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Archive for the ‘Thought for the Day / Quotes’ Category

Recently, an associate of mine shared some negative perceptions that they’d heard others express about me in the workplace.  And while it’s never pleasant to hear that bad things are being said about you, I believe that my co-worker’s intent was to genuinely help me.  Undoubtedly, receiving criticism can be very challenging, and I must admit that I’ve cycled through a range of emotions.  Part of me wants to make the case that these folks really haven’t taken the time to get to know me, and part of me wants to explain that I’ve been placed in a somewhat precarious job position in recent years.  Yet another part wants to be offended, and to vehemently deny that there is any truth to these viewpoints.  But ultimately, all of those actions would prove to be counterproductive.

 

When I take a deep breath, and try to look at things objectively, I can understand how someone, who has only seen me in my current job context, might draw some negative conclusions about me, and my work ethic.  Though I don’t feel that these are representative of who I really am, or what I’m capable of, I do have to accept some ownership of the fact that my handling of this situation has not been sufficient to quell these unflattering perceptions.  I guess I have to ask myself, “Can I do more?” or “Can I do better?”  And the answer to those questions is “Yes, I can.”  So instead of defending, accusing, rationalizing, stewing, or complaining, I just need to step up, and prove these criticisms to be invalid.

 

These folks are not particularly interested in my almost 25 years of performance at the plant, they want to know what I did yesterday, and what I’m going to do for them tomorrow.  Generally, that’s how real life works.

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Being an auto mechanic isn’t necessarily a prerequisite for being a race car driver.  Indeed they are two distinct skill sets.  But without a fundamental understanding of how a high performance automobile works, a driver’s competitiveness is likely to result in shredded tires, overheated brakes, locked-up transmissions, and/or blown engines.  And so it is for coaches, especially those who work with players who are in their formative years.  The Little League coach, who thoroughly understands baseball, but knows little about the capabilities of 8 & 9 year old boys, or the Middle School volleyball coach who knows bump/set/spike, but has no understanding of the capacities of 12 & 13 year old girls, is bound to struggle and become highly frustrated.  In these instances the player is the vehicle through which the game is played, and a coach who lacks insight into their inner workings is likely to cause damage in the pursuit of victory.  With this in mind, I would suggest that the evaluation process for coaches who work with young people needs to look beyond the individual’s knowledge of the game.  As a parent, I would submit that a coaches ability to effectively connect with their players is far more important than their expertise in the given sport.  On the surface, a great Shakespearean actor may seem well qualified to teach a simple university drama class, but if that university is located in Beijing, and the actor doesn’t speak Chinese, their legitimate expertise may be rendered useless.

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I recently saw a quote that someone gave one of my kids that said, “When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breath, then you will be successful”.  According to the internet, a motivational speaker named Eric Thomas came up with that sentiment, and I have to admit that I’m not particularly impressed with it.  Maybe it somehow works within the greater framework of his message, but it certainly doesn’t ring true as a singular thought.  Everybody wants to win.  Everyone wants to be successful.  Simply wanting it more doesn’t make it happen, and encouraging the kids to desire more “success” isn’t going to make it so.  As a parent, I want them to realize that they can only expect to reap in proportion to what they are willing to sow.  If they are not willing to invest themselves in the process of preparation, which is ultimately the seed of success; and to water those seeds with endurance, then they have no reason to expect a harvest of success.  It is not as simple as changing our attitude about success and winning, it’s about changing our pattern in regards to preparation and working together as a team.  For kids raised on a steady diet of trash talk, “SWAG” and “Just Do It”, that is a message they really need to hear.

