George Santayana said that, “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it” and after listening to much of the recent political rhetoric, I feel certain that he’s right. Whether it was the bipartisan debacle that preceded raising the Debt Ceiling, the gamesmanship of the Iowa Straw Poll or the president’s bus tour through the Midwest; Yellow Journalists on every side were provided with bushel baskets full of rotten fruit to hurl at one another. When done right, it all sounds very contemporary and cutting edge; but if one listens carefully, it’s really an old song, that’s been sung many times before. Ironically, it is not unlike many of today’s pop hits, which take a familiar hook from an old recording and surround it with a fresh array of electronic effects, to make it sound new. For those who weren’t around to hear the original tune, it can seem revelatory; but to those who were, it feels like a cheap imitation.
It’s amazing to contrast the timbre of pre-election rhetoric, with the tone of mid-term apologetics; and both were clearly on display in Iowa these last few weeks. With Republican presidential hopefuls packing up their tents to leave town, the president rolled into the state on his million-dollar, bullet-proof bus. Despite the precautions, the president took a few shots, not only from the Right, but from those within his own party; many of whom feel as though he’s not sufficiently stood for their cause. As he stammered through an explanation of the reality that made recent compromises (e.g. the Debt Ceiling deal) necessary, he seemed only a shadow of the thundering orator, who only a few short years ago, sparked the people’s imagination. There was little evidence of the seemingly effortless eloquence and self assuredness that accompanied his dialogue in those days; but then again, it’s always easier to paint in broad colorful strokes than it is to explain the details of an incriminating black and white photo. Listening to the Left gnaw at Mr. Obama was eerily similar to hearing the Right thrash George H.W. Bush with the phrase “Read My Lips”; and I couldn’t help but think that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Another interesting tidbit from the bus tour was Mr. Obama’s assertion that real job creation won’t come out of Washington, but that it will be accomplished by the people, in places like the Midwest. While I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment, it seems a somewhat dubious admission given the grand expectations that were intentionally stirred prior to his election. Politicians on both sides of the aisle are guilty of perpetuating the myth that they can create sustainable jobs, stabilize the faltering economy and maintain our position in the global marketplace. The truth is that the government is not in control of those things and thus no politician can legitimately promise to restore or maintain them. While the government can take steps to help promote such a restoration, none of those actions amounts to a sure fire cure for what ails us. Of course, you wouldn’t know that from the swaggering bluster of GOP hopefuls in Iowa; they are all full of criticism for the current administration and for each other; but I guess that’s the nature of a straw poll. It’s more about hot dogs and hand-shakes than about genuine answers. As I assess these potential candidates, I can’t help but wonder if their mid-term explanations would be any more satisfying than Mr. Obama’s have been. If there is anything that “We the People” should have figured out by now, it’s that there is a world of difference between a gifted speaker, a problem solver, a deal maker and a leader. Unfortunately, we’re top heavy on gifted speakers and deal makers; and desperately short on leaders, who know how to solve complex problems.
As I watch politicians and political parties fall into the same holes that they always have, I find myself pondering whether voters will do the same. Will we seek a legitimate leader or will we run after yet another engaging personality, who promises to make our problems go away. We’ve seen what a Republican administration, with a majority in congress looks like and now we’ve seen the same for the Democrats. Has either party really had the answer for the issues we face? Does it really matter or will we simply vote the same way our parents did. Have we fallen into the trap of believing that the proverbial “they” are the bad guys and that the proverbial “we” are the good guys? In a truly democratic system, the government can’t help but reflect the character of the people and given the current state affairs, that ought to feel like some sort of indictment. Ultimately, we are going to get the government that we deserve; and it’s scary to consider that maybe we already have.
A Friend to My Father
August 5, 2011 by bjcorbin
I was my parent’s problem child, which isn’t to imply that my brothers and sister were perfect. We all went through our rough periods, but I was the one who consistently struggled, and routinely required a lot of parenting. To be sure, my low points reached far greater depths than I ever would have imagined, and looking back, it’s a wonder that I wasn’t more permanently damaged by some of my woeful choices.
Those struggles were not a byproduct of passive or poor parenting. In fact, my parents were extremely proactive in raising all of us. I was just the kind of kid who desperately needed an abundance of support, guidance, accountability, and ultimately strong boundaries; all of which my parents readily provided. I knew what was right and what was expected; unfortunately, I frequently chose to forge an alternative path.
If folly is bound up in the heart of a child, I seemed to be born with a double portion to work through. Because of this, it was essential that one of the earliest revelations of my father was that of an authoritarian. Though he was loving and caring from the beginning, recognizing him as the ultimate authority was pivotal to my early development. Had I not been forced to adhere to some external standard, which I recognized as being greater than myself, it is likely that I would have continued to live out of the futility and chaos that has so often reigned within my own heart and mind. I guess another way to say it is that because my will had to bend to his will, I learned that my will (e.g. what I thought, what I felt, what I wanted…) was never the final word. Undoubtedly, few lessons in my life have been more valuable than that one.
Though I did eventually manage to become a fully functional adult, I also continued to make questionable choices in my life, which I believe kept my father’s paternal guard up. Though he treated me with the dignity and respect due a fellow adult, to some degree he still had to view me through the lens of his struggling child. Though I didn’t recognize that at the time, it became evident to me, when some years later, it changed.
That change occurred when I was in my early thirties, and the life that I had carefully built crumbled before my eyes. As I cried out to God, my will finally began to genuinely yield to His, and my life began to dramatically turn. As those changes took root in me, I noticed that it also changed how my earthly father related to me. He was more relaxed, less paternal and more like a friend. A few years later, when he became terminally ill, we had some amazingly frank conversations about God, life, death… where he spoke in an unguarded way; like you would with a trusted confidant. Though my father passed away shortly after my fortieth birthday, I will always treasure those moments of friendship that we shared in his final years. Though I was honored to be called his son, it somehow seems even more profound that he might also have considered me his friend.
Ultimately, I believe this pattern of relationship reflects what God intends for His children as well. He says that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. If we don’t begin by recognizing Him as the ultimate authority, and greater than ourselves, we never yield our will to His. Though we may speak of Him highly, and even claim to be His, we live life on our own terms, guided by our own ideas, and going in the way that seems right to us (which the Bible says, “leads to death”). When Jesus first gathered the disciples, they related to Him as Rabbi (i.e. teacher), which was a position of great authority in Jewish culture. They called themselves His servants and referred to Him as “Master”. It wasn’t until the night before His death that Jesus bestowed upon them the title of “friends”.
Unfortunately, modern philosophies on parenting favor the idea that parents ought to relate to their children as friends over the more traditional authoritarian approach; but in practice this generally creates dysfunctional family relationships. Children raised in this manner remain self-centered, compulsive, demanding, and disrespectful. As in so many other aspects, Western Christianity has mirrored the culture by frequently trying to introduce the heavenly Father as “friend”; but like the earthly counterpart, this does not produce a legitimate or functional family.
If we do not first recognize Him as Lord, and come through the cross of Christ, we have no incentive to die to ourselves and to live through Him. We might call Him good, and look to Him for provision, but we live in our own strength, and by our own sense of righteousness. Though I do believe that God ultimately wants to be able to relate to His children as friends, I also believe that this is a distinction that we must grow into over the course of time. As it was with my earthly father, I would be forever humbled to one day be counted a friend to my Father in heaven.
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Posted in Commentaries, Heart of "The Father", Parenting / Family | Tagged authoritarian, dysfunctional families, fear of the Lord, friendship with parents, modern parenting philosophies, parenting, strong boundaries | 1 Comment »