At the time of this writing, my two youngest granddaughters are 2 and 3 years old respectively. Though they are cousins, they have spent a tremendous amount of their young lives together, and relate to each other more like siblings. When they are apart, they pine away for each other, and whenever they come together, it is with great enthusiasm and affection. But I’ve noticed that it doesn’t take very long for that initial excitement to wear off, and for contentiousness to rise up in its place.
It tends to start with one of them noticing what the other one has in their hands, or maybe what they’re wearing, and wanting it for themselves. In such moments, you can offer them something else, but once they get their eyes (and hearts) fixed on that one “thing”, it becomes the only thing that will do. There can be doll houses, and scooters, and stuffed animals, but they will suddenly be in a death match over some little plastic piece from yesterday’s Happy Meal.
One may like hamburgers, while the other prefers chicken nuggets, but when they’re together they insist on having whatever the other one is having, even if they won’t actually eat it. If you don’t get them both the same thing, one will feel as though you have somehow favored the other, and treated them unfairly.
When we have only one of the girls, they can go through long stretches of the day being fairly content, but when they are together, it is difficult to go 15 minutes without some form of conflict. Despite their genuine affection for each other, this endless cycle of comparing, coveting and competing tends to steal the joy of their time together.
Anyone who has spent much time around toddlers, or young children would likely attest to the fact that this kind of behavior is typical, especially amongst children who grow up together (e.g. siblings). But something that is rarely acknowledged is how intact this pattern carries over into our adult interactions. While we may eventually learn not to throw ourselves on the floor and cry over the sippy cup, we often remain just as prone to our emotional tantrums, which can be even more destructive than those of our childhood.
This becomes most evident when we try to gather with people we claim to care about, whether that is our family, our neighbors, or in our churches. Though we enthusiastically endorse the concepts of tight-knit families, healthy communities, and Christian fellowship, we struggle to achieve or sustain any of them. Like my granddaughters, we like the idea of being together, yet rarely experience the fulfillment that was meant to accompany it; because like them, we fall into this perilous cycle.
Jesus said the way people would be able to distinguish His followers from other groups would be by the way they loved one another, and that is a standard the “Christian” community has rarely risen to. Indeed, “church people” are more typically known for their divisive and contentious behavior.
While some might want to rationalize that this is simply a maturity issue, I would beg to differ. In my experience, the most seasoned congregants are frequently the most zealously quarrelsome, and sadly, gatherings of religious leaders are generally the clearest example of the compare-covet-compete dynamic.
As western Christianity continues to abandon concepts like dying to self, and being transformed into Christ’s image, in favor of promoting ideals like empowerment, and self-actualization, this issue is bound to get worse. “Self” is the toxin that ultimately poisons unity.
We see this played out in the entertainment world, as young musicians band together in order to create something transcendent. At first, they openly share their gifts, and often go through years of struggle together to achieve their dreams. But upon finding success, this bond is frequently destroyed by power struggles, greed and envy.
Similarly, young athletes will often team together in pursuit of a championship. On the way up, players will make sacrifices and accept the role the team needs them to play. But after a taste of success, everyone wants to be treated like a star, and the team chemistry is destroyed.
As disciples of Christ, we cannot afford to continue to fall into this standard pattern of human behavior. Unless and until we confront the issue of “self”, we have no hope of ever functioning as a body, where each part provides something for the greater good of the whole (Rom.12:3-8, 1Cor.12:12-26).
Bjcorbin's Blog 
Competitive Edge
Posted in Commentaries, tagged collaboration, community, compare, compete, competitive, cooperation, covet, creation, creator, cultural, design, envy, estranged, floundered, fractured, garden, insecurity, provision, self-worth, survival on September 11, 2025| Leave a Comment »
I believe that God revealed His design for all of creation in the Garden. Within this original blueprint there was no strife, or any need to push to the front of the line. Every creature had their place, and He was their limitless provision. Each creation derived its sense of worth and purpose from its unique relationship to the Creator.
Had mankind chosen to remain under the umbrella of His Lordship, unspeakable joy and a peace that surpasses understanding, could have been our daily bread. But the choice to go our own way, and to rely on our own sense of what is right came with significant costs. Not the least of which was the change in how we view ourselves, and how we look at one another.
Unhinged from the Father’s perspective, we lost track of our identity, purpose, and sense of belonging. Without Him as a singular reference point, we began to look at each other, and to measure ourselves by what we saw. I believe it’s telling that after eating the forbidden fruit man and woman covered the parts of themselves that were different from each other.
As mankind was expelled from the garden, life became a struggle for provision and a battle to survive (Gen.3:17-19). Estranged from our limitless Provider, and unseated from our place at His table, we floundered to find our place in the world, or to conjure a sense of self-worth. Our comparisons (to each other) inevitably led to competition, and it didn’t take long for that dynamic to become lethal (Gen.4:8).
Because of man’s natural proclivity to compare, to covet and to compete we seem to have accepted that this is all part of God’s design, but I would suggest that it’s actually a byproduct of the fall. If our identities were rooted in Christ, and if we trusted that He is our provision, there would be no need to compare, covet or compete. As such, I think it’s fair to say that our compulsion to compete is generally rooted in both our insecurity and our instinct to survive.
Western culture has not only accepted competition as a normal part of the human condition, it has embraced it as a core value. Our society loves to turn every facet of life into a contest (e.g. The Voice-singing, The Bachelor-relationships, The Biggest Loser-weight loss, Beat Bobby Flay-cooking, Rock the Block-home renovation…), and we indoctrinate our children into this pattern at an increasingly young age (e.g. Pee-Wee sports leagues starting at 3yrs old). But the reality of competition is that it is most often poisonous in terms of cooperation, collaboration, community and any sort of meaningful relationship.
Perhaps worse than our cultural embrace of this destructive paradigm is its broad acceptance within the Body of Christ. Whether it is wrestling for the lead vocal on the Worship team, or trying to woo congregants from other local ministries, or all the preening and posturing that goes on at church leadership conferences, our religious system is absolutely infested with a competitive spirit, featuring countless “ministries” solely dedicated to discrediting other ministers and ministries.
Though the followers of Jesus were meant to be identifiable based on their great love for one another (John 13:35), we “Christians” routinely struggle to gather together without all manner of envy and strife. But if love is patient and does not envy. If it is not self-seeking and keeps no record. If it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres (1Cor.13:4-7), then there is no context in which it can be competitive. And without love, we have nothing and are nothing (1Cor.13:2-3).
God commanded that we refrain from covetous (or coveting) and if we hope to be obedient to that standard we must also resist our natural urge to compare and to compete. We need to take a hard look (i.e. through spiritual eyes) at our ideas about competition, and to examine them in light of what the scripture teaches. If we continue to view competition through the lens of culture, the church will remain fractured in much the same way our society is.
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