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I’ve noticed that it’s generally folks who’ve never run their own business who say things like, “you can be your own boss”; while people who’ve had that experience realize that you can easily be as much of a slave to the market, the payroll, and/or the bottom line, as you ever were to the guy who signed your paycheck.  Leadership is like that too.  To those who’ve never really been responsible for other people, “being in charge” can seem like a glamourous and enviable position; but in reality it is rarely so.  Genuine leadership requires an almost constant and concerted effort to balance the needs/desires/circumstances of individuals with the larger goals/mission of the group.  Great leaders have to be willing to make the decision that no one else is willing to make, to say the thing that no one else is willing to say, and to stand in the face of the turmoil that inevitably follows those things.  They are the last to leave a sinking ship or burning building, and the first to jump out of the foxhole when it comes time to charge.  While that might look glorious on a movie screen, the reality is far more grueling.

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The holiday season is generally associated with the idea of bringing families together, but sadly, these gatherings have gained a reputation for frequently unraveling into a contentious, and at times hurtful, mess.  I wish I could make a solid case that this is an unfair stereotype, and in some cases it undoubtedly is; but many times it is not.  As I’ve pondered the reason for this unfortunate pattern I’ve begun to notice how differently people seem to handle familial relationships as compared to other associations.  Aesop asserted that “familiarity breeds contempt,” but I would say that it more often breeds complacency and presumption.  When interacting with family members we often presume to know their story, and thereby conclude that we know what they’re thinking or feeling.  Sometimes we even presume to know why they think the way they do.  We seldom seek to understand their position because we assume that we already know it.  And too often, we presume that our shared history and/or heredity gives us license to forego common courtesy in the way we express our viewpoints.  Most of us are apt to approach neighbors, classmates, coworkers, and even strangers, with a great deal more consideration than those who are closest to us.

 

I’m sure that most people can think of an obnoxious non-family member that they’ve been required to deal with, and chances are those folks were extended far more grace and patience than a parent, sibling or child might have received.  On a daily basis we associate with people who may be a challenge for us, yet we usually learn to deal with them in a way that at least preserves the necessary connection.  Unfortunately, we aren’t always willing to expend that kind of effort on our own families, even though those are the relationships that should be most valuable to us.

 

If you’ve ever seen a couple walk through a genuine period of courtship, it is a lesson in being invested in a relationship.  The best marriages I’ve seen are those where the spouses never quit courting each other.  The best parental relationships I’ve seen are those where the parents treat their kids with the same kind of consideration and respect that they expect from them.  But for too many, that’s way too much work.  It is easier to try to manipulate or to evoke some sort of positional authority.  Inevitably, we reap what we sow, and that is especially true within our families.  If we don’t like how family members treat us, it may be worth taking a look at how we are treating everyone else.

 

I continue to marvel at the petty little things that keep families torn apart, sometimes for generations.  Even though many would site the deterioration of the family unit as a root of a lot of of our social ills, there seems to be little sense of urgency in cultivating and maintaining the family bonds that remain.  In fact, the dysfunction of the family has become a punchline in popular culture.  At this point, our young people have been raised with the idea that this is just how families are.  I believe this is why so many of the emerging generation are no longer bothering with the institution of marriage, and that many of those who do take that step often do so for the purely pragmatic incentives of gaining insurance benefits and such.

 

As we head into the heart of yet another holiday season I would suggest that the greatest gift we might have to offer our families is a renewed commitment to the relationships of those who are nearest to us.  Instead of rehashing all the old issues that have kept us splintered, maybe we could remind each other of what makes each one precious.  Maybe we’re too jaded to get our families to resemble a Norman Rockwell painting, but surely we can do better than a rerun of “Modern Family”.

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Didn’t have internet on Thanksgiving, so this is getting posted late.

