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Upon Further Review (A Fresh Look at Some Old Rock)

Posted in Entertainment/Music/Sports, Lists, Opinions, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2014| Leave a Comment »

After spending the first thirty years of my life being glued to the radio, collecting record albums, and reading Rolling Stone magazine, I took about a twelve year hiatus from that whole scene. In recent years, as I’ve revisited some of that old music, I’ve been surprised by how different some of it sounds to me now.  A few of the bands I used to love don’t sound that good anymore, and others seem even better than I remember them.  Here are a few examples:

Under-rated:

  • Steely Dan – I always enjoyed this bands completely unique approach to their craft. The complex jazz influenced arrangements, the exquisite musicianship, the cryptic lyrics and the sparkling production made them standout against the rock/pop music landscape. These attributes also give their best work a timeless quality that has allowed it to become classic.
  • Chicago – In its heyday, this band was one of the brightest and most innovative groups in rock music. Through their first ten albums they produced a library of compelling music, much of which remains vibrant today. Though the exploitation of the band’s name in later years diminished their stature in the rock community, a listen to their earlier work is a great reminder of what a special group this was.
  • Bad Company – Formed from the ashes of the bands, “Free”, “Mott the Hoople” and “King Crimson”, Bad Company was something of a super-group and it showed immediately on their classic (self-titled) debut album. Though their run (with the original lineup) was relatively brief, it produced five solid albums filled with a lot of great music.
  • The Guess Who – This legendary Canadian band has taken on many forms over the years, but it was the combination of Burton Cummings remarkable vocals and guitarist Randy Bachman’s copious musical skills that created their most memorable music. Between 1969 and 1970 they released classics like, “These Eyes”, “Laughing”, “Undun”, “No Time”, “No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature”, “Share the Land”, and “American Woman”. Those songs alone give them a Hall of Fame worthy resume.

Over-rated:

  • Kiss – No one is likely to dispute their credentials as world class entertainers, and I would list a Kiss concert (with makeup) as a must-see event for any avid rock music fan. But as I revisited the old studio recordings it’s been hard to miss the mediocre songwriting, singing and, in many cases, playing. Other than Kiss Alive I & II, I’d be hard pressed to get through a whole album anymore.
  • Eric Clapton (Solo) – There’s no doubt that Clapton is a guitar virtuoso, and that he has played on numerous classic recordings. But as I’ve listened with fresh ears it’s difficult not to notice the huge disparity between the work he did in bands such as the Bluesbreakers, Cream, Blind Faith, Derek and the Domino’s, and his solo recordings. His limitations as a songwriter and vocalist become far more apparent when he was not surrounded by great musicians/vocalists like Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker, Duane Allman, Steve Winwood… His best solo recordings have generally been songs written by others (e.g. JJ Cale).
  • Jimi Hendrix – I know that I’ll likely be lynched for including his hallowed name on this list, and it is in no way meant to disparage his amazing talent. In truth, it is more a lament over the circumstances that surrounded his brief recording career. Though every fan cherishes anything they can get their hands on, most of the Hendrix catalog is made up of poorly recorded, poorly produced snippets of songs and ideas. All of them point to the limitless potential that Hendrix possessed, but sadly, few of them represent the realization of that potential.

Lives Up to the Hype:

  • The Beatles – These guys are the gold standard by which just about everyone else is judged and after years of not hearing them, their music still sounds fresh and innovative. With all due respect to their notable individual accomplishments, none of them consistently approached this artistic level as a solo artist.
  • The Doors – Like everyone else, I was a big Jim Morrison fan, and was often mesmerized by his persona. But in revisiting the Doors catalog I was struck by the incredible talent and contributions of the rest of the band (keyboardist Ray Manzarek, drummer John Densmore and guitarist Robby Krieger).   They were by no means simply Morrison’s backing band.
  • Led Zeppelin – English bands that loved to play the blues were a dime a dozen back in the 1960’s, but none of them quite reached the heights that Zeppelin did. Their eclectic mix of blues, folk and hard rock could be at times tender, haunting, or even bludgeoning. Going back and listening to this music only enhanced my respect for this one of a kind band.

