This story is something very special to me, as the premise for it came from my 11 year old son Patrick. As he described his idea for the plot, I could clearly see the main characters, Bill and Tommy, in my mind. Of course, I embellished significantly on his original storyline, but at the core of it you’ll still find Patrick’s heart. It didn’t occur to me until after I’d written it that maybe Bill and Tommy were really just a parallel for Patrick and me. He knows that I’m concerned about losing my job in the next few months and he’s struggling through his first year of middle school. I wouldn’t at all be surprised if this story, which is essentially about a man and a boy finding hope in the midst of a difficult season, isn’t just a by-product of the battle he see’s going on in our lives. That’s a battle I pray we both win. I also pray that this will be the first of many creative endeavors we are able to collaborate on. I hope it is a blessing to those who read it. It’s already been a blessing to me.
Bill quickly logged off his computer and grabbed his jacket, hoping to get away from his cubical before the phone rang again. As he made his way through the lobby, Janet – the receptionist at the front desk, called out to him playfully, “leaving a little early aren’t we?” Since he was now a safe distance from his desk, Bill decided it would be alright to take a minute to chat.
“Yeah, I’ve got a thing down at the church I volunteered for” he replied sheepishly.
Janet smiled at his apparent embarrassment and asked, “What kind of thing?”
“We do a little Halloween carnival for all the kids in the neighborhood” he replied. “They get to wear their costumes and we have lots of games, prizes and candy. I promised to help setup.”
“That sounds really nice. I think it’s great that someone who doesn’t have kids would volunteer to help with something like that” she replied.
“Well, Missy and I have always enjoyed working with the kids at church” Bill said.
Again, Janet smiled, “So when are you guys going to have some kids of your own?” she asked.
“We’re holding off for a little while” Bill replied, as he turned toward the door. “I’d better get going; see you on Monday”.
“Have a good weekend!” Janet chirped.
As Bill made his way through the parking lot, his conscience began to itch, as he’d not really answered Janet’s question honestly. The truth was that he and Missy had been trying to get pregnant for the last few years and they were highly frustrated and discouraged that it hadn’t happened. Though both of them had been checked, doctors could find no medical reason for their inability to conceive. As much as they loved each other, it had begun to drive a wedge between them; as their imaginations desperately tried to conjure the source of the problem. Bill noticed that as their discouragement grew, Missy had begun to withdraw from the kids at church and that she seemed to be almost resentful of his continued involvement with them. They had talked a lot about pursuing adoption, though neither of them seemed to find much solace in that idea. And as these thoughts swirled in his head, that familiar knot in the pit of his stomach began to tighten. Knowing that he’d eventually make himself sick, Bill decided to push the whole issue out of his mind. He reminded himself that tonight was about the neighborhood kids and he focused his thoughts on the things that needed to be done to get ready for that.
Bill pulled in behind the church, as the main parking lot was to be fully engulfed with games and carnival booths. He immediately busied himself with a host of tasks, as he and the other volunteers raced to have everything together before the kids started arriving. Within a couple of hours, the transformation was complete and he grabbed an apple from the bobbing for apples booth, before he headed to the bathroom to change into his costume. He was grateful to be a cowboy this year, as opposed to the clown he’d been last year. He smiled at the thought of how hard it had been to get all that face-paint off and at how some of the little kids had been afraid of him. Later, as he headed toward his game booth, he ran into Phil, who was wearing the clown outfit and had a roll of tickets in his hand.
“Hey cowboy Bill, how bout buying a 50-50 raffle ticket from your old buddy Phil” he said.
Though Bill wasn’t much on raffles, he felt really sorry for Phil. Getting stuck with both the clown get-up and raffle ticket duty had to be the pits. He dug into his pocket and found a couple of dollars, as Phil wrote his name on the back of the tickets; eventually sticking them into his brightly colored clown bag. As Bill got to his game booth, they starting letting the kids into the carnival area and within minutes the lot was jammed with people and activity. Bill’s game simply required the kid’s to toss a ping-pong ball onto a table full of colored jars. If they got three balls into any of the jars, they got a piece of candy and if they got three balls into the same colored jars, they got a prize. Since the chances of winning a prize were very small, Bill only had a few stuffed animals and some brightly colored trucks to give out.
