“The fact that someone makes a bad decision does little more than qualify them as a member of the human race; it is the unwillingness to acknowledge and learn from those mistakes that ultimately brands them a fool.”
1. Art Garfunkel (Simon & Garfunkel): Undoubtedly Art Garfunkel possessed one of the most distinctive voices in popular music; but despite his moderate success as a solo artist, it was really his collaboration with Paul Simon that allowed his gifts to be fully realized. Simon’s amazing songwriting and his deft vocal interplay were the perfect vehicle for Garfunkel to shine. While Simon’s career continued to soar as a solo artist, Garfunkel never again scaled the heights he visited in this partnership.
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2. David Crosby (The Bryds, Crosby Stills Nash & Young): Like Art Garfunkel, David Crosby possessed a truly unique and beautiful voice. Though he was also an able songwriter and musician, it was his collaborations with people like Roger McGuinn (The Byrds), Gene Clark (The Bryds), Graham Nash (The Hollies), Stephen Stills (Buffalo Springfield) and Neil Young that created a lasting impact.
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3. Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen): Eddie Van Halen is not only a tremendous guitar player, but a multifaceted musician and the creative force behind the band “Van Halen”. Yet despite his ample talent, it is unlikely that he would have ever achieved the same level of success without finding someone to be the face and voice of his band. Needless to say, he found two of rock’s most memorable showmen in David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar.
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4. Freddie Mercury (Queen): Almost the polar opposite of Eddie Van Halen, Freddie Mercury was a quintessential showman, in need of collaborators to create the proper setting to showcase his talent. He found that in Brian May and the other members of the band Queen. This highly underrated group of musicians provided an accessible context and added valuable substance to Mercury’s eccentric persona.
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5. Ric Ocasek (The Cars): Undoubtedly the quirky pop genius of Ric Ocasek was the driving creative force behind the music of “The Cars”. And while it seems unlikely that they would have had been noticed without him, the band’s best work occurred when Elliot Easton’s edgy guitar and Benjamin Orr’s emotive vocals were allowed to balance out his off beat lyrics and synth-pop sensibilities.
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6. Dennis DeYoung (Styx): Like Ric Ocasek of the Cars, Dennis DeYoung of the band “Styx” was the pop visionary behind their most successful music. His creative flourishes fueled the concept albums and stage productions that distinguished the band from its peers. But at its core, Styx worked best as a rock band and in those moments, Tommy Shaw and James Young were essential in balancing DeYoung’s more theatrical sensibilities. Neither DeYoung nor the remaining members of Styx (who perform without him), have been as compelling since they parted company.
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7. Elton John: Without question, Elton John is a tremendously gifted musician, singer and performer in his own right; but it is through his 40+ year songwriting collaboration with Bernie Taupin that his most memorable work has been produced. It is difficult to know what his career would have been without Mr. Taupin’s contributions.
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8. Roger Waters (Pink Floyd): Certainly Roger Water’s dark cynicism and disdain for standard musical conventions were at the heart of Pink Floyd’s most memorable recordings, but without the balancing contributions of his band mates (most especially David Gilmour), his solo work has been erratic and far less compelling. Considering his sizable contributions to the band’s collective identity, the remaining members have made some surprisingly worthwhile music without him.
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9. Eric Clapton: Though Eric Clapton has enjoyed a long and successful career as a solo artist, his most notable moments have almost always come through his collaboration with other artists. His contributions to bands like “The Yardbirds”, “John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers”, “Cream”, “Blind Faith” and “Derek & the Domino’s” were legendary and even much of his most memorable solo work showcased other songwriters like J.J. Cale (After Midnight), Robert Johnson (Crossroads) and Bob Marley (I Shot the Sheriff).
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10. Lennon & McCartney (The Beatles): While inferring that either one of these musical legends wasn’t talented enough to stand alone would amount to sacrilege in the minds of most people, I would submit that both benefited greatly from their collaboration. Though they each created some classic music on their own, neither consistently produced anything that rivaled their work together.
