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16 Thoughts for the 2016 Graduates

Posted in Commentaries, Lists, Opinions, Parenting / Family, Social / Political, tagged , , , , , , , on May 17, 2016| 2 Comments »

There is an old saying that goes something like, “I wish I knew back then what I know now”.  And as I look back to my own graduation, here are some of those things I wish I had understood.

 

  1. Life is not a ride, it’s a journey.  A ride is simply being carried along to wherever the vehicle happens to be going, while a journey has an ultimate destination, which requires some navigation and effort to complete.  Unless we purpose in our heart to be someone, or to do something, we are likely to live life like a pinball; propelled by gravity and bouncing from one obstacle to another.  Anything worthwhile in life will require some investment on our part.  Those who are unwilling to make such an investment will generally be pushed along by the winds of circumstance to some uncertain end.

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  1. Not everyone who agrees with you is for you, and not everyone who disagrees with you is against you. In this era of political correctness openly disagreeing with someone is often viewed as being “intolerant” of their beliefs (i.e. a hater).  But there are times when caring for a person dictates that we confront and contradict them.  Conversely, there are those who are perfectly willing to allow you to drive headlong into disaster, as long as it serves their own selfish agenda.

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  1. Misery not only loves company, it wants to settle down and have children too.  I’ve noticed that miserable people not only seek out other miserable people to bond with, but that they’ll often unconsciously sabotage anything that has the potential to pull them from their misery.  There are few emotions that are as debilitating and self-sustaining as self-pity.  Generally, the only way to remain free of such feelings is through a dogged determination not to live that way.  As long as we are willing to blame other people, and circumstances, for our condition, we will remain powerless to change it.

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  1. What other people believe about you isn’t as important as what you believe about yourself. Only the things which we genuinely believe have the ability to impact how we live.  Therefore, the only words (positive or negative) that have the power to move us are those which we accept as truth.  If a man concludes that he is a failure, no amount of praise or encouragement can bring him to victory; and if a man concludes that he is an over-comer, no amount of criticism can hold him back.  While we are generally powerless to keep others from speaking about us, we possess the ultimate responsibility for what we are willing to accept as truth.

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  1. Planting apple seeds won’t get you an orange tree. Just as dependable as the law of gravity is the concept that we will reap (i.e. harvest) what we sow (i.e. plant).  Though this phrase is immediately recognizable to most people, there are few who actually live as though it were true.  Our human nature will often cause us to be unforgiving with other people, while expecting generosity in return; to be deceptive about our motivations, while expecting others to deal with us honestly; and to be selfish about our desires, while expecting others to be considerate of us.  We must always remain conscious of the fact that the cup we use to dispense blessing is the cup that we will eventually drink our blessings from.

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  1. For everything there is a season and it’s important not to despise the season that you’re in.  If you live long enough you notice that there is a sort of pattern that life follows and that things come and go in seasons.  While we have a natural tendency to like some seasons better than others, I’ve found that every season comes with both challenges and blessings.  If we focus on the challenges of the season we’re in, we’ll often miss the blessings, and spend our time pining away for the season to change.  Conversely, if we focus on the blessings of each season, it makes the challenges easier to endure, and brings a sense of variety to the journey.

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  1. It’s doubtful that anyone is really “out to get you”. Generally, a person has to be of significant consequence before someone is willing to invest the time and energy it takes to conspire against them.  I would suggest that we are more often damaged because people aren’t considerate of our position than we are because people have made a conscious effort to hurt us.  Though this knowledge doesn’t necessarily dampen the pain, it should aid in our endeavor to forgive.

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  1. When you keep your own score, you always feel as though you’re losing. The problem with keeping score is that we naturally tend to under-appreciate our blessings, and to have an exaggerated sense of our hardships.  Because of that, people who keep score in life generally feel as though they’re never quite being given their due.  Ultimately, it’s better to just give our best in any given situation and to let someone else maintain the scorecard.