As he bantered with the kids and their parents, his eye was drawn to a little boy, who was dressed as an Indian and was waiting in the line for his booth. He guessed that it was the rather serious expression on the boy’s face that made him stand out. As he moved closer, Bill recognized that it was one of the kids who attended church there. Though he hadn’t ever spoken directly to him, he knew that the boy’s name was Tommy and that his father had been killed in Afghanistan about a year and a half ago. The whole church was aware of this family’s story, as the young widow was left raising her three children alone. Tommy was the oldest and appeared to be about 8 or 9 years old. There was also a little brother who was around 5 years old and a baby sister who must have been between 2 & 3 years old. The mother was a pleasant woman, who barely spoke and who always looked tired. Tommy was almost always accompanied by his little brother and was often holding his baby sister as well. Bill’s heart broke every time he saw them and that pain seemed especially acute as he noticed Tommy’s rather pitiful homemade costume. Though Bill tried to stay engaged with the other kids, his eye kept drifting back to Tommy. Finally he made his way to the front of the line and Bill got the chance to speak to him.
“Oh my, an Indian! I sure hope you come in peace” he said with a grin.
Tommy’s business like expression didn’t change, as he said, “Yes, I come in peace. I’ve got to hurry up a win that toy truck, before my little brother gets here.”
Bill was a little embarrassed that his attempt to make Tommy smile had failed and so he quickly explained how the game worked and handed Tommy the ping pong balls. The first ball dropped almost directly into a red jar, but the second ball bounced multiple times before rolling into a blue one. Bill tried to console Tommy that he could still win a piece of candy with the next ball; but it bounced off the lip of a green jar and fell harmlessly to the ground. Bill’s heart sank and he offered to give Tommy a piece of candy anyway; but Tommy refused saying, “No thanks, that wouldn’t be right”. Tears welled up in Bill’s eyes as he watched the dejected Tommy walk away. A few minutes later, Bill saw him leading his little brother by the hand to one of the games for the younger kids. He found himself wanting to reach out to this boy, but he didn’t have a clue on how to do that. Under his breath, he prayed, “God please help him”.
It took several minutes, but Bill eventually got caught back up in the festivities, which were scheduled to last for a couple more hours. As the carnival reached its final fifteen minutes, the kids seemed to have grown tired of the games and were congregating around the booth that was distributing treat bags. Bill was just about to take his booth apart, when a breathless Tommy suddenly reappeared.
“Please sir, my mom’s taken my little brother to the bathroom and I want to try this again!” he gasped.
Though Bill quickly handed him three ping-pong balls, he was braced for disappointment, as no one had been successful in winning a prize all night.
Tommy’s first ball bounced into a yellow jar and then his second one dropped into another yellow jar on the other side of the table. Bill allowed himself to be excited at the thought that this kid might finally catch a break, but once again, the third ball rattled off the table.
As Tommy’s eyes lowered, Bill pleaded “Please try again!”
Tommy’s eyes rose back up in a blank stare and it occurred to Bill how absurd it was to put this kid through yet another failed attempt. Under his breath, he prayed “Please Lord! Please!” as he handed Tommy the balls.
Once again, the first ball bounced into a red jar, as did the second one; and Bill could barely catch his breath as Tommy let the third ball go. It seemed to stay in the air for a long time, before finally dropping directly into yet another red jar. Bill jumped higher than he had since his childhood and excitedly hugged Tommy, who seemed genuinely startled by his sudden display of affection. Bill snatched the toy trucks from the table and thrust them toward Tommy, “Which one do you want!” Tommy’s face broke into a satisfied smile as he said, “He’ll want that blue one”.
A look of confusion washed over Bill’s face as he asked, “Who’ll want that one?”
“My little brother Harry” he replied with a smile.
Tears once again pushed against Bill’s eyes as he realized that all of this hadn’t been for Tommy, but for his little brother. Out of the corner of his eye, Bill saw Tommy’s family walking in their direction and he said, “Here he comes now”.
Tommy’s eyes darted their direction and then back to Bill. “Please don’t say anything to them and just keep the truck for a few minutes. I want to give it to him for Christmas, so I don’t want him to see it yet” he said. Tommy bounded off, intercepting them before they got too close to the booth; and as they walked the other direction, he turned, giving Bill the thumbs up sign. Bill’s tears began to spill over as he considered the amazing heart of this little boy. He stashed the truck with his personal stuff and thanked God profusely as he began to dismantle his booth. He had only been working a few minutes when he heard Phil’s voice behind him.
“Hey cowboy, you won” he said.
“Won what?” Bill replied as he turned to his clown friend.
“The 50-50 drawing” said Phil.
“You’re kidding” Bill said. “I’ve never won anything like that in my entire life.”
“Well you have now” Phil said, as he began to count out the money. Since it was mostly one dollar bills, it took awhile, but Phil finally concluded with, “One hundred & nine dollars & forty eight cents”.