 

There’s a syndicated radio show that features the fictional character, “Earl Pitts”; and he starts out each commentary with the line, “You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just want to…”  He then goes on a facetious rant about one thing or another.  Even though his subject matter can be pretty off the wall, I think that most people can relate to the idea of things that drive them crazy.  As a matter of fact, I believe that if you ask most people what “makes them sick” or “makes them mad”, they’d immediately be able to reel off a whole list of very specific issues.  But ask people what they are thankful for, and it may not come as quickly or specifically.  It seems to me that human nature bends rather easily toward looking past the blessings, and counting the costs.  So even though it may seem trite, I’d like to pass along a list of things I am thankful for.  You’ll probably notice that a lot of them aren’t particularly spectacular, but I’ve found that it is the everyday things that ultimately determine the quality of our lives.  I’ve also chosen to forgo the obvious items of God and my family.  If you’ve ever read anything that I have written, you know that those are the two most important things in my life, but I thought it better to speak of things that may go unnoticed.

 

I’m thankful for my neighbors.  People like Jeremy and Holly, who put up an awesome basketball hoop in their driveway, and let every kid in the neighborhood play there (at all hours of the day and night); or Barb, who invites the younger kids to her house during the summers for Bible lessons; or Sherie, who bakes for everyone, gives rides to everyone, and always has a half dozen extra kids at her house.  What a blessing that our children have gotten to grow up on this block, with so many extraordinary people.    I’m thankful for our local schools, and the dedicated teachers/ coaches/ administrators who have poured their energy and understanding into our young people.  It is often a thankless and nearly impossible task; yet repeatedly we’ve seen these educators rise up to meet the needs of one of these kids.  I’m thankful for the Pastor of my church.  A man that is gifted enough to make a name for himself, but who thinks that there is another name that is more important than his.  A guy you’ll find sitting with your sick relative in the wee hours of the morning (even though you didn’t call him), or who’ll show up after midnight at the emergency room (when he reads on Facebook that your kid is sick).  A guy who thinks that how he treats his wife and kids matters more than what he wears in the pulpit on a Sunday morning.  I’m thankful for a job that has supported my family for many years, and for bosses & co-workers who’ve made it more of a blessing than a chore.  I’m thankful for the police and firefighters in our community, who risk their lives to make it safe for the rest of us.  And for our military service members, and their families, who sacrifice so much for the greater good of our nation.  I’m thankful for Foster parents, who give hurting children a home.  I’m thankful for a warm house on a wintery night; I’m thankful for a cupboard full of food; I’m thankful for…

 

You get the idea.  If you stop and look around, you may find that you are incredibly blessed.  That’s what “Thanksgiving” was meant to be about.  If you give it a try, you may find that you want to do it more than once a year.

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My 14 year old daughter participates in a program where high school kids visit the local elementary schools to encourage the younger kids to avoid the use of drugs and alcohol.  In conjunction with that program, she was asked to be a part of a writing contest, where she would submit a short 3 paragraph essay on the importance of a “Drug Free America”.  What follows is her entry, which was picked as the contest winner.  Ironically, just days after she wrote this, two more states and the District of Columbia legalized the use of marijuana.

 

Drug Free America

By Bekah Corbin

 

From the time I was in elementary school I’ve heard adults talk about the importance of staying away from drugs, and I believed in their message.  But as I’ve gotten older, I’m beginning to wonder how committed people really are to a drug free America.  In just the last few years I’ve heard about two states legalizing the use of marijuana, and I hear lots of people who say that we should legalize it all across America.  After being told that this is something dangerous, that I should stay away from, it’s kind of confusing to hear adults say that it’s really no big deal.

 

I’ve also heard that the abuse of prescription drugs, like pain medication, has become even more common than the use of street drugs.  This kind of drug abuse isn’t just criminals in dark alleys, but involves people who may teach at my school, coach my ball team, or even pastor my church.  Even famous people like Cory Monteith, from the show “Glee”, and Philip Seymour Hoffman, from the movie “Catching Fire”, who both died from heroin overdoses, said that they got started with prescription medication.  All you have to do is watch a little television to see dozens of commercials for medicines that you need to ask your doctor for.  I thought doctors were supposed to tell their patients what medicine to take, not the other way around.