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Technical Difficulties

Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Social / Political, tagged , , on February 13, 2014| Leave a Comment »

We certainly live in a time of amazing technological advancements, and while many of those developments have represented a significant enhancement from the status quo, there have also been some troubling side effects. I’ve listed a few of those below:

 

• Diminishing problem solving/critical thinking skills – Our minds are like our physical bodies, they need to be exercised to remain strong and healthy. Increasingly, we have an “App.” for just about everything, and we have quickly grown accustomed to doing things with the push of a button. More and more, the technology is doing the thinking for us, and we are progressively losing our ability to do things manually. When the technology fails us, we are generally thrown into a state of turmoil, and are often unable to proceed.
• Diminishing perseverance and endurance – Since most of these advances tend to make things faster and easier, our expectations are evolving accordingly. As time goes on, our patience and tolerance for anything that doesn’t come fast and easy is waning. The emerging generations are growing up with the concept that everything in life ought to be like that, and a growing reluctance to endure anything that is not.
• Trading the real world for virtual reality – The cyber-world has grown to become its own alternate reality, and for many, it has begun to eclipse the real world. Progressively, westerners are spending a lot more time interacting with digital screens than with each other. Most have a lot more “friends” on their social networking site than actual people they associate with regularly, and many seem to be losing their ability to express themselves in complete sentences or beyond 140 characters.
• A growing “faith” in technology – Young people seem to take great pride in the technological advances of recent years. They tend to view them as a defining characteristic of their generation. And because of this, they don’t necessarily feel bound to the lessons of history. In the minds of many, the failures of previous generations are rooted in their lack of good technology. For them, there is no problem that humanity has that technology won’t soon resolve.

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Thought for the Day – Drugs or Jesus

Posted in Opinions, Social / Political, Thought for the Day / Quotes, tagged , , , , , , , on October 8, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The Humanist wants to believe that left to its own devices mankind would eventually create a Utopia. Unfortunately for them, all of human history flies in the face of that notion. While Mr. Lennon could imagine a world with “no heaven”, “no hell”, and with a “people living for today” as paradise, history must once again protest that it would be anything but that. To be sure, it is our very nature to relish the autonomy that accompanies the idea that every man defines truth for himself (i.e. relative truth), yet our demands for justice remain absolute in the things we choose to abhor. To shun the concept that there is a power and authority that is greater than any man could possess is to forfeit our place of refuge from life’s inevitable storms. In such cases we are forced to create imaginary friends, like luck or fate, in order to produce some small sense of hope. But alas, it’s all too much like spending the rent money on lottery tickets. Like the popular country artist, Tim McGraw, sings, life tends to lead us to either “drugs or Jesus”.

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10 Remakes that Eclipsed the Originals

Posted in Entertainment/Music/Sports, Opinions on August 26, 2013| 2 Comments »

1. Heard it Through the Grapevine (Marvin Gaye) This Motown classic was first recorded by Smokey Robinson & the Miracles and was a smash hit for Gladys Knight & the Pips, before Marvin Gaye’s version was ever released. Soon after that, Creedence Clearwater Revival’s (CCR) eleven minute take on the song (from the album “Cosmos Factory”) also gained significant national attention. Despite all of these popular renditions, it is Gaye’s recording that stands out as the quintessential version of this soulful classic.

2. Black Magic Woman (Santana) Many fans of Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumours” era material may not be aware of the bands 1960’s blues band beginnings; but in 1968 group leader Peter Green penned a minor UK hit called “Black Magic Woman”. Two years later, legendary guitarist Carlos Santana (& future Journey vocalist Gregg Rolie) recast the song with a scintillating Latin flavor. It went on to become one of the most successful recordings of Santana’s long and illustrious career.

