As he stepped out of the shadows, he struggled to look into Jesus’ eyes. He could hear the audible gasps of the other disciples, who now clearly understood that he was the one of whom Jesus had spoken.
When their eyes met, Judas’s heart began to pound, as all the tormented thoughts that had been swirling in his head for months were suddenly stilled. Regardless of all the rationalizations that had led to this moment, he was now standing face to face with his Lord, and there was no way to escape the fact that this was a betrayal.
I held my breath as Judas paused. I’m sure there was a part of him that desperately wanted to run off into the night, and yet he gathered his resolve and stepped toward Jesus. As his face came close enough to whisper in Jesus’ ear, I was struck by how close and personal this betrayal had become. This was not some stranger, who’d never met Jesus. This was one who had professed to being a brother, a friend, and a follower. They had spent years walking together.
My heart began to ache as I pondered how Jesus must have felt. And as Judas’ lips touched Jesus’ cheek, it wasn’t his face that I saw, it was mine.
How many times have I known that my heart was in a dark place and yet rationalized moving forward. How many times have I leaned on my own understanding and chosen the way that seemed right to me. How many times have I stood on that threshold, where I could have escaped, but pressed on. How many times have I betrayed my claim to be His follower and His friend?
I want to argue that my trespass is somehow in a different category but is it any less personal to the One I claim to love.
And Jesus’ response to all these betrayals was the same. He accepted the will of His Father, and took up the cross to make a way for us.
Worthy is the Lamb!
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