Posted in Entertainment/Music/Sports, Lists, Opinions | Tagged Art Garfunkel, Benjamin Orr, Blind Faith, Cream, Crosby, David Crosby, David Gilmour, David Lee Roth, Dennis DeYoung, Derek & the Domino's, Eddie Van Halen, Elliot Easton, Elton John Bernie Taupin, Eric Clapton, Freddie Mercury, James Young, JJ Cale, John Lennon, John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers, Lennon & McCartney, Nash & Young, Paul McCartney, Pink Floyd, Queen, Ric Ocasek, Roger Waters, Sammy Hagar, Simon & Garfunkel, Stills, Styx, The Beatles, The Byrds, The Cars, The Yardbirds, Tommy Shaw, Van Halen | 2 Comments »
As I celebrate another Father’s Day, I am reminded that God’s plan for my life is much bigger than I ever imagined and it causes me to reflect on the tremendous blessings He has bestowed upon my life. This Sunday, as I was worshipping the Lord, I began to recognize just how significantly He has used revelations about fatherhood along the way.
Undoubtedly my first understanding of God was as a father. In my formative days I tended to view Jesus as somewhat of a historical figure, while the Holy Spirit was simply a mystery to me; but I knew what a father was and I had some idea of what that relationship should look like.
I was blessed to have had a father who loved my mother, who provided for our family, who expressed his love for me and who never left us, nor forsook us. I didn’t realize at the time what a rare and precious thing that was. It made the concept of God much easier to grasp and put my heart in a position to receive even greater revelation about who He really is.
As a kid who struggled with just about every aspect of growing up, I know that at times I baffled and frustrated my earthly father; yet somehow he never made me feel as though he was ashamed of me or that I couldn’t come to him. That aspect of a father’s character became a critical factor for me when I decided that my life needed to change, after thirty plus years of living by my own standards for righteousness.
As God rebuilt my crumbled life, He blessed me with a new marriage, which included a five year old step-daughter. I remember feeling humbled (and somewhat ill-equipped) to be included amongst the men that are known as “father”; but I was also aware that my new daughter already had a father, whom she loved very much. I purposed in my heart that I wouldn’t do anything to get in the way of their relationship and the Lord began to show me that all fathers are a type of “step-father”.
This is because, before our children were in their mother’s womb, He knew them and before they were our children, they were His. While He may have used our DNA as the thread to knit them together, they are ultimately made in His image and by His hand.
Even as God blessed us with three more children, I realized that while He had given me an honored position in their lives, they would never truly be mine; and that my role was to point the way back to Him. Years later, the Lord reminded me of this when my earthy father passed away. He said very plainly to me, “I am your Father; I have always been your Father.”
Because of these revelations, I’ve taken fatherhood very seriously and I’ve often fallen into condemnation at my failures. In those times, “The Comforter” and “The Counselor” has come and ministered to my heart. I remember Him giving me a vision of one of my little boys and asking me “what do you expect of him?” As I stared at the image of my five year old son, all I could think of was – “nothing, he’s just a little boy.” To which the Lord replied, “That’s all you are to me.”
He showed me that He wasn’t asking me to do the impossible or calling me to accomplish something He didn’t equip me for. Another time He said, “What kind of God would I be if I hinged your children’s destiny on your perfection?” While these revelations didn’t relieve me of the responsibility to be the best father that I can be, they helped me to understand that God didn’t put these children in my hands because He never intended for them to leave His.
As we’ve ministered to adults who never knew their father or who had a father that crushed their heart, we’ve found many who believe that they can never be whole because of it. But the revelation that I got when my father died was that the greatest thing an earthly father can accomplish is to help his children find their Heavenly Father. Once that eternal relationship is established, the role of an earthly father becomes largely symbolic (i.e. when that which is perfect comes, that which is imperfect passes away).
As a father, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing my children go directly to God and hearing from Him themselves. I can’t help them like He can, I can’t always be with them, I can’t go before them and I can’t really show them who they were made to be. Regardless of what kind of father we’ve had on earth, only our Heavenly Father has the ability to make us whole and no amount of failure on the part of a human father has the ability to take that from us.
As I labored to hear the voice of my heavenly Father, I often became anxious that I might miss what He was trying to tell me; but once again the Lord gave me a vision of my little boy. Within the vision I’d told him to go clean up his room, but I somehow realized that I had given that direction in French. As my little boy blinked at me in confusion, the Lord said, “Whose fault is it that he’s not cleaning his room?” To which I responded, “It’s my fault because I spoke to him in French.” To which the Lord said, “That’s right, it is the father’s responsibility to speak in a way that his children can understand.”