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  1. The path of least resistance is rarely a road worth taking.  Often what causes something to be valuable is that it cannot be easily attained.  It follows then that the most valuable things in life normally require some perseverance to apprehend.  While everyone may sincerely want these kinds of things for their life (e.g. a healthy body, a strong marriage, a successful career…), few are willing to endure the process it takes to secure them.  Unfortunately, we live in a culture that increasingly values convenience above quality, and in which many of our children have grown up with an expectation of the instant gratification of their desires. Many a parent has worked hard to ensure that their kids get a great education, so that these children won’t have to struggle like they did.  But this ignores the fact that it is in the midst of the struggle that we tend to develop our character and work ethic; and that without this development we are generally ill equipped to handle adversity.  I’ve found that you can teach someone with character and work ethic just about anything, but without those qualities, an education becomes of little value.  I’ve also come to believe that giving my children everything that I didn’t have when I grew up will likely handicap them for life.

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  1. There are few jobs easier than being a critic and few that are more taxing than being a builder. I’m ashamed to admit that there have been times in my life when I’ve been like the guy who sits in the back of the classroom, ridiculing the person who’s teaching the class.  Playing the role of critic, while someone sincerely tries to have a positive influence on the people around them.  While I might try to rationalize that their efforts were less than perfect, or maybe even in vain, life has taught me how little that criticism helps anyone.  It takes a tremendous amount of effort and patience to bring unity where there has only been division, or to stir a group to battle, when they’ve only known defeat, or to restore a sense of hope to a place of desolation…  The builder must make a concerted effort to create, while the critic can bring destruction with little effort.  As a witness to, and a participant in, both of these processes, I’ve committed myself to spending the rest of my days being engaged in the building up and not the tearing down.

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  1. It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.  Experience teaches us that the road to victory is generally paved with some amount of defeat; and that how we respond to those defeats will generally determine whether or not we ever come to the place of victory.   While victory tends to be the goal of every player, I’ve found that what we remember is how they played the game.  It is not necessarily the player with the highest winning percentage that captures our imagination, it is the player who played unselfishly, or with integrity, or who overcame the biggest odds…  Even for those who taste great victory, it is always in a moment that quickly passes into a lifetime of other moments.  At the moment we pass from this life, it won’t be that moment of glory that matters most; it will be how we lived all the other moments that ultimately defines us.

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  1. It’s hard to be Clint Eastwood if you’re really Mr. Rogers. As I was growing up my conception of what a man was came largely from my father, who was a big fan of men like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.   Throughout my adolescence there were other icons (e.g. John Travolta – Saturday Night Fever, Sly Stallone – Rambo, Don Johnson – Miami Vice…) who seemed to collectively shape the culture’s conception of manhood, and who I unconsciously graded myself against.  Since I was nothing like these men I assumed that I just wasn’t much of a man, and in subtle ways I let their image affect how I walked, talked, dressed…  But as I got older I began to notice that there weren’t many things less attractive than someone trying to be something that they’re not (e.g. a middle aged woman dressed like teenager; a suburban white kid acting as though he grew up in the ghetto; a man with a bad toupee, acting as though it is his natural hair…).  I eventually came to peace with the understanding that regardless of the fact that I bear little or no resemblance to the trendy cultural images of manhood, the best thing I could do was to be myself.  That catharsis has  allowed me to do things like wear the clothes that I feel comfortable in; to act silly in public, just to make my kids laugh; to say “I love you too honey” when I hang up the phone in front of someone; to cry at sad movies…, all without feeling self-conscious.  I highly recommend it.

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  1. Love grows over time. We live in a society that seems affixed on the idea of trading in and up, on an almost constant basis (e.g. cellphones, computers, cars, houses…); and that basic philosophy carries into our relationships as well.  Most of our cultural allusions toward love seem centered on initial attraction and the titillation of something new; but that is ultimately the shallow end of the relationship pool.  It isn’t until you’ve experienced a love that lasts for years that you come to understand the depth and profound fulfillment that accompanies it.  This same aesthetic applies to friendships as well (i.e. I wouldn’t trade a few old friends for 500 “friends” on Facebook).

