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Archive for the ‘Commentaries’ Category

The Blessing of Brokenness

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2024| 1 Comment »

There is a very human tendency to avoid discomfort of any kind, but the reality of our existence is that we aren’t likely to change until we absolutely have to.  Thus, it often takes adversity to bring about a significant transformation.  For those who count themselves as followers of Christ, we must grapple with the knowledge that Jesus (a man of perfect faith) learned obedience from the things He suffered (Heb.5:8), and that what is pleasing to the flesh is not pleasing to the Spirit (Gal.5:17).  Western culture aspires to create a pain-free existence, which fundamentally works against the process of spiritual growth.  Indeed, it is in the midst of a situation we cannot hope to control that we are most likely to cry out for help; it is the circumstance that we cannot wrap our hands around that we are most apt to release to God; and it is in those moments when there is no earthy wisdom to calm our anguish that we are best positioned to receive the words of life.  Despite our ardent desire to avoid anything that might challenge our perception of prosperity, it is in the midst of our weakness that His strength is made perfect (2Cor.12:9), and it is a broken and contrite heart that He honors (Psalm 51:17, Isa.66:2).  Most often, it is only when our capabilities are completely overwhelmed that we can achieve a thorough and genuine level of surrender.  But for those who emerge on the other side of such experiences, the reality of who God is, and of our place in Him are forever changed.

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A Change of Heart

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2024| Leave a Comment »

There was a long season of my life in which I was profoundly lost.  That term can mean different things to different people, but for me, it meant that I was lost as to the meaning of life, as to what my purpose was, and as to who I was meant to be.  Like most people in that condition, I would not have used the word “lost” to describe myself, but clearly that was the case. 

Because of this, I tended to be a chameleon, who completely changed depending on who I was with.  Despite a strict religious upbringing, I found myself amazingly open to things that I’d been taught were wrong, with seemingly little impact on my conscience.  I attribute this to my unconscious desperation to find a place and/or tribe where I fit in.

The longer I wandered in this state of being, the more confused I became.  If you hang around a chameleon long enough, you begin to realize that you have no idea what their natural color is.  And even the chameleon himself will eventually lose touch with that reality.  In those days, I could look in the mirror and not recognize the face that was staring back at me.

One morning, after a long night of debauchery, I had the sudden and strong urge to change the course of my life, and I went to the local Recruiting Office to join the military.  The decision to enlist in the Navy shocked everyone who knew me, and on some level, no one was more surprised than me. 

If you had asked me a day earlier, that idea was nowhere on my radar.  Yet, within a matter of days, my head was shaved, and I was getting screamed at by some crazed Drill Sergeant in North Chicago.  Life, as I had known it, would never be the same.

At the time, I reasoned I just needed a change of scenery, and to get around some different people.  And it is tempting to conclude that this was what ultimately changed my course, but with the benefit of hindsight, I realize that it wasn’t the change in circumstances that drove the change in my mindset. 

The reality is that the “sudden and strong urge to change” came from a moment of clarity, in which I recognized that the life I was leading was unsustainable.  After years of being whatever I needed to be so as to function within the group dynamic, I realized that I needed to pick a specific direction, and then start walking toward something.  That revelation spurred a change in my thinking, and that change of mind drove the change in course.

I clearly had no idea of where I was going, or as to how I would handle this new reality, but I was utterly convinced of my need to change.  If I hadn’t been, I likely would have quit at the first obstacle on my new path, and returned to the life I abandoned.  But it was clear to me that there was no going back.

This is significant because of our very human tendency to focus on external factors (i.e. circumstances), most of which we cannot control, while ignoring the internal conditions of our being (i.e. mind, will, emotions), which are within our reach.  Indeed, I have concluded that true, substantive change always begins with an internal shift (i.e. a changed mind, a changed heart).

Beyond the practical implications of this concept are the spiritual principles that lie beneath it.  Scripture tells us that God doesn’t see us as we see each other (i.e. externally), He looks at the heart of a man (i.e. internally) – (1 Sam.16:7).  It also warns us to guard our hearts above all else, because “everything you do flows from it” (Pro.4:23).  Jesus went so far as to say, “Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them.  Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them (Mark 7:15-16).”