I understood that this was God’s way of telling me to stop worrying about whether I could hear His voice and to trust that He knew how to get through to me. As I’ve let go of that fear, I’ve noticed that His voice has become much clearer to me.
When our children were very young, I could see how important it was for them to receive validation from me and I realized that I felt the same way about my heavenly Father. I remembered thinking of how God had called David “A man after my own heart” and I wanted for Him to be able to say the same of me.
As I read about David’s life, I came to the story of him dancing before the Lord in the linen garment, which has been likened (rightly or wrongly) to dancing in his underwear. As I read the part where his wife (Saul’s daughter) chastens him for this act, which she viewed as unfitting for a king, the Lord began to speak to me. He said, “This is what made David a man after my own heart; He understood that in my presence he wasn’t the king and that while this may not have been an appropriate way for a king to act in front of his subjects, it was a perfectly normal way for a child to act before his Father.”
These words reminded of when Jesus said that unless we come as little children, we will not receive the Kingdom. Though we are “joint heirs with Christ”, and He calls us “friend” and He is closer than a brother; I have learned that if I hope to receive anything from Him, I must come as a little child.
To fully grasp the revelation of fatherhood, one must also have some understanding of what it means to be a son or daughter. Often during times of worship I see an image of a young child crawling into their father’s lap and laying their head upon his chest. I remember a time when my children would do this and what a wonderful feeling it was as they would relax and essentially melt into my arms.
When I see that picture I feel as though it is an invitation for me to do the same with my heavenly Father. To enter into that kind of rest I have to lay down the burdens that I bear as a grown man (e.g. father, husband, bread winner, employee…) and become as a little child again. In those moments I hear the loving voice of my Father say, “Come up here; lay down those burdens and I will give you rest; come recline beside the still waters so that I might restore your soul; come up here, come.”
Those moments are the profoundest sense of His presence that I have ever known and they give me a sense of what heaven will be like. Even if you never experienced such a thing with your earthly father, know that your heavenly Father yearns to have that experience with you. Hear Him calling today, “This is the day I have made and I want you to find the joy in it; and behold I have brought fresh mercies for you today, because I knew that you would need them; and I’ve come with a new song for your heart. Come child and rest your head on my chest, so that you might hear my heart beat for you; come dine with me, that I might feed you with spiritual food; come, because I yearn to teach you all things.”
I pray that all of His children would hear Him calling and that everyday would become “The Father’s” day.
Posted in Commentaries, Heart of "The Father", Parenting / Family | 1 Comment »
“It is better to have one person who loves you for who you truly are than to have ten thousand who love the person they imagine you to be.”
Posted in Thought for the Day / Quotes | Leave a Comment »
Over the course of several months the Lord spoke to me about what it means to be “successful” in ministry. During that period of time I was exposed to many types of ministry, in a variety of settings, and with numerous different ministers. While my initial impression was that defining what is successful ought to be fairly simple, my journey to a conclusion proved to be more involved than I imagined.
The Lord first challenged me on this subject at a large, conference type, event. A tremendous amount of prayer, and preparation, had gone into this event; and numerous individuals had indicated that they would take part in it. But when the day arrived, almost no one showed up. Understandably, the sense of disappointment was tangible, but in the midst of it I heard the Lord say, “I’m not disappointed”, as He directed my attention toward the small group of attendee’s. He reminded me of how all of heaven rejoices at the repentance of a single sinner, and He seemed to be challenging us to pour into these few souls with the same zeal we had for ministering to a crowd.
I realized that our unfulfilled expectations had caused us to feel as though everything had changed, but that God’s expectations for us hadn’t changed at all. I concluded that, to God’s way of thinking, the chance to touch even one heart warranted all of the effort that had gone into the event. This seemed to birth the question within me of what God views as “successful” ministry.
As with all things, Jesus is our model for ministry. But as I meditated on that I gained an interesting perspective. While the eternal ramifications of what Jesus accomplished through His death and resurrection are undeniable to a Believer, would any modern Pastor aspire to the kind of credentials that Jesus could have claimed for His earthly ministry.
