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Posts Tagged ‘father’

I have found that we as people tend to listen to testimonies differently than we do sermons.  When we’re aware that someone is trying to influence our perspective there is a guardedness that rises up in order to protect our core values.  We naturally evaluate the source of this new information, to see if it seems trustworthy or whether it might pose some type of threat. 

We generally listen with a degree of skepticism until we establish some sense of connection to the provider of this alternate viewpoint.  If internal alarms begin to sound in our head, it becomes very difficult to receive anything, regardless of the content of the message.

On the other hand, when someone tells their story we tend to be less guarded and to look for points of connection with their experience.  When they speak of struggling as a child, we often recall our struggles as a child.  When they testify to moments of despair, we generally remember our moments of despair.  And when they share their moments of triumph, we are often reminded of our own redemption story.  Even if their journey is very different than ours, we can relate to points of it in a very personal way.

I would describe these two dynamics as the “Us and Them” paradigms.  New information is generally received through the “Them” portal (e.g. that’s your opinion, that’s your experience, that’s your interpretation, that’s fine for you, but…) until that data and its source are vetted through our internal filtering system.  Once credibility is established, we can shift to the “Us” portal, where these things can be viewed as trustworthy and pertinent to our own experience.

I would also suggest that we tend to interpret the scriptures through these same information biases.  We are naturally drawn to the passages about God’s faithfulness and the promises He’s made.  We receive them through the “Us” bias because we view them as pertaining to us, and our lives.   

But warnings about unfaithful Israel and the folly of the Pharisees are usually viewed through the “Them” lens, as we struggle to place ourselves in those contexts.   There is a natural inclination to push such incrimination away from us.  Within this pattern, God’s promises to His covenant people are banked in our account as part of our inheritance, yet somehow His warnings of straying hearts and a love of temporal things are seen as “Them” issues.

We’ve even developed theologies based on the idea that Israel’s unfaithfulness disqualified them from God’s promises, while God’s grace somehow justifies us in spite our own lack of fidelity.  Once again, their transgressions are viewed through the “Them” lens (i.e. as pertaining to a certain people at a specific time and place), while God’s enduring patience is received through the “Us” channel (i.e. transcendent to time and space).

This pattern becomes even more troubling when viewed through the context of Jesus’ return.  There are so many scriptures that appear to be warnings for individuals who count themselves as believers, or followers, or even disciples.  Passages referencing a people who possess a form of godliness but deny the power thereof (2Tim.3:5), or who honor Jesus with their lips, but whose hearts are far from Him (Matt.15:8), and/or those who do things in His name, but don’t really know Him (Matt.7:21-23).  Yet, if we process these words through the “Them” paradigm, refusing to entertain the possibility that He’s speaking to “Us”, we’re not likely to heed those cautions.

Similarly, the gospels prominently feature tales of Jesus’ adversarial relationship with the religious leaders of His day (i.e., Pharisees, Sadducees).  His strong rebuke of their hubris and haughty attitude is obviously a cautionary tale for anyone who might assume the mantle of leadership within the church. 

Yet the sad history of western religion is littered with corrupt, perverse, and even abusive leaders, who claim to represent Christ.  It is not as if this topic is subtly addressed or thinly veiled within the scripture, but clearly the warnings have not been heeded.  I have little doubt that this type of counsel is generally viewed through the “Them” lens.

Despite the fact that many Christians would say that we are fast approaching, or perhaps even living amid the “end times”, there seems to be little concern with regard to the Lord’s admonishments to the seven churches in the book of Revelation.  Who is He speaking to with these warnings?  What does it mean to forsake our first love (Rev.2:1-7), who are the false prophets that threaten to lead us astray (Rev.2:18-29), and what causes Him to view us as “lukewarm” (Rev.3:14-22)?  If we process these words through the “Them” paradigm, we run the risk of being spewed from His mouth.

Paul asserted that “all scripture” is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training (2Tim.3:16), while the Hebrew writer reminds us that every good father chastens their children (Heb.12:5-8).  If we want to claim the promises as our own, we must also be willing to receive the training and correction of the Lord.  We cannot afford to have “Us” scriptures and “Them” scriptures, as we need to hear what the Spirit of the Lord is saying to the church in this very hour (Rev.2-3).  If the only thing we can receive from Him is promises, blessings, or encouragement we diminish His role from that of a Father to that of a Sugar Daddy.

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I have recently been pulled into some conversations about what sort of “rights” a would-be father has, but I believe that before we talk about “rights” we need to address “responsibilities”.

1.    Impregnating a woman does not automatically qualify you as a father.  It makes you a sperm donor.  The streets are filled with sperm donors, while good fathers are in short supply.

2.    If you were unable to sustain a meaningful & committed relationship with the mother before she was pregnant, adding a baby isn’t likely to improve things.

