Bjcorbin's Blog

1. You get what you pay for. While this statement is most often used in the context of cheaply made goods, it is much less true on the other end of the spectrum. Too often the only difference between highly priced items and the rest is an extra coating of gloss, a trendy nameplate and/or a better advertising campaign. Frequently, we fall for the marketing ploy that spending more somehow makes it (and us) more valuable.
2. That any child is an “accident”. The Bible says that before we were in our mother’s womb, God knew us (Jeremiah 1:5) and that all of our days were written in His book, before one of them came to pass (Psalm 139:16). This tells me that every child is first conceived in the mind of God, before either parent donates their DNA. Just because a parent may not have anticipated their conception doesn’t mean that they weren’t “planned”.
3. That the idea of being “sexy” is harmless. Western society has raised sexuality to a ridiculous level of prominence within the collective consciousness; integrating its elements into just about every aspect of popular culture. Over the years, the term “sexy” has become trivialized to imply ideas like playful or flirty, but in truth it is simply an invitation to consider people in a sexual way. While viewing each other in that light causes all sorts of problems for mature adults, it is especially troubling when you consider how it impacts our children. If we intentionally present our kids in manner that is meant to be enticing (e.g. Jon Benet Ramsey), should we really be shocked when a predator chooses to act on that provocation?
4. That the idea of being “spoiled” is cute. Much like the term “sexy”, the connotation of the word “spoiled” seems to have changed in recent years. Once thought to be something to be avoided, it now seems to be a badge of honor for many (think Kardashian). It is commonplace to hear grandparents brag about “spoiling” their grandkids or to see little girls wear t-shirts boasting of their “spoiled” status. To be sure, this is a phenomenon that is lost on me. Spoiled is what happens to food that’s left out for too long. If you wouldn’t dream of eating something moldy from your refrigerator, why would you set out to “spoil” someone you cared about?
5. The concept of “Mr. or Mrs. Right”. While there are undeniably people who seem destined for each other, the myth of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right is that you can then have a relationship that doesn’t require any real effort. Regardless of how compatible two people may be, a healthy relationship always involves give and take. Just as in a garden, you must start with good seed, weeds occasionally have to be pulled, infestations need to be treated and sometimes things need to be watered by hand.
6. That older people forget what it’s like to be young. The upcoming generations tend to judge the previous generations as staid and set in their ways; often interpreting their maturation as some sort of an indictment on their zest for life. But experience consistently reveals the impetuousness and foolishness of youthful infatuations. With age, one comes to find value in different things and taking unwarranted risks no longer seems like a prudent approach. While some might regard this as an unfortunate side effect of aging, others might rightfully refer to it as wisdom.
7. That there is no such thing as a “moral victory”. In this era of win at all costs, it has become popular to claim that there is no such thing as a “moral victory”; but for many human beings, that is the only kind of victory that they will ever experience. Like teaching a baby to walk, moral victories constitute the first small steps toward consistent success. People who don’t believe in such things often burn themselves (& others) out, trying to run before they’ve developed the ability to stand.
8. That new love is somehow better than old love. We live in a society that seems affixed on the idea of trading in and up, on an almost constant basis (e.g. cellphones, computers, cars, houses…); and that basic philosophy carries into our relationships as well. Most of our cultural allusions toward love seem centered on initial attraction and the titillation of something new; but that is ultimately the shallow end of the relationship pool. It isn’t until you’ve experienced a love that lasts for years that you come to understand the depth and profound fulfillment that accompanies it. This same aesthetic applies to friendships as well (i.e. I wouldn’t trade a few old friends for 500 “friends” on Facebook).
9. The idea that fair and equal is the same thing. As the father of four, I am very aware of the unique qualities of each of my children. In raising them, I’ve not found any one thing that works well with all of them. Each one thinks differently, learns differently and responds to different stimulus. As such, I try to tailor my approach to the specific individual I’m dealing with and I strive to be fair with all of them. Unfortunately, they often perceive that they’ve been treated unfairly because I haven’t dealt with them in the exact same manner as one of their siblings. I suspect that God has the same issue with His kids.
10. “Christian” Leaders who don’t resemble Jesus. The scripture tells us that true disciples have been “predestined” to be conformed to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29) and that the intensity of this transformation should be “ever-increasing” (2 Cor. 3:18). While all of us fall short of the glory of God, it remains baffling to me that someone can claim to have walked with/represented Jesus for twenty, or thirty, or forty years and yet barely evoke His character. Generally, such ministers are revered more for their giftedness, personality and resume. Ultimately, there is a world of difference between “following” Jesus and doing things in His name.

