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Posts Tagged ‘triggered’

Emotional

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 19, 2023| Leave a Comment »

When I was a child, I was very sensitive and emotional; which sounds kind of funny since I don’t suppose that I’ve ever stopped being those things.  But as time went on, I figured out that wearing my heart (i.e. emotions) on my sleeve was both messy, and at times, even dangerous. 

The first step was learning to suppress the urge to express every thought and/or feeling that bubbled up within me.  This was only moderately helpful, as internalizing these things just allowed them to fester until they came blasting out in some other unhealthy fashion.

Eventually I began to develop my intellect as a way of heading off those powerful emotions, ultimately learning to talk myself off the ledge.  I started to anticipate situations, and to think my way through them as a hedge against getting overwhelmed by circumstances. 

While this step was a little more fruitful, I began to slide off the other side of the spectrum, often times becoming relentlessly pragmatic, cynical, and/or emotionally shutdown. It was easier to manage that way, but I’m not sure it was any healthier.

In my early thirties, the life that I had carefully built (without God) began to unravel, and the powerful emotions that accompanied that season threated to drive me back into the volatile sensitivity of my youth.  Though I did have some bad moments, they were tempered by a rediscovery of my faith, as the collapse of my first marriage coincided with a sudden and unexpected revelation of Jesus.  It was a slow, and somewhat painful process, but I began to learn how to surrender my overwhelming emotions to Him, so that they wouldn’t spill over into other areas of my life.

On the surface, I may have appeared to be calmer and more mature, but in reality, I emerged from the wreckage of my old life emotionally exhausted, guarded and with a fair amount of skepticism with regard to the future (i.e. little hope).

As I attempted to cultivate my renewed faith, I frequently found myself in Evangelical settings, where ministers often warned of the dangers of “emotionalism”.   Their antidote always seemed to center around more Bible study.  If we could just memorize scripture, we’d be inoculated against the toxic effect of our emotions.  This created a rather cold sanitized religious atmosphere, much like a clean kitchen with no food in the cupboards.  It felt safe, but it generally left you hungry.

Over time, I felt pulled toward more Charismatic circles, and that atmosphere was the antithesis of what I’d experienced previously.  It was lively, loud, and filled with unabashed emotion.  It was warmer, and more inviting, but it also felt chaotic and precarious.  For a long time, I just sat back and watched.  It was like a messy kitchen with plenty to eat, but a lot of it looked like junk food.

I felt caught between two worlds, neither of which seemed to be what I was seeking.  And in the midst of this turmoil, God in His mercy, allowed me to encounter His Holy Spirit, which became the pivot on which everything shifted. 

In that moment, the otherworldly, historical God that I had grown up hearing about stepped into the present tense, and became a reality to me.  The sense of His presence was so tangible and healing that I never wanted to live apart from Him again.

This was the beginning of a new journey for me.  I was no longer interested in religious rituals, and quasi-sacred dogmas.  If God was a real person, and I could have an actual relationship with Him, that is what I wanted.  Life had taught me that people are generally self-serving, unreliable, and not worthy of my trust, so the thought of eliminating the middle man was very appealing to me.

Like Peter, this unveiled revelation of who He was made me want to set up a tent, and live with Him on the mountain top, and God allowed me to revel in that “just You and me” relationship for a season.  But just as He did with His disciples, He let me know that ultimately the mission was down in the valley, where all those people I struggled to trust lived. 

The good news was that He wasn’t asking me to trust them, He was asking me to trust Him.  The bad news was that I couldn’t distance myself from them without also creating distance between Him and me.  Given my newfound sense of His nearness, that was a cost I wasn’t willing to pay. 

But I also understood that routinely dealing with the complexities of other human beings was going to require a level of patience and self-control that I had not yet manifested at that point in my life.  From the base, it looked to be a mountain that might be impossible to climb.

To my dismay, the more serious I became about laying my life down for the Lord, the more I found Him pushing me back toward the emotional sensitivity of my childhood.  I felt as though He said that this was part of how He designed me; that my gifts were wrapped up in that sensitivity, and that only a childlike heart would be able to experience His kingdom. 

