Relationships were never designed with a reverse gear. They were crafted to move steadily in one direction, becoming deeper and more profound as they go. Trying to take a relationship from a once intimate level to a now casual level will always be unnatural and damaging. This is one of the many reasons that God hates things like divorce and unforgiveness.
Archive for the ‘Commentaries’ Category
Thought for the Day – Relationships in Reverse
Posted in Commentaries, Thought for the Day / Quotes on September 17, 2013| Leave a Comment »
Patterns
Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, tagged patterns, patterns of behavior, patterns of thought, religion, repentence, rituals on July 29, 2013| 1 Comment »
As human beings we are creatures of habit. It normally begins with a pattern of thought, which often evokes a specific pattern of emotion, which generally results in a certain pattern of behavior. In and of itself, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but even a relatively healthy pattern can sour over time. Just as we have a natural tendency to adopt these patterns, we also seem inclined to get stuck inside of them. Unwittingly they begin to shape our concept of reality and of how we fit within it. For too many of us, the pattern of our lives repeats itself over and over again. Given enough time, we can easily begin to derive a sense of security (and maybe even identity) from our pattern; and if we’re not careful, we can quickly become a slave to it.
Patterns tend to breed rituals, and rituals tend to spawn religion, which is what causes us to rage against anyone or anything that might suggest we need to alter our pattern. I remember working in a bar years ago, watching people cry in their beer about how terrible their lives were, only to have them curse the bartender who dared propose that maybe they should make a change. I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting it to turn out differently. Based on that measure, there would seem to be a good many of us battling this affliction.
Assuming that all of that is true, it should then come as little surprise that “repentance” is a significant tenet of the Christian life. While many still associate that word with the idea of being sorry or regretting their actions, it actually refers to a change of mind or a change of direction (i.e. a change of pattern). But more than that, I don’t believe that God would simply have us trade our old bad sinful pattern for a shiny new sanctified one. I sense that the life He’s authored for us is meant to be filled with growth and spontaneity and wonder; none of which happens when you consistently march in circles (even when those steps are taken within the walls of the temple). Indeed, the security and familiarity that accompanies repetition would seem to be the antithesis of faith.
To my mind, one of the great flaws of religion across the ages has been its propensity to create a pattern and then to spend all of its resources trying to defend and preserve it from change. I believe that one of the reasons the Lord sent His Holy Spirit to dwell within us was to free us from the bondage that comes with being trapped within a rigid pattern.
While I’m not suggesting that there shouldn’t be a certain consistency within the life of a true believer (which could rightfully be described as a pattern), I am saying that if we are not diligent, adherence to our pattern can take precedence over the dynamic, real time relationship that the Lord intended for us to have with Him. When that happens, it not only impacts the believer, but everyone that the Lord means to touch through them.
As I have endeavored to walk with the Lord over the years, I have found that He consistently challenges the presuppositions that are so often used to prop up my pattern. It’s not always that what I have supposed is necessarily wrong, but at best it is incomplete. Ultimately, I need to guard my heart against the complacency that so naturally accompanies a pattern.
In other words, am I really listening for His voice or do I believe that I know Him so well that I already know what He’d say? I sense that this is part of what Jesus was saying when He admonished us to come as little children (Matt. 18:3). Don’t come as an accomplished veteran, who is filled with his own ideas & experiences. Come as a child, who genuinely relies on his Father for guidance. Even for the seasoned follower, that is a pattern worth adopting.
Walking the Parenting Tightrope
Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Parenting / Family, tagged chastened, discipline, parenting, provoke, provoke to wrath, raising children, spare the rod on June 26, 2013| 10 Comments »
When I first got married, at the ripe old age of 19 yrs. old, I was still too much of a child to seriously consider having children of my own. Throughout my early twenties, as I listened to my peers speak of their parenting struggles, I naively wondered why handling a few small children should be such a big deal. Undoubtedly, my heavenly Father must have chuckled at the understanding of what my future held.
In my early thirties, my first marriage crumbled and I was grateful that at least there were no little ones to get snagged in the wreckage. A couple of years later, as a new life emerged for me, I was blessed to become a step-father and little by little the eyes of my understanding began to open. Less than a year after that came a baby boy; and less than a year after that came twins (a boy and a girl). Going 0 to 4 children in less than 24 months is something like going 0 to 60 mph in 2.4 seconds. Needless to say, the years that have followed have been a crash course in the joys and challenges of parenting.