Though we are prone to point to external factors (e.g. people, situations…) as a way to justify the poor condition of our hearts, the scripture would suggest that these external factors are to some extent a result of the condition of our hearts.  If this is true, the first step in changing our situation, is changing our own mind and/or heart.  This is why “self-control” is considered a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal.5:23).

I would submit that one of the reasons we struggle to hear God’s voice in the midst of turmoil is that we are focused on Him making a change to our external condition, and He is focused on making a change to our internal condition.

The scripture clearly points to the need for, and the power of repentance, which is ultimately a change of heart, mind, direction…  John the Baptist challenged the authenticity of the Pharisees and Sadducees authority by demanding that they, “produce fruit in keeping with repentance (Matt.3:8).”  He understood that without a genuine change of mind/heart, it didn’t matter how they dressed or who they hung out with.

We will know that our repentance is genuine when we arrive at some new destination.  I can meet my neighbor half way around the block, and claim that I’m not where I was yesterday, but if I keep returning to the same address, there has been no real change

We live in society that is obsessed with outward appearances, and we often fall into the trap of believing that some type of external change (e.g. if I was rich, if I was famous, if I found the right person, if I lost 100lbs, if my candidate wins the election…) will bring about a change in our hearts, but it never really works like that.  The shift must come from within, and the first step belongs to us. 

Indeed, God promises that if we’ll take a step towards Him, He will take a step towards us (James 4:8).

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Getting Personal

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 25, 2024| Leave a Comment »

I grew up in a devoutly Catholic family, and while that upbringing definitely provided a foundation of Christian belief in my life, it also left me with the sense that God was too high and too holy to be approached directly. 

In those days, I participated in the sacraments, and trusted that the “Church” knew what they were doing in regards to keeping me in right standing with God.  It wasn’t until years later, when I heard some of my evangelical friends asking whether I had a personal relationship with Jesus that I even realized such a thing might exist. 

When I eventually decided to read the Bible for myself, I was on the lookout for the scripture that said this “personal relationship” was something God wanted.  Here is what I found.

Right off the bat, I ran into the creation story, and particularly the events that took place in the Garden of Eden.  Even a Catholic boy knows that story, but for the first time I found myself considering God’s perspective. 

I’d always been taught that the garden was essentially paradise, and that God was offering what amounted to an ideal existence.  But I wondered what God might have gained from this arrangement, if man had not chosen to go his own way. 

After reviewing the passage multiple times, the only benefit He seemed to derive was the ability to walk with them in the cool of the day (Gen.3:8), which caused me to consider that maybe that was all He really wanted.

Despite the disappointment in the garden, God takes another step toward man, as He initiates a covenant with Abraham (Gen.15).  And before the end of the first book of the Bible, I came across the story of Jacob wrestling with God, and having his named changed to Israel (Gen.32:28). 

Though Jacob was hardly a model character, God seemed impressed by his desire to interact with Him. These encounters seemed to be clear expressions of God’s desire for a tangible relationship with His people. 

While the Exodus story was filled with spectacular miracles, I couldn’t help but notice that God seemed to want to personally guide them through the wilderness, as He appears as a cloud by day, a pillar of fire by night (Exo.13:21), and spoke directly to them from Mount Sinai (Exo.19:16-22). 

Unfortunately, the Israelites recoiled from that personal communication, instead, asking Moses to act as their intermediary (Exo.20:19). 

Later, when the children of Israel clamored for an earthly king (1Sam.8), the Lord lamented that He had wanted to be their king (1Sam.12:12-15).

After reading of David’s escapades with Bathsheba, and Uriah (1Sam.11), it was almost jarring to hear him referred to as a “man after God’s own heart (1Sam.13:14),” and yet, despite his serious transgressions, the Father seemed pleased by David’s relentless pursuit of Him.

It wasn’t lost on me that after Solomon received the gift of wisdom, he began having visions of intimacy (Song of Songs).  And I found it interesting that amongst the Lord’s criteria for effective prayer (2Chron.7:14), He listed “seek my face.” 

Though we naturally tend to seek God’s hand of protection, provision, and deliverance, seeking His face eludes to the personal nature of the relationship He desires. 

A few chapters later, this is reinforced with the understanding that the Lord “goes to and fro about the earth, looking for hearts that are truly His (2Chron.16:9).”