3. Summertime Blues (The Who) Written and originally recorded by rockabilly artist Eddie Cochran back in the late 1950’s, this song became a concert staple for the Who in the mid 1960’s. Though Cochran’s record achieved a higher chart position, it was the Who’s numerous live recordings that cemented the song’s status as a rock & roll standard.

4. You’re No Good (Linda Ronstadt) Though this had been a Top 5 R&B hit for Betty Everett in 1963 and a Top 5 UK hit for The Swinging Blue Jeans in 1964, it wasn’t until 1974 that Linda Ronstadt recorded what is generally regarded as the definitive version of the song. Combining Ronstadt’s signature vocals, with the haunting accompaniment of the talented Andrew Gold, turned out to be the perfect recipe for a pop music gem.

5. Blueberry Hill (Fats Domino) This song was originally recorded in the 1940’s by the likes of Gene Autry, the Glenn Miller Orchestra and Louie Armstrong. Though it had been a significant hit for both Miller and Armstrong, it was Fats Domino’s 1956 recording that branded the song as a classic. It went on to become the biggest hit of his highly successful career, selling over 5 million copies.

6. Because the Night (Patti Smith) Because of the odd way this record came together, it could be argued that it doesn’t really qualify as a remake; but the original version of the song was written and recorded by Bruce Springsteen, for the “Darkness on the Edge of Town” album. When he decided not to include it on that album, his producer (Jimmy Iovine) shared the tape with Patti Smith, who reworked it for her album “Easter”. Springsteen was impressed enough with Smith’s changes that he subsequently gave her a co-writer credit when he released a live version of the song in 1986.

7. You’ve Got a Friend (James Taylor) Carole King wrote and recorded this song as part of her phenomenally successful “Tapestry” album. At the same time, James Taylor was working with many of the same musicians in an adjacent studio. Upon hearing King’s recording, he decided to include a version on his new album as well. Though the albums were released almost simultaneously, it was Taylor’s version that was first issued as a single. Not only did it reach #1, it went on to win Grammy’s for both Taylor (vocal performance) and King (songwriter). Within the following year, the song had been remade by the likes of Barbara Streisand, Dusty Springfield, Michael Jackson and Aretha Franklin.

8. All Along the Watchtower (Jimi Hendrix) First written and performed by Bob Dylan, Hendrix put his unique stamp on the song, making it his own. It was not unlike what The Bryds had done (a couple of years before) with Dylan’s, “Mr. Tambourine Man”. While Jimi’s guitar playing was legendary, this was perhaps the most fully realized recording (i.e. writing, singing, playing and production) of his short and spectacular career.

9. Blinded by the Light (Manfred Mann’s Earth Band) In its original form, first released as part of the 1973 Bruce Springsteen album “Greetings from Asbury Park N.J.”, this song had a somewhat laidback, acoustic sound. But Mann’s 1976 radical reworking of the arrangement (from the album “The Roaring Silence”) gave it the driving electric feel that eventually landed it at #1 on the pop charts. A few years later, Mann’s Earth Band enjoyed some significant airplay with their remake of yet another early Springsteen tune, “For You”.

10. Respect (Aretha Franklin) This pop music classic was written and originally recorded by R&B legend Otis Redding, back in 1965. Though his version was a Top 5 hit on the Soul charts, it was a young Aretha Franklin (with her sisters singing backup) who recorded what many consider to be one of the greatest singles of all time. Not only did her version hit #1 on the Pop charts, it won two Grammys and was eventually named one of the “Songs of the Century” by the Recording Industry of America.

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Thought for the Day – Proud Papa

Posted in Opinions, Thought for the Day / Quotes on August 19, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Pride is the bride of insecurity.  Blindness, presumption and complacency are the children they bear.

See also

Arrogance is not the byproduct of overconfidence, it is the facade we build around our deepest insecurities.