“Wow, that’s a lot of money; but how do you get forty eight cents when the tickets were a dollar?” Bill asked.
Phil smiled and said, “That’s what happens when you let a clown run the raffle and someone is a couple pennies short of a full dollar.” Bill laughed and thanked him, as he stuffed the wad of bills and change into his pocket. And as Phil turned to leave, Tommy once again came racing up to the booth. “OK Sir, my mom’s got my little brother again; can I get that truck now” he said breathlessly.
As Bill grabbed the truck, it suddenly occurred to him that he might be able to bless little Tommy even more. As he turned back to him, he said “You know, nobody else was able to win these other prizes; you could take one of the other trucks for yourself and maybe a stuffed animal for your little sister.” Tommy looked at him thoughtfully and said, “It wouldn’t be as special for Harry if I got a truck too, but I would take one of those bears for Becca”. Bill was amazed that a boy Tommy’s age would pass on a free toy, just because it might diminish the value of his gift to his little brother and he felt good that at least Tommy had accepted the stuffed bear for his sister. As he handed them over, Tommy quickly stuffed them under his Indian costume, thanked Bill and began running back toward the carnival entrance. As Bill watched him go, all of his fathering instincts were stirred; but as he resumed taking down his booth, the exhilaration of his interaction with Tommy began to drift into a familiar sense of grief at the thought that he might never actually become a father.
As Bill got in the car to head home, he noticed how late it had gotten. He thought about calling Missy, but wondered if she might already be asleep. Not wanting to take the chance of waking her, he decided just to get home as quickly as possible. When he walked through the front door, he immediately knew that he’d made a mistake.
Missy glared at him, as she said “I thought this thing was over at 9:00 PM!”
“It was” Bill retorted, “It just took longer than expected to get everything torn down and cleaned up.”
“I’d say that it did; it’s almost 11:00 PM. You couldn’t have called me and let me know you were going to be late” she said angrily.
“I’m sorry, I was busy working and didn’t notice how late it had gotten” he said defensively.
“So I shouldn’t be upset that you didn’t care about the fact that I might be sitting here worrying” she said, as tears filled her eyes.
“Come on Missy, what’s this really about. If you were worried you could have called me. Are you mad at me because I’m late or are you mad that I even did this thing tonight?” he said.
“I just don’t understand your need to volunteer for everything that comes down the line” she cried.
Bill had an answer for Missy, but he understood that it would only make things worse. So he took off his jacket and knelt beside her. Cupping her face in his hands he said, “I’m sorry that it got so late. I love you.”
He could tell that Missy still wanted to be mad at him, but instead she began to sob. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back, as she released the wave of emotion that had overtaken her. Bill wondered if their relationship would ever get back to normal or if their collective barrenness would always be a wall between them. After several minutes, Missy’s crying seemed to ebb and they headed off to bed. While Missy seemed to almost pass out when her head hit the pillow, Bill laid awake, thinking about all the kids he talked to that night, especially little Tommy.
The next morning Bill was up early, sitting in the kitchen with his coffee and thinking about the night before. He knew in his heart that he and Missy were meant to be together and he could clearly envision them with a family. Somehow, despite three years of failure, he still had hope that it was going to happen at some point, though he wondered if that wasn’t just denial on his part. He thought about the powerful feelings he’d had for Tommy and he considered the possibility that God was trying to show him that he could be a father to a child that didn’t come from him. Even so, he didn’t sense that adoption was the answer for them. After several minutes of wrestling with his thoughts, Bill finally quieted himself and prayed a simple prayer.
“Lord, I invite You into this day. I ask You to come and help us to find the place You’ve called us to be and to help our hearts accept Your will. Help Missy to feel You close to her and help Tommy’s family know that You will take care of them. Lord, apart from You, we can do nothing; but through You, all things are possible. Have Your way in me Lord. In Jesus’ holy name – amen.”
The next few weeks went by pretty quickly and in the midst of all the activity, Bill had pretty much forgotten his interaction with Tommy’s family until the Sunday before Thanksgiving. That morning, Missy was asked to help out in a Sunday school class and she reluctantly agreed. Bill cringed at the thought of what her state of mind might be like afterward, but he was pleasantly surprised when she emerged with a quiet smile. He was hesitant to say anything about it, but eventually his curiosity got the better of him and he asked her what had happened.
Missy explained, “The kids were making these little macaroni bracelets and necklaces as stocking stuffers for Christmas. As you’d probably guess, the girls were all very excited about it, while the boys mostly just threw the pieces at each other. But as I was working with some of the girls, I noticed one little boy, sitting by himself and working very diligently on three different necklaces. I noticed that he was painting each piece a different color and I figured that he’d run out of time if I didn’t help him; so I went over to do that. He was so polite, and he explained that he wasn’t going to paint the third necklace because it was a gift for his baby sister and he was sure she’d put it in her mouth.”