While I understood that He didn’t want me to be driven by my emotions, I found that He was equally dissatisfied with idea that I would be guided by my own rationalizations.  God, and His kingdom far exceed the bounds of my natural mind’s ability to understand them, and to rely on my thoughts as a guide greatly diminishes the influence He means to have in my life.  To that end, He has graciously given us His Holy Spirit, that we might have the mind of Christ, and the heart of the Father, but to partake of that requires genuine surrender.

I wish I could say that I’ve consistently walked in that level of submission, but that wouldn’t be true.  I will say that it has been in those moments when I’ve been able to set aside my own thoughts and feelings that God has most clearly manifested Himself in my life.  As with all things, there is a balance that needs to be achieved.

Our emotions are not inherently evil, they are a reflection of the Creator, whose image we were made in.  They are a vital part of who we are, and of the gifts He’s given us, and of the loving relationships we were meant to have.  Indeed, we cannot accurately reflect His character without them.  But they were never meant to be our motivation to speak/act, or to be our source for fulfilment.

The same is true of our mind, which the Lord also gave us.  It is a beautiful gift, that can be a powerful instrument when in subjection to His authority.  But like our emotions, it has tremendous potential to facilitate chaos and destruction.  The scripture warns that we need to take every thought captive and to make it obedient to Christ.  I would suggest that this is also the necessary pattern for our emotions.

When we surrender ourselves to the power of God’s Spirit, He does not seize control of us like some drone being flown remotely.  Instead, He works through the gifts He’s given us, including our mind and emotions.  Moment by moment, it is our choice as to whether we will remain in subjection to Him, which is why “Self-Control” is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

In my lifetime, I have walked through a spectrum of emotional experiences.  I have been the hyper reactive, easily offended, perpetually triggered melt down machine; and I have also been the callous, cynical, apathetic jerk.  I have seen my emotions (& thoughts) become seeds for destruction, and I have seen them powerfully used by God.  Today, as with all things, I simply try to keep myself (i.e. mind, will and emotions) in step with God’s heart. 

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Hurt

Posted in Thought for the Day / Quotes, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2022| Leave a Comment »

There is a popular adage that says, “hurt people hurt people”, which is simply an acknowledgement of our human tendency to hold on to the pain of the past, and over time, to act out of that hurt.  Indeed, many of history’s most notorious abusers were first victims of abuse.  And though we have little control over the things that happen to us, we do bear some responsibility for how we respond. 

There is also phrase that speaks of, “nursing a grudge”, which effectively points to another common pattern of human behavior, which is to keep issues alive that would otherwise wither and die, if they were left unattended.  While a victim can rightfully claim that they didn’t start the fire, adding wood and gasoline to the flames eventually breeds some level of accountability for the resulting damage. 

Finally, there is the term, “triggered”, which describes a moment in real time (i.e. right now) when we make an emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection to an experience from the past, and we react out of that former hurt, instead of what is going on presently.  In such moments, the magnitude of our reaction can reach well beyond what is reasonable for the current circumstance.  Ironically, this term also seems to acknowledge the weaponizing of our hurt.  While there may not be malicious intent, acting out of our hurt only serves to perpetuate the damage.

In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians he specifically calls out anger, but goes on to include every form of malice (e.g. bitterness, rage, slander…).  While he acknowledges that we can experience these emotions, he urges that we not let them take hold of us, allowing them to become sin (Eph. 4:26).  He further warns that entertaining these negative emotions will give our enemy a foothold within us (Eph. 4:27).  If we carry this woundedness long enough, it weaves its way into our identity, becoming a conduit for the enemy to sabbatoge every effort, and/or relationship.  Inevitably, the idea that we’ve always been this way evolves into the belief that this is just who we were created to be. 

I believe that this is why we so often see God give characters within scripture a new name.  He is in effect saying, the world has viewed you as Jacob, but I see you as Israel; you have been taught that you are Simon, but I call you Peter; you have thought of yourself as Saul, but I think of you as Paul: your experience has led you to believe that you are the least of the least of the least, but I know you to be a mighty man of valor.