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Hip Hop, Racism and the “N” Word

Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Social / Political on August 6, 2013| 1 Comment »

As a white, middle aged man it is tempting to say nothing about many of the controversies that have swirled around in recent months. Unfortunately, some of those issues have hit close enough to home that I’ve needed to interpret and explain them to my kids. In the midst of these discussions, there have been aspects of the current culture that I simply couldn’t make sense of, which is what ultimately compelled me to say something here. Let me preface my remarks with the disclaimer that I am not a racist. I realize that is a fairly worthless declaration, as few people would be willing to admit such a thing to themselves or to anyone else. Nonetheless, I am confident that it is true. I believe that every human being was made in the image of God and, therefore, reveals something unique about who He is. I believe that every life is precious and that every person is worthy of dignity and respect. Because my father was in the military, I was blessed to grow up in a more integrated culture than many people of my generation and to travel to other countries at a young age. This fostered a deep appreciation for the diversity of peoples and cultures that exist beyond my own. I have always believed that the “melting pot” aspect of American society has been one of its greatest strengths. But, despite all that, I am still a Caucasian man, of European decent and, as such, it seems pretty easy to lump me in with all the slave traders and plantation owners who have come before. Of course, in so doing, one would really be no different than a neighborhood watchman, who decides to follow a young man simply because he’s black and wearing a hoodie.

I remember watching my young son experience this phenomenon some years ago. He was about nine years old and we were driving in the car with his best friend, who happened to be black. This was in the season before the 2008 election, and his friend asked him who he was going to vote for. I smiled at the idea of nine year olds having a political discussion and thought about how innocent they were. But, my amusement quickly dissolved when his friend angrily accused him of being a racist for saying that he would vote for John McCain. This was especially shocking to me because these boys had been best friends for years; they’d slept over at each other’s houses and gone to same church since birth. But, in an instant, all of that history was erased because of a dissenting opinion on who was the best candidate. Little did I know that this would be a precursor to many adult discussions that would soon follow, and that I, too, would be accused of the very same thing, by people who should have known me better. Never mind that I’d never voted for any white candidate with the ideology or inexperience that candidate Obama brought to the table, the presumption was that my real issue had to be with the color of his skin. Once again, I risk that accusation by calling into question the way some of these issues are being handled today.

It seems to me that we’ve changed our definition of what constitutes racism and that, along the way, it has become essentially unacceptable to insinuate that a person of color could be a racist. A good example of this occurred during the Trayvon Martin case, where it seemed imperative for the media to portray George Zimmerman as a Caucasian man. Of course, when pictures of Mr. Zimmerman were published, journalists had to concede that he was also of Hispanic descent; but they steadfastly maintained that, for all intents and purposes, he should be considered a white man. I could find no good reason for this charade, other than the idea that a person of ethnic descent couldn’t possibly be motivated by issues of race. In truth, George Zimmerman is as much Hispanic as our president is black, but that doesn’t mean that he was somehow incapable of the racial profiling he was accused of. No race of people has ever completely defeated the very human tendency to distrust those who are different than they are, and, in some cases, to hate them for it. The idea that only white-skinned people battle this issue is the very essence of racism.

In the latest national incident regarding race, a white player for the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles was caught on tape using the “N” word. To be sure, there is no good justification for what this man did. He has rightfully been shamed and disciplined for his foolish and insensitive behavior. While many of his teammates accepted his apology and seemed ready to move past this unfortunate incident, others have claimed to be so offended that they cannot continue to be in the same organization with him. At this point, it is unclear whether he will remain a part of this team or any other. As I’ve watched these events unfold, I can’t help but wonder at the hypocrisy of it all. Without a doubt this man has heard black players on his team use this term on an almost daily basis in the locker room. Every facet of the Hip Hop culture (e.g. movies, music, comedy…) continues to popularize, promote, and even romanticize this word. Thanks to rappers from Ice-T to Jay-Z, this is how young black kids are taught to refer to themselves and to each other. And after hearing this word all around him for years, this man is now facing the potential loss of his career because it came from his lips. Again, my intent is not to defend Riley Cooper’s actions; he was wrong, and there should be consequences for that. But is it the word that has so offended his teammates or is it the color of the man who said it? Why is that word worth millions when Kanye West shouts it from a stage or raps it on a CD; yet costs millions when we find that it’s passed across Paula Deen’s lips (privately) sometime in the past?