When queried about the “greatest commandment,” Jesus doesn’t speak of obedience, or service, or building the church, He puts it squarely on loving the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, and strength (Matt.22).  And when His work on the cross was finished, the veil that separated His people from the presence of God was ripped open (Matt.27:51). 

Later, the Hebrew writer would explain that the Levitical priesthood would never have led to the type of relationship the Lord desired (Heb.7-10), and in the book of Revelation God’s children are referred to as a kingdom of priests (Rev.1:6). 

Paul spoke of how we could now behold Him with unveiled faces (2Cor.3:18), and of how the Lord would one day return for a spotless bride (Eph.5:27).

Over and over again, both in word and deed, the Lord expresses His strong desire to walk closely with His children, and almost as regularly, we see people who call themselves by His name choose their own path (Prov.14:12).

Perhaps the scariest scripture in the gospels occurs when Jesus tells His disciples that not everyone who calls Him Lord will enter the Kingdom of heaven.  Not because of their sin, but because of their lack of genuine connection to Him (Matt.7:23).  

It is a chilling thought that one who anticipates the words, “well done good and faithful servant (Matt.25:21)” might hear, “away from me, I never knew you (Matt.7:23).”

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Full Term

Posted in Commentaries, Heart of "The Father", tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2024| 4 Comments »

In the midst of a fervent time of prayer, I sensed the Lord speaking about intimacy, and the idea of “oneness”.  He pointed out that it was the Father’s oneness with His Son that reconciled mankind back to Him.  That it is our oneness with the Son that allows us to become His heirs.  That our oneness with His Holy Spirit allows us to experience the abundant life here and now.  And that our oneness with each other (as the body) is what allows Christ to be revealed on the earth.  Ultimately, through these intimate connections, new life comes forth. 

 

Then, He said that a seed had been deposited within us; that He had “impregnated us” with something new. 

 

And while that seemed very hopeful, I quickly sensed a troubling question, “Will you carry this seed to full term?” 

 

The Lord reminded me that we live in a time in which the unborn are easily disposed of, and He said that “the church” is just as likely to abort the things He is trying to birth in the spiritual realm, as the world is in the natural realm. 

 

He showed me that many abortions happen as a matter of convenience, while others happen because of fear.  Some aren’t willing to endure the pain, others lack commitment to the relationship which resulted in the pregnancy, and still others because they don’t want family or friends to know who they’ve been with. 

 

I sensed the Lord say that these are the same kinds of things that cause the church to cut off the new life He’s desired to bring about within it. 

 

While conception is a miraculous beginning, it is simply the start of a season of feeding, growth and development that precedes the actual birth.  What happens within that season determines whether a healthy live birth will take place. 

The question isn’t whether God desires intimacy with us; or whether that intimacy will lead to reproduction; but whether we are willing to endure the process and carry the promise to fruition. 

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Listen Up

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2024| 1 Comment »

Some years ago, as I combed the internet looking for contact information for my best friend from high school, I came across the obituary of his mother.  Apparently, she had passed months earlier, which shouldn’t have been surprising, as she was in her eighties.  Yet, I was somehow caught off guard, and a profound sense of loss swept over me as I looked at her picture.  

My association with this remarkable woman dated back over 35 years, when her son became my closest friend.  It was a season in my life when I was floundering to find my identity, and this wonderful family turned out to be a God-send.  Though Mike and I didn’t necessarily make great decisions together, our friendship was as substantial and genuine as any I’ve ever experienced.  At a time when I desperately needed someone (other than my own family) to believe in me, he did; and so, did his mom.  

When I joined the military, it took our lives in different directions, but whenever I was trying to get in touch with Mike, I always knew to start with Mrs. M.  She and I had many wonderful conversations over the years, and I sensed an incredible depth to her being (i.e. intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually). 

As a black woman, born in the south, during the 1930’s, I can only imagine the tales she could have shared.  But this extremely intelligent, highly educated woman never let our conversations be about her.  Instead, she was a fountain of warmth and wisdom to and for me.  I suppose that shouldn’t have been surprising either, as her life’s work had been that of a teacher.  

But, as I sat at my computer, I found myself wishing that I had asked her more questions about her life, and had thanked her more profusely for her generosity toward me.  And I couldn’t help but lament that the opportunity to do so was lost. 