After all, He started with a dozen men that no self respecting church was likely to pursue; He traveled constantly, never really establishing any set location; His followers rarely seemed to grasp the things He said; other Ministers constantly talked about Him behind His back, and though He had a couple of well attended (revival) meetings, by the time His three year run was up, He could only claim a congregation of about 120; none of whom was willing to be seen with Him in town. Is this what God would hold up to us as the picture of success in ministry?
As I looked for an example of a “successful ministry”, my mind was quite naturally drawn to large, and well known, ministries. While we all know that it isn’t the numbers that really matter, it’s hard to deny that we tend to view “big” ministries as being “successful”. While having people positively respond to ministry is an obvious goal, ultimately the content of what is being ministered determines the eternal value of that kind of response (e.g. positively responding to a false prophet can result in many being deceived…).
On the other hand, if a minister faithfully executes the ministry that God gives him, and it is rejected by the people, does that make it unsuccessful? I would guess that in the eyes of most men such a ministry would be viewed as a failure; but in the eyes of God I believe that such a minister would likely be seen as a faithful servant. The scripture says that we are the “aroma of Christ”, which will smell like life to some, and like death to others, which would seem to indicate that how people respond to us is largely out of our control.
Would the Lord intentionally lead a faithful servant to a people that He knew would reject the message? I would submit that the scripture unequivocally supports that He would (see the Prophets, John the Baptist, Jesus, Stephen, John, Paul…). Thus, the manner in which people respond to ministry cannot be the measuring stick that ultimately determines it’s success, or failure. While we can plant, and water seeds, only God can bring the increase. As such, the “results” belong to Him. This conclusion is supported by Jesus ministry, which couldn’t boast widespread support from the people, and yet pleased His Father.
As I returned to the idea of Jesus’ pastoral resume, the one credential that every Minister would likely covet is the supernatural acts (i.e. the miracles) that accompanied His ministry. And while I believe that this is a feature that the Lord means to be an integral part of all that is done in His name, the question is whether tapping into supernatural power is necessarily indicative of “success” in ministry. While my unconscious impulse would have been to think that it is, I was quickly reminded of Jesus’ words for those who claimed to have prophesied, cast out demons, and to have performed “many miracles” in His name (Matthew 7:21-23). Though He didn’t refute their claims, He nevertheless rejected them based on the fact that He “never knew” them.
I was also reminded that Judas had been sent out with the other disciples, and that he’d undoubtedly been a part of the healings, and deliverances, that were accomplished in that period. Yet Jesus said that he was “doomed to destruction”. Jesus also warned of false prophets, performing great signs, and miracles at the end of the age. Cumulatively, these scriptures would seem to indicate that the manifestation of supernatural power is not necessarily a validation of the quality of the ministry, or even of the minister.
The Lord also reminded me that despite the incredible signs of Moses’ ministry, the people wanted to go back to Egypt; and that despite the amazing wonders of Elijah’s ministry, he did not see the nation turn back to God; and that despite the miraculous nature of Jesus ministry, the people rejected and crucified Him. While I believe that the Lord desires His children to walk in the supernatural power of God, it would seem that even this would not necessarily ensure our “success” in ministry.
As I continued to query the Lord on what was valuable to Him, He gave me a vision of Moses striking the rock in anger (Num 20:1-13). And He said that in that moment Moses had “misrepresented His heart to the people”. I could sense what a serious issue this was to the Lord, and a wave of conviction swept over me as I considered how often I’ve been guilty of this same thing.
He reminded me that Jesus said that He didn’t do anything that He didn’t see the Father do first, and I realized that what made Jesus the model for all ministry is that He walked in perfect fellowship with the Father. Always accurately conveying the Father’s heart to the people. By that standard, Jesus was the most successful minister that ever was, or ever could be.
As I pondered the spectrum of “ministry” that I have witnessed, I wondered at how much of it really met this standard. I thought of how many gifted ministers I’ve encountered, who bear little or no resemblance to Jesus, and of how many times I’ve heard such ministers use their “anointing”, or their “calling”, as their excuse for lacking in patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion, self-control… The Lord impressed upon me how ridiculous it is for someone to claim that the manifestation of “His” Holy Spirit within them (e.g. the anointing) is what keeps them from acting like “His” Son, or from displaying the fruit of a life submitted to “His” Spirit.