Some might suggest that it isn’t the word itself, but the intent of the person using it, and that would seem to be a valid point. But, if that’s the case, shouldn’t this football player’s three year history with the team outweigh his foolish words in a moment of drunkenness? I’ve heard no one claim that he has any record of behavior that supports the idea that he is a racist. If this were just the latest in a long line of incidents, then, by all means, show him the door. But, if the sole piece of evidence is a twenty-second cell phone video, the (career) death penalty seems a little severe. After all, Dr. King’s dream wasn’t simply equality for people of color; it was that we would reach a point where a man’s skin color wouldn’t matter more than the content of his character. Is Riley Cooper really a racist or is he a foolish man, who in a weak moment used a racist term? I don’t pretend to know the answer, but I would suggest that either one of those is a possibility and that the answer ought to make a difference in how this incident is ultimately resolved.

I personally hate the “N” word and am thankful that most of my black neighbors and friends don’t use it around me. I know the disgusting origins of this term, and it’s mind boggling to me that anyone who knows that history would tolerate its use. I don’t blame anyone for being offended by it, but if we really hate this word why won’t we let it die? There are other racial slurs that I heard as a kid, which have long since disappeared from the vernacular. If you used one of those words around my kids today they’d have no idea what you were talking about. But, even though they’ve never heard me utter the “N” word, they know exactly what it means, and it wasn’t introduced to them by a bunch of rednecks. If we can agree that this word needs to become extinct then there must be an outcry from within the black community against its many prominent and influential members, who continue to champion and profit from the use of this vulgar term. On the other hand, if the problem isn’t so much with the word, but with the race of the person using it, then I would suggest that our problems are much more profound and harder to fix. Either way, I pray that God helps us to find a way to live together in peace.

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Patterns

Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, tagged , , , , , on July 29, 2013| 1 Comment »

As human beings we are creatures of habit.  It normally begins with a pattern of thought, which often evokes a specific pattern of emotion, which generally results in a certain pattern of behavior.  In and of itself, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but even a relatively healthy pattern can sour over time.  Just as we have a natural tendency to adopt these patterns, we also seem inclined to get stuck inside of them.  Unwittingly they begin to shape our concept of reality and of how we fit within it.  For too many of us, the pattern of our lives repeats itself over and over again.  Given enough time, we can easily begin to derive a sense of security (and maybe even identity) from our pattern; and if we’re not careful, we can quickly become a slave to it.

 

Patterns tend to breed rituals, and rituals tend to spawn religion, which is what causes us to rage against anyone or anything that might suggest we need to alter our pattern.  I remember working in a bar years ago, watching people cry in their beer about how terrible their lives were, only to have them curse the bartender who dared propose that maybe they should make a change.  I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting it to turn out differently.  Based on that measure, there would seem to be a good many of us battling this affliction.

 

Assuming that all of that is true, it should then come as little surprise that “repentance” is a significant tenet of the Christian life.  While many still associate that word with the idea of being sorry or regretting their actions, it actually refers to a change of mind or a change of direction (i.e. a change of pattern).  But more than that, I don’t believe that God would simply have us trade our old bad sinful pattern for a shiny new sanctified one.  I sense that the life He’s authored for us is meant to be filled with growth and spontaneity and wonder; none of which happens when you consistently march in circles (even when those steps are taken within the walls of the temple).  Indeed, the security and familiarity that accompanies repetition would seem to be the antithesis of faith.