Early on, it’s tempting to believe that a colicky baby, who doesn’t sleep through the night, represents a huge ordeal. But as the years pass the climb gets significantly steeper. As a child’s capacity to act independently develops and their world expands, both the possibilities and complexities compound exponentially. Though each stage of life presents its own unique set of hurdles, there is perhaps no greater ache for a parent than to watch their grown child fall headlong into a trap that they’ve been warned about since childhood, or that the parent unwittingly set them up for.
The pop cultural landscape is littered with countless resources for parents who are diligently seeking guidance, and while many of them do possess some degree of merit, none could rightfully be considered definitive. Each child is their own puzzle and there is no “one size fits all” approach for raising them.
Our three youngest children weren’t even a year apart, with two of them being twins. Additionally, they were home schooled until the 3rd/4th grade, which means that their “shared life experience” was almost identical through their “formative” years. Based on popular thinking, this consistent and stable environment should have created striking similarities in the way these kids function on a day to day basis, but nothing could be further from the truth.
I have found that each one thinks differently, learns differently, is inspired differently, expresses themselves differently, fears different things, has different strengths… What works well with one, is often useless with another. I have yet to find the piece of parenting advice (other than “pray without ceasing”) that can blindly be applied, and hope to be effective with every child.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand that there truly isn’t anything new under the sun and that the struggles of today have all been encountered by previous generations. In looking to the scripture for answers, an amazingly consistent message rings out from the book of Proverbs, which is that discipline needs to be a consistent part of wise parenting. Chapter 13, verse 24 says that “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him”. Chapter 22, verse 15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him”. Chapter 23, verses 13 & 14 say, “Do not withhold discipline from a child” and that punishing him will, “save his soul from death”. Finally, chapter 29, verse 15 says, “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother”.
Certainly, these passages sound harsh in light of our delicate, westernized, politicized sensibilities, but their truth is hard to deny. All one needs to do is to observe any person who was raised without the benefit of boundaries, consequences and discipline to understand the essentialness of these elements. The book of Hebrews expands on this topic in chapter 12, as it explains that discipline is a means that a father uses to teach a son. It also acknowledges that going through that process isn’t pleasant, but that it is ultimately for the son’s benefit.
If one simply focuses on those passages, a picture of the stereotypical, rigid, religious, authoritarian parenting approach can easily emerge. But a more comprehensive reading of scripture reveals a very different and far more challenging aesthetic. Throughout the New Testament, the Apostle Paul reminds us that unless love remains at the center of our motivation, our actions become of no eternal value. He also charges us with demonstrating Christ’s character in all situations, most especially before our wives and children.
Interestingly, in both the book of Ephesians (6:4) and Colossians (3:21), he warns that we should not provoke (i.e. embitter, exasperate) our children to wrath (i.e. anger, frustration). I don’t believe he’s saying that we should never make them angry, because as the Hebrews passage acknowledges, no one likes to be chastened.
I believe the key word in these passages is “provoke”. And I would submit that he is challenging us to discern between those instances when we are genuinely trying to train our kids and when we’re just taking our frustrations out on them; or when we’re simply acting out of our own woundedness; or maybe even when we’re intentionally trying to hurt them like they hurt us. I believe that they recognize the difference, and that we as parents need to as well.
Finding the balance of things is a daily battle for any parent. We want to convey God’s unconditional love to our children, but we also need to help them to understand consequences. We want to provide for them, but we also need to allow them to encounter enough resistance to grow strong and stand on their own two feet. We want to let them know that they can count on us, but not make them reliant on us in the process.
We need to develop the ability to relate to them on their level without forfeiting the authority (& responsibility) that God has given us as parents. We cannot live in fear of their disapproval, as that will keep us from ever preparing them to make their own way in the world. We need to raise them with the understanding that the season of our influence is limited and that God never intended for them to remain as children.
