Bjcorbin's Blog

At the time of this writing, my two youngest granddaughters are 2 and 3 years old respectively.  Though they are cousins, they have spent a tremendous amount of their young lives together, and relate to each other more like siblings.  When they are apart, they pine away for each other, and whenever they come together, it is with great enthusiasm and affection.  But I’ve noticed that it doesn’t take very long for that initial excitement to wear off, and for contentiousness to rise up in its place.

It tends to start with one of them noticing what the other one has in their hands, or maybe what they’re wearing, and wanting it for themselves.  In such moments, you can offer them something else, but once they get their eyes (and hearts) fixed on that one “thing”, it becomes the only thing that will do.  There can be doll houses, and scooters, and stuffed animals, but they will suddenly be in a death match over some little plastic piece from yesterday’s Happy Meal.

One may like hamburgers, while the other prefers chicken nuggets, but when they’re together they insist on having whatever the other one is having, even if they won’t actually eat it.  If you don’t get them both the same thing, one will feel as though you have somehow favored the other, and treated them unfairly. 

When we have only one of the girls, they can go through long stretches of the day being fairly content, but when they are together, it is difficult to go 15 minutes without some form of conflict.  Despite their genuine affection for each other, this endless cycle of comparing, coveting and competing tends to steal the joy of their time together.

Anyone who has spent much time around toddlers, or young children would likely attest to the fact that this kind of behavior is typical, especially amongst children who grow up together (e.g. siblings).  But something that is rarely acknowledged is how intact this pattern carries over into our adult interactions. While we may eventually learn not to throw ourselves on the floor and cry over the sippy cup, we often remain just as prone to our emotional tantrums, which can be even more destructive than those of our childhood.

This becomes most evident when we try to gather with people we claim to care about, whether that is our family, our neighbors, or in our churches.  Though we enthusiastically endorse the concepts of tight-knit families, healthy communities, and Christian fellowship, we struggle to achieve or sustain any of them.  Like my granddaughters, we like the idea of being together, yet rarely experience the fulfillment that was meant to accompany it; because like them, we fall into this perilous cycle.

Jesus said the way people would be able to distinguish His followers from other groups would be by the way they loved one another, and that is a standard the “Christian” community has rarely risen to.  Indeed, “church people” are more typically known for their divisive and contentious behavior.

While some might want to rationalize that this is simply a maturity issue, I would beg to differ.  In my experience, the most seasoned congregants are frequently the most zealously quarrelsome, and sadly, gatherings of religious leaders are generally the clearest example of the compare-covet-compete dynamic.

As western Christianity continues to abandon concepts like dying to self, and being transformed into Christ’s image, in favor of promoting ideals like empowerment, and self-actualization, this issue is bound to get worse.  “Self” is the toxin that ultimately poisons unity.

We see this played out in the entertainment world, as young musicians band together in order to create something transcendent.  At first, they openly share their gifts, and often go through years of struggle together to achieve their dreams. But upon finding success, this bond is frequently destroyed by power struggles, greed and envy. 

Similarly, young athletes will often team together in pursuit of a championship.  On the way up, players will make sacrifices and accept the role the team needs them to play. But after a taste of success, everyone wants to be treated like a star, and the team chemistry is destroyed.

As disciples of Christ, we cannot afford to continue to fall into this standard pattern of human behavior.  Unless and until we confront the issue of “self”, we have no hope of ever functioning as a body, where each part provides something for the greater good of the whole (Rom.12:3-8, 1Cor.12:12-26).

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