Tears began to stream from her eyes as she continued, “I thought what an amazing little boy to recognize that the paint might be a problem for his little sister and as I talked to him, I realized who he was.”
With tears welling in his eyes, Bill nodded, quietly saying, “Tommy”.
“Do you know him” she asked.
“I meet him at the Halloween Carnival” he replied.
Missy continued through her tears, “As we talked, he said that last Christmas had been the first one since his father was killed and that everyone had been so sad. He said that he didn’t want this Christmas to be like that. He told me that he’s been trying to teach his little brother and sister Christmas carols, so they can sing them for their mom. He said that he just wants to see her smile for Christmas”.
Bill reached over and stroked Missy’s shoulder, as she tried to regain her composure. After wiping her eyes and nose, she went on.
“You know, as I listened to him, I realized that I’ve been feeling very sorry for myself. Here’s this little boy, who has every right to be sad and maybe even mad, but instead has chosen to find the joy in Christmas. And here I am, a grown woman, who’s been blessed with a wonderful husband and a great life; yet I’ve chosen to be miserable because things aren’t working out like I’d planned. I think God wanted me to meet that little boy and to see his heart, so that I would see what He wants for my heart to be like.
Bill pulled Missy into an embrace and whispered, “I love you so much. I’m so proud of you.”
Missy melted into his arms and said, “I love you too and I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting.”
Stroking her hair, Bill replied, “We’ve both been hurting; but let’s try to set aside our disappointment and find the joy in this season. We can decide what to do about a family after the New Year.”
Missy nodded her head in agreement. After getting in the car, Bill told her the story of his encounter with Tommy at the Halloween carnival and both them once again marveled at the selfless heart of this little boy. In the days that followed, things were indeed different with them. It was as though the curtains had been opened in a dark room. They still had their moments, but the heaviness of their hearts seemed to lift off. Both of their families noticed the difference at their Thanksgiving gatherings and Missy’s father even told her that “It’s good to have my girl back”.
The one part of the Halloween carnival story that Bill had intentionally left out was the fact that he’d won the raffle. He decided that since their budget was so tight, he’d use that money to surprise Missy with something nice for Christmas. Since getting married, they’d not bought gifts for each other at the holidays; choosing instead to spend their money on things they needed or wanted for the house. He knew that there was a part of Missy that would be upset with him about the gift, but he hoped that a bigger part of her would also be genuinely touched by it. He felt in his heart that God had given him that money for a reason and doing something special for Missy was the first thing that came to his mind. About a week before Christmas, he slipped out to the store while Missy was at choir practice. Though he was excited about the idea of buying a gift, he soon found himself wandering the aisles aimlessly. As he turned a corner he saw Tommy’s mother standing by the bicycles and as he moved closer, he thought he saw tears in her eyes.
Not wanting to startle her, Bill lightly touched her arm and softly said, “Are you alright ma’am?”
Despite his efforts, she jumped and violently spun toward him. The alarmed expression on her face quickly eased, as a flicker of recognition seemed to spark in her eyes. Before she could respond, Bill broke in breathlessly, “I’m very sorry to have surprised you like that! My wife and I go to the same church as your family and I just wanted to make sure that you’re OK.”
She exhaled deeply and quietly said, “Yes, I remember seeing you at church before and I am OK. Thank you for asking.”
Bill extended his hand to her and said, “My name is Bill Eldridge.”
Returning his handshake, she said “I’m Tammy Johnson, it’s good to meet you.”
“I had the pleasure of meeting your son Tommy at the Halloween Carnival; he’s quite the young man” Bill said.
A fresh wave of emotion seemed to roll over Tammy’s face, as she choked on her words, “Yes; yes he is.”
Bill saw her eyes shift back to a bright red bicycle, with the words “Street Tornado” emblazoned on the frame. He had a strong sense that this was what was upsetting her. Without thinking about what it might sound like, he said “Is that bike something on Tommy’s Christmas list?”