I was reminded that Moses was a man of power, position, influence, and calling, who had a long history of faithful and fruitful service to the Lord; yet this failure was serious enough to God to keep Moses from entering the Promised Land. While we can have the gift of prophecy, have all knowledge, fathom all mysteries, have faith to move mountains, give all that we have to the poor and even be martyred, if these things don’t come through a heart of love, they amount to “nothing”.
As if to bring it all together, I felt like the Lord said that anytime we accurately reflect His heart, regardless of whether it is received, understood, accepted…, we’ve been successful in His eyes. Conversely, anything that doesn’t accurately reflect His heart doesn’t actually qualify as “ministry” to Him.
As I’ve continued to pray and meditate on these words, it occurred to me that Jesus’ strong connection to the Father was the thing that distinguished His earthly ministry from all others, and that ultimately it is the key for us. In Paul’s letter to the Colossians he speaks of a man who has lost his connection to the “Head”, which supplies the whole body, causing it to grow; and it is difficult not to see a parallel with the current state of the Body of Christ in America. If a once robust human body continued to grow weaker, with its parts seemingly operating independently of each other, and with erratic function, the connection between the body and the head would be the area of prime concern. Yet somehow the Body of Christ seems to be looking elsewhere.
Ultimately, without that strong connection, we have little hope of accurately reflecting God’s heart to a lost and dying world. Isn’t that what the Lord was calling the nation to (2 Chronicles 7:14) when he said, “if My people, who are called by My name” (i.e. the Church), “will humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways” (i.e. reconnect with God), “then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land” (i.e. supplying the body and making it strong again). The eyes of the Lord continue to range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are “fully committed” to Him (i.e. connected to His). If we look, we may find that the problem is simply a loose connection.
Posted in Commentaries | Tagged ministry, successful ministry | Leave a Comment »
“Pride is not the by-product of confidence, it is the façade that we build around our deepest insecurities. Find me a man that is cloaked in arrogance and I’ll show you a man that is terrified at his core. Find me a man who is cloaked in genuine humility and I’ll show you a man who knows who he is.”
Posted in Thought for the Day / Quotes | Leave a Comment »
As the wheel begins to turn, the clay is centered in the middle of the hub. At this stage, it is little more than a pile of thick mud. But as the skilled hands of the craftsman take hold, something unique and functional emerges. Smoothing rough patches, building up thin spots, evening out the edges… the potter cannot rush the process if he hopes for his work to stand up to the fire of the kiln. As one hand forms the inner contour, the other shapes the external face; and it is only in the balance of these two forces that a usable vessel is created.
Indeed, our God is the potter and we are the clay; He has destined us to be conformed to the image of His Son and He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in us. Though many a motivational speaker would have us believe that we are something more than mere clay, the fact remains that apart from God, we can do “nothing” (which literally means “no thing”). This of course doesn’t mean that we can’t busy ourselves with our own plans and strategies; it just means that, in the end, they won’t pass the test of fire. In Matthew’s gospel, Jesus doesn’t deny the claims of those who say, “Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles”; He simply says that He never knew them. Ultimately it is not about what is done “in His name”, it’s about what is done “in Him”.
Though the Lord most certainly uses the lives of mere men within His plan, I believe that it is only when those lives move in unison with the internal work that He’s doing in a heart that a fruitful outcome is achieved. Just like the potter’s wheel, it is the coordination of the internal and external forces that shape the vessel. That is why to those who are perishing the cross is foolishness; unless a heart has begun to yield to the wooing of the Lord (i.e. the internal force), it cannot comprehend the cross (i.e. an external manifestation). I also believe this is why so much of the church’s efforts to evangelize fall flat. Many have been taught that if we simply present the gospel the right way, it will bring people to Christ; but ultimately it is not the quality of our gospel seed, it is the condition of the soil to receive it. No one comes unless He draws them and hardened soil will not receive even a good seed. This is why true evangelism is rooted in genuine relationship and not simply handing out tracts at the mall. This point is even further bore out by the fact that the cross represents the power of God to those who are “being saved” (as opposed to just those who are already saved). Despite our boasts, only God Himself can truly claim to have led someone to Jesus.
It seems to me that a lot of religious activity is focused on our external work, without any real sensitivity to the corresponding internal work of God. Indeed, our Christian bookstores are filled with volumes on 10 ways to do this and 5 ways to do that. It’s unlikely that many of those instructions contain a step that says something like “wait on the Lord and act only after receiving direction from Him”. Within the potter’s wheel analogy, this type of formulaic activity is likely to be more distorting than productive. The litany of people, who would claim to have been wounded by their interactions with church and Christianity, would only seem to validate this premise.