Along those same lines, I think of my relationship with my father, who I lost over twenty years ago.  I would say that we always had a good relationship, but because of my own inner struggles, almost all of our interactions were centered around me and what I was going through at the moment.  As such, I never took the time to really know him, or how he came to be the man he was, or even just to learn his personal history.  My one regret in our relationship was that I never took the time to understand him like he seemed to understand me.

Truthfully, as I look back on my relationship with all the loved ones I’ve lost, I lament the fact that I spent so much time talking, and not nearly enough time listening.  I now recognize that what they had to teach me was so much more valuable than what I had to share with them.  Unfortunately, I gave in to the tendency to fill our time up with words, and missed the chance to hear from them.  As the old cliché goes, “Dear Younger Me – There is a reason God gave you one mouth, and two ears.”

Indeed, the scripture tells us that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19), and I have found this guidance to be most critical in my relationship with the Lord Himself.  As a kid who grew up in the Catholic church, reciting prayers that someone else had penned, I struggled for a long time with how to speak to Him.  But as the years have gone on, I realize that what I have to say to Him isn’t nearly as important as what He has to say to me. 

Only He knows the end from the beginning (Isa.46:10), only He sees things how they truly are (1Cor.13:9-12), and only He has the words of life (John 6:68).  If I want my heart to come into alignment with His, I need to surrender what I think and how it makes me feel, so that I might come to understand what He thinks, and how it makes Him feel.

As I have been a part of many prayer gatherings over the years, I have witnessed our tendency to fill up the atmosphere with words, but the most powerful times have come when I have quieted myself before the Lord, and let Him speak. 

To be sure, petitions are an element of prayer, but He already knows the desires of our hearts and what we need.  There is also a place for declaration, but unless those words line up with His will in that moment, they are simply wishes.  We can even “pray the promises of God,” but I’ve never found that He needed to be reminded of what He said or what He promised.

I frequently hear Christians tout the idea of keeping up with “the news” so that they know how to pray, but the scripture does not support this notion.  Not knowing how to pray isn’t an occasion to tune into current events (i.e. what is seen – 2Cor.4:18), it is a time to get in tune with the Spirit of God (Rom.8:26); who stands at the ready to teach us everything we need for godly living (2Pet.1:3).  But in order to gain such insight, we must be willing to lay down our own preconceived notions, and open ourselves to hear what He is saying.

In sharp contrast to the torrid rhetoric of our culture, the Bible speaks of the “still small voice (1Kings 19:12)” of God, and tells us of His desire to lead us “by the still waters (Psalm 23).” Solomon extols, that it is better to have a handful of quietness, than both hands filled with travail and vexation of spirit (Eccl.4:6), while Peter speaks of the value that God places on a “gentle and quiet” spirit (1Pet.3:4). 

Throughout Jesus’ ministry, we see Him walking away from the crowds and even His disciples, to be in a quiet place with His Father.  While the scripture certainly portrays God moving and working in many different ways, there seems to be a special reverence for the place of quiet stillness before the Lord.

In my own journey of faith, I have found that my most profound encounters with the Lord have often been characterized by both of these attributes (i.e. stillness and quiet).  Despite the fact that there are many who would likely echo this aspect of my testimony, there seems to be a high degree of discomfort with quietness or stillness within corporate settings; as though we lack confidence in the inner working of the Holy Spirit, unless it is accompanied by some outward (i.e. physical) manifestation.  Indeed, we Pentecostal types seem to be more enamored of the shout, but unless these things are initiated by the Holy Spirit, they are nothing more than motion and noise.

Life has most certainly taught me to be a better listener, and that change has been most profoundly experienced within my prayer life.  Jesus said that He never acted apart from the reference point of what His Father was doing (John 5:19), and unless we spend time receiving from the Father, we have little hope of ever gaining that perspective.  At the end of my life, I don’t want to have the same regret with my heavenly Father that I had with my earthly father.

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Casting My Vote

Posted in Commentaries, Social / Political, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2024| Leave a Comment »

I went by the Board of Elections and voted today, which is a privilege that I am still grateful for.  I have travelled the world enough to know that this is an opportunity that many people never get, and I am thankful to have lived in a country that affords me the chance to participate in the process.  I can’t say that I was excited by anything I saw on the ballot, or that I am heavily invested in the outcome.  It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just the understanding that pretty much nothing we’re hearing or seeing in this season is rooted in truth.  