Too many of us, who are called by His name, know that we are wounded, routinely act out of that hurt, and have even passed that damage on to the next generation.  Often times, our difficulty in letting go of the pain of the past is rooted in unforgiveness.  No doubt, the demons that we’ve failed to conquer in our own lives have snuggled with our children.  But part of the transformation that the Lord has authored for us (2Cor.3:18) is the renewal of our hearts (2Cor.4:16), and minds (Rom.12:2).  Receiving this healing is an essential part of fulfilling God’s purposes in our lives.  It is also part of the abundant life (John 10:10) Christ died to give us.

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Triggered

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , on June 16, 2020| Leave a Comment »

The word, “triggered” has become a popular part of today’s vernacular, and is generally applied to anything that might cause one to become upset. But for the purposes of this discourse, I will use it in a very specific context, which is when in the midst of an experience that is happening in real time (i.e. right now) we make an emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection to an experience that has happened in the past. In such moments, the magnitude of our response can quickly escalate well beyond what seems reasonable for the current circumstance.

 

One of the clearest examples I can give of being “triggered” is something I witnessed while I was in the Navy. During those years, guys routinely messed with each other and rough-housed. One day, a big guy (John) snuck up on a smaller guy (Jim), and grabbed him from behind. Jim let out a blood curdling scream, and rammed John into a piece of machinery, causing him to let go. When John released him, Jim turned and furiously began to pummel John with his fists. Eventually, it took five guys to restrain Jim and keep him from killing John.

 

At the time, Jim’s reaction didn’t make any sense to us. But we later learned that his step-father had molested him for years, and that what he was experiencing at that moment wasn’t his friend playing a practical joke on him, he was reliving the terror of a little boy being raped by his step-father.

 

Though it is an extreme example, it drives home the seriousness of this phenomena. Our responses often seem inappropriate because we’re emotionally/spiritually connected to some other moment.

 

For those who consider themselves to be spiritual, and believe that there are actual forces of darkness at work against our souls, you can be sure that making these connections is a valuable tool of the enemy. By linking the two moments, the illusion that Jim was about to be ravaged eclipsed the reality that he wasn’t in any real danger. The enemy of our soul loves it when he can get us to react to an unreality, and if we choose to hold on to those emotions, it opens the door for that painful moment to turn into an altered perception of reality going forward.

 

An example of this would be a woman whose first husband was unfaithful to her. Years later, after marrying a more honest and loyal man, she still experiences feelings of hurt and anxiety whenever she sees him talking to another woman. On an intellectual level she can say that her second husband is nothing like the first. But emotionally, she continues to reconnect her past hurts with her present fears. The voice of the enemy tells her that all men will eventually cheat, and on some level, she believes it. Every time she hears of a man being unfaithful, the enemy reinforces the stronghold, “See, that’s just how men are”. Without healing, she might actually be the one to drive her second marriage to destruction.

 

The enemy’s ultimate prize is our identity, and as we accept that the hurts of the past are who we are as opposed to what happened to us, he gains a valuable stronghold that he can revisit again and again. When this happens, it doesn’t take a traumatic event to trigger strong emotions. It simply takes a mirror.

Our Creator stands at the ready to show us who we really are, but that type of healing requires a willingness to surrender our old identities.

 

Once in this “triggered” state, several common patterns emerge. Accompanying the magnified sense of current and past events is the tendency to vigorously defend the legitimacy of this heightened emotional state, to lash out at anyone who attempts to provide a more balanced perspective, to speak in definitives (e.g. they always do this, they never do that, nothing works, no one ever has…), and to project the characteristics/actions of an individual (or a few individuals) onto the entire group (e.g. men do this, women think that, that generation believes…).

 

Remaining in this condition for any appreciable amount of time can be like putting on a pair of sunglasses, as it begins to color every other thing we look at. If we feel disrespected, we begin to perceive disrespect in everything that goes on around us, even from people who don’t know us, and in situations that don’t involve us. All it takes is a spark in the right spot, and soon the whole forest can be ablaze.