I’ve long held that the “Great Commission” is something of a misnomer. Though undoubtedly God has called us to make disciples of all nations, the word “commission” often takes on the connotation of acting on someone’s behalf (i.e. independently from them) and that is not the context that scripture presents. We can read the Bible, but without the interaction of the Holy Spirit, we’re likely just to interpret the words to suit ourselves. We can consider ourselves the voice of truth, but without discerning the heart of God, we are more likely to cultivate oppression than freedom. We can tell people about Jesus, but without any real sense of what God is doing in their lives, it can be just like throwing seed on a parking lot. Jesus Himself said that He didn’t do anything until He saw the Father do it first; how presumptuous it is to assume that we’d be able to do otherwise. The apostle Paul exhorted us to walk in the Spirit, to live in the Spirit and to be led by the Spirit, which is essentially the same thing that Jesus described. Ultimately it is only when the two hands work in tandem that we can see genuine increase.
Posted in Word Pictures | 1 Comment »
There is probably very little in this life that can change your perspective more than having children. It not only changes how you view yourself, but how you view the world and what life is really all about.
Our oldest daughter will be a Senior next year and her teen years have been an eye opening experience for us. With three other kids just reaching adolescence, I shudder at the thought of what the next 5-7 years might bring our way. God help us!
It’s funny how your kids start out believing that you know everything and how quickly they come to decide that you really don’t know anything. They become convinced that you’ve never faced what they’re facing or that you’ve forgotten what it was like; but the truth is that more often it’s that we remember just how it was and that’s what worries us.
In watching and listening to teens I sense that most feel as though their parents are against them having any fun and that adults enjoy messing up their kids’ plans. I believe the fact of the matter is that most parents want their kids to enjoy themselves, but that they can see what their kids are often blind to. Kids tend to think in the short term, while parents are more tuned to the long term.
As I pondered what my kids might be like when they’re “grown up”, I had to ask myself exactly when that will be; is it when they’re 18, or 21, or is it even age dependent? I immediately thought of some folks who are in their 50’s and 60’s, who I don’t think have quite reached “grown up” status yet; so I bagged the notion that this happens at a certain age.
As I tried to pin down the defining characteristics of being “grown up”, there were three that stuck out.
One of the most prevalent characteristics of children is their self-centeredness. As cute and lovable as they are, in their minds everyone and everything is meant to be about them. A baby doesn’t care if you haven’t slept or that you have to get up early or that you’re sick; all it knows is that it is hungry or cold or afraid or uncomfortable…
Unfortunately this self centeredness is a part of our nature and none of us completely conquer it, but hopefully as we mature we learn to consider the needs of others and begin to enjoy serving as much as being served.
As we get older sometimes this selfishness becomes a little more covert. We may not throw ourselves on the floor and cry, but we may frequently find ourselves offended, as though everything that is being said or done is specifically aimed at us.
Through my experience I’ve come to believe that most of the people who’ve hurt me didn’t necessarily set out to do so, they just didn’t consider how I might be effected by their actions (i.e. inconsiderate or thoughtless as opposed to malicious or mean); this tends to make forgiveness a lot easier.
People who are self centered often struggle to forgive, because they’ll generally believe that people went way out of their way to hurt them. I believe that this is rarely as true as we believe. One of the most liberating discoveries of my life has been the understanding that it is not all about me.
Another important aspect of maturing is taking responsibility for our life. Often when you try to hold a child accountable, they’ll have a million excuses and none of them will be “It was my fault” or “I made a bad choice”. Bad grades are undoubtedly because the teacher doesn’t like me; bad play will likely be because of a bad coach or bad teammates; messy rooms will probably be because of friends or little brothers or sisters.
A milestone in anyone’s life is gaining the understanding that while you may not be able to control other people and/or situations, you can control how you respond; that what “they did” has no power over me as long as I choose to let it go. Once you have that revelation, you never have to feel powerless again.
As long as we blame others for our problems and/or unhappiness, they will remain a powerful influence over our lives. This is often seen in adult relationships. When two people divorce they often blame each other and fail to take responsibility for the role they played in that failure.