 

To my mind, one of the great flaws of religion across the ages has been its propensity to create a pattern and then to spend all of its resources trying to defend and preserve it from change.  I believe that one of the reasons the Lord sent His Holy Spirit to dwell within us was to free us from the bondage that comes with being trapped within a rigid pattern.

 

While I’m not suggesting that there shouldn’t be a certain consistency within the life of a true believer (which could rightfully be described as a pattern), I am saying that if we are not diligent, adherence to our pattern can take precedence over the dynamic, real time relationship that the Lord intended for us to have with Him.  When that happens, it not only impacts the believer, but everyone that the Lord means to touch through them.

 

As I have endeavored to walk with the Lord over the years, I have found that He consistently challenges the presuppositions that are so often used to prop up my pattern.  It’s not always that what I have supposed is necessarily wrong, but at best it is incomplete.  Ultimately, I need to guard my heart against the complacency that so naturally accompanies a pattern.

 

In other words, am I really listening for His voice or do I believe that I know Him so well that I already know what He’d say?  I sense that this is part of what Jesus was saying when He admonished us to come as little children (Matt. 18:3).  Don’t come as an accomplished veteran, who is filled with his own ideas & experiences.  Come as a child, who genuinely relies on his Father for guidance.  Even for the seasoned follower, that is a pattern worth adopting.

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10 Things I Don’t Believe In

Posted in Lists, Opinions on July 18, 2013| Leave a Comment »

1. You get what you pay for. While this statement is most often used in the context of cheaply made goods, it is much less true on the other end of the spectrum. Too often the only difference between highly priced items and the rest is an extra coating of gloss, a trendy nameplate and/or a better advertising campaign. Frequently, we fall for the marketing ploy that spending more somehow makes it (and us) more valuable.
2. That any child is an “accident”. The Bible says that before we were in our mother’s womb, God knew us (Jeremiah 1:5) and that all of our days were written in His book, before one of them came to pass (Psalm 139:16). This tells me that every child is first conceived in the mind of God, before either parent donates their DNA. Just because a parent may not have anticipated their conception doesn’t mean that they weren’t “planned”.
3. That the idea of being “sexy” is harmless. Western society has raised sexuality to a ridiculous level of prominence within the collective consciousness; integrating its elements into just about every aspect of popular culture. Over the years, the term “sexy” has become trivialized to imply ideas like playful or flirty, but in truth it is simply an invitation to consider people in a sexual way. While viewing each other in that light causes all sorts of problems for mature adults, it is especially troubling when you consider how it impacts our children. If we intentionally present our kids in manner that is meant to be enticing (e.g. Jon Benet Ramsey), should we really be shocked when a predator chooses to act on that provocation?
4. That the idea of being “spoiled” is cute. Much like the term “sexy”, the connotation of the word “spoiled” seems to have changed in recent years. Once thought to be something to be avoided, it now seems to be a badge of honor for many (think Kardashian). It is commonplace to hear grandparents brag about “spoiling” their grandkids or to see little girls wear t-shirts boasting of their “spoiled” status. To be sure, this is a phenomenon that is lost on me. Spoiled is what happens to food that’s left out for too long. If you wouldn’t dream of eating something moldy from your refrigerator, why would you set out to “spoil” someone you cared about?
5. The concept of “Mr. or Mrs. Right”. While there are undeniably people who seem destined for each other, the myth of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right is that you can then have a relationship that doesn’t require any real effort. Regardless of how compatible two people may be, a healthy relationship always involves give and take. Just as in a garden, you must start with good seed, weeds occasionally have to be pulled, infestations need to be treated and sometimes things need to be watered by hand.
6. That older people forget what it’s like to be young. The upcoming generations tend to judge the previous generations as staid and set in their ways; often interpreting their maturation as some sort of an indictment on their zest for life. But experience consistently reveals the impetuousness and foolishness of youthful infatuations. With age, one comes to find value in different things and taking unwarranted risks no longer seems like a prudent approach. While some might regard this as an unfortunate side effect of aging, others might rightfully refer to it as wisdom.
7. That there is no such thing as a “moral victory”. In this era of win at all costs, it has become popular to claim that there is no such thing as a “moral victory”; but for many human beings, that is the only kind of victory that they will ever experience. Like teaching a baby to walk, moral victories constitute the first small steps toward consistent success. People who don’t believe in such things often burn themselves (& others) out, trying to run before they’ve developed the ability to stand.
8. That new love is somehow better than old love. We live in a society that seems affixed on the idea of trading in and up, on an almost constant basis (e.g. cellphones, computers, cars, houses…); and that basic philosophy carries into our relationships as well. Most of our cultural allusions toward love seem centered on initial attraction and the titillation of something new; but that is ultimately the shallow end of the relationship pool. It isn’t until you’ve experienced a love that lasts for years that you come to understand the depth and profound fulfillment that accompanies it. This same aesthetic applies to friendships as well (i.e. I wouldn’t trade a few old friends for 500 “friends” on Facebook).
9. The idea that fair and equal is the same thing. As the father of four, I am very aware of the unique qualities of each of my children. In raising them, I’ve not found any one thing that works well with all of them. Each one thinks differently, learns differently and responds to different stimulus. As such, I try to tailor my approach to the specific individual I’m dealing with and I strive to be fair with all of them. Unfortunately, they often perceive that they’ve been treated unfairly because I haven’t dealt with them in the exact same manner as one of their siblings. I suspect that God has the same issue with His kids.
10. “Christian” Leaders who don’t resemble Jesus. The scripture tells us that true disciples have been “predestined” to be conformed to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29) and that the intensity of this transformation should be “ever-increasing” (2 Cor. 3:18). While all of us fall short of the glory of God, it remains baffling to me that someone can claim to have walked with/represented Jesus for twenty, or thirty, or forty years and yet barely evoke His character. Generally, such ministers are revered more for their giftedness, personality and resume. Ultimately, there is a world of difference between “following” Jesus and doing things in His name.