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As a person who’s played for several coaches, who’s been a coach on numerous occasions and who’s interacted with many of those who have coached my kids, I believe that every coach could benefit from considering the following points.

1. Opponents don’t need to be enemies. A popular tactic amongst coaches is to demonize their opponents and then stir the fires of hostility in their own players. While this approach can sometimes pay dividends in the short run, it tends to backfire over the long haul. Anger is generally a poor motivator for consistent performance and frequently results in detrimental side effects.

2. There is no shame in admitting that another team is more talented than yours. It has become almost sacrilegious in coaching circles to say this out loud, but sometimes the other team just has more weapons at their disposal. Trying to pretend that isn’t the case doesn’t fool anyone and can make a coach seem less than credible.

3. Good coaching can only take a team so far. In an era where some coaches have achieved mythical status, it is often assumed that the right coach can turn any team into a winner; but in truth, the best that a coach can do is to help their players reach their full potential. The collective potential generally forms the ceiling for a team and is something that most coaches (especially at the amateur level) have little or no control over.

4. The best coaches adapt their game plan to accommodate their team’s strengths and weaknesses. When a coach has sustained success with a particular game plan (e.g. the option offense in football), it becomes tempting to force their teams into that mold; regardless of whether they fit or not. The best coaches remain students of the game, so that they can tailor their approach based on the pieces that they have to work with.

5. Defeat does not become failure until you refuse to learn from it. Adversity is an inevitable part of life and learning how to deal with it is a huge component of finding success. The best shooters in basketball miss about half of their shots and the best hitters in baseball don’t get a hit at least six out of every ten times they get to the plate. Ultimately, this makes teaching players how to handle setbacks a critical element of successful coaching.

6. Trash talk shouldn’t be part of the game. Though many young coaches might disagree, I would submit that “trash talking” detracts from both the game and its players. If a player has the skills, they’re better off letting their play do the talking. If they don’t, all of that brash chatter just makes them look foolish. For all of the talk about “getting into an opponent’s head”, there is little real evidence that trash talking has any positive impact on winning percentage.

7. Having a “winning attitude” doesn’t win the game. Though a “bad” attitude can easily cost a team the game, simply having a “good” attitude cannot win it for them. Ultimately, talent, preparation and execution must be combined with the right attitude in order to achieve regular success.

8. No single player should be allowed to be bigger than the team. It is commonplace for “star” players to expect special treatment and their own set of rules; but coaches who give into that kind of pressure generally lose the respect of the rest of their team.

9. Yes, there are “moral victories”. In this era of win at all costs, it has become popular to claim that there is no such thing as a “moral victory”; but for many human beings, that is the only kind of victory that they will ever experience. Like teaching a baby to walk, moral victories are the first small steps toward consistent success. Coaches who don’t believe in such things often burn themselves (& others) out, while trying to make their teams run before they’ve learned how to walk.

10. A team takes on the character of their leadership. If a coach doesn’t like the character of their team, it might be time for some soul searching. A team’s character can’t help but reflect (& often magnify) the coach’s strengths and weaknesses.

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1. Common Sense: With Western Society’s philosophical shift toward relativism and the incredible advances in technology over the last 25 years, we live in a time where perception has largely become reality. It is an era in which we seem to be driven less by facts and more by popular opinion. We’re spending more on education and yet producing less educated students than in previous generations. Our science is populated with unproven theories, our politics are dominated by empty rhetoric, our economic system is based on consumerism instead of production and our relationships are becoming increasingly dysfunctional and superficial. Common sense would say that this is a problem.

