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Posts Tagged ‘evidence’

I recently came across this entry in an old notebook. It comes from a different season of my life, and I’d would say that it is the sound of me working out my salvation with fear and trembling.  Even then I realized that God didn’t just want my best, He wanted my all, including the pain, the fear and the frustration.  I share this now for those who may be wrestling with some of those same things.

 

Empty Handed

Dearest Lord Jesus – I come this morning with empty hands and empty pockets

Like a beggar who’s wandered into Your courts

Because of who You are, there are no guards at the door

And despite my poor state, I know that I can come

My accuser has taunted me through the night to produce some evidence from my life

And though I know who is speaking, I have to wonder at his challenge

Shouldn’t there be some fruit to show him?

If I am really a “new man”,

why do I still look so much like the old one?

If I am supposed to be some sort of spiritual covering,

why do the people I love seem so uncovered?

If I really believe in Your Word,

why is so little of it manifest in my life?

If You are my Savior,

where is the joy You paid for?

If You are my Lord,

where is the peace You attained for me?

What is it in my heart that clutches the poisonous reed,

but fails to grasp the fragrant pedals

I can see the place that You’ve set for me at Your table,

why can’t I seem to sit in that chair?

Though I’ve not buried Your investment in the ground;

I wonder if You have ever gained any interest on the things You’ve placed in my hands

You deserve a better servant,

yet here I am

and You don’t cast me out

You don’t seem to be surprised or disappointed in me

Why should I be so disappointed in myself

and yet I am

I want so much to love You,

to serve You,

to be the person You made me to be,

to be like You

God help me;

do Your Holy work within me,

that I might bring an offering befitting of my gracious Lord

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