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Walking the Parenting Tightrope

Posted in Commentaries, Opinions, Parenting / Family, tagged , , , , , , on June 26, 2013| 10 Comments »

When I first got married, at the ripe old age of 19 yrs. old, I was still too much of a child to seriously consider having children of my own. Throughout my early twenties, as I listened to my peers speak of their parenting struggles, I naively wondered why handling a few small children should be such a big deal. Undoubtedly, my heavenly Father must have chuckled at the understanding of what my future held.

 

In my early thirties, my first marriage crumbled and I was grateful that at least there were no little ones to get snagged in the wreckage. A couple of years later, as a new life emerged for me, I was blessed to become a step-father and little by little the eyes of my understanding began to open. Less than a year after that came a baby boy; and less than a year after that came twins (a boy and a girl). Going 0 to 4 children in less than 24 months is something like going 0 to 60 mph in 2.4 seconds. Needless to say, the years that have followed have been a crash course in the joys and challenges of parenting.

 

Early on, it’s tempting to believe that a colicky baby, who doesn’t sleep through the night, represents a huge ordeal. But as the years pass the climb gets significantly steeper. As a child’s capacity to act independently develops and their world expands, both the possibilities and complexities compound exponentially. Though each stage of life presents its own unique set of hurdles, there is perhaps no greater ache for a parent than to watch their grown child fall headlong into a trap that they’ve been warned about since childhood, or that the parent unwittingly set them up for.

 

The pop cultural landscape is littered with countless resources for parents who are diligently seeking guidance, and while many of them do possess some degree of merit, none could rightfully be considered definitive. Each child is their own puzzle and there is no “one size fits all” approach for raising them.

