(Another older writing)
Today, it all became clear to me. It wasn’t always that way; for many years I felt caught between two worlds or more accurately between two brothers. I (Marcus) was the second of my fathers’ three sons; born seven years after my brother Phillip and just a year before my brother Andrew. My father is the King of this great land and of course that makes each of us a Prince. The affairs of the kingdom have kept my father away for as long as I can remember and thus much of what I know of him has come through my older brother Phillip.
As the first born and the first heir to the throne, he has access to things within the kingdom that Andrew and I don’t. I’ve never struggled with that knowledge, but it has always been a point of resentment for Andrew. He’s never seemed content with his role in our family or in the kingdom. All through our childhood his discontent grew stronger, along with his resentment of Phillip. I tried to stay out of that conflict, but eventually I was drawn into the middle and forced to choose a side. To understand that choice, I must go back to the beginning.
Andrew and I have always been close; I suppose this is largely due to the small difference in our age and the fact that Princes rarely have the opportunity to interact with other children. Even so, our temperaments seemed to fit well together. Andrew is fierce and impulsive; full of passion, emotion and expression; while I am naturally cautious and thoughtful; more of an observer and slower to speak. Though I am older, I’ve always tended to yield to Andrew, even in the times when I’ve disagreed with him. I guess that I’ve rarely felt passionate enough about my own beliefs to fight with him; and to disagree with Andrew will always mean a fight. We spent almost every waking moment of our childhood together and this forged an unbreakable bond between us, or so I thought.
Phillip is very much a reflection of our father. He is even tempered, wise beyond his years and deliberate in all that he does. He always seemed much older than us and has always been busy with the matters of the kingdom. I can scarcely remember a time when he’s acted like a child, even when he was one. Everything that he says or does seems to be motivated by either, “the kingdom calls” or “it is what father would want”.
Those phrases tend to aggravate Andrew, but I’ve never sensed any pretense in Phillip, so I tend to view them as noble. Phillip was always fair with us, though he could be very firm as well. I know that he was aware of Andrews’ feelings toward him, yet he never acknowledged them or acted in a way that I thought was retaliatory. He didn’t really have to force us to do anything, but often Andrew would complain bitterly whenever he asked anything of us. Though Phillip and I are probably more alike, we’ve rarely spent much time together and thus we haven’t shared the closeness that Andrew and I have.
As we reached early manhood, I sensed Andrew becoming more distant. He would leave the palace and be gone all day. He was rarely willing to speak of where he had been or what he’d been doing. In this time, his resentment for Phillip seemed to grow into hatred. Just the sight of him would cause Andrew to seethe. On occasion I tried to reason with Andrew about this condition, but his anger would normally just turn on me, so I quickly abandoned that effort. As much as I could, I tried to remain neutral, but the day eventually came when that became impossible.
Late one evening, I was lying in my chamber, when I heard the foot steps of many men moving through the passageway. I quickly moved to the door, just in time to see the door of Andrew’s chamber close. I quietly moved down the passageway, intent on learning the source of this commotion, and as I paused at the door, I could hear Andrews’ impassioned voice. He was describing how they were going to overtake and kill “him” and I suddenly realized that the “him” that they were speaking of was Phillip.
I was immediately torn as whether to burst into the chamber, letting them know that their plan was exposed or whether I ought to run to Phillip. After a momentary pause, I chose the latter and quickly went to awaken Phillip. Even coming out of a deep sleep, he seemed immediately coherent and calm. As I excitedly conveyed what I’d heard, he didn’t seem at all worried or even surprised. When I was finished, he told me that he knew that this day would eventually come and then he asked me a disturbing question. He said, “Which side are you going to take”?
I was instantly irritated by the idea that he would expect me to choose between my brothers and after some hesitation, I blurted that out. Phillip calmly agreed that no man should ever have to make such a choice, but went on to say that all of my tomorrows would hinge on that choice tonight. He also reminded me that if Andrew was successful in killing him, that I would be the next in line for the throne, which is something that I’d not yet considered. Phillip genuinely seemed more concerned with what decision I was going to make, than with the fact that Andrew and his accomplices could arrive at any moment.