 

We live in a culture that is filled with stimuli which are meant to provoke a reaction. Every day we are bombarded with images and words that are intended to incite some type of a response. If we don’t recognize the danger, and guard our hearts, we too will be tossed about on the waves of emotional / spiritual turmoil.

 

The enemy loves to exploit these moments, as heavy and lasting damage to relationships is often the outcome. Like Jim in the previous story, we can feel as though our very existence is threatened, and therefore act / speak in a way that is completely out of our normal character. Unfortunately, when the moment is over, and the emotions subside, the damage often remains. In the end, both Jim and John felt like they’d been attacked, and their friendship never recovered.

 

Being a gifted and genuine believer does not exempt a person from falling into this trap. Elijah had been ministering in the miraculous power of God for some time before Jezebel’s threat sent him running for the hills (1 Kings 19). Fresh off a spectacular showdown with the prophets of Baal, and even after the Lord literally shook the earth with His power, Elijah was convinced that he was the “only one” left, and wanted to die. The veil of his fear blinded him to the reality of seven thousand other believers who had not bowed to the god of the age.

 

The scriptures warn us not to focus on what is seen, because it is perishing (i.e. temporary). It exhorts us to take every thought captive, making it subject to Christ, and to fix our hearts on things above (i.e. eternal). It is vital that we discern the spirit which lurks behind the things that trigger our emotions and provoke us to wrath. We must learn to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. If not, we risk becoming enslaved by a hollow and deceptive philosophy which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

 

The enemy of our souls has a story he’d like to share today.  It’s a tale of frustration, failure, and pain.  It’s a narrative filled with “if only’s” (e.g. if only this would happen, if only that hadn’t happened) which will always leave us one step away from wherever we want to be.  The Creator of our souls also has a story He’d like to share today.  It’s a plan of provision, strength and hope.  It’s a narrative filled with “even if’s” (e.g. even if that happened, even if this never happens), which will free us from the constraints of our circumstance.  Ultimately, the reality of our day will boil down to whose report we believe.

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Strongholds

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , , , on November 27, 2018| 1 Comment »

The scripture teaches that “the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds”, or maybe more clearly, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds”. But I wonder to what degree we really understand what a “stronghold” is, or how to identify them in our lives.

 

The definition of a stronghold is a place that has been fortified so as to protect it against attack, a place where a particular cause, attitude or belief is strongly defended. In the context in which Paul was speaking it would be a cause, attitude or belief that is not from, or may even be counter to God, which we have accepted as truth.  Once established, it can become a conduit for the enemy of our souls to speak and work in our lives.

 

Though distorted mindsets can develop through faulty teaching (e.g. racism) or even just a bad example, strongholds are more often cultivated through first-hand experience; and generally speaking, the more traumatic the experience, the more powerful the potential for it to result in a stronghold.

 

While these experiences are a key element, it is actually the conclusions we draw from them that form the basis of the stronghold. For instance, a man abandons his wife and children with no warning or explanation.  The wife concludes that he must have been unhappy because she wasn’t as physically attractive as she’d been when they first married, and thus develops an obsession with losing weight, which ultimately leads to an eating disorder.  The enemy tells her that if she were just younger, or thinner, or prettier, then she’d be worthy of love.

 

Their daughter, who felt like she was daddy’s little princess, concludes that everyone who says they love you will eventually leave you, resulting in a jealous insecurity that poisons all of her future relationships, and compels her to be promiscuous. For her, the enemy becomes a type of translator, encouraging her to interpret every little action as the beginning of an inevitable abandonment or betrayal.

 

Their son, who deeply admired his father, concludes that men were never meant to be tied down to one person, and struggles to commit to anything. Whenever he starts to feel close to someone, the enemy reminds him not to fall into the trap his father did.

