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Posts Tagged ‘nursing a grudge’

There is a popular adage that says, “hurt people hurt people”, which is simply an acknowledgement of our human tendency to hold on to the pain of the past, and over time, to act out of that hurt.  Indeed, many of history’s most notorious abusers were first victims of abuse.  And though we have little control over the things that happen to us, we do bear some responsibility for how we respond. 

There is also phrase that speaks of, “nursing a grudge”, which effectively points to another common pattern of human behavior, which is to keep issues alive that would otherwise wither and die, if they were left unattended.  While a victim can rightfully claim that they didn’t start the fire, adding wood and gasoline to the flames eventually breeds some level of accountability for the resulting damage. 

Finally, there is the term, “triggered”, which describes a moment in real time (i.e. right now) when we make an emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection to an experience from the past, and we react out of that former hurt, instead of what is going on presently.  In such moments, the magnitude of our reaction can reach well beyond what is reasonable for the current circumstance.  Ironically, this term also seems to acknowledge the weaponizing of our hurt.  While there may not be malicious intent, acting out of our hurt only serves to perpetuate the damage.

In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians he specifically calls out anger, but goes on to include every form of malice (e.g. bitterness, rage, slander…).  While he acknowledges that we can experience these emotions, he urges that we not let them take hold of us, allowing them to become sin (Eph. 4:26).  He further warns that entertaining these negative emotions will give our enemy a foothold within us (Eph. 4:27).  If we carry this woundedness long enough, it weaves its way into our identity, becoming a conduit for the enemy to sabbatoge every effort, and/or relationship.  Inevitably, the idea that we’ve always been this way evolves into the belief that this is just who we were created to be. 

I believe that this is why we so often see God give characters within scripture a new name.  He is in effect saying, the world has viewed you as Jacob, but I see you as Israel; you have been taught that you are Simon, but I call you Peter; you have thought of yourself as Saul, but I think of you as Paul: your experience has led you to believe that you are the least of the least of the least, but I know you to be a mighty man of valor.

Too many of us, who are called by His name, know that we are wounded, routinely act out of that hurt, and have even passed that damage on to the next generation.  Often times, our difficulty in letting go of the pain of the past is rooted in unforgiveness.  No doubt, the demons that we’ve failed to conquer in our own lives have snuggled with our children.  But part of the transformation that the Lord has authored for us (2Cor.3:18) is the renewal of our hearts (2Cor.4:16), and minds (Rom.12:2).  Receiving this healing is an essential part of fulfilling God’s purposes in our lives.  It is also part of the abundant life (John 10:10) Christ died to give us.

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