If I’ve made good parenting sound like a daunting task, that is purely intentional. It is the best and hardest job you could ever have. I believe the only way to be a truly effective parent is to tap into the wisdom and guidance of the Father of us all. The scripture says that apart from Him, we can do nothing. That is especially true of parenting.
10 Lies the Enemy is Always Peddling
Posted in Commentaries, Lists on March 18, 2013| 2 Comments »
1. You can have your cake and eat it too. I’ve heard it said that the person who tries to make the best of both worlds generally makes nothing of either of them; while the Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. The enemy of our souls loves it when we waiver between two opinions, as it is sure to breed compromise.
2. “They” did “that” on purpose. Healthy relationships are at the core of everything that God accomplishes through mankind; so it follows that relational discord is a primary goal for our adversary. Presuming to know the motivations of someone else’s heart and the idea that people are generally “out to get us”, create fertile ground for vain imaginations and interpersonal strife.
3. You need what “they” have. The root of covetousness is formed when we fail to appreciate the things we already have. As we begin to compare our lot to everyone else’s, it normally bursts to the surface as fully developed feelings of envy and avarice; which ultimately poison everything they come in contact with.
4. You’re alone / you’re the only one / you’re on your own. Even a ferocious predator (e.g. a lion) takes the time to separate its prey from the herd and generally picks on the sick or lame. So it is with our enemy, who wants us to feel isolated and to battle out of our own strength. Even people of great faith, like the prophet Elijah, can fall into this trap under the right circumstances (see 1 Kings 19:14-18).
5. Nothing ever goes right for you / you can never catch a break. Like covetousness, self-pity tends to begin with a failure to recognize or appreciate the blessings we’ve already received. It effectively cuts us off from our source for strength and peace, as it implicitly declares that He is not faithful to complete the good work He has begun in us; that He does in fact leave us and forsake us; and that ultimately His grace is not sufficient for us.
6. It’s not your fault. Though these words sound almost comforting on the surface, it is rare that we don’t actually bear some responsibility for our circumstance. When we fail to acknowledge our role in a problem, we unwittingly forfeit the ability to bring about any substantive change to the situation.
7. It’s all your fault. Those who are unwilling to blame someone else for their problems can often fall the opposite way, into the trap of condemnation. The Bible says that the “Accuser of the Brethren” makes accusation against God’s people day and night (Rev. 12:10), though it also points out that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). Acknowledging our legitimate responsibility in a given situation, without attempting to shoulder the weight of the entire issue, is a key element in diffusing the arguments of our adversary.
8. I am too powerful to resist / you are too weak to stop me. Though our enemy roars like a lion, he does not possess the unchecked power of a true devourer. The scripture tells us that if we’d simply submit ourselves to God and resist the devil, he (i.e. the enemy) would flee (James 4: 7).
9. It will always be this way / this is as good as it gets / you’re at the end of your rope. These thoughts, and many others like them, are meant to conjure a state of hopelessness. Just as our bodies cannot survive without water, so our souls cannot be sustained without hope.
10. If people knew the real you, they wouldn’t love you. This idea is meant to keep us from ever stepping into the fullness of who God created us to be. Since we were all made in His image, becoming that person would not only cause others to be drawn to us, it would also allow us to find the treasure within ourselves.
Good Thinking
Posted in Commentaries on January 9, 2013| 2 Comments »
One of the major themes, which has reverberated throughout human history, is the concept of an epic struggle between the forces of “good” and “evil”. And while there is, no doubt, some amount of credence to this idea, I believe that the parameters of that conflict have become increasingly distorted and exaggerated. Unfortunately, a failure to understand the bounds of that battle could ultimately cost us a much greater defeat.
Based on westernized Christianity one might assume that the Garden of Eden’s “forbidden fruit” came from the tree of “evil”, as opposed to the tree “of the knowledge of good and evil”. By applying that flawed understanding, the problem becomes that we ate of the evil fruit, which introduced sin and whereby Jesus becomes the antidote for our poisonous blight. While there is certainly a strand of truth in that picture, it fails to adequately represent the full scope of mankind’s eternal struggle.