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  1. No person or thing can “make you happy”.  People can support us, love us, inspire us, and even enhance the quality of our life.  But unless we determine within ourselves to find the joy, the beauty and the hope within our given circumstance, we will never be “happy”. The idea that it is someone else’s role to bring happiness into our life places tremendous pressure on our relationships, often causing them to fail (e.g. they just don’t make me happy anymore…).  Similarly, material things do not have the ability to bring satisfaction to our souls.  I’ve noticed that people, who can be grateful for what they have today, will generally be that way regardless of what they have.  And that people, who crave something more, will normally continue to crave regardless of what they get.

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  1. The best things in life cannot be held in our hands or necessarily even be seen. A young person’s dreams are often rooted in tangible gains, like a mate, income, a career, a family, a home…  But as a person attains those kinds of things, values seem to shift from the tangible to the transcendent.  At the end of a long life, it is things like friendship, faith, love and hope that are ultimately treasured.

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  1. Look out for that curve dead ahead. Growing up can often be a disappointing process.  When you’re 10, you imagine that becoming a “teenager” will change everything.  But a few days after your 13th birthday, you realize that things are pretty much the same.  Then you start dreaming about turning 16, and getting your license, which is cool; but again, you quickly recognize that it doesn’t make as much difference as you thought.  Even 18 is that way.  Yeah, you’re legally an adult now, yet you still have to turn in your homework and get up for school the next day.  But finishing High School is different.  Though you may not sense it immediately, the rules change dramatically.  Up to this point, there was a system specifically designed to carry you along.  There was a whole panel of adults (e.g. parents, grandparents, pastors, youth group leaders, teachers, coaches, counselors…) assigned to provide guidance, boundaries, bedtimes, wake-ups, rides, resources, and incentives to stay on the right track.  There were organized activities intended specifically for you, like sports teams, school plays, dances, and 4H club.  And there was an education system built to pretty much ensure your success.  As long as you cooperated (i.e. showed up with a decent attitude) with these processes, you were almost guaranteed to make it through.  But now, that all changes.  Adulthood is very much a give and take proposition.  Generally, you get out of it what you put into it.  Even staying in school changes.  Colleges and Universities are businesses.  You pay to take their classes.  If you don’t show up, the teacher isn’t going to come looking for you.  If you don’t turn in your work, they will not scold you, or even ask about it.  If you fail the class, they will happily allow you to pay them to take the course over again next semester.  The workplace, and relationships, and almost every other facet of life works similarly.  If you want to have a great marriage, a successful career, or even to live in an exceptional community, you need to invest yourself (i.e. time, energy, passion…) in it.  Simply showing up, empty handed, will no longer get it done.  Ultimately, life was never meant to be a spectator sport – so I’d highly recommend that you dive in.

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Thought for the Day – My Mother

Posted in Commentaries, Parenting / Family, Personal, Thought for the Day / Quotes, Tributes, tagged , , , , , , on May 9, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Clearly, I meant to post this yesterday.  But, as is so often the case, things got away from me.

 

Over the years I’ve written a few tributes to my father, but I don’t recall ever doing so for my mom.  I’m sure this has to do with the fact that my dad contracted a terminal illness (and passed away) at a relatively young age.  But honor shouldn’t be reserved for the dead, and kind words ought not be saved for eulogies.  So on the occasion of Mother’s Day, I thought it would be fitting to share a few thoughts about my mother.

 

My parents had four children, three stair step boys, and then, more than a decade removed, a daughter.  I was the bottom rung of the first wave, and easily my parents most challenging kid.  My oldest brother was one of those precocious children, who talked as though he was 35 years old by the time he was six.  Our middle brother was quiet, but did well in school, and excelled at every sport he ever played (My grandmother actually referred to him as her “Golden Boy”).  And then, I came along.  Blind as a bat, emotionally unstable, and full of imagination; I was literally walking into walls by the time I reached school age.  Between struggles in the classroom, skirmishes on the playground, and little brother meltdowns, I was a kid who required a lot of parenting.  And because of my father’s demanding Air Force career, the lion’s share of that fell to my mom.  I have no doubt that it was at times exasperating, and exhausting to deal with me.  Lord knows, that was the way it felt to be me.  But my mother was never one to shrink back from a challenge, and she wouldn’t let me do so either.  As much as I wanted to accept the rather overwhelming evidence that I was simply an inferior model, she was having none of it.  She made it her mission to ensure that all of her kids would be ready to face to the world, and little by little, I began to pull out of my tailspin.

