This weekend, as I listened to orphaned girls from Moldova speak of growing up without heat, or clothes of their own, or anybody to give them even an encouraging word, I couldn’t help but marvel at both the resiliency of the human spirit and the power of hope. But later, as I pondered so many of our own young people, who have grown up with many advantages, yet struggle with depression, addiction, self-mutilation and even suicide, I couldn’t help but wonder at the poverty of our affluence.
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The Bible says that “faith, without works, is dead”, which essentially means that a person can profess to have faith, but if it’s never acted upon, it becomes of no value. I believe the same holds true for love. We can convince ourselves that we love someone, but if those feelings are not regularly expressed or acted upon, it too becomes of little or no worth. Many of us (especially of the male persuasion) presume that our love is implicitly expressed through things like bringing home a paycheck or taking out the trash, but I would submit that this falls woefully short of the mark. Some try to compensate for that tendency by giving extravagant gifts on days like Valentine’s Day; but again, I don’t think that makes the grade. Despite the advertising campaigns, things like flowers or chocolates or even diamond rings, can only imply what you feel about someone. If you really want them to know how you feel, you must find a way to express it explicitly. If you can’t seem to articulate it with your mouth, write it down. If you’re not good with words, find a card or a song that expresses what you feel. The loved one’s in your life need for your love to be explicit (i.e. expressed clearly). There’s no better day than today to get started with that (and don’t wait another year before you try it again).
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The problem with staying around someone who does not respect you is that you begin to see yourself through their eyes.
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As a person who’s played for several coaches, who’s been a coach on numerous occasions and who’s interacted with many of those who have coached my kids, I believe that every coach could benefit from considering the following points.
1. Opponents don’t need to be enemies. A popular tactic amongst coaches is to demonize their opponents and then stir the fires of hostility in their own players. While this approach can sometimes pay dividends in the short run, it tends to backfire over the long haul. Anger is generally a poor motivator for consistent performance and frequently results in detrimental side effects.
2. There is no shame in admitting that another team is more talented than yours. It has become almost sacrilegious in coaching circles to say this out loud, but sometimes the other team just has more weapons at their disposal. Trying to pretend that isn’t the case doesn’t fool anyone and can make a coach seem less than credible.
3. Good coaching can only take a team so far. In an era where some coaches have achieved mythical status, it is often assumed that the right coach can turn any team into a winner; but in truth, the best that a coach can do is to help their players reach their full potential. The collective potential generally forms the ceiling for a team and is something that most coaches (especially at the amateur level) have little or no control over.
4. The best coaches adapt their game plan to accommodate their team’s strengths and weaknesses. When a coach has sustained success with a particular game plan (e.g. the option offense in football), it becomes tempting to force their teams into that mold; regardless of whether they fit or not. The best coaches remain students of the game, so that they can tailor their approach based on the pieces that they have to work with.
5. Defeat does not become failure until you refuse to learn from it. Adversity is an inevitable part of life and learning how to deal with it is a huge component of finding success. The best shooters in basketball miss about half of their shots and the best hitters in baseball don’t get a hit at least six out of every ten times they get to the plate. Ultimately, this makes teaching players how to handle setbacks a critical element of successful coaching.
6. Trash talk shouldn’t be part of the game. Though many young coaches might disagree, I would submit that “trash talking” detracts from both the game and its players. If a player has the skills, they’re better off letting their play do the talking. If they don’t, all of that brash chatter just makes them look foolish. For all of the talk about “getting into an opponent’s head”, there is little real evidence that trash talking has any positive impact on winning percentage.
7. Having a “winning attitude” doesn’t win the game. Though a “bad” attitude can easily cost a team the game, simply having a “good” attitude cannot win it for them. Ultimately, talent, preparation and execution must be combined with the right attitude in order to achieve regular success.
8. No single player should be allowed to be bigger than the team. It is commonplace for “star” players to expect special treatment and their own set of rules; but coaches who give into that kind of pressure generally lose the respect of the rest of their team.
9. Yes, there are “moral victories”. In this era of win at all costs, it has become popular to claim that there is no such thing as a “moral victory”; but for many human beings, that is the only kind of victory that they will ever experience. Like teaching a baby to walk, moral victories are the first small steps toward consistent success. Coaches who don’t believe in such things often burn themselves (& others) out, while trying to make their teams run before they’ve learned how to walk.
10. A team takes on the character of their leadership. If a coach doesn’t like the character of their team, it might be time for some soul searching. A team’s character can’t help but reflect (& often magnify) the coach’s strengths and weaknesses.