When that happens, you’ll see those people struggling with these same issues years after the fact and often they’ll walk right back into the same type of bad situation. Sometimes you’ll see people with three or four marriages play out the identical scenario over and over again. The only responsibility that they’ll accept is that they’re bad at picking mates.
Even when we’ve been terribly wronged, if we will accept responsibility for the role that we played in a situation, it frees us from carrying that damage on and from repeating that destructive cycle.
Another significant step is the understanding that boundaries are meant for our protection and well being. Children resent boundaries and teens often disdain them even more. They generally don’t understand that these things are bore out of love and concern for them; in fact they’ll generally believe quite the opposite.
This is also a strong part of our nature and simply put it is rebellion. As with these other characteristics, we can see this plainly in adults as well. We all know people who disdain the government, paying taxes, following speed limits, the boss who expects them to be at work on time, the Pastor who doesn’t do it the way they want it, the Ref who makes a call against their team…
As we mature, hopefully we come to the realization that all these things were put in place to help and in some cases protect us. With that understanding, it is not a burden to comply.
I guess the reason to ponder all of this is that these principles work the same way in our relationship to God. He says that we need to esteem others higher than ourselves, that it is better to give than to receive, that we ought to serve others instead of seeking to be served and that we shouldn’t try to gain our life.
If making ourselves comfortable and happy is our top priority, we are really little more than selfish children; who will likely require more goodwill than we’ll ever dispense.
Taking responsibility is also a big step in our relationship with God, because without it we cannot reach forgiveness. The way we are forgiven of sins is through repentance and if we are unwilling to acknowledge our failures, there can be no repentance. Repentance is not being sorry; it is changing our mind and our direction. Unless we’ve taken responsibility for where we’re at, we will likely just wait for somebody or something else to change.
Finally, part of “growing up” in the Lord is when we begin to follow His guidance not out of fear of His judgment, but out of the understanding that His view is much bigger than ours and that He’s got our best interest in mind. When we grasp that truth, the walk of faith isn’t drudgery and we don’t sit around feeling as though we’re missing the “good stuff”.
We live in a culture that idolizes youth and in which “growing up” is not necessarily esteemed; but as Christians we cannot choose to live in “Neverland”. God has destined us to be conformed to the image of Christ and His character demands that we put our childish ways behind us. It is only God’s divine nature that will allow us to overcome the folly of our human nature.
Posted in Commentaries | 1 Comment »
Bjcorbin's Blog 
10 Things We Mistakenly Invest Our Identity In
June 23, 2010 by bjcorbin
I believe that despite the common patterns that can be observed throughout mankind, each person is to some extent a unique creation; and as such, that each has been endowed with their own specific identity. The longer I live, the more convinced I become that the only way to really find that identity is through interaction with the One who created us. But I’ve noticed that even amongst those who would claim such interaction, there seems to be a real crisis of identity. To some degree, I believe that is because we invest our sense of identity in the wrong things. Here’s a list of some of those things:
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1. Appearance: With the trillions of dollars that westerners spend every year on cosmetic surgery, weight loss programs, tanning beds, acrylic nails, piercing, tattoos, hair, makeup… it seems undeniable that we are heavily invested in the idea that if we look a certain way, we will feel better about ourselves and that people will ultimately find us more desirable. But I’d submit that if I placed a beautifully wrapped box of Styrofoam peanuts next to a “Wii” game system, wrapped in newspaper, it would only take my kids a few minutes to discover which one they wanted to keep. While the attractive exterior may cause them to open the Styrofoam first, the illusion would literally be paper thin. I believe that the same holds true for people; and that both our feelings about ourselves and other people’s feelings about us, are truly driven by what is in our hearts. If you’ve got a favorite old grandma, ask yourself if you are repulsed by her wrinkled exterior or warmed by her loving heart. On our deathbeds, will the value of any person we care about be based on how they looked in a bathing suit?
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2. Talents/Abilities: While I believe that each person comes equipped with their own special combination of gifts and that those gifts ultimately compliment who they were created to be, I don’t believe that the gifts themselves actually define the person. What is in a person’s heart will drive how they choose to use their gifts and that will be the thing that defines their relationships. Those who simply use their talents/abilities to glorify themselves and to manipulate others are generally remembered less for their talent and more for their lack of character.
