my tank.”

“Do you have another treatment today?” Brady inquired.

“Yeah,” Tom replied.

“Is it alright if I come with you?” he asked.

Tom was surprised by the request, as he asked, “Aren’t you worried about being recognized?”

“Nah, I’m used to deferring peoples questions; and it will be even easier with you guys vouching for the fact that I’m your brother Brady,” he said with a smile.

When Peggy got home, she was surprised to find them still sitting at the kitchen table, talking about the various cancer treatments that Tom had been through.  She knew that he didn’t really like talking about all of that, so she assumed that it must be because Brady wanted to know.  She was even more surprised when she heard that he would be coming with them to the hospital. 

When Tom later went in for his treatment, Brady quizzed her on issues related to prostate cancer; and though she tried to answer his questions, she eventually led him to a rack, filled with information booklets on the various forms of cancer and their treatment.  For the rest of the time they were in the office, He stood at the rack, thumbing through this reading material.  Tom once again emerged from his treatment in a weak and nauseous state; as they had to head straight home to get him to bed.  After he was settled in the bedroom, Peggy noticed that the door to the guest room was closed and it sounded as though Brady was on the phone with someone.  Not wanting to interrupt anything, she decided to wait until he came out before offering him lunch.  An hour later, she wondered if that had been a mistake; but when she went back to his door, she could hear that he was still on the phone.  She eventually decided to knock and he politely let her know that he wasn’t hungry.  She could see from the look in his eyes that he was a man on a mission and she wondered what he was up to.

Tom was still asleep when the kids got home and John coaxed Brady into shooting some baskets with him in the driveway.  Though Mandy still seemed a little testy with her uncle, she followed them around, as though she were afraid of missing something.  When Tom got up, he made his way out to the front steps to watch.  As Peggy cooked dinner, she could once again hear the sounds of banter and laughter coming from outside.  Grateful tears again welled up, as she thanked God for this amazing turn of events. 

Dinner was a boisterous affair, as Brady and John continued their basketball trash talk.  Tom laughed until his sides ached, as John took to calling Brady, “Uncle Kobe”.  After the dinner dishes were cleared away, they all got into a rousing game of “UNO”, which lasted right up until the kid’s bedtime.  John moaned loudly when Peggy said that it was time to get ready for bed and Mandy insisted that Uncle Brady read her a bedtime story.  After the kids were finally asleep, the adults gathered in the living room, chuckling at some of the zingers that had flown around the table during their game.  After a few minutes of lighthearted talk, Brady’s voice took on a more serious tone, as he said, “I need to talk to you guys about a couple of things.”

Tom and Peggy glanced at each other warily, as Tom replied, “Go ahead”.

“The first thing is that I’d like to fly you guys up to LA, in the next couple of weeks, so that you can meet with an Oncologist from the UCLA Medical Center.  This guy is world renown and it sounds like he’s getting amazing results with some new treatments he’s developed.  Some of them are specifically for prostate cancer,” he said earnestly.

Tom’s expression dropped immediately and Peggy could tell that he was going to resist taking help from his little brother.  She realized that this is what Brady had been so engrossed with all afternoon and it caused her to look at him differently.  She loved him for wanting to help, though she knew that a trip to LA wouldn’t be very practical at this point.  Before she could speak, Tom said, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do Brady, but I don’t think we can make that work right now”.

Brady didn’t seem surprised by Tom’s response, as he queried, “Why not?”

“You see how things are, the kid’s are in school, I’m back and forth to the hospital every day and sick a lot of the time.  Our insurance won’t cover anything more than what they’re doing right now and I’m not even sure I am allowed to fly”.

“I understand all of that, but you guys both told me that you’re not even sure that this current treatment is working and think of the consequences if it’s not.  I’m sure you could make arrangements for the kids for a day or two; or you could even take them out of school for a couple of days and bring them with you.  You guys could stay at my place.  The flying’s not an issue, because we can charter a private jet and the flight from Phoenix to LA is barely an hour.  The insurance isn’t a problem, because anything that’s considered experimental is covered by UCLA’s research grant and I can cover anything else that comes up,” Brady reasoned.

Listening to Brady’s logic set off a spark inside of Peggy; though his idea wasn’t practical, she realized that it was “doable”.  He was right about the fact that they both had their doubts as to whether this treatment was helping and it suddenly seemed foolish not to try some other course of action; but she knew that Tom would have to arrive at that conclusion on his own and from his expression he didn’t appear to be buying into the argument.

“I can’t let you do all of that,” he exclaimed.

Brady’s voice became more emphatic, as he said, “Come on Tom, I understand that the big brother in you doesn’t feel right about taking help from your little brother, but how is that any different than John, not feeling as though he could face his wrestling match or you, not feeling like getting out of bed this morning?  If I needed help, you wouldn’t hesitate and you would expect me to accept it simply because you are my brother.  Why should it be any different for you?  This is one of those moments you described this morning and you need to press through those feelings of not wanting to accept my help, so that you can get to a different and maybe brighter future.”

Tom hated the feeling that Brady had anticipated his arguments, as his mind futilely searched for some other defense.  It wasn’t lost on him that Brady had listened carefully to what he’d said about pressing through the negative emotion of the moment, but it somehow seemed unfair to use his own words against him.  He glanced toward Peggy, to see if he could tell what she was thinking and when their eyes met, he immediately knew that she agreed with Brady.  Instinctively, that changed things for Tom, because he knew that Peggy didn’t necessarily trust Brady; which meant that something he’d said must have rung true with her.  Years of marriage had taught him to trust her discernment and the look on her face softened his resistance.  But before he could think of something to say, Brady continued.