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Today is my son Patrick’s 14th birthday and as my first (biological) child, it’s hard for me not to reflect on the day that he was born. It was a moment that I will always cherish. Looking back, it’s amazing to realize all that led up to that day and all that I didn’t see coming on the horizon. Just ten months before, I’d become a husband to Anita and a father to Katelyn (who had her twentieth birthday yesterday); and eleven & a half months after that day, we’d welcome the twins (Rebekah & Andrew). Life has never been the same and I’d never want to go back. All of our kids are beautiful in their own unique way and each have been a special kind of blessing. I’ve attached a letter, that I wrote back in the day, in an effort to capture the emotion of that moment. Happy Birthday Son; I love the man that you’re becoming!
Son Dearest Son,
It is very late in the evening, and as I write this letter you are sound asleep. The truth be told, you’ve been asleep for hours, but it was only in the last few minutes that I managed to let you go. I knew that becoming a father would be very special, but I never knew that my heart could be so full. It’s as if I’ve lived in the same two-story house for my whole life, only to discover that there’s actually a third floor. Your arrival has broken something open in me and I can’t seem to stop it from spilling out. I’ve barely been able to speak all day, but in this late hour I feel the need to try to put some things into words. I don’t know that what I’m about to write will make any sense, but it is my heart in this moment.
I guess that I should start by saying that you are the most precious thing that I’ve ever held in my hands. You have a face like an angel (just like your momma) and as your tiny hand wrapped around my finger, I just knew that you were a miracle sent from heaven. I guess that since babies are born everyday we don’t tend to think of it as miraculous, but now I understand that it is. I marvel that anyone who’s experienced this could doubt that there is a God. I feel humbled that He allowed me to be a part of it all. He surely could have given you to a better man; I hope that I don’t disappoint Him and I hope that you’re not disappointed either. I feel ill-equipped to be all that you’ll need me to be, but I am resolved to give it everything that I have. If I succeed at nothing else, I pray that you will grow up knowing how special you are and how much you are loved.
As much as I want to do & be everything for you, I realize that my influence on your life will only be for a season; and that long before I’m ready, you’ll be a man, making his own way in the world. In the time that I have, there is so much about life that I hope to teach you. I wish that I could tell you that it is how I’ve lived my life, but sometimes the way to discover what is true is to first figure out what is false. Unfortunately, I’ve learned many things that way in my lifetime. It is my hope that you will be a better man than I have been, so I will try to teach you the truth, even the parts that I haven’t lived yet. The thing about truth is that even though it can be a hard pill to swallow, it ultimately sets you free. I pray that the truth will always be welcomed in your life, because a man who deceives himself is incapable of being honest with anyone else.
I wish I could tell you that this new world you’ve come to is some sort of paradise, but honestly this life can be pretty hard. There is fear and pain and evil here, and things aren’t always fair. But son, there is also goodness and beauty and love in this world, and if you’ll watch for it, you’ll find it everywhere. God left His fingerprints on everything and if you’ll notice them, it will remind you that He’s always close by. Try not to keep score on how many good things or bad things happen in your life; be quick to forgive and to admit when you’re wrong, so that you can move past the hurtful things; and take time to enjoy and celebrate what is beautiful. Try to be the kind of person who builds up instead of tearing down, and who gives more than they’re looking to get. Always remember that the most miserable life you can live is one that is all about yourself.
As I held you today, my mind was filled with images of all the things that you might become; but honestly, I just want you to become whoever you were created to be. And the only one who can really get you there is the One who created you. Don’t worry when people tell you that believing in God is a crutch; the truth is that we all need something to lean on and if you look closely, you’ll see that everyone has some sort of crutch. The difference is that those other crutches don’t have the ability to bring peace or hope into your life. God means for us to lean on Him, which is why He only offers “daily bread”; because He wants us to come back every day. You see God is love and in the end that’s what it all boils down to; it is our deepest need, our strongest motivation, our greatest joy and ultimately what life is all about.
I guess it seems strange to be thinking about the end of your life on the day that it’s beginning, but if we understood from the start what will matter at the end, I think it would change how we lived in between. Don’t worry about what you don’t know; that’s what faith is for. Don’t worry about the ways that you will fall short; that’s what grace is for. Don’t worry what other people believe about you; just be careful what you choose to believe about yourself. Don’t get caught up in what this world calls success, because a man who is driven by the need for success is destined to be pursued by the fear of failure. Don’t let your heart be swayed by this world’s conception of beauty; the most beautiful face you’ll ever see is the one that looks back at you in love. Don’t be afraid to believe in what you can’t see or explain; it’s only the invisible things that really last and only the things that are bigger than we can comprehend that stir up our ability to hope.
