Bjcorbin's Blog

There was a long season of my life in which I was profoundly lost.  That term can mean different things to different people, but for me, it meant that I was lost as to the meaning of life, as to what my purpose was, and as to who I was meant to be.  Like most people in that condition, I would not have used the word “lost” to describe myself, but clearly that was the case. 

Because of this, I tended to be a chameleon, who completely changed depending on who I was with.  Despite a strict religious upbringing, I found myself amazingly open to things that I’d been taught were wrong, with seemingly little impact on my conscience.  I attribute this to my unconscious desperation to find a place and/or tribe where I fit in.

The longer I wandered in this state of being, the more confused I became.  If you hang around a chameleon long enough, you begin to realize that you have no idea what their natural color is.  And even the chameleon himself will eventually lose touch with that reality.  In those days, I could look in the mirror and not recognize the face that was staring back at me.

One morning, after a long night of debauchery, I had the sudden and strong urge to change the course of my life, and I went to the local Recruiting Office to join the military.  The decision to enlist in the Navy shocked everyone who knew me, and on some level, no one was more surprised than me. 

If you had asked me a day earlier, that idea was nowhere on my radar.  Yet, within a matter of days, my head was shaved, and I was getting screamed at by some crazed Drill Sergeant in North Chicago.  Life, as I had known it, would never be the same.

At the time, I reasoned I just needed a change of scenery, and to get around some different people.  And it is tempting to conclude that this was what ultimately changed my course, but with the benefit of hindsight, I realize that it wasn’t the change in circumstances that drove the change in my mindset. 

The reality is that the “sudden and strong urge to change” came from a moment of clarity, in which I recognized that the life I was leading was unsustainable.  After years of being whatever I needed to be so as to function within the group dynamic, I realized that I needed to pick a specific direction, and then start walking toward something.  That revelation spurred a change in my thinking, and that change of mind drove the change in course.

I clearly had no idea of where I was going, or as to how I would handle this new reality, but I was utterly convinced of my need to change.  If I hadn’t been, I likely would have quit at the first obstacle on my new path, and returned to the life I abandoned.  But it was clear to me that there was no going back.

This is significant because of our very human tendency to focus on external factors (i.e. circumstances), most of which we cannot control, while ignoring the internal conditions of our being (i.e. mind, will, emotions), which are within our reach.  Indeed, I have concluded that true, substantive change always begins with an internal shift (i.e. a changed mind, a changed heart).

Beyond the practical implications of this concept are the spiritual principles that lie beneath it.  Scripture tells us that God doesn’t see us as we see each other (i.e. externally), He looks at the heart of a man (i.e. internally) – (1 Sam.16:7).  It also warns us to guard our hearts above all else, because “everything you do flows from it” (Pro.4:23).  Jesus went so far as to say, “Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them.  Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them (Mark 7:15-16).”

Though we are prone to point to external factors (e.g. people, situations…) as a way to justify the poor condition of our hearts, the scripture would suggest that these external factors are to some extent a result of the condition of our hearts.  If this is true, the first step in changing our situation, is changing our own mind and/or heart.  This is why “self-control” is considered a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal.5:23).

I would submit that one of the reasons we struggle to hear God’s voice in the midst of turmoil is that we are focused on Him making a change to our external condition, and He is focused on making a change to our internal condition.

The scripture clearly points to the need for, and the power of repentance, which is ultimately a change of heart, mind, direction…  John the Baptist challenged the authenticity of the Pharisees and Sadducees authority by demanding that they, “produce fruit in keeping with repentance (Matt.3:8).”  He understood that without a genuine change of mind/heart, it didn’t matter how they dressed or who they hung out with.

We will know that our repentance is genuine when we arrive at some new destination.  I can meet my neighbor half way around the block, and claim that I’m not where I was yesterday, but if I keep returning to the same address, there has been no real change

We live in society that is obsessed with outward appearances, and we often fall into the trap of believing that some type of external change (e.g. if I was rich, if I was famous, if I found the right person, if I lost 100lbs, if my candidate wins the election…) will bring about a change in our hearts, but it never really works like that.  The shift must come from within, and the first step belongs to us. 

Indeed, God promises that if we’ll take a step towards Him, He will take a step towards us (James 4:8).