 

Unfortunately, just about the time I grew strong enough to stand on my own two feet, I began to drift into things that my parents had strictly forbidden.  My weak sense of identity caused me to look for the place that I fit in, and resulted in me trying a little bit of everything.  In those years, I made many disappointing and hurtful choices, but my parents stuck with me.  My mom’s persistent belief, and her prayers of protection, were without a doubt a key to surviving that season.  Though I broke her heart many times, she refused to give up on me.

 

It took some years, but the seeds that were planted throughout my life finally took root, and things began to turn.  God finally convinced me that my mother had been right all along, and that I wasn’t some sort of defective piece of machinery.  In His grace, God allowed me to become a father, where I gained a new appreciation for the kind of love it takes to raise a kid like me.  As I look back, I can’t help but think that God gave me to a mother that He knew would be strong enough to fight the battles, and persistent enough to go the distance.  Indeed, my mother is an extraordinary person, whose love for me has made all the difference.  If not for her, I would not have become the man that I am today.

 

As I look back, I thank God for the love that she and my father shared, which showed us that marriage was meant to last a lifetime.  I thank God that she refused to raise boys who sit around in the underwear, watch cartoons and don’t know the first thing about taking care of themselves (or anyone else).  And I thank God that after years of dealing with my disarray, He rewarded my parents with their best kid, my sister.

 

Happy Mother’s Day mom!

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Thought for the Day – Facing Adversity

Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Parenting / Family, Social / Political, Thought for the Day / Quotes, tagged , , , on January 26, 2016| 2 Comments »

Back in October, my oldest son broke his arm while playing high school football; and what I thought would be a relatively quick run to the emergency room turned into days of hospitalization and multiple surgeries.  Late on that first evening, while under the influence of some pretty strong pain medication, he said, “I wish this had never happened”.  And as he drifted off to sleep, I thought about how often life presents us with situations that we wish had never happened.  Sickness, injury, car trouble, divorce, unexpected bills, loss of a loved one, bad grades, getting laid off, missing the game winning shot, identity theft, unplanned pregnancy, a traffic ticket, betrayal, addiction…  It seems that the fabric of our days has many such threads woven into it. 

 

In light of that fact, I began to wonder how well we’ve prepared our kids to face that kind of adversity.  Unwittingly, and in the name of protecting them, we can run out in front of our kids, removing every obstacle from their path, and at times, even going back to clean up their messes behind them.  We rationalize that we’re trying to give them every advantage, and get them off to a good start.  But too often they emerge from childhood totally unprepared to cope with the inherent struggles of adult life.  While the instinct to protect our children, and to do for them, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it must be balanced with the need to prepare them to go out and make a life of their own.  Too many people of my generation are raising their grandkids, and/or paying their adult children’s bills; and often times that is simply the fruit of seeds that we unintentionally planted along the way.

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Thought for the Day – Ungrateful

Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Parenting / Family, Thought for the Day / Quotes, tagged , , on December 2, 2015| Leave a Comment »

As the Thanksgiving holiday approached my heart was burdened to consider those who have no family to gather with; but as we emerged from the weekend, I was even more saddened by the number of those who have no appreciation for the families that they have.

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Veteran’s Day Speech

Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Parenting / Family, Social / Political, tagged , , , , , on November 10, 2015| 1 Comment »

My 16 year old son is involved in the Corps of Cadets program at his high school, which is like a Junior ROTC program.  And he was picked to give a speech at the school’s annual Veteran’s Day assembly.  These are the words he’s chosen to say.

 

Veteran’s Day Speech

By Patrick Corbin

 

I’d personally like to welcome everyone to today’s Veterans Day program.  It’s a huge honor for me to represent our school, and the Corps. of Cadets, on this special occasion.  We are especially grateful for today’s honored guests, the men and women of our armed forces.  It is through their valor, and sacrifice, that we are able to gather here today.

