Bjcorbin's Blog

“Warning – the following story is satirical and not meant to be viewed literally.  The writer’s intention was simply to expose the absurd lengths to which ‘tolerance’ and ‘political correctness’ can be taken.”

            Back in the 1960’s, when I was studying Journalism at U of C, in Berkley; I learned that the success of a story isn’t so much about how well it is written, but about how much people want to read it.  To that end, I’ve made a career of picking intriguing and often controversial subjects to write about.  While many have disagreed with the things I’ve written, they’ve never ignored them and as a writer that is very gratifying.  When this assignment presented itself, even I had to think about it for a minute; but it was a short minute.  What journalist worth his salt wouldn’t want to sit down for a few minutes with arguably the most prominent figure in the earth’s history?  With assurances from both sides that everything would be handled with professionalism and respect, I embarked on this remarkable assignment.

Reporter:  Sir, I know we only have a few minutes, but I must say that I’m humbled to actually speak to you in person.

Lucifer:  Please call me Lucifer and the pleasure is all mine.  I’ve long admired your work.

R: I guess before we start I have to admit that I’ve been really surprised by this whole thing.  Did you ever think that you’d be doing an interview like this?

L:  Well, as recently as fifty years ago I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but things have really changed in that period; there is such an openness now that didn’t exist in this country before.  I think that is what made this possible.

R:  Absolutely, we’ve really come a long way.  I’m hoping that people who read this interview will just come with an open mind.

L:  That’s all I’m after too.  I’m not one of those my way or the highway kind of guys, I think that everyone has to draw their own conclusions.  I’m just about being open to new things, new ways of thinking, not just accepting everything that you’ve been taught.  Unless we open our minds, we’ll never find new truths and we’ll never progress.  That’s what these last fifty years have been about, “progress”.

R:  It has been an amazing time.  As someone who’s observed a lot of history, what do you think has really made the difference in this last half century?

L:  I guess I’d have to say “freedom”.  You know a lot of the things that I’ve said and done over time have been misrepresented; I’ve always been about personal freedom.  I think that the rise of democracy in America and its eventual spread around the world have really ushered in a time of unprecedented freedom.  In this current era, we’re progressing from a time of national freedom, to a time of personal freedom.  Despite what my opposition has portrayed, that is all I ever wanted.

R:  Would you consider yourself a patriot?

L:  Absolutely!

R:  As a person who shares your passion for personal freedom, I guess I find it hard to understand why everyone wouldn’t be for that?

L:  I’m sure you’d get a variety of answers to that question, but if we’re really honest with ourselves no one wants to live in a cage.  Those who’ve traditionally opposed me have always wanted to throw up boundaries and I’m just against that. 

R:  What do you think that they hope to gain by putting all these boundaries in place?

L:  Control.  I mean honestly, what else could it be?  It’s all about one group trying to inflict their will on another; it is so base and animal like.

R:  On a personal level I’m right there with you, but how would you answer your critics who claim that there are absolute truths and standards that must be adhered to?

L:  I’ve got no problem with them adhering to those truths and standards, I’m just saying don’t inflict them on me or on my kids.  They certainly have a right to set those standards for themselves, but freedom dictates that every man should be able to decide for themselves.

R:  Well, I promised myself that I was going to steer clear of the whole religion issue, so maybe we ought to move on to something else.

L:  Well that’s fine, but for the record I’m not opposed to religion, even though much of it is opposed to me.  I believe that’s part of the freedom that every man has; I’d even go so far as to say that I’d love to see a whole lot more religions come to pass.  I think that there ought to be religions for every different type of belief system that’s out there.  I’m for people being passionate about what they believe.

R:  That’s really great and so opposed to how you’ve been portrayed by your adversaries.

L:  Well, as I mentioned before, I’ve been greatly misrepresented.

R:  That seems like a good segue way into the next part of my interview.  In journalism we often like to ask some kind of random questions, to give the people a greater sense of the person; you know your interests, your likes, your dislikes…  I can already see that you’re much different from the way you’ve been portrayed and I want to try to convey that to the people.

L:  Sounds good, shoot.

R:  What would you consider to be one of your hobbies?

L:  Music.

R:  Really, I wrote for Rolling Stone magazine for many years.  What kind of music do you like?

L:  All kinds really, though I must admit that I’m very partial to the oldies.

R:  Really, listening to your critics I would have thought Heavy Metal of Rap would be your thing.

L:  Don’t get me wrong, I certainly enjoy those too, but there’s nothing like those old songs to take you back.  There’s just something about them that goes right to the soul.

R:  Would you consider yourself to be sentimental?

L:  Definitely.

R:  How about television shows?

L:  I tend to like sitcoms, reality shows and every once in a while the Shopping Channel.

R:  Really, I think the stereotype of you has been more toward the heavier forms of entertainment.

L:  Well, like with the music, I have an appreciation for all of it; but I think that it’s good to laugh at ourselves and maybe a little at each other too; so the sitcoms are good for that.  I think reality TV has helped everyone to see that we’re all just people, with our little character flaws and our struggles.  I believe it has helped people to feel less guilty about just being human; and what can you say about the Shopping Channel: I mean sometimes you just got to have it.

R:  Again I find myself agreeing with you, but how do you respond to the critics who say that the entertainment industry is immoral and isn’t upholding good family values?

L:  Well, I guess I’d have to ask, whose family, whose morals and whose values are we talking about.  To me, if these programs didn’t represent someone’s values, then no one would watch them and they’d go off the air.  The fact that people love these programs tells me that they are representative of their values.  I think what you have is a very small group of people who want to control what everyone else is watching.

R:  Well I can see that our prescribed time is about up, is there any thought that you’d like to leave with our readers?

L:  Well, I hope that this bit of time that we’ve shared helps open people up to some new truths.  There are a lot of myths that have followed me through time and I certainly don’t have the time to try to dispel every one of them.  I just hope that as time goes on, the people of this country will continue to teardown those last vestiges of intolerance remaining from our early history and that democracy will now do for personal freedom, what it did for national freedom.

R:  Thank so much for your time Sir.

L:  You’re welcome and please call me Lucifer.

            As a reporter, all I can do is report what I saw and heard; or maybe in this case what I didn’t see or hear.  What I didn’t see was horns, a tail or a pitchfork; what I did see was a very open minded, rational being.  What I didn’t hear was the vehement, intolerant rhetoric of his critics, but instead the pleas of someone who passionately believes in tolerance and personal freedom for all men.  While I only spent a few minutes with him, it is hard not to find the man and his arguments compelling.  I believe that if anyone will just come with an open mind, he’ll make a lot of sense to them.  I believe his philosophy could be the vision for this country’s future.