Tammy’s eyes lowered, as tears crept from the edges, “No, Tommy would never ask for something like that. He knows we can’t afford it and at nine years old, he’s already too practical for something as frivolous as a bicycle. I guess if I’m honest, it was on my Christmas list for him. I know I can’t undo what’s happened, but I feel like he just never gets to be a kid any more. His daddy told him when he left for Afghanistan that he was now the ‘man of the house’ and that’s exactly what he’s become. As much as I admire the strength God put in that little boy, I want so much to see him get the chance to be carefree; even if it’s only for the amount of time it takes to ride to the end of the block and back. When I saw this bike, I knew it was the one, but it costs almost $200.00 and for us, that’s out of the question. I prayed that God would make a way and I’ve been saving a little since Easter time. The man told me that they’d eventually go on sale and sure enough, they’re half off.”
“So what’s the matter?” Bill prodded.
Tammy’s expression was filled with frustration, as she said, “Our hot water heater went out yesterday and it took all of the money that I’d saved to get it taken care of.” She tried to hold back her tears, as her voice cracked “I know that I should be grateful that God provided for us once again, but to be totally honest, I’m really disappointed and discouraged.”
Bill’s heart was wrenched for this family and all that they’d already endured. He wanted desperately to make everything alright for them and he said, “You know, there are lots of people who would gladly help your family out.”
Tammy’s head immediately began nod, “No, I don’t want my kids growing up with the idea that they are victims. The truth is that God has taken good care of us. We get some money from the government and with my job; we should always have a roof over our heads. I want them to understand that God is our source and that you reap what you sow. I don’t want them to be looking for other people to take care of them.”
Bill couldn’t help but admire Tammy’s mindset, but it also seemed kind of crazy not to let someone help at this point. As he looked at the bike, he wondered if maybe winning the raffle was just God’s way of allowing him to help her. He wanted to blurt that out, but he could see that she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to have that conversation. He felt certain that God was up to something, but he didn’t have the words, so he simply said, “I know that God is with you and your family”.
He was embarrassed at how trite that must have sounded, but Tammy nodded her head in agreement saying, “I know that’s true”. Bill gave her a business card with their home phone number written on the back and asked her to call them if there was anything they could do. Tammy thanked him and quickly moved on. He stood there staring at the bike and eventually a sales person approached him. He asked how much the bike would cost with tax and everything included. Chills ran down his spine as the salesperson said, one hundred and nine dollars and forty eight cents. To him, that was a sure sign that God had given him the money for this, but after talking to Mrs Johnson, he wondered how he could get the bike to Tommy without undermining the lessons she was trying to teach her children. As he stood there, wrestling with his thoughts, his cell phone rang. It was Missy telling him that choir practice had ended early. He could feel his heart start to race as he said, “Honey, I need you to meet me at Wal-Mart; there’s something I need your help with”.
It was almost twenty minutes later when Missy arrived to find Bill pacing by the bicycles. When he saw her, he quickly made his way to her and gave her a hug. She could tell that he was very excited and maybe even slightly agitated. As she questioned what all this was about, Bill breathlessly told her the story of winning the raffle, of his decision to spend the money on her Christmas gift and of his encounter with Mrs Johnson. He then told her about the price of the bike and of his belief that he was supposed to buy it for Tommy. As he finally slowed down enough to take a breath, he asked, “So what do you think?”
Missy smiled at him and then punched him in the arm, saying “I think I ought to beat you for not telling me about the raffle and for thinking that you were going to buy me a gift on the sly. Do you know how mad I’d have been at you if you had a present for me and I had nothing for you?”
Bill’s face became flushed and he shrugged his shoulders.
“You’re such a man sometimes” she added with a grin.
“OK, OK, I confess” he replied, “but what about the bike?”
“Well, it seems pretty obvious to me that God wants us to get it for Tommy” she said.
“But what about Mrs Johnson’s thing about not wanting her kids to think of themselves as victims; I mean she’s right about that” he said.
Missy shrugged and said, “I don’t know yet, but if He wants us to get the bike, let’s do that and trust that He’ll show us how to go from there.”
Nodding in agreement, Bill said “You’re right, that’s the way to go”.
The salesman seemed genuinely relieved to finally get Bill away from his department, as he helped him load the bike into the trunk of his car; and for the first time in a long time, Bill found himself genuinely excited about the idea of opening presents on Christmas morning. As he followed Missy home, he imagined Tommy’s expression of surprise, which brought a smile to his face. At the same time, he conjured images of Mrs Johnson’s face, filled with disapproval and nodding her head. In his heart, he believed that what Missy had said was right, but he also found himself wondering whether they’d just made a mistake. As those conflicting feelings roiled within him, he began to pray that God would help them to understand what they needed to do. Knowing he couldn’t resolve it by worrying, Bill clicked on the radio and tried to push these thoughts out of his head by loudly singing Christmas carols.