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3. Reputation: Reputation is generally rooted in how we are perceived outside our most intimate circle and while there is certainly some value in having a “good reputation”, I would submit that value is very limited. What is at the core of our being will be reflected in our closest relationships (e.g. spouse, children…) and if those relationships are poisoned, a “good reputation” becomes little more than an illusion. Our identity is not as much defined by what others think about us, as it is by what we think about ourselves.
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4. Affiliations/Hobbies: In America we tend to take our hobbies and affiliations very seriously. We spend an incredible amount of our time and resources pursuing things like hunting, fishing, NASCAR, crafting, politics, our favorite sports teams, our favorite music groups, collecting things… and we love to affiliate with groups like the Republicans, the Democrats, the NRA, the Sierra Club, the fantasy ball leagues, our favorite Christian denomination, the local biker club, the VFW, the Elks Club… The problem is that we often lose our own identity somewhere in that process. We think of ourselves as Veterans or Buckeye fans or bikers or liberals or Christians, and we begin to mimic what other people in those groups do, instead of discovering the unique aspects of who we were made to be. Having hobbies and/or affiliations isn’t necessarily a problem, as long as who we are informs them more than they inform who we are.
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5. Possessions/Social Status: The United States is undoubtedly the land of the great middle class; and while bygone empires may have reached higher levels of affluence, never has the average person in a society lived so well. Yet for most of us, that material wealth and comfortable lifestyle hasn’t really translated into what we’d call happiness. You’d think by now that we’d understand that more possessions aren’t the key to unlock a brighter future and yet, what a person has and/or their social status, is still the measuring stick we generally use to gauge the success of their life. It is not what we have, but what we choose to do with it, that ultimately points to our true identity.
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6. Career/Vocation: Having a sense of purpose and feeling as though our efforts make a difference, are undoubtedly vital parts of living a meaningful life; and our job/vocation/career can play an important part in that fulfillment. But frequently we begin to mistake what we do for who we are. To be sure, what we do and how we do it, are a reflection of who we are, but they cannot become a substitute for it. Years ago, I read an interesting statistic that said most men die within five years of retiring, regardless of their age; and though I’m sure that there are many factors that drive that statistic, I’d submit that the investment of our identity in what we do is one of them.
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7. Pain/Tragedy: It is an unsavory fact of life that pain and even tragedy are an inherent part of the journey. While that reality is largely unavoidable, we can resist the urge to allow those things to define us. When we choose to identify ourselves as a victim, we unwittingly cause the pain of the past to infect our future.
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8. Achievements: While who we are is undoubtedly an ingredient of the fuel for achievement, those achievements are wholly inadequate to fully encompass who we are. Though we might cover our walls with awards, they only represent moments in time; mere glimpses of a much bigger picture. At the end of our life, it is doubtful that any of those accolades will be of much consolation. Inevitably it will be our relationships with those who knew us best that will matter the most in that moment.
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9. Parenthood: In my own experience, there has been nothing that has touched the deepest recesses of my heart like becoming a parent. While it caused me to discover unseen depths of love and strength, it has also revealed unexpected levels of impatience, frustration and fear. For me, taking parenting seriously has never been an issue; my problem has been maintaining a healthy perspective on my role in our children’s lives. God was too wise to hinge their destiny on my perfection and He is unwilling to take away their free will (even though at times I’ve tried to). I know that I’ve lost my perspective when I fall into despair and condemnation because of their struggles. Though I need to invest myself in the parenting, I cannot allow being a parent to engulf who I am. If that were to happen, I would begin to live for and through my children, which would ultimately be oppressive and destructive, both to them and to me.
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10. Marriage: Like parenthood, marriage is something we definitely need to invest ourselves in; but I would submit that giving our all in a relationship is not the same thing as forfeiting our individual identity. A healthy marriage will ultimately build up both individuals and allow each partner to more fully realize their God given potential. If one spouse completely defers to the other, the power of the union is greatly diminished and neither partner truly benefits.
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In the end, I believe that our identities need to be wholly invested in being a child of the living God. If that were the case, we could draw all of the love, inspiration, affirmation, encouragement, security and hope that we need from Him and simply be a conduit for Him in our relationships with our spouses, kids, family, friends, neighbors and the ultimately the world.
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