 

I come from a family with a tradition of service to their country.  My Grandfather (Tom) was on active duty in the U.S. Air Force for 26 years.  His brother (Jim) was on active duty in the U.S. Marines for over 27 years.  Both were Vietnam War veterans.  Then my father and his brother joined the U.S. Navy together after high school.  My Dad spent 8 years on submarines, 4 years with the Seabees, and was a Persian Gulf War veteran.  My Uncle Kevin served for 6 years, and was on the aircraft carrier the USS Enterprise.  My cousin Ben was an Army Ranger who served in Afghanistan, and my cousin Nick was a Guardsman who served in Iraq.  I am proud to be a part of a family who believes in sacrificing for the good of others.  I think that we all should serve our families, our neighbors, and our country.  We have been blessed because all of our family members have returned home, but I think that we should give special honor to all of the families whose loved ones didn’t make it back.  We often make the rich and famous out to be heroes, but these veterans are the real heroes.  One day, I hope I can be a part of this family tradition by serving my country.

 

Today, I’ve been asked to give a brief history on the origins of Veteran’s Day.  The recognition of this day dates back to the end of World War I, when the “armistice” was signed on the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month (i.e. November 11th, 1918).  A year later, the President declared a moment of silence on November 11th, in remembrance of this event, and it went on to become an annual tradition.  In 1938, congress declared “Armistice Day” to be a legal holiday.  This tradition continued until after World War II, when a man named Raymond Weeks suggested that the day should honor all veterans, and not just those from the First World War.  In 1954, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed the bill into law, and “Armistice Day” officially became “Veteran’s Day”.

 

Though I am grateful for this day of special recognition, I believe that it is important to understand that for many veterans the struggle goes on every day.  There are those who’ve suffered physical wounds that left their bodies broken, and there are those who’ve suffered wounds to their hearts and minds, that left their souls and spirits broken.  For them, the battle continues.  Sadly, even those without significant disabilities often struggle to find jobs, or to collect the benefits that they’ve earned.  This should not be so.  While I will gratefully join in with today’s celebration, we need to show our appreciation for Veterans by championing their causes throughout the year.  We need to demand more of our elected officials when it comes to protecting the rights of our service members.

 

As I told you previously, my grandfather and his brother were Vietnam War veterans, and I was sickened to hear stories of how those men and women were treated when they returned from the war.  Because of the politics at that time, people treated these veterans like villains.  Some were even spit on, and called, “Baby Killers”.  That is inexcusable!  No matter the war, no matter the reasons for it, no matter how popular it is at home, our soldiers should never be treated this way again.  These people willingly put their lives on the line for others, and will always be worthy of our gratitude and honor.

 

My Sergeant told me that Veteran’s Day is like Christmas for our armed forces; and that while they don’t receive presents, they do receive the gift of love and appreciation from their country.  My hope and prayer is that our veterans would experience that gift wherever they go today.  And my challenge to my fellow students, and those within our community, is to find a way to be a part of it.  I just did.  Thank you.

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Raising a “Born Leader”

Posted in Commentaries, Heart of "The Father", Parenting / Family, tagged , , , on July 23, 2015| Leave a Comment »

At a very young age, my son Patrick was a take charge kind of guy, and I used to joke that even though he was a “born leader”, there didn’t seem to be anyone willing to follow a five year old.  While that line was good for an occasional chuckle, it actually encapsulates a very real issue for those birthed with a calling to leadership.  I believe that God equips us with the gifts and abilities needed to fulfill His divine purposes in our lives; and I don’t believe that they just magically appear when we need them.  I sense they exist within us (often times in seed form) from the time we are born, and that they must be nurtured and cultivated along the way.  If this is accurate, it may be more fitting to say, “born to be a leader”, as it acknowledges that one must grow into such a role.  Even after the prophet declared that David would one day be king, no one bowed down to him.  In fact, he was sent back out to the fields to tend the sheep (for years).  Similarly, recognizing this calling in the lives of our children doesn’t mean that we should put them in charge of the nursery, or even let them pick out their own clothes.

 

While the idea that our kids could one day become “leaders of men” may sound glamorous, raising a child with classic leadership traits (e.g. fearless, proactive, outspoken, stubborn, independent…) can be a challenging endeavor.  Such a child is generally classified as “strong-willed”, which some view as an affliction, or even a defect.  I remember being told that I needed to “break” my son’s will/spirit while he was still young, but the Lord strongly impressed upon me that this was not His desire.  He showed me that He’d put these qualities within the boy for a reason, and that I needed to help him to develop into the man he was created to be.  Again, that sort of thing sounds good on paper, but how do you do it?