It felt as though either way I chose to go, one of my brothers surely would be destroyed. I asked Phillip, “how does one make such a choice”, to which Phillip replied, “For me it is simple; what would father have me do”, “but the question you must resolve is whether that will be your standard”? As I sat there in a daze, Phillip eventually broke the silence, thanking me for warning him and assuring me that he would handle Andrew’s uprising. Before I departed from him, he reiterated that no matter what happened, whether I acted or failed to act, I will have made a choice.
As I made my way back, I noticed that all was silent in Andrew’s chamber and I tried to convince myself that it had all been talk; but as I stepped through my own door, a voice emerged from the shadows, “good evening Marcus”. Surprised, I stammered, “Andrew, what are you doing here”? He said, “I’ve come to speak with you brother, where have you been so late in the evening”? I replied, “Well it seems as though we’re all having difficulty with sleep tonight, what is it that you’ve come to speak about”? “We’ve come to discuss the future of the throne”. “We”, I replied; “Yes, I’ve some friends with me”, said Andrew. I could sense their menacing presence in the room as I said, “Since when does a brother need friends to speak to his brother”? To which Andrew replied, “My friends haven’t come for you”.
“Who have they come for” I inquired. “I think you know” responded Andrew. I let out a sigh and said, “Yes I suppose I do; but then what happens”? “Why you’ll become the first heir to the throne of course”, he replied. After a silent moment, I asked, “What if I refuse to be a part of this…brother”. At that moment Andrew stepped out of the shadows, with his sword drawn and moved slowly toward me. Upon reaching me, he raised the tip of his sword to my chest, just poking through the cloth of my shirt and said, “The choice is yours…brother”.
I could barely breathe at the revelation that my own brother was willing to destroy me, but before I could respond, Phillip and a squad of palace guards poured through the door. Before Andrew could fully turn, Phillip had knocked the sword from his hand and had his sword drawn on Andrew, while his accomplices were immediately subdued by the guards. To my surprise, Phillip did not address Andrew, but instead he queried me.
He asked, “So have you decided Marcus”? “Decided what”, I responded weakly. “Which side you choose”, said Phillip? After a moment I asked, “What if I choose Andrews’ side”? “If that is your decision, I will lay down my sword, surrender my claim to the throne and put myself at Andrews’ mercy”. His words were like a kick in my stomach, no matter what I chose it would mean the destruction of one of my brothers. As my mind flooded with thoughts and memories; memories of Andrew and I laughing together as children, thoughts of his sword at my chest; it suddenly became very clear to me and I said the only thing I could think of, “what would father want”?
At those words Andrew screamed in agony and it was finished.
In the time that has passed since that night, I’ve often wrestled with whether I’d made the right decision, but today it was resolved forever in my mind. Today, our Father came home.
This story is a parable about the relationship between our body, soul and spirit. In the story, Andrew represents the body, or more rightly our flesh (i.e. our carnal nature). We naturally feel more connected to the flesh, because we grew up being guided by it and our relationship is much closer than to that of the spirit. Like Andrew, the flesh always wants its way, even to the eternal destruction of the soul. Phillip on the other hand represents our spirit, which is our connection to the spiritual realm and to our Father in heaven. Like Phillip, the spirit is motivated by the things of the kingdom and is edified by doing the Fathers will. As in the story, the spirit is not willing to destroy the soul to gets its own way, but if we are willing to submit (through our spirit) to the leadership of the Holy Spirit, the kingdom rule of our King will be manifest, even in His apparent absence. Marcus represents our soul (i.e. our mind, will and emotions), which is what makes us who we are and lives on for eternity. As in the story, we don’t like to have to choose, but the Bible clearly says that the flesh wars against the spirit and that what is pleasing to the flesh is not pleasing to the spirit; it goes on to say that the flesh needs to be put to death, so that we can partake of a life in the Spirit. While the battle between the flesh and the Spirit may be difficult and confusing today, it won’t be on the day we come face to face with “Our Father”.
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