“I want you to know that I’m not offering this because I feel sorry for you; the truth is that I really want to do this for me,” he said.

The confused look on their faces caused him to go on.  “I really want to know what it feels like to be a brother,” he said, as his voice cracked with emotion, “And I’ll never get that chance if you don’t get better.”

This cry of his heart cut right through what little resistance Tom had left; as both he and Peggy were overwhelmed with the emotion of the moment.  After a few minutes Brady passed around the box of tissues and as they slowly regained their composure, Tom quietly relented, “OK, I guess we’ll give it try”.

Brady smiled warmly, as Peggy gave him a shallow nod of thanks.

“So what was the other thing you wanted to talk about,” Tom asked.

“Well, I hate to say it, but I’ve got to go,” Brady replied.

“Already,” Tom said.

“Yeah, I’ve thought a lot about what you said and the longer I take to get back, the worse it’s going to be.  If I’m honest, I came here to hide from that whole situation and I hoped that my lawyers could handle it without me; but now I see that I’ve got to press through my feelings of dread and deal with whatever comes next,” he replied.

“When do you leave?” Peggy asked.

“Tomorrow morning,” he replied sadly.

All of them knew that this was the right thing for Brady to do, but none of them felt ready for it.  Each of them marveled at how the last few days had changed everything and they all seemed to get lost in their thoughts for a few minutes.  Tom finally asked, “Are you going to be able to say goodbye to the kids?’

Brady immediately nodded, saying, “Absolutely, I don’t want it to seem like I just disappeared on them.”

“Will you need a ride to the airport?” Peggy asked.

“No, I knew that you’d need to take Tom to his treatment, so I’ve arranged to get picked up,” he replied.

They again fell silent, not wanting the evening to end; but the laughter and tears had taken their toll and it appeared as though tomorrow would be another emotional day.  Peggy was the first one to say what they were all thinking, when she said, “We should probably get some sleep”.

As they got up, Tom seemed to swoon and Brady instinctively reached out, grabbing his arm to steady him.

“Are you OK?” he asked.

Tom seemed a little embarrassed, as he nodded that he was.  But just as Brady was about to let him go, Tom pulled him into an embrace; and as he held onto him tightly, he said, “I love you Brady and I’m so sorry for the years we lost because of my stubbornness.” 

Tears streamed down Brady’s face, as he said, “I love you Tom and I’m sorry for being too big a coward to have come before now.”

Peggy once again passed the tissues, as she and Brady also shared a warm goodnight hug.  Despite the exhilaration of the evening, the house was silent and they were all fast asleep, a few short minutes later.

The morning once again seemed to come suddenly and the kids excitement at having Uncle Brady for breakfast, quickly turned to tears at the news that he’d be leaving.  Their excitement seemed to rebound fully with the news that they’d be seeing him again in a couple of weeks; and that they might even get to visit him in California.  As they were ready to leave for school, John was the first to say goodbye. 

As he hugged Brady, he said, “I’ll see you in a couple weeks Uncle Kobe”.

Everyone laughed and Brady said, “If I come back here, you’ll have to introduce me to your friends.”

An excited look came over John’s face, as he gasped, “Do you mean as my Uncle Brady or as my Uncle Brandon?”

“Whichever you what,” Brady replied.

“Cool!” John exclaimed loudly, as he thundered down the stairs to the front door.

Brady could see that Mandy was going to stand by coolly until he made the first move; so he bent down and extended his hand to her, saying, “It was a pleasure to meet you Ms. Amanda”.

She looked at his hand as though it might be dirty, but then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, softly saying, “I love you Uncle Brady”.  As she backed away from her hug, she added, “And you can call me Mandy”.

Brady was visibly moved, as Peggy headed out the door with the kids.

Tom and Brady talked about what to expect in LA, until it was time for Brady to get ready for his flight.  His ride to the airport came about the same time Peggy and Tom needed to leave for the hospital.  As they stood in the driveway, they kept finding reasons to delay the inevitable; but Peggy finally said, “We’ve got to go”.

As she and Brady hugged, he said, “You were right.  There was a bigger reason for my coming here.”

Peggy smiled through her tears and said, “God has a way of doing stuff like that.  I’m so glad that you came.  I love you Brady.”

“I love you too,” he replied with a squeeze.

Then he and Tom fell into a warm embrace, as Brady said, “Thanks for everything Tom”.

“Thank you Brady,” he replied as they slowed backed out of the hug.

As they looked into each others eyes, tears once again began to flow, as Brady added, “Keep pressing on for me.”

“You too Brady; call me tonight and tell me how it goes in LA,” Tom replied.

Brady smiled and said, “I will”.

Peggy and Tom leaned on each other, as Brady headed for his cab.  As he opened the door, he turned and said, “I love you Tom”.

Tom’s voice seemed to get caught in his throat, as he replied, “I love you too Brady”.

After they watched the cab drive out of sight, they eventually turned to get in the car.  Though they were saddened by Brady’s departure, the last few days had caused them to feel as though God had bigger plans and that anything was possible.