Like most kids who grew up in the 1960’s and 70’s, my parents had home movies they’d occasionally pull out and show on a big projector screen. One that particularly sticks out in my mind is of my brothers and I playing on the street in front of my grandmother’s house in Brooklyn. It was a cold, dreary looking day, and we were all in our winter coats, but we were running around with the sort of abandon that only young children seem to possess.
I believe that I was about 5 yrs old in the film, which would make my brothers 6 yrs and 7 yrs old. In particular it was my brother Tom (the oldest sibling) who stood out. His big eyes and childlike manner in these movies were such a sharp contrast to the serious and pragmatic fellow he would eventually become. These old reels were some of the only evidence that he’d not really started out that way.
Life has a way of pushing back against innocence and cultivating cynicism. And for little boys, wide eyed compassion and sensitivity aren’t generally a sustainable course. Very quickly it becomes clear that having such emotions or at least allowing folks to know that you have them, is a precarious path to take. Early on, it becomes a matter of survival to learn how to hide your vulnerabilities and to always come from a position of strength. For many young men that manifests in a form of aggressiveness that is generally accepted for young males. For my brother Tom, it manifested in the form of intellect.
My brother had a brilliant mind and was usually one of the smartest guys in the room. He also had the ability to express himself, which made his intelligence harder to ignore. Because my father was in the Air Force, we changed schools constantly, but wherever we’d go my brother would quickly be viewed as the smartest kid in the class. As the sensitive nurturing elements of his personality receded into dormancy, the power of his mind emerged. He wasn’t just smart, he was a born leader, and soon that was all you could see.
As a younger brother, who had no desire to be led by someone I thought of as a peer, I just viewed him as overbearing and bossy. By the time we got to high school, his identity as the smart kid was already set in stone, and he further solidified it by dating the smartest girl in school. In those days, if you had asked anyone who knew my brother to describe him with three adjectives, his intelligence would have been referenced with the first word.
Forty-five years later, as I sat through the various memorial services celebrating my brother’s (too short) life, I suddenly recalled those scenes of us frolicking on the street as kids, and I realized that not one person had made a singular reference to his intelligence. Indeed, there was barely any mention of the impressive work he had done at Ball Aerospace (e.g., the Hubble Telescope, the Mars Rover), or any of his other accomplishments.
As the montage of pictures scrolled across the screen, they were mostly scenes of Tom with his grandchildren, or his god children, or dear friends, or with his beloved wife. In many of them he was dressed funny and clearly goofing around with that same sort of abandon that we’d had as children.
When people eulogized him, it was his warmth, compassion, faith, and wisdom they spoke of. And I found myself wondering how this transformation had occurred. What was it that allowed my brother’s true heart to re-emerge over all these years.
The short and simple answer is that the God who gave Him that heart, also worked throughout his life to preserve it. But at the center of God’s plan was Tom’s beloved wife Fawn.
By the time they’d met in high school, Tom had developed a pretty sharp edge to his personality, yet around her, he was like Jello. He was crazy about her from day one, and she was not the type of person to use that as leverage against him. If there were ever two people who seemed destined for each other, it was these two, and absolutely no one was surprised that they married and spent a lifetime together.
Looking back, I realize that because Fawn loved my brother for who he was, she made it safe for the nurturing, loving, playful part of his heart to re-emerge. Because she routinely engaged that part of his being, it regained strength and eventually became the hallmark of his legacy. Though it sounds cliche, she brought out the best in him. And to his credit, I believe that he did that for her as well.
As I pondered all this, I couldn’t help but think that this is exactly what God had in mind for marriage. That these unions were meant to amount to more than just the sum of the parts. That both partners would help each other become the people they were created to be.
If Tom had chosen to spend his life with someone who only related to him on an intellectual level, he may well have become a stoic recluse. Thankfully, he found a loving soul, who was full of spirit, and every bit his intellectual equal. She loved his heart and nurtured it throughout their years together.
In my brother’s final days, the room was filled with people who loved him and whose lives had been touched by his. And right by his side was his beloved partner Fawn. Though we could wish for more days, it would be hard to imagine a better way to finish the race.
He who finds a wife of worth, receives the favor of the Lord (Prov.18:22)
A wife of noble character is worth far more than rubies (Prov.31:10)
Bjcorbin's Blog 
Forgotten Fruit
Posted in Commentaries, tagged daily, Deny, fix your eyes, focus, forgive, fruit, seen, self control, transformation, unseen on April 14, 2026| Leave a Comment »
I believe that anyone who has raised a child would attest to the fact that babies are completely self-centered. When they are hungry, tired, bored, cold… they will let you know with no regard for the situation or those around them. As toddlers, they continue to want what they want, when they want it, the way they want it.
They don’t naturally share well, they often feel as though they are being treated unfairly, and they are prone to jealousy and tantrums. When they are hurt by a playmate, they regularly assume that it was done “on purpose” and they easily become competitive and manipulative with one another.
I believe that much like an unfinished/untreated piece of wood, this is a picture of our unvarnished human nature. Before we learn what is acceptable or what works or what is right, this is who we are at our core. And without a conscious and consistent effort to grow beyond these traits, this is our default position. I don’t sense that we need to choose these things, we simply need to let go of the proverbial rope, and this is where we’ll naturally fall back to.
In theory, we grow out of this phase as we get older, but not necessarily. The Apostle Paul said, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things (1Cor.13:11)”. Part of putting away childish things is the development of self-control (Gal.5:22-23).
It is a frustrating aspect of human nature that we are prone to try to control things that God has not given us authority over; while forsaking the one thing He has given us charge of. The scripture warns that there is a way that naturally seems right to a man, but that it ultimately leads to death (Prov.14:12).
In a culture that celebrates the idea of casting off all restraint, it is not surprising that the issue of “self-control” (Gal.5:22-23) is rarely addressed in the western church. Yet, without it we are unlikely to walk in the fulness of the things God has called us to.
Listed below are just some of the scriptures that require us to exercise self-control.
None of these things come naturally to us and without some type of commitment to the transformation process we are unlikely to walk in any of them. Scripture admonishes us to be partakers of the divine nature (2 Peter 1:4), but that is ultimately a choice which must be made daily. Paul speaks of the war between the flesh and the spirit (Gal.5:17-25), and that is also a battle that we must engage in minute by minute.
We are fond of declaring ourselves as, “saved, sanctified and going to heaven” but this implies that all the work has been done, and that we are simply waiting on the bus to heaven. But the scripture does not support this illusion. The fall of so many gifted and called leaders within the church is evidence that we have grossly underestimated the power of our flesh and correspondingly overestimated our sense of spiritual maturity.
As with all things, Christ is our model and He demonstrated the way for us. Here are just a few examples of His self-control:
Repeatedly we see Jesus yield the natural tendencies that come with sharing in our humanity, so that He might reflect and magnify the heart of the Father. His representation was so faithful that at the end of His ministry He was able to say, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father (John 14:9).” And now He has placed that mantle upon our shoulders, as it is Christ in us that is the hope of His glory (Col.1:27). If we are not willing to die, we have no claim to His resurrection power (John 12:24).
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