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Posts Tagged ‘manipulation’

It is not particularly difficult to walk through a sun filled garden with a casual acquaintance, but in times of calamity, we desperately search for a true brother.  Indeed, the strength of a relationship is best measured in the midst of adversity, which is also true within corporate entities (e.g., families, communities, organizations), such as the Body of Christ. 

Some of the most inspirational stories in scripture are portraits of God’s people manifesting genuine faith in the midst of extraordinary adversity (e.g., Job, Joseph, Daniel, Shadrach-Meshach-Abednego, John the Baptist, Stephen), while some of its most ardent warnings center around those whose character fails in the critical moment (e.g., Balaam, Saul, Solomon, the rich young ruler, Judas, Ananias-Sapphira). 

Adversity does not necessarily build character, but it almost always exposes it.  Sadly, the true character of what identifies as “the church” in America has been repeatedly exposed in recent decades.  This litany of failures speaks to both a weak connection to the Lord, and to each other.

Though religious leaders from various denominations had much to say when allegations of sexual abuse within the Catholic church first emerged, the chorus has diminished significantly in recent years, as eerily similar scandals have rocked the evangelical and charismatic movements.  To a lost and dying world, there is no discernable difference in these instances.

The word that is most often interpreted as “church” within the scripture refers to a people who have been called out by God.  It was never intended to rest upon a building or an institution.  Though there is a legitimate corporate expression of this group, scripture points to a living, breathing organism; not an inanimate, man-made object or system. 

But instead, we have created an industry called, “The Church”, and we’ve slapped Jesus’ name on our letterheads, and buildings, much like a corporate sponsor does on a stadium. Unfortunately, any system that men create is highly susceptible to corruption and abuse, and that has become the legacy of this guarded religious paradigm.

The Lord spoke to me some years ago about “Institutions,” and said, “institutions are created by man, and they are not sacred to Me”.  He showed me that it is the people who inhabit these institutions that are precious to Him.  But the men who create and promote such entities are more apt to protect the institution at the expense of people, which clearly opposes the Lord’s value system.  

When an institution becomes a conduit for manipulation, abuse and destruction, it has completely perverted God’s design and desire.  If a branch that does not produce fruit is cut off and thrown into the fire (John 15:6), what is the fate of branches that produce poisonous fruit.

Nothing seemed to stir Jesus’ ire like the religious leaders of His day, and the scripture is filled with stories of their ignorance and arrogance.  But sadly, almost no one seems to see themselves in those stories, as the religious leaders of today continue to blindly walk into many of the same traps.

A clear pattern of failure was demonstrated by Israel’s very first King.  Saul did not promote himself to the position of king, nor was he nominated by his peers, he was literally picked out of the crowd (1Sam.9:17) and chosen by God (1Sam.10:24).  At that time, he was humble (1Sam.9:21), anointed (1Sam.10:1), gifted (1Sam.10:13), and God had done a work in his heart (1Sam.10:9).  And for a substantial period, Saul walked in that calling and anointing (i.e. 1Sam.11), fulfilling God’s purposes in his life.  

But, sustained seasons of victory, and the praise of men eventually eroded Saul’s humility to the point that he felt empowered (or commissioned) to make decisions of his own (1Sam.15:9).  It wasn’t as if he stopped wanting to serve God, but his pride and greed caused him to overstep the bounds of his authority. 

God’s response was quick and definitive (1Sam.15:11 & 23), and it’s hard not to see the parallel between his story and the narratives surrounding so many “anointed” (i.e. called, gifted, empowered) ministry leaders who’ve fallen throughout church history, especially in the recent past.

At the point David refused to lay his hands on “God’s anointed one” (1Sam.24:10), it was clear to him and everyone else that Saul had been rejected as the king of Israel.  This passage is pointing towards David’s unwillingness to act without specific direction from the Lord, which is a foreshadowing of Jesus’ pledge that He couldn’t do anything without direct guidance from the Father.  It is meant as an advocation of David’s heart, not a defense of Saul’s immutable position or calling.  