 

Our three youngest children weren’t even a year apart, with two of them being twins. Additionally, they were home schooled until the 3rd/4th grade, which means that their “shared life experience” was almost identical through their “formative” years. Based on popular thinking, this consistent and stable environment should have created striking similarities in the way these kids function on a day to day basis, but nothing could be further from the truth.

 

I have found that each one thinks differently, learns differently, is inspired differently, expresses themselves differently, fears different things, has different strengths… What works well with one, is often useless with another. I have yet to find the piece of parenting advice (other than “pray without ceasing”) that can blindly be applied, and hope to be effective with every child.

 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand that there truly isn’t anything new under the sun and that the struggles of today have all been encountered by previous generations. In looking to the scripture for answers, an amazingly consistent message rings out from the book of Proverbs, which is that discipline needs to be a consistent part of wise parenting. Chapter 13, verse 24 says that “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him”. Chapter 22, verse 15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him”. Chapter 23, verses 13 & 14 say, “Do not withhold discipline from a child” and that punishing him will, “save his soul from death”. Finally, chapter 29, verse 15 says, “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother”.

 

Certainly, these passages sound harsh in light of our delicate, westernized, politicized sensibilities, but their truth is hard to deny. All one needs to do is to observe any person who was raised without the benefit of boundaries, consequences and discipline to understand the essentialness of these elements. The book of Hebrews expands on this topic in chapter 12, as it explains that discipline is a means that a father uses to teach a son. It also acknowledges that going through that process isn’t pleasant, but that it is ultimately for the son’s benefit.

 

If one simply focuses on those passages, a picture of the stereotypical, rigid, religious, authoritarian parenting approach can easily emerge. But a more comprehensive reading of scripture reveals a very different and far more challenging aesthetic. Throughout the New Testament, the Apostle Paul reminds us that unless love remains at the center of our motivation, our actions become of no eternal value. He also charges us with demonstrating Christ’s character in all situations, most especially before our wives and children.

 

Interestingly, in both the book of Ephesians (6:4) and Colossians (3:21), he warns that we should not provoke (i.e. embitter, exasperate) our children to wrath (i.e. anger, frustration). I don’t believe he’s saying that we should never make them angry, because as the Hebrews passage acknowledges, no one likes to be chastened.

 

I believe the key word in these passages is “provoke”. And I would submit that he is challenging us to discern between those instances when we are genuinely trying to train our kids and when we’re just taking our frustrations out on them; or when we’re simply acting out of our own woundedness; or maybe even when we’re intentionally trying to hurt them like they hurt us. I believe that they recognize the difference, and that we as parents need to as well.

 

Finding the balance of things is a daily battle for any parent. We want to convey God’s unconditional love to our children, but we also need to help them to understand consequences. We want to provide for them, but we also need to allow them to encounter enough resistance to grow strong and stand on their own two feet. We want to let them know that they can count on us, but not make them reliant on us in the process.

 

We need to develop the ability to relate to them on their level without forfeiting the authority (& responsibility) that God has given us as parents. We cannot live in fear of their disapproval, as that will keep us from ever preparing them to make their own way in the world. We need to raise them with the understanding that the season of our influence is limited and that God never intended for them to remain as children.

 

If I’ve made good parenting sound like a daunting task, that is purely intentional. It is the best and hardest job you could ever have. I believe the only way to be a truly effective parent is to tap into the wisdom and guidance of the Father of us all. The scripture says that apart from Him, we can do nothing. That is especially true of parenting.

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Thought for the Day – Silence is Golden

Posted in Opinions, Thought for the Day / Quotes on June 13, 2013| 2 Comments »

On an almost daily basis someone seems to get snared by their own e-mail, blog, comment, post, tweet or text; and it occurred to me that “you have a right to remain silent” and that if you choose to forego that right, “anything you say can and will be used against you” in the court of public opinion. Given that fact, I suppose I ought to exercise that privilege and say no more.

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