“Survivor’s Guilt” is a term used to describe a mental & emotional state, that arises when a person perceives themselves to have done something wrong, by surviving a traumatic event when others did not. And while this term is most often associated with life and death situations, I would argue that this same phenomenon can occur in people who simply choose to get off the path of destruction. That could be overcoming addictions, or leaving an abusive situation, or deciding to surrender your life to God, or any other thing that causes a radical change in the trajectory of our lives. As I think back on my own experiences, I can see that the decision to depart from certain destructive patterns has often had the unintended consequence of alienation from people I genuinely cared about. All I really wanted was to escape the carnage, but that often entailed distancing myself from those who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, negotiate that same turn. In those life-altering moments, you have to seize the opportunity, push every hesitation aside, and drive yourself across the threshold of a new life. But after the fact, it’s easy to feel guilty about those you left behind. I expressed some of those feelings in a piece I wrote some years ago, which I called, “Homeless” (see below). It was bore out of the revelation that my decision to pursue God had put me on a different path from some people that I truly loved, which eventually caused us to live in very different worlds. Sometimes the chasm between those worlds has been too wide to reach across, and you can begin to feel selfish; as though you are the kind of person who is unwilling to run back into a burning building. But ultimately, it’s a real struggle to convince someone to evacuate their home, when they can’t smell the smoke, or sense the flames. And trying to save a drowning person, when you yourself can barely swim, generally ends with two funerals. I have found that the only person who can really change a heart, mind, or life is God; and that all rescue attempts must be orchestrated by Him. We just need to prayerfully stand at the ready, and play whatever role He assigns to us.
Homeless
As the shadows begin to crawl across the walls of my little room
The memories emerge from the corners of my mind
Not so long ago, we roamed these streets together
And I guess we thought that’s how it would always be
But here I am living a couple of floors above the pavement
And you’re still out there somewhere
*
I admit that this place isn’t much of a home
But it has running water
And is shelter from the weather
And it has a door that locks
And most of all
It has room for you
*
I never meant to leave you behind
I just assumed you’d want to come with me
But what I saw as a pathway to freedom
You viewed as a cage door
I can’t pretend to understand that
But I miss you just the same
*
I remember the time I stepped on that broken glass
And you wrapped my bloody foot in your only shirt
And the times we huddled together in the cold
And the way you’d hum the tune to “Silent Night”
Because of you, I never felt alone
And yet, that’s how I left you
*
I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to stay
But when you can’t lift your head, you’re apt to drown in a puddle
It wasn’t so much the eating from the dumpsters
Because everyone does that at one time or another
But I couldn’t handle the never ending nights
And the hopelessness of it all
*
Tonight, I’ll once again leave a light burning
And I’ll unfurl the bed sheets from my window
I’ve tied them together so that they’ll reach the alley below
And I’ve anchored them to the radiator to support your weight
As I lay awake, every peep from the alley will stir my hope
And when I sleep, I’ll dream of you
Bjcorbin's Blog 
Hopeless Causes
Posted in Commentaries, tagged adiction, drug related, heartbreak, homeless on June 15, 2023| 2 Comments »
Received the heartbreaking news that yet another young person, who grew up with our kids, has been lost. The details surrounding his death are not known to us, but given his history of drug use and homelessness, it’s probably a safe bet that it was drug related. Anita first met Bret while she was substitute teaching in the city school system. He was a relatively quiet, and well behaved young man, who was never a problem for her in class. Years later, as we helped a young homeless girl, we found that she and Bret were clinging to each other as they lived on the street, or squatted in old abandoned houses.
Every few weeks, they would contact us, and we would pick them up, feed them, let them wash their clothes, and take showers. At the end of such encounters, it was always gut wrenching to take them back, but we always made sure they had warm dry clothes, shoes, sleeping bags, tents, food… We often discussed making some sort of change, and they both expressed a sort of vague hope that things would somehow get better, but neither demonstrated any willingness to make changes to their course. They were both savvy, able bodied kids, who could have worked, but they seemed resigned to life on the streets.
Throughout the years, God has often had us reach out to people who live in these types of desperate circumstances, and if I’m honest, it’s rarely had a happy ending. We do our best to come alongside of them, love them where they’re at, get them help (if they’re willing to be helped), and try to point them toward hope. More often than not, we’ve been criticized. Some feel as though we’re wasting our time, our resources, and are needlessly exposing our family to potential danger. Others feel as though we should be doing more, like incorporating these folks into our household, and raising their drug babies as our own. For us, it is an exercise in following God’s leading; both grabbing a hold, and letting go as He directs. It’s about having His heart for people, and sharing that heart with them. And every time one falls, our heart breaks.
Our prayers persist for the young girl (Silvia), who remains on the street alone, running from the law, and (last we heard) pregnant with Bret’s child. She is not beyond God’s reach, but He will not take away her ability to choose the path she takes. Though we cannot reach her, we will carry her to Him in prayer. Please join us as you feel led to.
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