Nothing in scripture supports the idea that calling, gifting, anointing… exempts a person from accountability.  Indeed, quite the opposite is true (1 Tim.5:20, James 3:1).  Within these stories, we see Samuel soundly rebuke Saul (1Sam.15:17-19), just as Nathan strongly rebukes David for his transgression with Bathsheba (2Sam.12:1-7).  Chastening a king was a dangerous activity, even for a recognized prophet, but it was exactly what God called them to do.

A related aspect revealed in David’s story occurs toward the end of his reign, when he wants to build the temple.  As he inquires of the prophet Nathan, he’s told that God is with him, and that he should do as he pleases (2Sam.7:3).  There is nothing recorded that indicates that Nathan inquired of the Lord for this answer, and it appears to have come from his experience of being alongside David as he wins battle after battle. 

It was a completely reasonable conclusion to draw, and on the surface, it seemed true, as God clearly was with David.  But when Nathan takes the time to inquire of the Lord (2Sam.7:4), the answer is much different than he or anyone else expected.

This phenomenon is frequently played out in the modern context, as truly gifted people, who have eyes to see, are blinded by someone’s position, title, resume, success, giftings, callings, anointing…  Like these prophets, they may have been called by God to confront issues, but they defer to what they see with their natural senses, or what they perceive to be a higher authority. 

Nathan’s rebuke allowed David to repent, and to step back into the fullness of his calling.  It’s hard not to believe that God hasn’t extended this same grace to so many other ministers who fell because no one was willing to confront them as they veered off course.  Unfortunately, we have created a culture that struggles to tolerate such a confrontation.

Even when abusive leaders are uncovered, there seems to be an inappropriate sense of urgency to “restore” them to ministry.  If we view these situations through the lens of a fallen brother (or sister), our concern should be about the restoration of their relationships with both the Lord and their loved ones.  But when viewed through the lens of the church industry, it’s bad for business to have your most valuable players on the sideline, so the focus tends to be on getting them back on the field.

When people see ministries that are particularly successful, they are prone to elevate the ministers and their organizations to a place that God has reserved for Himself (i.e. our source, our covering, our provision).  Regardless of the good work that has been, and/or is being done within a ministry, this still amounts to Idolatry.  And while unquestioned loyalty to a man or ministry may be good for business, it can ultimately stir the resistance of God.  In such cases, both the minister and the people bear some responsibility for establishing and preserving this relational dynamic.

The fact that people fall into sin is not surprising nor does it need to be traumatic to the whole body.  The catastrophic damage is done when we turn a blind eye to these failures, and/or endeavor to cover them up.  This further crushes the victims, violates the trust of the affected community, and empowers the abusers.  The rationalization is that we are somehow mitigating the damage done to the “Body,” but in truth, it’s about protecting the entity (i.e., the minister, the ministry, the organization…) and its interests.

It is not wrong that organizations aspire to build a track record of effectiveness, but when protecting the brand becomes more important than protecting the people who inhabit the group, significant damage is inevitable.  It begins subtly, as a disparity develops between the picture presented in front of the stakeholders, and the reality of what goes on behind the scenes.  The longer that gap is allowed to exist and grow, the greater the depths to which an entity is bound to fall. 

While we may rationalize that the prosperity of the brand benefits everyone, an institution’s legacy is ultimately rooted in how they treat their people.  God’s perspective always boils down to the treatment of “the least of these (Matt.25:40).”

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Some would describe love as a powerful emotion, while others might claim that, “love is a choice” and to some degree, there is truth in both of those statements.  There are indeed strong emotions that accompany love, though I would submit that the feelings themselves do not constitute its substance.  Likewise, there is a conscious decision involved in entrusting our hearts to someone else’s care.  Though both of those elements are integral to the overall process, neither fully encapsulate the nature of love itself.  Ultimately, love is a relational dynamic that exists between two entities.

In western culture, we tend to gravitate toward the emotional end of the scale.  Often times, our concept of love is little more than a volume knob for our affection.  If it stirs up positive feelings, we say that we “like” it, but if it stirs up intensely positive emotions, we claim to “love” it.  But again, love amounts to more than just the magnitude of our feelings.

