None of what follows here is particularly revelatory, and I’m sure that we can all think of somebody else that these apply to. But the value is in looking at our own failing relationships, and seeing ourselves in some of these things. Just because we understand the issues in principle doesn’t mean that we are somehow immune to them.
Common Characteristics that Poison Relationship
· Controlling: Attempting to control people and situations is exhausting and frustrating for the one who endeavors to do so, and oppressive for the one who is being herded. It’s a lose-lose situation.
· Callousness: Most often it isn’t that people don’t care at all, it’s that they are too absorbed in their own feelings to seriously consider anybody else’s. Relationships that only flow in one direction tend to dry up quickly.
· Contentious: Dealing with someone who is triggered (i.e. offended, hurt, fearful…) by every little thing is like trying to put out a forest fire using buckets of creek water. At some point you just have to step back and let the fire burn itself out.
· Complacent: The silent killer of relationship is simply taking people for granted. Forgetting to cherish them for who they are instead of resenting them for who they’re not. Generally, it’s not until we lose them that we realize how special they were to us.
· Conceit: Being around a person who is either the hero, or the victim in every one of their stories is like listening to a song on “repeat”. Even if the tune is catchy, after about the third time, you’re ready to puncture your own ear drums.
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