 

I have relatives who have battled drug addiction, and our family has reached out to people in our community who continue to fight this battle.  I’ve seen first-hand what kind destruction this can do to both people and their families.  I believe that a drug free America is something we desperately need, but as I watch and listen to the adults around me, I wonder if they feel the same way I do.

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Earlier this week, our three youngest children were recognized for their participation in a Fall sport at the high school (i.e. Patrick & AJ – football, and Bekah – volleyball), as well as their appearance on the school’s Honor Roll for the 1st grading period.  For us, their distinction as “Scholar Athletes” is a special achievement, because it indicates that they are balancing the demands of both the classroom and the playing field.  As proud as we are of these things, I am also mindful of the criticism that we’ve received as “Christian” parents, for allowing our kids to be so involved in these “secular” activities.  After all, both practices and games have, and will, continue to conflict with church activities; and our involvement as parents will continue to compete for our time and resources.  For some, this would seem to be unspiritual, worldly, and a distraction from the things of God.  But I would beg to differ.

There was a time in our lives when we, and often times our kids, were at the church three or four nights a week.  Our whole life centered around it, and we certainly wouldn’t have let anything as trivial as a ball game take precedence over it.  In those days our concept of holiness hinged on being set apart from the world, and what we would have called, “ministry” went on within the four walls of the church.  We home schooled the kids with Christian based curriculum, and wouldn’t allow cable television in our house.  Now, let me preface the rest of this thought with the disclaimer, that none of these things, in and of themselves, is bad or wrong.  If you, or someone you love, has felt led to do these things, by all means follow that leading.  I’m not even saying that it was wrong for us in that season of life.  But after a while, the Lord began to push us in a new direction.  He showed us that the people He wanted to reach weren’t likely to set foot in the church, and that we would not be a credible voice to them by simply showing up on their doorstep one day.  As I looked around, I realized that I didn’t even know my own neighbors, because we were always too busy with church stuff.  The Lord also impressed upon me that our connection to the institution that we called, “church”, should not, and could not be a substitute for our connection to Him.  While I’d grown up with the idea that the church building was “God’s house”, I now understood that He actually dwelled inside of me; and that it is “Christ in Me” that is the “hope of glory”.  In this, I could see that holiness wasn’t simply separating myself from the world, it was actually separating myself unto God and His purposes; which actually includes engaging the world, and the people in it.  I further understood that if this is true for me, it must also be true for my kids.

I also started to recognize that our job as parents wasn’t just to protect our kids, but to prepare them for the life that God was calling them to.  While the thought of raising them as hothouse flowers (i.e. in a filtered & controlled environment) was appealing, it was hard not to wonder whether they would survive their inevitable transplant into the garden of real life.  I had to admit that the thought of allowing them to swim in the murky waters of a troubled world was pretty daunting.  But if you know that someone is destined to live in the ocean, the sooner you can acclimate them to water, the better.

All of this amounted to a revolution in the way we approached our day to day business.  Church stopped being the place we went to feel connected to God, and simply became a place to gather with other believers as we endeavored to integrate Him into every other facet of our lives.  While that gathering remains a source of inspiration, encouragement and accountability, it is by no means our source for God’s interaction in our lives.  Over time, our schedule has included less and less church based activities, and more time spent with people who don’t know Jesus.  And as such, we’ve become more like real neighbors and less like visitors from the holy land.  This is not meant as a slight or to disparage our church family, or our pastor.  We are blessed to be a part of a great congregation of brothers and sisters, with a wonderful Christ-like Pastor, and a teen ministry that’s touching the lives of our kids.  The point is that these things are simply meant to undergird the mission, which is ultimately to be salt and light to a world in need of hope.

Finally, there is the issue of sports itself.  Again, many would view this as a purely secular and/or recreational activity, but we tend to look at it as training for real life.  While some might argue that it is academics that prepare a child for adulthood, I would submit that life is much more like an arena than a schoolroom.  The classroom is a controlled environment, with a script (i.e. established curriculum), a clear standard for success, and where the individual can flourish based on their own merit; while the playing field is often chaotic, and prone to sudden unexpected changes.  It’s a place where strategies often have to be adjusted in the middle of the game, and where we frequently are forced to rely on others in order to reach a place of victory.  I have found that those who only excel on an academic level, often find the non-linear and unscripted nature of life to be overwhelming.