In my lifetime, I have watched the pendulum swing back and forth between Republican and Democratic administrations, and though they claim to be apples and oranges on the campaign trail, they tend to grow the same bad fruit once they get in office.  I’ve lived too long to buy into the narrative that one of them is the good guys, and the other is the bad guys, or that any of them is losing sleep over my situation or the condition of my family.  I certainly don’t think either party is a reflection of my value system, so it’s always a challenge to find a candidate to believe in.  

The nature of democracy is that whatever the majority believes will set the tone for the future, and all I have to do is turn on the television, or the radio, or go to the movies, to know that my belief system has moved to the fringe of our culture.  Perhaps more importantly, I’ve come to realize that the quality of my life doesn’t really hinge on these people.  While their decisions will certainly impact me and my family, we will be far more affected by the people we live with everyday.  And so the thought of alienating family members, friends, neighbors, and co-workers over these issues seems a foolish path.  

In a couple of weeks, all of these races will be decided, and we will be faced with the consequences of our collective choices.  Many will immediately be disappointed with the outcome, while for others, it may take a year or two to realize that it was never what it pretended to be.  How we handle that disappointment, and how we relate to each other will make all the difference. 

Thankfully, I’ve learned not to invest my hope for the future in who is sitting in the White House, or walking the halls of Congress.  The day after this election is over, and regardless of how it turns out, I will go back to doing the best I can for my family, my neighbors, and my friends.  For me, this election cycle is over, and it’s time to move on. 

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Reverse Theology

Posted in Commentaries, tagged , , , , , , , on October 22, 2024| Leave a Comment »

After spending over four decades working in engineering related fields, I’ve come to an appreciation of the complexities that can so often exist beneath the surface of a seemingly simple veneer.  Because starting from scratch is generally a long and arduous process, it can be advantageous to begin with something that has already been developed and proven to be functional.  By breaking an existing assembly down into its foundational elements, one can often find keys to its success, which can then be used to build upon.  This process is known as “Reverse Engineering.”

Similarly, when efforts to motivate someone in a positive direction fail to get the desired outcome, it can at times be effective to take an inverse approach, which may allow them to back over a threshold they weren’t willing to directly step across.  This approach is known as “Reverse Psychology.”

Recently, during a time of prayer, I sensed the Lord use the phrase “Reverse Theology.”  And as I meditated on that term, I sensed that it describes a process of seeing God through the lens of who we want Him to be (or think He ought to be), instead of seeking to know Him as He truly is.  Like reverse engineering, we can begin at the end, and work our way backwards by finding verses, teachings, and ministers which will undergird our predetermined conclusions.

If we are naturally militant, we can grab ahold of scriptures like the Kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent take it by force (Matt.11:12), you’ve trained my hands for war (Psalm 144:1), and countless Old Testament stories about crushing the enemies of Israel; while ignoring New Testament verses about loving our enemies (Matt.5:44), and living in peace with our neighbors (Rom.12:18). 

If we are scholarly we might gravitate toward verses which exalt the value of knowledge (Hosea 4:6, 2Peter 1:5), and ignore the admonitions about coming as a little child (Matt.18:3).  If we are patriarchal we can embrace the commandment for wives to submit to their husbands (Eph.5, Col.3), while omitting the corresponding directive for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and gave His life for her (Eph.5:25). 

If we are comfortable within the world system, we can console ourselves with “God so loved the world that He gave His only Son (John 3:16)”, and disregard His warning that friendship with the world amounts to enmity with God (James 4:4).  Like a modular living room set, we can arrange the pieces in whatever way best fits our space.

Interestingly, we can stand on the authority of scripture to justify our positions, and then dismiss scriptural counterpoints with catchphrases about the Bible being a “flawed book”, “written by men”, which has been “frequently mistranslated” …

Based on scripture, the way to develop an understanding of who God is (i.e. a theology) is to seek Him, and to allow Him to reveal Himself to us (Jer.29:13, Matt.7:7).  Often, the revelation of who He is will be accompanied by a revelation of who He created us to be as well (Gen.17:5, Gen.32:28, Matt.16:18).  If we choose to surrender ourselves, and walk with Him, our knowledge of Him grows, and we are transformed into His image, which is ultimately our destiny (Rom.8:29, Rom.12:2, 2Cor.3:18). 