 

As I prayed, I sensed that the first step was to teach Patrick to recognize, and yield to “legitimate” authority.  The scripture teaches us that fear (i.e. awe, reverence) of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  It is the recognition that there is a power greater than ourselves, and that we are subject to it.  No matter what position of leadership he might be destined for, learning to submit to those with genuine authority is an essential trait.  Leaders who miss this step in their development generally become tyrants.

 

Another important concept was the proper application of the strength that God has given him.  Helping him to understand that this power wasn’t meant to simply get him what he wants, but that it is intended to be a resource for God to protect and serve the children He loves.  Ultimately, authentic leadership isn’t as much about controlling people, as it is about serving them.  Leaders who fail to grasp this principle are likely to become bullies.

 

As we’ve travelled further along this path, I’ve sensed that the first charge for any emerging leader is to lead by example.  For how can someone be trusted with the governance of others, when they are unable to govern themselves.  In fact, good leaders often attain their position by simply walking with integrity, and finding that people have fallen in line behind them.  While this organic emergence into a position of leadership is ideal, it isn’t always possible.  But how a leader steps into that role is a critical factor.  Those who seize power/control rarely hold onto it for very long, and are far more likely to have it ripped from their hands.  Installation into a leadership position is best facilitated by those who possess legitimate authority over that position, or by the consensus of those who would be subject to it (e.g. electing a Union President or team Captain).

 

As time has gone on, I’ve come to recognize leadership qualities in all of our kids, and to understand that they are all called to lead in one capacity or another.  At the very least, they will need to lead their families.  As such, these principles apply to them as well.  And while I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, I would offer the following condensed list to anyone trying to raise a “born leader”.

 

Raising a “Born Leader”

 

  • Don’t attempt to break their will/spirit, endeavor to mold it
  • Teach them to recognize and yield to legitimate authority
  • Teach them not to use their strength to oppress or abuse, but to protect and serve
  • Teach them that they must first lead by example before they can expect an actual leadership position
  • Teach them that positions of leadership are best when they are given, and not seized

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Thought for the Day – The Village Voice

Posted in Commentaries, Parenting / Family, Thought for the Day / Quotes, tagged , , , on May 13, 2015| Leave a Comment »

I have to admit that I’m not particularly fond of the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  My disdain for this phrase is rooted in the fact that it is too often used as a rationalization for disengaged parenting, and by social engineers, who are trying to disguise their political agenda as some sort of genuine concern for the welfare of children.  Despite that, I can’t deny that there is also a measure of profound truth within this idiom.  As the father of four, I’ve always endeavored to maintain a daily presence in the lives of my children, and to have a separate relationship with each one of them.  For the most part, I’ve lived up to that expectation, but I’ve also discovered that there are instances, and seasons, when the kids need something, or someone, else.  At times, parents are too close to the situation to be objective; sometimes our fears cause us to push too hard, or maybe not hard enough.  Sometimes we’ve done all we know how to do, and we need to introduce a new element into the situation.  And sometimes our kids just need to hear it from someone else.

 

Years ago, our youngest daughter (Bekah) was struggling with reading, and we discovered that she had issues with her eyesight.   Upon addressing her vision problems, we knew that she needed help to get her reading level back up to where it belonged.  Unfortunately, by this time she was already highly frustrated with our persistent attempts to assist her, and things weren’t progressing well.  Thankfully, we found a wonderful lady (Mary) who was willing to work with her, and they very quickly formed a special bond.  Though it took a little time, her reading and writing steadily improved, and within a few years she had regained both her confidence and competence.  By then, their relationship had become so strong that she continued to go each week, and to work on other subjects as well.  Over time this amazing lady became much more than a tutor, and we have come to view her as a special part of our family.  In recent years, Bekah has blossomed as a reader, writer, and student.  She is currently a Freshman in High School, where she’s maintained her grades on the High Honor Roll (>3.5 GPA) all year, and where she was recently awarded a scholarship for winning an essay contest.  At this point, she reads and writes more than our other three kids combined.  But more than the improved academic performance, Mary’s loving investment in Bekah as a person has paid untold dividends.  Years from now, I’ve no doubt that Bekah will remember this beloved friend and teacher as one of the greatest influences in her life.