In the days that followed, both Missy and Bill prayed about what to do next and they both found excuses to go into the garage, secretly sneaking peeks at the bike. Despite their continued excitement, the pressure began to mount as Christmas Eve rapidly approached. Every time Bill thought he had a way, he’d hear Mrs Johnson’s voice in his head saying, “I don’t want my children to see themselves as victims” and he would become discouraged again. On the morning of Christmas Eve, he and Missy were in the living room, doing their daily devotions, when Missy read aloud, “you reap what you sow”. Though Bill clearly heard her, there was a strange resonance to her words and he said, “What?” Missy repeated herself and looked at Bill strangely; saying “Isn’t that what Mrs Johnson said she wanted to teach her kids?” A spark of recognition flicked in Bill’s eyes and a broad smile broke across his face as he said “that’s it!” Confused, Missy said, “What’s it?” “You reap what you sow” he replied as he jumped from his chair. As Missy jumped from the couch to follow him, she said “I don’t get it?” “You will” Bill said excitedly, “You will!”
That night, after the Christmas Eve service, Missy and Bill made it a point to run into the Johnson family. Bill asked Tommy if he was excited about Christmas, but before he could answer, little Harry broke in with an exuberant “We sure are!” Tommy smiled knowingly at Bill, clearly excited that he had great gifts for his family. Missy pressed even further when she asked if they opened gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, to which Tommy’s grandma said, “Oh we always wait until Christmas morning”. “At seven o’clock sharp” Tommy added with a smile. Mrs Johnson smiled wistfully and said, “That may be a tradition we should consider changing at some point”. After exchanging holiday wishes, they headed for the parking lot, where Bill and Missy finalized their plan for delivering the bike to the Johnson’s. Though both of them had a hard time going to sleep that night, both popped awake immediately when the alarm went off at 5.00 a.m. After sneaking the bike onto the Johnson’s porch, Bill and Missy went home for hot chocolate and donuts. Both agreed that this had been the most joyous Christmas that they’d had in a long time.
At the Johnson household, Tommy was the first one up. He quietly made his way to the living room, first slipping the colorful macaroni necklaces into his mother’s & grandmother’s stockings, then the unpainted one into Becca’s stocking. Finally he stuck Harry’s truck and Becca’s bear, both of which he’d wrapped in tissue paper, under the tree. He stopped to stare at the nativity scene for a minute and as he looked at the statue of Joseph, he thought he saw his father’s face; from his expression Tommy could tell that he was proud of him. This made him feel warm inside and in his heart he felt certain that this was going to be a great Christmas for his family. Tommy then made his way into the kitchen, where he setup the coffee maker to make a fresh pot of coffee for his mother and grandmother. It was the gurgling sound and the smell of coffee that awoke his grandmother, who then managed to wake up everyone else. There were several packages under the tree, though most were practical gifts like clothes, underwear and socks. There were also a few inexpensive toys, which seemed to more than satisfy the kids. Tommy looked on with great anticipation as each person in the family received his gift and beamed with pride as his mother put on her macaroni necklace.
Mrs Johnson and her mother laughed until they were in tears, as Tommy led Harry and Becca through a precious rendition of the “Twelve Days of Christmas”. As Tommy and his mother made their way to the kitchen to get breakfast going, Grandma led Harry and Becca to the front porch to see if it had snowed overnight. When Grandma opened the front door, she saw the bike parked on the porch, with a big green bow and a note taped to the handlebars. Tears filled her eyes as she called to her daughter, “Tammy Jo, you’d better come see this!” Not knowing what to make of her mother’s words, Tammy rushed to the front door and froze at the sight of the bike. Before she had a chance to react, Tommy came around her and saw what everyone was staring at. He looked up at his mother blankly and she nodded to him. Slowly he crept to the bike and pulled the note from the handlebars. As he opened it, he read it aloud.
Dear Tommy Johnson
I want you to know that God gave me the money to buy this bike for you and that he told me to give it to you for Christmas. I believe that the reason He did this, was because He used you to remind me and my family about the hope and joy that He brought at the very first Christmas. Things were very hard for his family in those days, just as they are for yours now, but His coming made all the difference. This year, he used His light, in your heart, to warm our home and He wants you to understand that the things you plant in the lives of other people are the things that He’ll grow in your life. Just like you wanted to see your mother smile this Christmas, He wants to see you smile. Please never forget that this gift was from Him and that His joy will always be your strength. God bless you Tommy and have a great Christmas.
Tammy’s heart nearly burst as she listened to her nine year boy read those beautiful words; and she wept tears of joy as she clutched her precious family to her. Despite all that had happened in the last couple of years, she couldn’t imagine being any fuller than she was at that moment. As the emotion of the moment ebbed, she saw Tommy staring at the bike in awe and said, “Do you like it Tommy?”