I guess I can’t try to fit a whole lifetimes worth of advice into your first day. Now that I’ve written all of this down, I’m not really sure what to do with it. Maybe someday you’ll read it and more than heeding all of the advice, I hope you’ll have some greater understanding of how your arrival changed my life. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be called your father, but I also know that before I held you in my hands today, you were in the hands of “The Father” and long after I’m gone, He will still be your Father. I pray that nothing I ever do will distort your view of Him, because even if I fail you, He never will. I love you son, I’m so glad that you’re here. God sure did a great job when He made you. I hope you will one day understand the miracle that you are.
With All of My Love – Dad
* * The sentiments that I expressed in this letter are no less true for any of my other children (including my step-daughter), but you can only experience the” first time” once and so this writing simply centers on that moment
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One of the major themes, which has reverberated throughout human history, is the concept of an epic struggle between the forces of “good” and “evil”. And while there is, no doubt, some amount of credence to this idea, I believe that the parameters of that conflict have become increasingly distorted and exaggerated. Unfortunately, a failure to understand the bounds of that battle could ultimately cost us a much greater defeat.
Based on westernized Christianity one might assume that the Garden of Eden’s “forbidden fruit” came from the tree of “evil”, as opposed to the tree “of the knowledge of good and evil”. By applying that flawed understanding, the problem becomes that we ate of the evil fruit, which introduced sin and whereby Jesus becomes the antidote for our poisonous blight. While there is certainly a strand of truth in that picture, it fails to adequately represent the full scope of mankind’s eternal struggle.
In reality, the options in the garden came down to the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. By partaking of the latter, mankind not only gave evil a place in creation, he also birthed the presumption that men have the ability to discern what is “good” for themselves. Choosing between “life” (which can only be found in the person of Jesus Christ) and our own understanding of what is “good”, has been a problem ever since. By characterizing this life as a struggle between good and evil, mankind continues to walk by the tree of life, as he strives to achieve what he imagines to be “good”.
Jesus chided those who referred to Him as “good” teacher; telling them that there was “only one who is good”; while the book of Proverbs says that there is a way that seems right (or good) to a man, but that in the end it leads to death. Those who reject God often do so on the basis of things like, “why would God send a good (by their own definition) person to hell” or “why would a good (also by their own definition) God allow ______ (i.e. bad things) to happen to good (again, by their own definition) people”. Even amongst those who count themselves as followers of Jesus, it is often the pursuit of things we perceive to be good that keeps us from pursuing the things that God has actually called us to. I believe that this is the trap that the Apostle Paul was trying to warn us about when he exhorted us to walk in the Spirit, to live in the Spirit, to be led by the Spirit and to test everything by the Spirit. He was telling us that quite literally, apart from God you can do “nothing”.
Another problem with magnifying the emphasis of good versus evil is that it lends too much credibility to the power of evil. The truth of scripture is that evil has already been defeated. While it makes for great human drama to portray the forces of good hanging on by a thread, the reality is that darkness is defenseless against the power of light. There is no real comparison between these two forces; the actual battle is for the hearts of men, who have an unfortunate penchant for choosing the darkness (John 3:19) over the light.
I would submit that few people will knowingly embrace what they recognize to be evil, which is why the scripture tells us that our enemy often comes disguised as an angel of light.(2 Cor. 11:14). But if that is true, then it is the things which we’ve characterized as being “good” that have the greatest potential to lead us astray. While that doesn’t necessarily make us evil, it may well qualify us as deceived; which from an eternal perspective can be just as perilous.
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As we start a new year, it has become commonplace to see lists compiled of the Top Ten movies or songs or news stories… from the previous year; and every once in a while, someone sets out to create a new list of the Top Hundred… of all time. Being a lover of rock and roll, I’m always interested in these lists as they pertain to the area of music; and as I recently reviewed yet another list of the top rock artists of all time, it occurred to me how difficult it is to agree on a particular artist’s rightful place in music lore. I believe that is because there are so many different ways in which you could measure an artist’s greatness. Perhaps the easiest measure is that of an artist’s popularity, which could be gauged by record and ticket sales. But a musical purest would rightly argue that popularity does not necessarily equate to quality and therefore favor some other scale. For some it might be the artist’s impact on music; for others it could be their impact on popular culture; for others it might be based on their skill as a musician, or as a performer, or as an artist or as an innovator. Depending on which measure you choose, certain artists can rapidly ascend or descend on the scale.