 

Similarly, there have been many other teachers, coaches, youth group leaders, neighbors… who’ve had a profound influence on our kids.  When our son Andrew was younger, he played basketball for a coach who absolutely destroyed his confidence.  After that experience, he decided that even though he loved the game, he just wasn’t cut out to play.  Despite our encouragement to give it another try, he wasn’t willing to do it; and for years he didn’t.  But as fate would have it, the new high school basketball coach became his homeroom teacher, and he saw potential in Andrew.  It was his encouragement that convinced our son to give it another try, and last Fall, he was a starter on the Freshman team.

 

More recently, after our son Patrick made the high school’s baseball team, he had the chance to be a part of the school’s Spring musical, “Guys & Dolls”.  Initially he felt sure his coaches would never allow him to miss practices, and maybe even games, to participate in the play.  But to his great surprise, the coach acknowledged what a great opportunity this was for Patrick, and allowed him to both stay on the team, and to try out for the musical.  At the first try out for the play, he only went for a small part, believing that was all he was qualified for.  But during the call back, his Choir teacher asked why he hadn’t tried out for one of the leads.  Patrick explained that since he sang bass in the choir, and that all of the leading parts were for tenors, he didn’t think he could do them.  His teacher then expressed her confidence in his voice, and challenged him to go for the more substantial role of “Nicely, Nicely Johnson.”  Inspired by her vote of confidence, Patrick took the challenge, and got the part.  After months of hard work, he and the rest of cast gave two spectacular performances this weekend.  It is an experience that he will remember for the rest of his life, and it could very well open up new avenues for him in the future.  Had his baseball coach been more worried about wins & loses than about Patrick, he might never have gotten the chance to tryout.  If his Choir teacher had not recognized his potential, and encouraged him to reach for it, Pat might never have discovered it.

 

As a parent, I am grateful for these, and the many other wonderful, people who reach out to our children.  As much as I want to be there for them, I must acknowledge that they often need things that I can’t necessarily give them.  My vote of confidence in Bekah’s ability to read, or Andrew’s ability to play basketball, or Patrick’s ability to sing/perform, wasn’t enough to get them over that mountain.  But thankfully, there were people who stepped into those areas and made the difference.  Just as people have reached out to our children, we’ve learned to reach out to other children within our community.  It is an opportunity to return the blessing that we’ve received.  Even though I still cringe when I say it, it really does take a village to raise a child, and to that end, I want to thank all of you who’ve been such a special part of our village.

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Why Are You Letting Them Do This to Me Daddy?

Posted in Heart of "The Father", Parenting / Family, Personal, tagged , , , on March 3, 2015| 1 Comment »

During a time of prayer, I was reminded of a particularly painful moment in my life involving our youngest daughter Rebekah.  As I remember, she was somewhere between her first and second birthday, when our household got hit with a particularly bad bout of the stomach flu.  I’m pretty sure that all of us took a turn with it, and in the midst of that time, Bekah (who weighed less than 20 lbs.) began to turn blue.  Needless to say, we were more than a little concerned, as I rushed her to the emergency room.  Immediately, they determined that she was severely dehydrated, and that they needed to start an IV.  They wanted me to wait outside while they executed that plan, but I calmly (& firmly) assured them that I was quite unwilling to leave her side.  As they went about the task of trying to locate one of her tiny veins, Bekah fought like the warrior God made her to be, which made the already daunting task nearly impossible.  It literally took four adults to hold her down, and it still required eight tries before the nurse was able to connect with a vein.  As Bekah screamed out in pain, her beautiful gray eyes were fixed on me, and as near as I could tell, the question in her tiny heart was, “Why are you letting them do this to me daddy?”  In her short life, no one had ever really hurt her, and in as much as a baby can, she trusted that she was safe with me.  Now, I not only stood by while they pierced her over and over again, I was actually one of the people holding her down while they did it.  It was an excruciating moment, and one that I’d long since pushed out of my mind.  Bekah is now in High School, and she has grown into a strong and beautiful young woman.  So why go back and revisit this awful memory?