With a confused look on his face, he said, “How could I not like a bike that God picked for me?”
Tammy smiled and replied, “Then why not take it for a ride?”
“Now?” Tommy asked.
“Absolutely, baby” she answered.
Grandma grabbed their coats from the hooks by the door and Tommy pulled his on over his pajamas. They all shuffled from the porch to the sidewalk, as Tommy’s still slippered foot lifted from the curb to the peddle. Harry danced along the sidewalk as Tommy rode away and Grandma bounced Becca, trying to keep her warm as they watched him go. As Tammy watched his hair blow in the wind and saw the expression of utter joy on his face, she once again began weep. “Thank you Lord Jesus!” she gasped, “Thank you so much!”
Not far from there, Bill and Missy’s house was quiet, as they’d gone back to sleep after their early morning delivery. Sometime later, Bill awoke and realized that Missy wasn’t in bed anymore. As he lay there, he heard her in the bathroom and it sounded like she might be getting sick. Bill felt bad for her and was a little disappointed that they’d probably have to miss Christmas dinner with their families; but the joy of their mission for Tommy was still resonating deeply within him. He closed his eyes and began to pray for Missy and for the day ahead. A few minutes later, Missy appeared in the bedroom door way, steadying herself against the frame. She had big tears in her eyes and what looked to be a thermometer in her hands. Bill rose up out of bed to help her and said, “Oh baby, are you sick?” As he moved toward her, she held the thermometer out for him to see. As he took it in his hands, he realized that it wasn’t a thermometer, but a home pregnancy test. He looked back at Missy to see if this meant what he thought it meant and as he looked into her eyes he could see that it did. “Are you sure” he gasped. “Oh yes!” she cried, “I’m sick as a dog and I’ve tried four of these things and they all say that we’re going to have a baby”. Bill wrapped his arms around Missy and lifted her feet off the ground. Their bodies shook with tears and laughter, as year’s worth of disappointment evaporated into a haze of joyful anticipation. “I love you so much” he said, as he finally lowered her back to the floor. “I love you too Bill” she said tearfully, “but I really need to lay down now”. Bill smiled as he helped Missy to the bed and covered her with the blanket. He kissed her on the forehead and said, “Merry Christmas baby”. Missy beamed back at him, “Merry Christmas Bill”. And as he came out of the bedroom, Bill could see the nativity scene in the living room, as his eyes gravitated toward Mary & Joseph, gathered around little baby Jesus. Once again tears of joy began to stream down his face, as he gasped, “Thank you Lord Jesus! Thank you so much!”
Flunking a Mid-Term
November 2, 2010 by bjcorbin
The Bible says that “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure”; it goes on to ask rhetorically, “who can know it?” The magnitude of this truth grows as we consider that it also says that God will judge every man based on what is in their heart. If I understand this correctly, it means that I will have a difficult time being honest with myself (and anyone else) about what is in my heart, yet it will be wholly known to God and used to determine my eternal destiny. I believe that it was with this understanding that David cried out in the Psalms, “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”. As that cry becomes my own, I wonder at how anyone can truthfully assess what is in their own heart.
In pondering this, it must first be established exactly what the scripture is referring to when it says, “heart”. To be sure, it is not describing the blood pump that resides in our chest, but instead is speaking of the very core of our being (i.e. soul). While the scripture doesn’t necessarily explain itself on this matter, I believe that the picture that emerges is that place within our souls where our mind, will and emotions intersect. The Word speaks of how a man thinks in his heart (mind); what he purposes in his heart (will); the cry of his heart (emotions) and ultimately tells us that it is with our hearts that we believe and are justified. This is significant, because it draws a distinction between what we know on an intellectual level (i.e. in our minds) and what we “believe” in our hearts. I believe that when a truth transcends merely being present within our minds and actually penetrates our hearts, there is an emotional response and an impact to our will. In the book of Proverbs it says that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
Within my own testimony is an example of this. I was raised in a Christian home and there has never been a day since my childhood that I did not believe that Jesus Christ was in fact the Son of God, who came and died for my sins. In some peoples estimation this means that I’ve been “saved” since my childhood. But as I became an adult, it was clear that I had not yielded my heart to God at all. I worked throughout my teens, twenties and into my thirties, actively pursuing a friendly relationship with the world and its pleasures. It was not until the life that I’d so carefully constructed came crashing down that I finally turned and saw Him there. At that point my heart was wide open, I knew that I couldn’t go on alone and when that understanding took root in my heart, everything changed. I could no longer be ambivalent about what He’s done for me and the desire for my will to conform to His began to burn. Though I’d been provided with the right information from the beginning, it took over thirty years for it to move into my heart. In that moment, God stopped being an image, an idea, or a philosophy and instead He became a reality to me.