The application of a “reverse theology” saves us from all that seeking, surrendering, and transformation, by offering the hope that we can be delivered directly to our desired destination and destiny, by a god that aligns with our values, priorities, and vision for the future (i.e. the way that seems right to us – Prov.14:12).

Within this paradigm, we aren’t reformed into His image, He is in fact reimagined based on our experience and understanding.  We decide that “if He is good,” He will adhere to our standard for goodness; and “if He is just,” He will satisfy our sense of justice; and if “He is love,” He will act in the way that we deem to be loving.  And perhaps most prevalently, if He does not adhere to these expectations, we feel perfectly justified in being angry with Him.  In such moments, we are literally judging God by our standards, and finding Him to be lacking, which implies that our standards are higher than His.

I am not suggesting that anyone consciously endorses this “Reverse Theology” pattern, but it is something that we can slip into unconsciously and with little effort.  If we only acknowledge the aspects of God, and the scripture that make sense to us, we can convince ourselves that we are “saved, sanctified, and going to heaven,” and never realize that we have developed a huge spiritual blind spot. 

Because we cannot conceive of how justice (i.e. we get what we deserve) and grace (i.e. we don’t get what we deserve) can be perfectly embodied in the same being, we embrace the aspect that appeals to us, and ignore the elements we struggle to reconcile.   Like a poster of our favorite teen idol, we can put His picture on the wall, and worship who we imagine Him to be. Though we can truthfully claim to have acted “in Jesus’ name,” He can rightfully respond that He never knew us (Matt.7:23).

Evidences that we may have fallen into this trap are abundant.  The scripture tells us that they that abide in the vine (i.e. are connected to Jesus) will produce fruit (John 15:4-5).  And the fruit He is speaking of is not temporal results (e.g. extravagant facilities, well attended gatherings, extensive ministry networks…), it is Christ’s character being revealed in us (Gal.5:22-23, Col.1:27).  A lack of genuine transformation is the most obvious indication that this connection is not strong.

If we find ourselves frequently deceived by charismatic ministry leaders, false teachers, and illegitimate “prophetic” voices, it is an indication that we have fallen out of step with the Holy Spirit (Matt.24:24, Col.2:8).  Jesus said that His sheep know His voice, they listen and they follow (John 10:27).  A lack of confidence in one’s ability to discern the Lord’s voice should be seen as a critical matter.

The good news is that even if we have stumbled into this trap, the Lord stands at the ready to meet us where we are at.  Like He did for Saul (a learned and respected leader, who felt sure he was doing the work of the Lord), Jesus can reintroduce Himself and change our name in the process (Acts 9).  But He made it clear that anyone who wishes to be His disciple must be willing to deny himself, and to take up their cross daily (Matt.16:24).  And whether we like it or not, He also said that anyone who is unwilling to take up their cross is unworthy of Him (Matt.10:38).

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Thought for the Day – Two Wrongs

Posted in Commentaries, Thought for the Day / Quotes, tagged , , , , , on October 16, 2024| Leave a Comment »

As a child I was always taught that “two wrongs don’t make a right,” but I sense that as a culture we’ve moved on from that idea. Currently, you being “wrong” is justification for all manner of disrespect, slander, and maybe even annihilation.

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Old Flame

Posted in Commentaries, Free Verse / Poetry, tagged , , , , , , on September 24, 2024| Leave a Comment »