In reality, the options in the garden came down to the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. By partaking of the latter, mankind not only gave evil a place in creation, he also birthed the presumption that men have the ability to discern what is “good” for themselves. Choosing between “life” (which can only be found in the person of Jesus Christ) and our own understanding of what is “good”, has been a problem ever since. By characterizing this life as a struggle between good and evil, mankind continues to walk by the tree of life, as he strives to achieve what he imagines to be “good”.
Jesus chided those who referred to Him as “good” teacher; telling them that there was “only one who is good”; while the book of Proverbs says that there is a way that seems right (or good) to a man, but that in the end it leads to death. Those who reject God often do so on the basis of things like, “why would God send a good (by their own definition) person to hell” or “why would a good (also by their own definition) God allow ______ (i.e. bad things) to happen to good (again, by their own definition) people”. Even amongst those who count themselves as followers of Jesus, it is often the pursuit of things we perceive to be good that keeps us from pursuing the things that God has actually called us to. I believe that this is the trap that the Apostle Paul was trying to warn us about when he exhorted us to walk in the Spirit, to live in the Spirit, to be led by the Spirit and to test everything by the Spirit. He was telling us that quite literally, apart from God you can do “nothing”.
Another problem with magnifying the emphasis of good versus evil is that it lends too much credibility to the power of evil. The truth of scripture is that evil has already been defeated. While it makes for great human drama to portray the forces of good hanging on by a thread, the reality is that darkness is defenseless against the power of light. There is no real comparison between these two forces; the actual battle is for the hearts of men, who have an unfortunate penchant for choosing the darkness (John 3:19) over the light.
I would submit that few people will knowingly embrace what they recognize to be evil, which is why the scripture tells us that our enemy often comes disguised as an angel of light.(2 Cor. 11:14). But if that is true, then it is the things which we’ve characterized as being “good” that have the greatest potential to lead us astray. While that doesn’t necessarily make us evil, it may well qualify us as deceived; which from an eternal perspective can be just as perilous.
What About Him?
Posted in Commentaries on January 2, 2013| Leave a Comment »
At the end of John’s gospel (John 21:18-22), he speaks of an incident, which happened at the time of Peter’s restoration, following the crucifixion. Within the context of the story, Jesus foretells some of the unsavory circumstances which will accompany Peter’s eventual death; and in response Peter questions Jesus about John’s death. In typical Peter bluntness he asks, “Lord, what about him?” From a human standpoint, it isn’t hard to relate to Peter at that moment; after all, he just found out that he is going to meet a bad end and he’s wondering if he’s the only one who’s going to have to endure that kind of thing. But even with a small amount of wisdom, it’s hard not to cringe at the idea of posing such a question to Jesus.
Repeatedly, the scripture speaks of the folly of trying to use other people or their circumstances, as a reference point for our own journey. In the parable of the Workers in the Vineyard (Matt 20:1-16), Jesus spoke of the workers who grumbled about those who received a full days wage for only an hour’s work; even though they’d been paid the full and agreed upon price. Paul also warned about measuring ourselves against each other (2 Cor. 10:12) and admonished us to “fix our eyes on Jesus”, who is the “Author and Finisher of our faith” (Heb. 12:2). Even the commandment against coveting has this idea of comparison (e.g. what we have with what other people have…) entrained within it.
Questions like the one Peter asks in this story are bound to lead us in a bad direction and they implicitly question the goodness and/or justice of God. Undoubtedly, Peter was to some degree challenging the fairness of his fate, if John wasn’t going to have to face a similar circumstance. Jesus quickly slammed the door on this line of questioning by saying, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
Whether we want to admit it, each of us has had moments like this; times when we’ve questioned why we got what we got, or didn’t get what someone else got; times where we’ve viewed other people’s trials or gifts or callings or circumstances as more desirable than our own. In those moments we need to remind ourselves that we are completely unique beings; handcrafted in our mother’s wombs by the God of creation and that all of our days were written in His book before one of them came to pass (Psalm 139:13-16). We need to trust in His goodness and mercy toward us; and we need to remember Jesus words to Peter, “What is that to you? You must follow me.”
Thought for the Day – Our Attitude
Posted in Commentaries, Thought for the Day / Quotes on September 18, 2013| Leave a Comment »
Our attitude is like a bushel basket; it can either be a vessel used to display some inviting fruit or a lid used to conceal the light within.
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