While the outward signs of coming into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ were pretty dramatic, endeavoring to understand other issues within our hearts is generally a bit more subtle. Often the only way for us to truly understand whether there has been a change in our hearts is for it to be tested. I can know that I should forgive those who’ve hurt me and I can purpose to do that; but often the only way to be sure that it has been accomplished is to come face to face with that person again. I can say that I’ve repented of sexual sin and turned from things like pornography; but often won’t know for sure until I have that opportunity again and walk away from it. Just as it is with any learning process, there are periods of learning, followed by periods of testing. How we respond to these tests can give us insight into what’s truly in our hearts, but this will only come about if we choose to grade them for ourselves. God does not allow this testing so that He can see what is in our hearts; He already knows; these tests are for us.
I don’t know anyone who likes tests, but like it or not, they’re an essential part of learning. Even worse than the regularly scheduled exam, is the “pop quiz”; though the consequences of flunking such a quiz are generally less severe. It’s one thing to flunk a pop quiz, that you didn’t see coming, but it’s a whole other thing to flunk a test that you knew all about and even studied for. Not many years ago, I miserably failed such a life test, as tremendous anger rose up out of me. Like the Apostle Paul spoke about, the very thing that I set out not to do is what I did. I could probably rationalize that behavior and maybe even present a decent sounding argument for it, but as I stand before a righteous God, there is no way to justify it. It is very much the nature of man to use our God given cognitive ability to manipulate the truth in our favor, but God is truth and He will not be mocked.
I find it somewhat ironic how often I’ve heard Christian leaders warn about the dangers of emotionalism and of how our emotions can easily be manipulated to lead us astray; yet I’ve heard no such warnings about our intellect. Our intellect is just as much a part of our soul and as such is at least as susceptible to deception. As a matter of fact, the scripture speaks far more about what goes on in our mind than about our emotions. When Eve was questioned about the forbidden fruit, she rationalized that it was the serpents fault. When Adam was questioned, he rationalized that it was Eve’s fault and even Gods fault for sending Eve in the first place. We are much the same when we fail a test. We want to talk about what “they” did or what “they” didn’t do or the “circumstances” surrounding the event… But deferring responsibility for our actions only keeps us from seeing the truth of our own hearts. I’m reminded of the time when I was first feeling the drawing of the Lord. I heard something on the radio about the “judgment to come” and I saw myself standing before God. In the vision I knew that I’d not lived like I was supposed to and I was trying to justify why I hadn’t been to church in years. I explained to the Lord that it wasn’t because of Him, but it was because the church was filled with hypocrites. To my surprise, He agreed, but then He said, “But what does that have to do with you and Me”? I had no answer and I still don’t. Maybe people have legitimately wronged me, taken advantage of me and even hurt me, but if my heart truly belongs to the Lord then why would I hold onto anything but Him. If I’m unwilling to let go of the damaging, hurtful and sinful things of the past, then I’ll be unable to grab hold of the healing, joyful and life giving things that Jesus died to give me.
While people and circumstances played a part in the rage that erupted out of me on that day, they did not create that anger within my heart. God simply allowed these things to show me what was inside of me. The scripture says that from the lips comes the overflow of the heart and so I cannot deny what was seen or heard. If I rationalize, blame, justify… those things will remain in my heart and they will continue to have influence in my life. Jesus died a gruesome death, so that I would not have walk under that kind of yoke. I could beat myself up over this failure, but that is of no value to the Lord, who says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The scripture tells us that when we repent, God throws these things into the sea of forgetfulness; so instead of focusing on the failure, I just need to focus on the turning from it. I could spend a lot of time and energy trying to fix the circumstances and people involved, but ultimately God has not called me to or equipped me for that. Instead He has invited me to come boldly before the throne of grace, to trade my heavy yoke for His rest and my sorrows for His joy. Somewhere down the line, I’m going to get a chance to take this test again and I desperately want the results to be different. The longer that I walk on this journey of faith, the more I realize that it’s not people or situations or even the enemy that I’m struggling with, but it is those things that I’ve held within my heart that aren’t from God. Those are the things that allow people, situations and the enemy to influence my path. As these things come to the surface, I want to be quick to acknowledge them and to hand them over. Once again I come into agreement with David’s prayer, “Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my inequity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me”. Amen.
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