 

As I meditated on this scene, I found myself wanting to answer her inferred question.  “I let this happen because it was the only way you were going to get better,” I thought.  And while I know that is the truth, I also realized how little difference that would have made in the midst of her pain.  In her tiny heart it must have seemed that I was allowing them to torment her, and maybe even that I was helping them.  My heart ached at the remembrance of the hurt and confusion in her face; and as I pondered what the Lord was trying to show me, I realized that He was helping me to understand what it can be like for Him, and with His children, as we experience painful and/or difficult situations.  Like baby Bekah, we don’t necessarily see or understand the bigger picture; we simply know that we don’t feel good, that our sense of security is quickly evaporating, and that we are in genuine pain.  Such instances can breed doubts that linger long after the moment has past.  We may feel abandoned in our hour of need, or betrayed by the one who was supposed to protect us, or maybe we conclude that there is something so wrong with us that we are beyond help (or at least unworthy of it).  These kinds of thoughts tear at the fiber of our faith, and distort the nature of who God is, and who we are to Him.

 

The Bible says that God works all things to the good of those who love Him, and who are called to His purpose.  I believe that we often twist those words to imply that we should never suffer, but clearly that’s not what it means.  In fact, the scripture tells us that “Jesus learned obedience from the things He suffered.”  If the Son of God, a man of perfect faith, had to learn that way, how do we think that we can avoid it.  God views us, and our lives, through the lens of eternity; so just as it was with Bekah, a relatively brief period of suffering can produce a harvest of life and wellness.  In His humanness, Jesus spoke directly to this issue in the Garden of Gethsemane, where He essentially said, “Father, if there is some other way to achieve Your eternal purposes for my life, I’d rather not endure what’s about to happen.  But if this is the only way to orchestrate the redemption of mankind, then so be it.”  The scripture tells us that Jesus “endured the cross, despising it’s shame.”  We too will have to endure some things, and we may also despise the process, but instead of being discouraged, and feeling abandoned, we need to remember that we have a Father who is able to work all things to our eternal good.  And just as I was unwilling to leave Bekah’s bedside, we also need to remember that He is a God who never leaves us nor forsakes us.

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A Driver, An Actor, and the Ability to Speak Chinese

Posted in Commentaries, Parenting / Family, Thought for the Day / Quotes, Word Pictures, tagged , , on January 3, 2015| Leave a Comment »

Being an auto mechanic isn’t necessarily a prerequisite for being a race car driver.  Indeed they are two distinct skill sets.  But without a fundamental understanding of how a high performance automobile works, a driver’s competitiveness is likely to result in shredded tires, overheated brakes, locked-up transmissions, and/or blown engines.  And so it is for coaches, especially those who work with players who are in their formative years.  The Little League coach, who thoroughly understands baseball, but knows little about the capabilities of 8 & 9 year old boys, or the Middle School volleyball coach who knows bump/set/spike, but has no understanding of the capacities of 12 & 13 year old girls, is bound to struggle and become highly frustrated.  In these instances the player is the vehicle through which the game is played, and a coach who lacks insight into their inner workings is likely to cause damage in the pursuit of victory.  With this in mind, I would suggest that the evaluation process for coaches who work with young people needs to look beyond the individual’s knowledge of the game.  As a parent, I would submit that a coaches ability to effectively connect with their players is far more important than their expertise in the given sport.  On the surface, a great Shakespearean actor may seem well qualified to teach a simple university drama class, but if that university is located in Beijing, and the actor doesn’t speak Chinese, their legitimate expertise may be rendered useless.

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15 Years Ago Today

Posted in Heart of "The Father", Parenting / Family, Personal, Tributes on January 1, 2015| Leave a Comment »

15 years ago today, two very special people came into my life.  Though they arrived only a minute apart, and were almost exactly the same size, they’ve grown into two completely unique individuals.  I can’t imagine what my life would be without them, and the world is a better place because they’re here.  Happy Birthday Andrew and Rebekah!  I’m so proud of who you are, and of who you are becoming.  Remembering your arrival will always be cause for celebration.

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