It is not the sport itself that is virtuous, it is the heart of the athlete that dictates the value of the game.  If one simply participates for their own glory and edification, there is little to be derived.  But when one embraces the challenges of commitment, self-discipline, sacrifice, preparation, endurance, teamwork, and execution, it can be fraught with benefits.  If nothing else, simply being involved in, and representing, something bigger than yourself can be of great value.  While it seems unlikely that our kids will play sports beyond this high school level, I can revel in the manifestations of these worthwhile characteristics in them.  They are all virtues which the scripture endorses.

In the end, it’s what’s going on inside of our hearts that will determine the eternal value of how we choose to spend our time.  Allowing the kids to participate in these programs has not only made them stronger, it has connected us to our community in a way that we weren’t, and created a myriad of opportunities to share the love of Christ.  Whether it’s grabbing a burger for a kid who has no money for food, or buying a Gatorade for a thirsty player, or sharing a blanket/poncho/umbrella when the weather’s bad, or giving a kid a ride home, or encouraging a player/coach when things don’t go well, or praising them when they do well, or telling another parent how great their kid is, or watching one of my kids initiate team prayer, or any one of a thousand other things, we have found that the playing field is a fertile field for fulfilling God’s purposes.

When asked about the apparent conflict between his athletic career and his missions work, the famous Scottish Missionary and Olympian, Eric Liddell was quoted as saying, “When I run I feel His (i.e. God’s) pleasure”.  I would submit that this was because being a runner was part of who God had made him to be.  Similarly, as we’ve stepped out into our community, and embraced our role as a conduit for God’s love, we have experienced that same pleasure.  For those who will follow the leading of God’s Spirit, there is no such thing as a genuinely “secular” activity.

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With the extensive and rapid developments in today’s technology, our world is being transformed right before our eyes.  But the benefits of these changes have also been accompanied by some unforeseen consequences.  One example of this would be the use of cellphones while driving.  Originally thought to be just a question of texting and driving, now experts speak of the broader issue of “distracted driving.”  As a father of four, I can testify that it is not only drivers that are distracted, and that it’s not just kids who suffer from this affliction.  Truth be told, we’ve become a society of multi-taskers, which we like to rationalize as a good thing, though I have serious doubts.  It has become truly rare to see people give their full attention to just about anything, and I would like to suggest that this is ultimately to our detriment.

 

If we are not intentional, we will fall into the trap of satisfying ourselves with the quantity of items checked off our to-do list, even though we’re not doing any of them particularly well.  I have found that the things I love require some of my “undivided” attention.  Though I ascribe to the notion that we ought to pray without ceasing, I recognize that my ongoing conversation with God does not constitute my undivided attention.  I’ve found that there are times when I must divorce myself from every other thing, and simply be with Him.  Though my wife and I try to do life together as much as possible, there are times when she needs me to lay everything else aside so that she can be the object of my full attention.  Even though my kids are getting older (ages 14yrs to 21yrs), they still need for me to reserve a space that is uniquely theirs.  And when I’m the one who’s got the grandkids, I can’t allow myself to get distracted by anything else.

 

As I watch our culture change, I am concerned that we are losing our ability to give anything our full attention, and that we’re raising a generation that is largely devoid of that capacity.  If I am right about that, the results could be catastrophic, especially to our relationships.

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Our pursuit of righteousness cannot be rooted in the idea of gaining God’s approval, or even in doing what many would refer to as “His work”.  Instead, it must grow out of a sincere desire to see His character revealed in us.  The former will simply push us toward pious religious acts, while the latter will drive us into submission to God’s Spirit.

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