I wish I could deny there was ever an attraction

But I was young and didn’t know any better

I freely abandoned my royal heritage & forfeited my inheritance

Just so I could chase you through the streets

I rummaged through dumpsters for you

And you let me think that we might one day be together

You always talked as if you knew

And for a time, I hung on your every word

My eyes were bedazzled by the flashes that came from your lure

And I willingly drank from the drainage of your gutters

I can’t really blame you for my affliction or hunger

But I so desperately needed a shower

You loved it when I’d get up and dance with you

But it made you furious that I would never sing your song

And once I caught a glimpse behind the curtain

I couldn’t go back out front and pretend like I didn’t know

Eventually, I just crawled into my own head

And dwelt in the basement of my soul

But the stillness and the quiet was more than I could bear

And I had to open a window

I really just needed some air

But I couldn’t keep the light from pouring in

The sun beams repainted everything

And the shadows had no place to go

I couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under your eyes

And the cracks in your façade

But it was never really about the way you looked

It was about the chaos that always seemed to follow you

After a while you stopped coming around

And I moved on to higher ground

Every so often, I catch of whiff of your old perfume

Or hear that song blaring from someone’s speakers

But it was such a long time ago

And I’m not who I was

(James 4:4)

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The Institution of Marriage

Posted in Commentaries, Heart of "The Father", tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2024| Leave a Comment »

I was raised to believe that marriage is a “sacred institution”, and like so many of the ideas I grew up with, I never really questioned it.  Even now, the concept still sounds reasonable to my ears.  But in our years of trying to represent God’s heart to hurting people, the Lord has opened the eyes of my understanding in terms of what truly matters to Him. 

I will warn you that I’ve never heard anything like this preached anywhere, and as with everything I share, I encourage you to test it by the Holy Spirit (which is significantly different than pondering how it might make you feel).

I should also preface this article with the fact that I have been divorced.  For some that will taint my perspective, and for others it might lend some weight to it.  I mention this because I have personally wrestled to understand God’s perspective on such things.  I was raised to believe that marriage was forever, and that was always my plan.  But when my first marriage was derailed (after 12 years) by infidelity, I found myself in a category that I never wanted to be in. 

Despite this painful betrayal, I worked for over a year to keep the door open for reconciliation, even when my Christian friends pointed out that I had biblical grounds to end the marriage (Matt.19:9).  When it was obvious that the relationship could not be mended, I still found myself wrestling with the notion of the “sin of divorce”, and the Lord said, “the sin occurred when you chose to build a life without me, and the divorce is simply the natural consequence of that.”

God’s design for marriage is that two people, who are equally yoked (i.e. on the same path, headed to the same destination, near the same point in the journey…) would join their lives together, and that the new entity formed by their union would be a conduit for new life to flow to and from them.  His intent is to create something greater than the sum of its parts, and that on this foundation He can build families, communities, and ultimately nations. 

The impact of a marriage done God’s way can be felt throughout the generations.  Unfortunately, the damage and destruction done by unions that don’t live up to this standard also resonate well beyond the failed relationship itself.  This potential was at the root of God’s prohibition of intermarrying with pagan tribes.

At the center of a marriage is the covenantal promise, and there is no question that such vows are sacred to God.  Entering into any sort of covenantal relationship is a very serious matter, and a step that should not be undertaken without the Lord’s guidance.  Unfortunately, we live in a culture where almost nothing is sacred, and relationships are frequently treated as a disposable commodity. 

Given the widely held notion that the truth is relative, one only needs to conjure a “new truth” in order to void the terms of their oath.  With the simple matter of letting our “yes be yes”, and our “no be no” (Matt.5:37), already in question, every relationship can hang precariously from a weak-willed vow. 

I would suggest that this common flaw in our collective character is viewed as sinful by a holy God, even before we actually break our promises.  It is evidence of our failure to fully surrender to Him and to His purposes.

The conundrum before us is how to respond in the face of such failures, and it was in the process of attempting to provide wise counsel to those with marital difficulties that the Lord began to change my view of such things.  Given the (previously mentioned) frivolous approach towards relationships, it is easy to understand the temptation for ministers of the Lord to double down on the serious nature of divorce.  Indeed, God does hate divorce (Mal.2:16), but have we ever stopped to ponder why that is?

In our years of ministering we’ve frequently encountered folks (most often women) who find themselves in the midst of a destructive relationship.  In many of those instances there was sustained emotional, mental and physical abuse occurring, with children often trapped within the crossfire.  Sadly, the consistent counsel that these individuals received from Christian sources (i.e. counselors, pastors, church leaders…) was that God hates divorce, and He expects you to endure whatever it takes to remain in the marriage.  Implicitly, this indicates that the “Institution of Marriage” is so sacred to God that He expects individuals to suffer whatever abuse is necessary to preserve it.