A great example of this would be Michael Jackson. He was undoubtedly one of the great performers of all time. His dance moves were almost surreal, his popularity was phenomenal and his use of the music video format was revolutionary. Based on those measures, he’d be high on the list. But for the musical purest, his singing and songwriting skills were less than spectacular and arguably his songs did little to impact the face of popular music or culture.
On the other end of the spectrum is someone like Bob Dylan, who many consider to be a voice that spoke for an entire generation. Based strictly on his songwriting ability he might make many a critic’s all-time list; but as a musician and a performer his stature becomes debatable. While die-hard fans might consider his music to be “nuanced” and his vocals to be “distinctive”, others might view these aspects through a less charitable lens. Where Dylan might fall on one’s list would likely depend on their overall perception of him as a performer.
The results will vary greatly depending on which aspect we choose to center our attention. If we focus strictly on performers, names like Elvis, James Brown, the Rolling Stones, Jim Morrison, The Grateful Dead, Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury and even a band like Kiss might rise to the top. If we talk about performers who changed the face of music, we would have to include artists like the Beatles, the Beach Boys, Led Zeppelin, Marvin Gaye, U2, Prince and maybe even groups like the Sex Pistols, Public Enemy and Nirvana. If we focused on artistry, we might add names like Bob Dylan, Carole King, Simon & Garfunkel, Elton John and Sting. If we think of innovation, we would probably incorporate artists like Jimi Hendrix, Credence Clearwater Revival, Frank Zappa, David Bowie, Peter Gabriel, Pink Floyd and Steely Dan. If we talk about virtuoso musicians, we would need to include people like Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page, Carlos Santana, (the band) Yes, Stevie Ray Vaughn, (the band) Rush and Eddie Van Halen, in the conversation. If we consider incredibly talented assemblies, we might add groups like The Byrds, Cream, Crosby-Stills & Nash, The Eagles and Fleetwood Mac. If we take mass appeal into account, groups like the Bee Gees and ABBA would also have to be considered. Some of these artists, like the Beatles, Jim Morrison (and the Doors), Marvin Gaye, Led Zeppelin and Bruce Springsteen, would rank high in multiple categories. While others, like The Grateful Dead, Freddie Mercury (Queen), Steely Dan, Yes, Prince… might not even appear on many people’s top 100 list. Ultimately, it all depends on the measure that you decide to use.
As a lover of music, I’m less inclined to consider an artist’s impact on music or culture and more apt to judge them on their sound. While I can appreciate that a group like the Sex Pistols helped to usher in a new era or that Frank Zappa took music to a place it’s never been, I don’t have any real inclination to listen to their recordings. For me, the song is the thing. Based on that, I’d take the Beatles over Bob Dylan, Led Zeppelin over the Stones, the Doors over Hendrix, Simon & Garfunkel over Clapton, Springsteen over Neil Young and the Eagles over the Grateful Dead. For rock historians that may not be very satisfying, but on my CD player, it’s right where it needs to be. Beyond these members of rock’s royal family, there are a whole slew of other bands, who aren’t necessarily revered by critics (e.g. Three Dog Night, Bad Company, The Doobie Brothers, Heart, ZZ Top, Boston, Journey, Tom Petty…), but who created a sizable catalog of highly listenable music. For me, some of those recordings would be more welcome in my collection than many of the ones which have been hailed as “classics”. Though these lists are interesting to ponder, in the end, it’s doubtful that any two people would pick them the same.
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At the end of John’s gospel (John 21:18-22), he speaks of an incident, which happened at the time of Peter’s restoration, following the crucifixion. Within the context of the story, Jesus foretells some of the unsavory circumstances which will accompany Peter’s eventual death; and in response Peter questions Jesus about John’s death. In typical Peter bluntness he asks, “Lord, what about him?” From a human standpoint, it isn’t hard to relate to Peter at that moment; after all, he just found out that he is going to meet a bad end and he’s wondering if he’s the only one who’s going to have to endure that kind of thing. But even with a small amount of wisdom, it’s hard not to cringe at the idea of posing such a question to Jesus.
Repeatedly, the scripture speaks of the folly of trying to use other people or their circumstances, as a reference point for our own journey. In the parable of the Workers in the Vineyard (Matt 20:1-16), Jesus spoke of the workers who grumbled about those who received a full days wage for only an hour’s work; even though they’d been paid the full and agreed upon price. Paul also warned about measuring ourselves against each other (2 Cor. 10:12) and admonished us to “fix our eyes on Jesus”, who is the “Author and Finisher of our faith” (Heb. 12:2). Even the commandment against coveting has this idea of comparison (e.g. what we have with what other people have…) entrained within it.
