Bjcorbin's Blog

Today is my son Patrick’s 14th birthday and as my first (biological) child, it’s hard for me not to reflect on the day that he was born. It was a moment that I will always cherish. Looking back, it’s amazing to realize all that led up to that day and all that I didn’t see coming on the horizon. Just ten months before, I’d become a husband to Anita and a father to Katelyn (who had her twentieth birthday yesterday); and eleven & a half months after that day, we’d welcome the twins (Rebekah & Andrew). Life has never been the same and I’d never want to go back. All of our kids are beautiful in their own unique way and each have been a special kind of blessing. I’ve attached a letter, that I wrote back in the day, in an effort to capture the emotion of that moment. Happy Birthday Son; I love the man that you’re becoming!

Son Dearest Son,

It is very late in the evening, and as I write this letter you are sound asleep. The truth be told, you’ve been asleep for hours, but it was only in the last few minutes that I managed to let you go. I knew that becoming a father would be very special, but I never knew that my heart could be so full. It’s as if I’ve lived in the same two-story house for my whole life, only to discover that there’s actually a third floor. Your arrival has broken something open in me and I can’t seem to stop it from spilling out. I’ve barely been able to speak all day, but in this late hour I feel the need to try to put some things into words. I don’t know that what I’m about to write will make any sense, but it is my heart in this moment.

I guess that I should start by saying that you are the most precious thing that I’ve ever held in my hands. You have a face like an angel (just like your momma) and as your tiny hand wrapped around my finger, I just knew that you were a miracle sent from heaven. I guess that since babies are born everyday we don’t tend to think of it as miraculous, but now I understand that it is. I marvel that anyone who’s experienced this could doubt that there is a God. I feel humbled that He allowed me to be a part of it all. He surely could have given you to a better man; I hope that I don’t disappoint Him and I hope that you’re not disappointed either. I feel ill-equipped to be all that you’ll need me to be, but I am resolved to give it everything that I have. If I succeed at nothing else, I pray that you will grow up knowing how special you are and how much you are loved.

As much as I want to do & be everything for you, I realize that my influence on your life will only be for a season; and that long before I’m ready, you’ll be a man, making his own way in the world. In the time that I have, there is so much about life that I hope to teach you. I wish that I could tell you that it is how I’ve lived my life, but sometimes the way to discover what is true is to first figure out what is false. Unfortunately, I’ve learned many things that way in my lifetime. It is my hope that you will be a better man than I have been, so I will try to teach you the truth, even the parts that I haven’t lived yet. The thing about truth is that even though it can be a hard pill to swallow, it ultimately sets you free. I pray that the truth will always be welcomed in your life, because a man who deceives himself is incapable of being honest with anyone else.

I wish I could tell you that this new world you’ve come to is some sort of paradise, but honestly this life can be pretty hard. There is fear and pain and evil here, and things aren’t always fair. But son, there is also goodness and beauty and love in this world, and if you’ll watch for it, you’ll find it everywhere. God left His fingerprints on everything and if you’ll notice them, it will remind you that He’s always close by. Try not to keep score on how many good things or bad things happen in your life; be quick to forgive and to admit when you’re wrong, so that you can move past the hurtful things; and take time to enjoy and celebrate what is beautiful. Try to be the kind of person who builds up instead of tearing down, and who gives more than they’re looking to get. Always remember that the most miserable life you can live is one that is all about yourself.

As I held you today, my mind was filled with images of all the things that you might become; but honestly, I just want you to become whoever you were created to be. And the only one who can really get you there is the One who created you. Don’t worry when people tell you that believing in God is a crutch; the truth is that we all need something to lean on and if you look closely, you’ll see that everyone has some sort of crutch. The difference is that those other crutches don’t have the ability to bring peace or hope into your life. God means for us to lean on Him, which is why He only offers “daily bread”; because He wants us to come back every day. You see God is love and in the end that’s what it all boils down to; it is our deepest need, our strongest motivation, our greatest joy and ultimately what life is all about.

I guess it seems strange to be thinking about the end of your life on the day that it’s beginning, but if we understood from the start what will matter at the end, I think it would change how we lived in between. Don’t worry about what you don’t know; that’s what faith is for. Don’t worry about the ways that you will fall short; that’s what grace is for. Don’t worry what other people believe about you; just be careful what you choose to believe about yourself. Don’t get caught up in what this world calls success, because a man who is driven by the need for success is destined to be pursued by the fear of failure. Don’t let your heart be swayed by this world’s conception of beauty; the most beautiful face you’ll ever see is the one that looks back at you in love. Don’t be afraid to believe in what you can’t see or explain; it’s only the invisible things that really last and only the things that are bigger than we can comprehend that stir up our ability to hope.

I guess I can’t try to fit a whole lifetimes worth of advice into your first day. Now that I’ve written all of this down, I’m not really sure what to do with it. Maybe someday you’ll read it and more than heeding all of the advice, I hope you’ll have some greater understanding of how your arrival changed my life. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be called your father, but I also know that before I held you in my hands today, you were in the hands of “The Father” and long after I’m gone, He will still be your Father. I pray that nothing I ever do will distort your view of Him, because even if I fail you, He never will. I love you son, I’m so glad that you’re here. God sure did a great job when He made you. I hope you will one day understand the miracle that you are.
With All of My Love – Dad

* * The sentiments that I expressed in this letter are no less true for any of my other children (including my step-daughter), but you can only experience the” first time” once and so this writing simply centers on that moment