As I prayed for and about these situations the Lord confronted the notion of the “Institution of Marriage”.  He said that institutions are things that man creates, and that they are not sacred to Him.  He showed me that the sacred element of a marriage is the people involved within it, and He posed the question, “Was man created for marriage, or was marriage created for man?”  This of course mirrors Jesus’ challenge to the Pharisee’s about healing on the Sabbath (Mark 2:27), which was His way of telling them that they were not reflecting God’s heart in their attempt to be guardians of His law.  From this, I inferred that we were similarly missing the mark.

At the point that a marriage has become a conduit for manipulation, abuse, and destruction, it has completely perverted God’s design and desire.  And when a spouse no longer honors their vow to love, serve and protect, the covenant promise is already shattered (regardless of their legal marital status). 

God’s hatred for divorce isn’t rooted in the damage it does to the “Institution of Marriage”, it is in the destruction it does to the people involved.  And if that is so, then God also “hates” the marriage that falls into this condition.  The concept that He is somehow served by continuing on with such a facade is highly questionable.  In fact, Jesus said that a house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25).

To be sure, if two people were able to completely submit to the Lord’s authority, and to obey the things He told them, there is no relationship that He couldn’t heal.  Of course, two people who were willing and able to do such a thing wouldn’t likely find themselves in such a dilemma.  But if one or both choose to exercise their own will, God will not force them to stay together. 

Certainly, their divorce would be sinful, but so would continuing on in this divided state.  The decision to do so only perpetuates the damage, and allows it to spread like cancer throughout those involved (i.e. the children, the in-laws, friends…) and to pass down through the generations.  Indeed, children should be the natural byproduct of a healthy loving relationship, which sets the stage for them to prosper.  But children born into dysfunctional relationships become victims of the chaotic environment in which they are raised.

I once knew a man, who left his wife and children to live with his mistress.  He continued to pay the bills, but abandoned his family physically and emotionally.  Though this went on for a number of years, the man never divorced his wife.  Eventually, she became ill, and their children cared for her until her death.  After her passing, the man married the mistress. 

While this man may have been able to console himself that he wasn’t guilty of the sin of divorce, I can assure you that God was not fooled nor impressed.  If looking at a woman lustfully amounts to committing adultery in your heart (Matt.5:28), how would this evasive maneuver be accounted by God.  The damage done by this man can still be clearly seen in both his children, and grandchildren, as they all consistently struggle to sustain healthy relationships.

Such is the byproduct of counseling folks that divorce is never an option.  By sending a spouse back into a destructive, or even abusive situation, the marriage becomes an instrument of annihilation.  If maintaining the union means that neither the spouses nor their children ever become who they were created to be, God is neither served nor glorified.  Though we know that what God has joined together no man should separate (Matt.19:6), what happens when we join ourselves together (as I did in my first marriage) without His input or guidance?

Part of God’s redemptive nature is that He will allow diseased things to be destroyed so that they can be replaced with new life.  He cuts off unhealthy branches (John 15:2), he curses unfruitful trees (Matt.21:19), and when we build our house on the wrong foundation, He allows storms to wash it away (Matt.7:26-27).  He goes so far as to say that if our eye causes us to sin, we would be better off to gouge it out than to continue on in our sinful state (Matt.5:29). 

This is significant, because it was God Himself that gave us two eyes, both as a gift and a provision, yet He’s saying that if this gift becomes perverted, it is better that we lose it.  I would suggest that this could apply to the gift of marriage as well. 

I am not in any way trying to diminish the seriousness of divorce, or the sacred nature of marriage vows.  But I am challenging the presumption that it is always God’s will to preserve a marriage, regardless of what it might cost or where it might lead.

Most certainly God hates divorce, but He also hates haughty eyes, a lying tongue, false witnesses, and people who stir up conflict within a community (Prov.6:16-19).  To single out divorce, and make it the unforgivable sin is a distortion of His heart.

As with all things, we need to learn how to be led by the Spirit of God in these matters, and to not trot out the same old rote religious responses we grew up with.  Only He knows the truth of men’s hearts (Jer.17:9), only He has the words of life (John 6:68), and only He knows the end from the beginning (Isa.46:10).  We need to be saying what He is saying, and not be saying what He is not saying (John 5:19-20).

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