 

In truth, none of those conclusions are accurate, but through this deeply painful experience an emotional and spiritual stronghold is formed, which then becomes a channel for further damage. No doubt the Lord wants to tell the mother that she is the apple of His eye, and that physical beauty is a fleeting thing; and to assure the daughter that He will never leave her, nor forsake her; and to remind the son that a woman was created in response to what He saw missing in a man, and that there is a wholeness that can only be experienced through that union.  But if the stronghold is powerful enough, they may not have ears to hear any of those words.

 

Because these things are generally held in the most remote and protected regions of our being, we can be completely oblivious to their existence. Intellectually, the wife can vehemently defend that her former husband’s action was in no way her fault, but in the deepest part of her heart she doesn’t believe that’s true. Like her, we can all develop a blind spot, which allows the enemy unencumbered access to that area of our life.

 

While identifying the specific nature of a stronghold isn’t always easy, there are some readily identifiable patterns that seem to accompany their presence. Recognizing these patterns in our lives can become the first step toward our recovery.

 

One such pattern is the tendency to personalize situations and to perceive them as personal attacks, even when they are seemingly innocuous and involve total strangers. The person who cut you off on the highway didn’t just fail to see you, they did it purposely because they thought they were better than you, or because of the car you drive, or because of the bumper sticker you have, or…  Like little ones on the playground, you’ll swear that “they did that on purpose” even if there is no logical reason to believe they did.

 

Closely related to that pattern is the penchant for being easily “triggered”, which causes your reactions to be completely off base in relation to what is actually happened. The clearest example I can give of being “triggered” is something I witnessed while I was in the Navy.

 

During those years, guys routinely messed with each other and rough housed. One day, a big guy (John) snuck up on a smaller guy (Jim), and grabbed him from behind.  Jim let out a blood curdling scream, and rammed John into a piece of machinery, causing him to let go.  When John released him, Jim turned and furiously began to pummel John with his fists.  Eventually, it took five guys to restrain Jim, and keep him from killing John.

 

At the time, Jim’s reaction didn’t make any sense to us, but we later learned that his step-father had molested him for years, and that what he was experiencing at that moment wasn’t his friend playing a practical joke on him, he was reliving the terror of a 5 year old being raped by his step-father. Sadly, this episode cost Jim his career.  Though it is an extreme example, it drives home the seriousness of this issue.  Our responses are often inappropriate because we’re emotionally reliving some other moment.

 

Not all patterns are that dramatic, it could be something as simple as the tendency to make the same mistake over and over again. Like a pothole in a street you travel on a daily basis, you promise yourself that you’re going to avoid it this time, and somehow you still manage to drive right into it.  You can rationalize that the city ought to fix the road, but you might also wonder at your own propensity for repeatedly finding that hole.

 

I knew a lady who married a man named Jim, who turned out to be a bit of a mean drunk and was often abusive toward her. Eventually she divorced him and married a man named Jeff, who also turned out to be a bit of a mean drunk, and who was also frequently abusive toward her.  Eventually she divorced him as well, only to marry a man named John, who also turned out to be a bit of a mean drunk, who…  Ultimately, she concluded that she just didn’t have any luck with men.  I would submit that “luck” had little to do with it, and that there was something deeply rooted within her which caused her to find this same type of man over and over again.

 

Another, more subtle pattern is a propensity for being “out of season”. Given that life unfolds in seasons, it is important to discern the season that you’re in, and to embrace it.  Thus, when the enemy of our souls has found a foot hold, he delights in having us show up to the pool party in a parka, or to the snow ball fight in a tank top.  We consistently find ourselves being “at the wrong place, at the wrong time”.  In fact, if you watch someone whose life is unraveling, one of the first signs of trouble is that they’re asleep when everyone else is awake, and they’re awake when everyone else is asleep.  I’ve often seen parents who want to be their kid’s “friends” when they’re young, and then try to parent them when they become adults.

 

As difficult as it may be to break out of these life patterns, our God offers us “divine power to demolish strongholds”. Tearing them down takes away places for our adversary to hide, and limits his ability to speak into our lives.  Like the psalmist beseeched, we need to ask the Lord to “search me”, to “know my anxious thoughts” and ultimately to “lead me in the way everlasting”.

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