Often times the intense desire to be with someone is rooted in something other than love for them.  One can certainly be strongly attracted to another, but that would more rightly be characterized as lust.  Loneliness, or the fear of being alone can produce extreme emotions, just as hurt and insecurity can, but they rarely produce healthy, loving relationships.  More often, they result in unbalanced, emotionally manipulative, or co-dependent dynamics that are ultimately destructive. 

One of the byproducts of the sexual revolution is a quid-pro-quo aesthetic, where relationships are largely viewed as vehicles to get what we want out of life.  Instead of finding the value in a partner, we look for ways to leverage each other, both emotionally and practically.

We can love what someone brings to our life (e.g. stability, support, security, the feeling of being wanted…), without ever really loving them.  In such cases, that person becomes a tool for our pursuit of happiness.  Their job is to fulfill whatever role we assign them in our lives, but their value is in the results they produce.  If that diminishes, they can be replaced by someone who produces better results.  It’s like trading your phone in for a newer model.

Aside from the strong emotions involved, there are the mechanics of the relationship itself.  People can have genuine affection for one another, but divergent perspectives, value systems, and/or goals, which can create an almost constant discord.  It is said that opposites attract, but that doesn’t mean that they live happily ever after.  It is a rare relationship that can sustain that type of relentless conflict, and just because we possess strong feelings for someone doesn’t mean that the relationship can overcome it. 

I believe that this is why the scripture admonishes that spouses should be equally yoked.  In biblical times, a yoke was a rigid piece of wood.  If the oxen weren’t moving at the same pace, the faster one was carrying the entire load.  If they were moving in even slightly different directions, they were literally pulling against each other.  I would suggest that this passage is saying something more than simply Christians should only marry other Christians.

The Bible gives a very clear definition of what love is, “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.(1Cor.13:4-7)” 

If you read those words slowly, and thoughtfully, they can be pretty intimidating.  Is this how the people we claim to love would describe our demeanor toward them?  For that matter, would any of us claim that these are characteristic of the “love” we profess to have? 

To that end, we like to rationalize that the love described in the scripture is really just God’s (agape) love, and that we simply possess some lower form of (Eros or Philo) love.  We further like to dissect it into categories like brotherly/sisterly love, and romantic love; and then blur the lines even further with statements like, “I love them, but I’m not in love with them…”. 

Ultimately, God takes these caveats away with the command to, “love one another as I have loved you (John 13:34)”.  The God who is love, specifically tells us what love is to Him, and then lets us know that He expects us to love one another that way.  He makes no provision for some lower form of affection or fascination, which is too often characterized by traits like selfishness, vanity, envy, manipulation, scorekeeping and destructiveness; all of which are so directly counter to His definition that they could not be considered a watered-down version of the same.

Considering that the Lord Himself boiled down the whole of the law to the quality of our love (for Him and for each other), and that He said that the way people will be able to distinguish His children was by the love they have for one another, our concept of what “love” is makes a huge difference.  Perhaps, our understanding of what love is can be enhanced by considering what it is not:

It’s Not Really Love

It’s not really love

just because I was stirred at the first sight of you

*

and

It’s not really love

simply because I like the way you make me feel

*

and

It’s not really love

just because you fill a void in my existence

*

and

It’s not really love

simply because I appreciate all that you’ve done for me

*

and

It’s not really love

just because I feel drawn to you

*

and

It’s not really love

simply because I like to think of you as mine

*

and

It’s not really love

just because I want what you bring to my life

*

no

It’s not really love

until it stops being about what I think I want or need

*

and

It starts being about who You are

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Insecurity will often cause a person to try to gain by manipulation what others would willingly give to them (e.g. attention, affection, respect).  Self-doubt convinces them that illegitimate means are the only way to obtain what is legitimately available to them.  Ultimately, these attempts to coerce are often what drive people away, which only serves to reinforce their feelings of insecurity.

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