2. Respect for authority: American’s have a legacy of rebellion against what they perceive to be oppressive authority; but as post-modern thinking has taken root in our culture, what might be categorized as oppressive has greatly expanded. Increasingly parents seem to be backing their kid’s against teachers, coaches and school administrators; while even “law-abiding” citizens routinely view their supervisors, policeman and legitimate government officials with contempt. Unfortunately, where there is a lack of genuine authority, chaos quickly ensues.

3. The Institution of Marriage: While the battle rages on to redefine what the term “marriage” actually means; the greater danger may come from the steadily diminishing esteem with which our society holds the institution itself. An ever increasing number of young adults are questioning the relevance of a marital union, with fewer of them deciding that it is a necessary or worthwhile step. Even those who choose to partake often enter and exit such arrangements with little more regard than they might give to changing cell-phone service providers.

4. Work Ethic: Parents of my generation have often taken pride in the fact that their kid’s didn’t have to, “work like I did”. Unfortunately, many of those kids became adults, who refuse to work like their parents did. Now that generation is raising their kids to view work as a malady to be avoided at all costs.

5. Things that are considered sacred: Something that is sacred is special and set apart; it generally has an exclusive set of criteria and limited access; but in our media driven society, it is quickly becoming a vacant category. As reality TV has stoked our voyeuristic impulses, there is nothing that’s off limits; as cameras are not only mounted in the bedroom, but even in the bathroom. Whereas in previous generations a witness to a violent crime might try to intervene on the victim’s behalf, our current generation is more likely to video the episode and to post it on the internet.

6. Self-Control: We are a culture that spurns limitations and celebrates excess; as we routinely spend money that we don’t have; consume far too much and far more than we produce; over medicate; spend billions each year on pornography and other elicit activities; and generally indulge in patterns of behavior that are destructive to ourselves and to those we claim to care about. Over the years we have transformed, “Just do it” from a catchy corporate slogan to a way of life.

7. Perseverance: America’s ongoing obsession with convenience appears to be having a profound impact on generations of kids, who are being raised with the idea that everything should be quick, easy and accessible from a sitting position. With the rise of technology, this generation has grown to prefer the frictionless, zero-gravity of virtual reality, to the very real resistance of day to day life. This doesn’t bode well for the challenges that are sure to come.

8. True Romance: In the new millennium the concept of courting someone and cultivating a relationship has largely given way to things like “friends with benefits”, “sexting” and “hooking up”. In this new mindset, couples often bypass what they view as the preliminary rounds and get right down to business. Unfortunately, the relationships that emerge from these practices are often like any other structure that is built without a foundation; one strong wind is all that it takes to blow it apart.

9. The fear of God: Statistics indicate that more than three quarters of adults in the U.S. now believe that the truth is relative (i.e. that every man defines truth for himself), which undoubtedly has radicalized our cultural view of God. If the truth is not absolute, then God really has no basis with which to judge anyone; and without that, we really have no reason to fear Him. Just as moral relativism allows the individual to decide what they are willing to accept as truth, it also allows them to pick and choose what characteristics of God they are willing to embrace. Culturally, we are willing to believe in a loving God, a God of provision, a God who heals and One who will ultimately take us to “a better place” when we die. We like the idea of heaven and angels and sometimes we can even handle the image of a baby in a manger; but we absolutely reject the notion of a God who might one day hold us accountable.

10. The value of a man’s word: Yet another casualty of our “enlightened” view of truth is the value of a man’s promise or vow. Because we think of the truth as relative, it is easily re-defined as it relates to our circumstances and/or emotions at any given moment. This means that the vow I made several years ago to my high school sweetheart could easily be nullified by the new circumstance I find myself in with a girl in the office. We don’t like to think of it as a broken promise, as much as “a new direction, based on updated information”. Within this pattern of thought, everything becomes negotiable and can be bought for the right price.

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