3.    If you haven’t figured out how to take care of yourself (i.e. put food on your own table, clean up after yourself, show up to where you said you’d be…), you’re probably not ready for fatherhood.

4.    If your favorite recreational activity is partying yourself into a stupor, you might think about how you plan on handling the child who needs to go to the Emergency Room in the middle of the night.

5.    If you routinely hang out with unsavory characters, you might also consider that you will become their connection to this child.

6.    Being a father isn’t about how the baby makes you feel, it’s about what you bring to the child’s life.  If all you’re looking for is unconditional love, consider buying a puppy instead.

7.    A child is not a possession, a trophy, or some sort of validation of your manhood.  It’s a lifelong commitment to pour out your soul for someone else.

8.    Your child will be far more impacted by what you show it than what you tell it. 

9.    Fatherhood is not about what it adds to your life, it’s about what you’re willing to sacrifice. 

10.  While a child growing up without a father creates an emotional void, a child growing up with a bad father creates pain and destruction.

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Several years ago, an internationally known TV ministry sent one of its associate pastors to prepare our church for a visit from their senior pastor.  Everything about this man seemed to be an exact duplication of the senior pastor, his voice, his hair, his mode of dress, his mannerisms, expressions that he used…  He began his presentation by exclaiming what a great church we were and with a spiel about how he didn’t know what we were paying our pastors, but it was not enough, he didn’t know what kind of car they drove, but it ought to be a BMW…  Ironically, when the senior pastor arrived a week later, he began his presentation with a word for word rendering of that same spiel.

 

While it is not particularly surprising or even a problem that these two men would share certain characteristics, such a complete replication of someone else’s image edges dangerously close to a cult of personality. And in the midst of this, I felt like the Lord began to speak to me about the difference between “raising sons” and “producing clones”.

 

As a father of four children (two boys & two girls), I can attest that each of my children share some measure of similarity to me.  Though some of that is undoubtedly due to DNA, there is also the profound influence that comes from sharing life experiences together on a daily basis.  For example, how they see their mother and I relate undoubtedly helps to shape their ideas about relationship and marriage; just as our beliefs and attitudes about things like God, politics, patriotism, education… helps to form their conception of those things. A testament to the profound effect of this is that one of my daughters is not my biological child and yet I can see myself in her almost as clearly as I can in the other children.

 

But just as easily as I can identify the similarities, I can also see that all of them possess many other traits that we don’t share, and to be sure they are four completely unique beings.  They each have different gifts, fears, learning patterns, strengths, inspirations… I believe that this is a testament to the fact that while God may have used some raw material from their mother and me within the creation process, He created them to be far more than just an amalgam of the two of us.  He created them to go further than we’ll go, and to do more than we’ll ever accomplish. To be sure, we as parents must be diligent in helping them to forge a good foundation, but it is ultimately the “Master Architect” who designs what is to be built upon it.

 

There is a very natural temptation to want to duplicate the things that we view as being successful, but as the old saying goes, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got.  It is often what has been successful that causes us to become protective of what we’ve already attained and reluctant to venture into new territory.  Some leaders fall prey to the idea of leaving a lasting legacy, which on the surface can almost seem virtuous, but which in practice can often cause what was once a dynamic organization to become little more than a lifeless monument.

 

In truth a legacy is not something that we ourselves can create, it is simply the byproduct of how others perceive us.  As much as I hope to leave a legacy of faith for my children, the danger in them asking themselves how I might handle a given situation is that they may never bother to ask God what He would have them do.  As we seek to “empower” the leaders of the next generation, we must ensure that they understand exactly where that power comes from.  We’ll know that we’ve genuinely “empowered” them when we allow them to draw different conclusions than we have, and when they are allowed to pursue visions that didn’t come from or through us.

 

As I considered the scriptural representation of these issues I thought of Moses and Joshua.  To be sure, Moses was an amazing leader, with an unparalleled record of achievements and yet it was God who ordained that Joshua would be the one to lead His people into the Promised Land.  There is nothing in scripture that seems to indicate that Joshua did anything to imitate Moses and I’m sure that it isn’t a coincidence that Joshua’s introduction to leadership began with a very definitive proclamation from heaven, “Moses is dead”.  That pronouncement seemed to signal the end of one very painful era and the beginning of another, more fruitful one.  While some might suggest that Joshua could never have done what Moses did; I would suggest that it is equally true that Moses could not have fulfilled Joshua’s mission either. In ways that may have only been known to God, Joshua was just the right man, at just the right time.

 

Those who count themselves as fathers need to be mindful that their children’s destiny is to be transformed into the image of Christ. If we are being effective in the discipleship process, they will look more like Him than us. He created each of His children to be a unique representation of who He is, and not one to be a replica of a person who happened to come before them.

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