Sometimes a couple picks a song to be their song, and other times the song seems to pick them. For me, “For the First Time” by Kenny Loggins, was one of those songs that seemed to pick itself for me, and my relationship with my wife, Anita.
For the first fifty years of my life, I had a condition which kept my eyes from working together. When I’d look at anything for any length of time, my eyes would drift apart, and skew the picture. Consequently, I learned to take quick sideways glances, and was self-conscious about looking people in the eye. Over time, my ability to feel people became stronger than my ability to see them, and consequently, I rarely developed much of a mental picture of anyone. Combined with the fact that I was raised to never view another human being as a piece of meat, I was never one to “check-out” a woman, no matter how beautiful she was.
I can’t claim that I didn’t notice how beautiful Anita was when I met her, I just didn’t allow that observation to attach itself to any sort of emotion, or feeling. I considered myself to be happily married at the time, and she was simply my co-worker. I related to her much the way I would relate to a sister, and for the first five years I knew her that didn’t change.
But In that time, my first wife decided to be with someone else, and my illusion of a happy marriage disintegrated. The collapse of that life caused me to turn to God, and changed the course of my journey. In that same period, Anita also went through relational upheaval, which left her as a single mom, who was extremely cautious about who she let into her daughter’s life. Our first meaningful conversations centered on God, as neither of us was thinking about a future with someone else. Even as our friendship grew, we stubbornly refused to view each other through the lens of a potential mate.
Over time, it became clear that God was up to something, but we remained steadfast in our commitment to not get ahead of Him. Of course, this included not sleeping together before marriage. As we grew closer, keeping those thoughts and feelings in check became more of a battle, but in lieu of bonding physically, we bonded emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Looking back, I realize that’s exactly what God intended.
After 18 months of growing together, and waiting on the Lord’s leading, we were married in March of 1998, and after a long season of trying to restrain our passion for each other, we were finally able to express it fully. I vividly remember a moment on our honeymoon, where Anita was sitting on the balcony, doing her daily devotions. She wasn’t aware of it, but I was staring at her through the sliding glass door. And for the first time, I let myself look at her without being guarded about the thoughts or emotions that might result from it. Even decades later, my eyes fill with tears as I recall that moment. I felt like she was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen, and I caught myself thanking God that He brought us together. Whenever I hear the song “For the First Time”, I relive that instance.
For the First Time
Are those your eyes, is that your smile
I’ve been looking at you forever
But I never saw you before
Are these your hands, holding mine
Now I wonder how I could have been so blind
*
For the first time, I’m looking in your eyes
For the first time, I’m seeing who you are
I can’t believe how much I see
When you’re looking back at me
Now I understand what love is
Love is, for the first time
*
Can this be real, can this be true
Am I the person I was this morning
And are you the same you
It’s all so strange, how can it be
All along this love was right in front of me
*
For the first time, I’m looking in your eyes
For the first time, I’m seeing who you are
I can’t believe how much I see
When you’re looking back at me
Now I understand what love is
Love is, for the first time
*
Such a long time ago
I had given up on finding this emotion, ever again
But you’re here with me now
Yes I’ve found you somehow
And I’ve never been so sure
*
For the first time, I’m looking in your eyes
For the first time, I’m seeing who you are
I can’t believe how much I see
When you’re looking back at me
Now I understand what love is
Love is, for the first time
Anita imagines that after all these years, this is just a sweet memory. But whenever I take the time to look into her eyes, this song still plays in my head.
Bjcorbin's Blog 
Thought for the Day – My Mother
Posted in Commentaries, Parenting / Family, Personal, Thought for the Day / Quotes, Tributes, tagged hurtful choices, Mother's Day, parenting, prayers of protection, problem child, refused to give up, tribute on May 9, 2016| Leave a Comment »
Clearly, I meant to post this yesterday. But, as is so often the case, things got away from me.
Over the years I’ve written a few tributes to my father, but I don’t recall ever doing so for my mom. I’m sure this has to do with the fact that my dad contracted a terminal illness (and passed away) at a relatively young age. But honor shouldn’t be reserved for the dead, and kind words ought not be saved for eulogies. So on the occasion of Mother’s Day, I thought it would be fitting to share a few thoughts about my mother.
My parents had four children, three stair step boys, and then, more than a decade removed, a daughter. I was the bottom rung of the first wave, and easily my parents most challenging kid. My oldest brother was one of those precocious children, who talked as though he was 35 years old by the time he was six. Our middle brother was quiet, but did well in school, and excelled at every sport he ever played (My grandmother actually referred to him as her “Golden Boy”). And then, I came along. Blind as a bat, emotionally unstable, and full of imagination; I was literally walking into walls by the time I reached school age. Between struggles in the classroom, skirmishes on the playground, and little brother meltdowns, I was a kid who required a lot of parenting. And because of my father’s demanding Air Force career, the lion’s share of that fell to my mom. I have no doubt that it was at times exasperating, and exhausting to deal with me. Lord knows, that was the way it felt to be me. But my mother was never one to shrink back from a challenge, and she wouldn’t let me do so either. As much as I wanted to accept the rather overwhelming evidence that I was simply an inferior model, she was having none of it. She made it her mission to ensure that all of her kids would be ready to face to the world, and little by little, I began to pull out of my tailspin.
Unfortunately, just about the time I grew strong enough to stand on my own two feet, I began to drift into things that my parents had strictly forbidden. My weak sense of identity caused me to look for the place that I fit in, and resulted in me trying a little bit of everything. In those years, I made many disappointing and hurtful choices, but my parents stuck with me. My mom’s persistent belief, and her prayers of protection, were without a doubt a key to surviving that season. Though I broke her heart many times, she refused to give up on me.
It took some years, but the seeds that were planted throughout my life finally took root, and things began to turn. God finally convinced me that my mother had been right all along, and that I wasn’t some sort of defective piece of machinery. In His grace, God allowed me to become a father, where I gained a new appreciation for the kind of love it takes to raise a kid like me. As I look back, I can’t help but think that God gave me to a mother that He knew would be strong enough to fight the battles, and persistent enough to go the distance. Indeed, my mother is an extraordinary person, whose love for me has made all the difference. If not for her, I would not have become the man that I am today.
As I look back, I thank God for the love that she and my father shared, which showed us that marriage was meant to last a lifetime. I thank God that she refused to raise boys who sit around in the underwear, watch cartoons and don’t know the first thing about taking care of themselves (or anyone else). And I thank God that after years of dealing with my disarray, He rewarded my parents with their best kid, my sister.
Happy Mother’s Day mom!
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