Questions like the one Peter asks in this story are bound to lead us in a bad direction and they implicitly question the goodness and/or justice of God. Undoubtedly, Peter was to some degree challenging the fairness of his fate, if John wasn’t going to have to face a similar circumstance. Jesus quickly slammed the door on this line of questioning by saying, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
Whether we want to admit it, each of us has had moments like this; times when we’ve questioned why we got what we got, or didn’t get what someone else got; times where we’ve viewed other people’s trials or gifts or callings or circumstances as more desirable than our own. In those moments we need to remind ourselves that we are completely unique beings; handcrafted in our mother’s wombs by the God of creation and that all of our days were written in His book before one of them came to pass (Psalm 139:13-16). We need to trust in His goodness and mercy toward us; and we need to remember Jesus words to Peter, “What is that to you? You must follow me.”
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Why are you downcast, O my soul?
And what has caused you to become troubled within me?
Did He not say that His grace would be sufficient for us?
Is there something else that we’re looking for?
Why are you so weary, O my soul?
And what has caused you to become anxious within me?
Did He not tell us that His joy would be our strength?
Is there something else that is fueling us?
Why are you in such despair, O my soul?
And what has caused you to become disturbed within me?
Did He not warn us that “all that is seen” is perishing?
Is that where we thought our help would come from?
If He is for us, who or what can be against us?
If He is with us, how can we be without hope?
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Bjcorbin's Blog 
10 Lies the Enemy is Always Peddling
March 18, 2013 by bjcorbin
1. You can have your cake and eat it too. I’ve heard it said that the person who tries to make the best of both worlds generally makes nothing of either of them; while the Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. The enemy of our souls loves it when we waiver between two opinions, as it is sure to breed compromise.
2. “They” did “that” on purpose. Healthy relationships are at the core of everything that God accomplishes through mankind; so it follows that relational discord is a primary goal for our adversary. Presuming to know the motivations of someone else’s heart and the idea that people are generally “out to get us”, create fertile ground for vain imaginations and interpersonal strife.
3. You need what “they” have. The root of covetousness is formed when we fail to appreciate the things we already have. As we begin to compare our lot to everyone else’s, it normally bursts to the surface as fully developed feelings of envy and avarice; which ultimately poison everything they come in contact with.
4. You’re alone / you’re the only one / you’re on your own. Even a ferocious predator (e.g. a lion) takes the time to separate its prey from the herd and generally picks on the sick or lame. So it is with our enemy, who wants us to feel isolated and to battle out of our own strength. Even people of great faith, like the prophet Elijah, can fall into this trap under the right circumstances (see 1 Kings 19:14-18).
5. Nothing ever goes right for you / you can never catch a break. Like covetousness, self-pity tends to begin with a failure to recognize or appreciate the blessings we’ve already received. It effectively cuts us off from our source for strength and peace, as it implicitly declares that He is not faithful to complete the good work He has begun in us; that He does in fact leave us and forsake us; and that ultimately His grace is not sufficient for us.
6. It’s not your fault. Though these words sound almost comforting on the surface, it is rare that we don’t actually bear some responsibility for our circumstance. When we fail to acknowledge our role in a problem, we unwittingly forfeit the ability to bring about any substantive change to the situation.
7. It’s all your fault. Those who are unwilling to blame someone else for their problems can often fall the opposite way, into the trap of condemnation. The Bible says that the “Accuser of the Brethren” makes accusation against God’s people day and night (Rev. 12:10), though it also points out that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). Acknowledging our legitimate responsibility in a given situation, without attempting to shoulder the weight of the entire issue, is a key element in diffusing the arguments of our adversary.
8. I am too powerful to resist / you are too weak to stop me. Though our enemy roars like a lion, he does not possess the unchecked power of a true devourer. The scripture tells us that if we’d simply submit ourselves to God and resist the devil, he (i.e. the enemy) would flee (James 4: 7).
9. It will always be this way / this is as good as it gets / you’re at the end of your rope. These thoughts, and many others like them, are meant to conjure a state of hopelessness. Just as our bodies cannot survive without water, so our souls cannot be sustained without hope.
10. If people knew the real you, they wouldn’t love you. This idea is meant to keep us from ever stepping into the fullness of who God created us to be. Since we were all made in His image, becoming that person would not only cause others to be drawn to us, it would also allow us to find the treasure within ourselves.
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